The Toxic Avenger
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Quotes for
The Toxic Avenger (Character)
from The Toxic Avenger (1984)

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The Toxic Avenger Part III: The Last Temptation of Toxie (1989)
The Toxic Avenger: Oh man, toxic shock.
The Chairman: No, not toxic shock just your imagination set free! Look at it, a perfect world with a Porsche in every drive way, Chicken McNuggets in every pot, and you, you Melvin, smack dab in the middle of it. Loved by millions the world over, you'll be more popular than The Beatles and Elvis combined!
The Toxic Avenger: Gee, that's a lot for minimum wage!

The Toxic Avenger: Chairman, you're history!

The Toxic Avenger: These chemicals have taken over my life! I don't have a life! I have a half-life!

The Toxic Avenger: It's an old sumo trick. They use it whenever they're on a runaway school bus that plunges into deadly, murky, muddy water.

[the scene is a red room filled with fire and ash]
Apocalypse Inc. Chairman: Good, we'll see you on Monday. Oh, and Melvin?
The Toxic Avenger: Yes, Mr. Chairman?
Apocalypse Inc. Chairman: Get rid of that mop.
[looks around room]
Apocalypse Inc. Chairman: It looks like hell!

The Chairman: Mr. Junko, we need someone charming, smart looking, good with people, to be the spokesman for our company and to help spread the good news of our policies.
Toxic Avenger: Just what are your policies?
The Chairman: Our policies, Mr Junko? Giving! That's our policy! Giving to the people what they want, giving to the people what they need. It's what I've always done best. But I know you're asking yourself, how? It's good sounding but how? By building. By growing. By taking towns like Tromaville and revitalising them into industrial metropolisises.

[after the chairman mutates into the devil]
The Toxic Avenger: Oh man, you are one ugly amphibian!

The Chairman: All these things I will give you, if you will work for me. All these things I will give you, if you bow down and worship me!
The Toxic Avenger: Wait, you said "worship me." Not "work for me." Where have I heard that before?
[Flashback to the church]
Father O'Reilly: And the devil said to Jesus, "all these things I will give you, if you bown down and worship me."

The Toxic Avenger: [after ripping a video store robber's intestines out] You know, you don't have any intestinal fortitude.


Citizen Toxie: The Toxic Avenger IV (2000)
Evil Kabukiman: I had a bad feeling about that crack dealer from day one! I guess you can't trust school kids these days!
Toxie: Crack dealer? Sergeant Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. what are you talking about?
Evil Kabukiman: Sergeant? N.Y.P.D.? What? What's wrong with you, Noxie? Are you selling the crack or you smoking it?

Toxie: God?
God: Yeah, what do you want?
Toxie: I just want to go home
God: You bastard, this is the best place all around, why do you want to go home?

Toxie: We've got to get the other heroes of Tromaville and storm the hospital!
Sgt. Kabukiman: They're all dead.
Toxie: All of them?
Sgt. Kabukiman: Yeah.
Toxie: Even Dolphin Man?
Sgt. Kabukiman: OH yeah.

Toxie: Gotta find Sarah. If only there were some kind of directory, like at the mall.
[looks over in one direction]
Toxie: Oh! Let's see, 'You Are Here', and Noxie is here, and, let's see, armed guards who want to kill you are here.
[looks up in surprise]
Toxie: Huh?
[sees armed guards]

Toxie: [being mistaken by three thugs for the Noxious Offender] Didn't you learn your lesson the last time I disemboweled you, shoved your head up your ass, and killed you with your own diaper?
Rex Diaper: What?
Tex Diaper: What?
Dex Diaper: Huh?
Toxie: Guess not.
[attacks them]

Toxie: I keep calling you "sweetie" and "honey." What's your name, little girl?
Sweetie Honey: Sweetie Honey.

Evil Kabukiman: I knew it! I knew something was wrong! You're not the real Noxie after all, are you?
Toxie: That may be! But I know Sergeant Kabukiman N.Y.P.D... and you, sir, are no Sergeant Kabukiman N.Y.P.D.!


The Toxic Avenger (1984)
The Toxic Avenger: You fat slob. Let's see if you've got any guts.
[Toxie then punches the mayor in the stomach and rips out his guts]
The Toxic Avenger: Officer O'Clancy, take care of this toxic waste.

The Toxic Avenger: No ticky, no washy.

The Toxic Avenger: And you can tell all your scum friends that things are gonna change in this town. I'm not just another pretty face.


The Toxic Avenger Part II (1989)
The Toxic Avenger: Finally... my search is over. Ooohhh... he looks like a big teddy bear, I love him already.

The Toxic Avenger: ...worst of all... if Tromaville was destroyed, there'd be no Toxic Avenger 3!