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[Jake and Sarah are trying to buy some condoms because neither of them had any; Jake returns from a store to the car
: They're out! Sarah
: How can they be out? Jake
: I have a theory about this. Everyone in the city is having sex at the exact same time... except for us. But we will press on.
: That's what it was like when I met Sarah. Anyway that's what I Sarah
: I made you nauseous? Jake
: In a good way - I was lovesick. Sarah
] That was good, honey. title cards
: [in front of two dogs who played Mother Teresa
] No animals were harmed during the filming of this movie. title cards
: Though we were petted within an inch of our lives.
: She did not see my A game! Charlie
: Sounds like she didn't see your B or C game either.
: Hello! Don't worry, it's just me. I'm in the kitchen. I filled your freezer again. There's now enough meat to feed every guy who answered your ad and still...
[Walks in from the kitchen and sees Jake
: Whoa. Sarah
: Jake Anderson, my sister Carol. Jake did, in fact, answer the ad. Jake
: Do I get my meat?
[Carol tosses him the meat
: You know, but I think your heart grows back bigger. You know? Once you get the shit beat out of you. And, um, the universe lets your heart expand that way, and I think that's the function of all this pain and heartache that you go through and you gotta go through that to come out to a better place and that's how I see it, anyway.
: It's a long story, something about the violation of expectations and a crushing loss of faith, and love, and life, and art. Bill
: So it's a girl? Jake
: Yes. Bill
: I've had a little bit of girl trouble myself lately. But it is better to have loved and lost, am I right? Jake
: She was a unique constellation of attributes; she was my Halley's comet. But the universe is designed to break your heart, right? Bill
: A philosopher as well as an artist, yes, it is we who suffer most. Jake
: Yes, with the possible exception of the victims of violent crime
: [Driving in search of condoms
] So this pre-school of yours, it's what? Traditional, developmental, Montessori? Sarah
: Yeah, yeah, all that. Drugstore!
: Oh Charlie, you should've seen this girl; she's shy, she's fragile, she's self conscious, she has no idea how beautiful she is... she's a M-E-S-S-S... it's FAN-TAS-TIC!