Evil Ed
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Quotes for
Evil Ed (Character)
from Fright Night (1985)

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Fright Night (2011)
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I really hate to be the one to tell you this, but that guy, your neighbor; yeah, he's a vampire man.
Charley Brewster: My neighbor?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Next door?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Yeah.
Charley Brewster: Jerry. I just met him.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Okay. Jerry.
Charley Brewster: That is a terrible vampire name. Jerry?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I didn't name him, man. I'm just reporting the facts.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Mark] Don't you have some sluts to go fuck?

Charley Brewster: You read way too much Twilight.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: That's fiction, okay. This is real. He's a real monster and he's not brooding, or lovesick, or noble. He's the fucking shark from Jaws. He kills, he feeds, and he doesn't stop until everybody around him is dead. And I seriously am so angry you think I read Twilight.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know Adam's missing, right?
Charley Brewster: What do you mean Adam's missing?
'Evil' Ed Thompson: I keep trying him. No texts, no phone calls, nothing. I don't know if you were paying attention to roll call, but he's not the only one that's gone.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: What the fuck happened to you? We were inseperable.
Charley Brewster: Yeah, well you know when my life started to get better? When I stopped being friends with you.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: You want me to go tell your pals how well we really know each other? The LEGO contests, the Farscape conventions, the costumes?
Charley Brewster: Please, stop.
'Evil' Ed Thompson: Or how about that one time you took my Stretch Armstrong so you could tie it around your balls and jerk off for an hour?

'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Charley] Really, can we pretend for one minute that you're not a complete douchebag?

Charley Brewster: Wait a minute. You get deliveries this late?
Peter Vincent: Yeah. Um, no. I don't know.
Charley Brewster: Oh, shit. No. You said that guy could come in. That's a...
'Evil' Ed Thompson: [interrupting] That's an invitation, airhead.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: [to Peter, over intercom] Hey, are you enjoying your panic room, master of darkness? God, you are such a pussy. I love it!

'Evil' Ed Thompson: You know, I expected more of a fight from you, Brewster. Girl's made you lazy in the head. Pussy will do that.

'Evil' Ed Thompson: [after Charley grabs an axe] Nice weapon there, Squid Boy!

Fright Night (1985)
Evil Ed: So, did she find out what you're really like?
Charley Brewster: Get lost, Evil!
Evil Ed: Oh, call me anything you want. Only you're the one failing trig, not me.

Charley Brewster: That bastard! Why didn't he tell us there was going to be a pop quiz?
Evil Ed Thompson: That's the point of a pop quiz, Brewster... to surprise you.

Evil Ed Thompson: Oh, you're so COOL, Brewster!

Charley Brewster: Jesus, I warned him!
Evil Ed: He got me, Charley! He bit me! You know what you're gonna have to do now, don't you? Kill me. Kill me, Charley... before I turn into a vampire, and... GIVE YOU A HICKEY!

Peter Vincent: Mrs. Brewster. My God, the phone lines have been cut.
[Evil Ed arises from under the bed sheets with a wig on]
Evil Ed: I know.
Evil Ed: I DID IT!
Peter Vincent: Where is Charley's mother?
Evil Ed: [removes the wig] Oh, well, she's working nights. BUT!... she left a note.
[He chuckles like a speed freak as he removes the note from his pocket. He reads it]
Evil Ed: Mmmmmm mmm! His dinner... is in the oven!

Evil Ed: Charley, that wasn't the only murder. Second in two days. And get this...
Evil Ed: Both of them had their heads chopped off.
Evil Ed: Could you believe it?
Charley Brewster: You're sick.

Evil Ed Thompson: And to what do I owe this dubious pleasure?

[Peter Vincent has just hurt the vampire Evil Ed with a crucifix]
Evil Ed: The master will kill you for this! But not fast. Slowly! Oh, so slowly!

Charley Brewster: [after getting fooled by Evil Ed in the alley] You're gonna get yours someday.
Evil Ed: Oh, yeah. When? When I'm bit by a vampire? There are no such things as vampires, fruitcake!