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Quotes for
Dr. Frederick Bronski (Character)
from To Be or Not to Be (1983)

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To Be or Not to Be (1983)
Frederick Bronski: If it wasn't for Jews, fags, and gypsies, there would be no theater.

[Frederick, Andre, and Dobish are disguised as Hitler and two Nazi offiers]
Lieutenant Andre Sobinski: Heil Hitler!
Dobish: Heil Hitler!
Frederick Bronski: Heil myself!

Frederick Bronski: It's a, it's a, it's a RAT hole.

Frederick Bronski: [as Hitler] All I want is peace. Peace! Peace!
[singing]
Frederick Bronski: A little piece of Poland, a little piece of France.

Frederick Bronski: [disguised as Prof. Siletski] Remember, Erhardt, I'm going to see the Fuhrer tonight. Who knows *what* we'll talk about!

[Anne has revealed another group of refugees to Frederick]
Frederick Bronski: More! What are they, Jews or rabbits?

[Frederick, disguised as Hitler, bursts in on Erhardt trying to assault Anna]
Colonel Erhardt: [weakly] Heil Hit... Hit... Hit...
Anna Bronski: Hitler.
Colonel Erhardt: Hitler.
Frederick Bronski: Heil.
Anna Bronski: I tried to tell him somebody big was coming.
Colonel Erhardt: Big! But...
Frederick Bronski: Come schatze, ve're late.
[Anna exits, but Frederick turns back to Erhardt]
Frederick Bronski: Vat's your name?
Colonel Erhardt: Colonel Er... Er... Er...
[sticking her head back in]
Anna Bronski: Erhardt.
Colonel Erhardt: Thank you.
Frederick Bronski: Erhardt? Erhardt? Aren't you the one who makes that joke about my becoming... A PICKLE?
[He leaves, slamming the door. Erhardt moans]

[Frederick, disguised as Professor Siletski, has to go to Gestapo Headquarters]
Frederick Bronski: Listen, sweetheart, if I don't come back, then I forgive you for anything that happened between you and Lt. Sobinski.
[He opens the door to leave, but turns back]
Frederick Bronski: But if I do come back, you're in a lot of trouble!

[Frederick has to stall Prof. Siletski while the others rush back to his hotel room to search it]
Frederick Bronski: Just don't keep me hanging much longer, I stink without a script!
Lupinsky: [under his breath] He stinks with a script.
Frederick Bronski: I heard that!

Frederick Bronski: Sondheim! Send in the clowns!

Colonel Erhardt: [referring to Capt. Schultz] I've always suspected zumzing wrong vit a man who does not drink or shmoke...
Frederick Bronski: You mean like our FUHRER?
Colonel Erhardt: Yes... NO!

[Frederick returns home, having succesfully impersonated Siletski at Gestapo headquarters]
Frederick Bronski: I did it! I did it! I gave the greatest performance of my life...
[sinks into a chair and peels off his fake beard]
Frederick Bronski: And nobody saw it.

Frederick Bronski: [Disguised as Siletski] Remember, Earhardt, I'm going to see the Furher tonight - who knows *what* we'll talk about!

Frederick Bronski: When this is allover, I'm gonna get you everything you need. You need a coat... you need a dress... you need shoes.
[Rubbing Andre's face, thinking he's Anna]
Frederick Bronski: and you need a shave...
[he thinks]
Frederick Bronski: ... a shave?

Colonel Erhardt: Cigar? Cigarette? Chocolate-covered nugats?
Frederick Bronski: Chocolate-covered what?
Colonel Erhardt: Nugats!
[Squishing one in his fingers]
Frederick Bronski: No. Thank you.

Frederick Bronski: If we don't make it through this, I forgive you for whatever happened between you and Lt. Sobinsky... but if we do, you're in a lot of trouble!