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: Look at you, you're all white. Larry Lipton
: All the blood rushed to my brother!
] Larry Lipton
: C'mon, you promised to sit through the hockey game without being bored, Carol Lipton
] I know, honey, I promised. Larry Lipton
: and I'll sit through the Wagner opera with you next week. Carol Lipton
: I know. Larry Lipton
: I already bought the earplugs. Carol Lipton
: Yeah, well, with your eyesight I'm surprised you can see the puck. Wow, yay, come on.
: Larry, I think it's time we reevaluated our lives. Larry Lipton
: I've reevaluated our lives; I got a 10, you got a 6.
: Larry, I think she's dead! Larry Lipton
: Try giving her the present.
Hotel night clerk
: You are with police? Larry Lipton
: Yes, I'm a detective. They lowered the height requirement.
: Here, taste my tuna casserole and tell if I put in too much hot fudge.
: I like a hotel with lots of blue powder sprinkled along the base boards.
: I think it's a reasonable assumption that if you're dead you don't suddenly turn up in the New York City Transit System.
: I was in a deep sleep - I was dreaming of round card girls.
: I'd fix Ted up with Helen Dubin, but they'd probably get into an argument over penis envy; the poor guy suffers from it so.
: [on the movie screen, "The Lady from Shanghai" is playing
] I'm aiming at you, lover. Mrs. Dalton
: I'm aiming at you, lover. Arthur Bannister
: Of course, killing you is killing myself. Mrs. Dalton
: Of course, killing you is killing myself. Arthur Bannister
: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us. Mrs. Dalton
: But you know, I'm pretty tired of both of us.
[On the screen, Arthur and Elsa shoot at each other, breaking mirrors; in the theatre, Mrs. Dalton and Mr. House shoot at each other, breaking mirrors and finally killing Mr. House
] Larry Lipton
: I'll never say that life doesn't imitate art again.
: I'm a world renowned claustrophobic.
: Claustrophobia and a dead body - this is a neurotic's jackpot!
: New York is the city that never sleeps! That's why we don't live in Duluth. That, plus I don't even know where Duluth is. Lucky me.
: Yes, of course you woke us - not everyone is up at 1 AM watching the porn channel.
: Ted has a mind like a steel sieve.
: Ted sees himself as Rick in Casablanca; I see him more as Peter Lorre.
: This guy gets his jollies from licking the back of postage stamps. Ted
: I can see that, depending on who's on the stamp.
: You're suggesting we try to provoke him into murdering us? Marcia Fox
: You have a problem with that? Larry Lipton
: Well, either that, or I suddenly developed Parkinson's.
: My favorite thing in life is, you know, to look at cancelled postage.
[Hands Hotel Day Clerk a one-dollar tip
] Larry Lipton
: What are you making a face for? He's the father of our country.
: Exercising changed my life. Larry Lipton
: I prefer to atrophy.
: Well, what do you buy a woman who has everything? Lillian House
: We already own twin cemetery plots. Larry Lipton
: I always think a Bentley is in good taste. Or, you could go the route I did and buy her a set of handkerchiefs. Carol Lipton
: Well, they were very nice though, and they had my initials. Larry Lipton
: Yeah, and I didn't even know her size.
: I can't listen to that much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to conquer Poland.
: Well, listen, I think maybe I will go back to seeing my shrink, I think, I think I... Larry Lipton
: You don't have to see your shrink, there's nothing wrong with you that can't be cured with a little Prozac and a polo mallet.
: I forbid. I forbid you to go. I'm forbidding!... Is that what you do when I'm forbidding?
] Carol Lipton
: You were jealous of Ted. Larry Lipton
: Ted, you've gotta be kidding, take away his elevator shoes and his fake suntan and his capped teeth and what do you have? Carol Lipton
: You! Larry Lipton
: Right, I like that!
: I don't understand why you're not more fascinated with this! I mean, we could be living next door to a murderer, Larry. Larry Lipton
: New York is a melting pot! I'm used to it!
: My life is passing before my eyes. The worst part about it is that I'm driving a used car.
: Meanwhile, I can't get that Flying Dutchman theme out of my head. Remind me tomorrow to buy up all the Wagner records in town and rent a chainsaw.
: Did you see this? This man in Missouri killed twelve victims, dismembered them, and ate them. Larry Lipton
: Really? Well, it's an alternative lifestyle.
: Helen Dubin's wrong for Ted. She's too mousey. Larry Lipton
: Well, he's a little mousey. They could have their little rodent time together, they could eat cheese together...
: [to Carol
] Save a little craziness for menopause!
: C'mon, more, more! Adrenalin is leaking out of my ears!
: Don't do this! We should be asleep now in one of our many cuddling positions!
: You know I've never seen a dead body before. Larry Lipton
: I have. My uncle Morris, 93 years old. He collapsed from too many lumps in his cereal.