Eric Weiss
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Quotes for
Eric Weiss (Character)
from "Alias" (2001)

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"Alias: Reunion (#3.3)" (2003)
Sydney Bristow: The truth is...
Eric Weiss: You're insane.

Eric Weiss: [to Sydney] There's got to be something that you had that you just loved that it kills you that you don't have it anymore.

Sydney Bristow: All I know is the myth. You know, a women so ugly that if you looked at her you'd turn to stone.
Eric Weiss: Sounds like the myth of my college girlfriend.

Sydney Bristow: I haven't even asked anyone how they met.
Eric Weiss: Are you asking me? The NSC was wrapping up the case on your mom... uh, we were all deposed... Lauren was the one asking the questions. They hit it off.

Eric Weiss: [to Sydney] You weren't dumped. You were dead.

Sydney Bristow: Was everyone there? Dixon? Marshall...?
Eric Weiss: Syd, she's a good person. I'm not trying to rub it in, butI... I don't want to be dishonest.

"Alias: Detente (#4.7)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: [to Vaughn] It wouldn't be weird for you would it, if we were dating sisters?

Nadia Santos: Wait a minute... I hate that perfume. It has a weird patrulli smell.
Sydney Bristow: See the end of the bed, the sling backs.
Nadia Santos: Champagne bottles on the nightstand.
Sydney Bristow: Check out the magazines.
Nadia Santos: Designer purse.
Sydney Bristow: It's a shot.
Eric Weiss: What's a shot, what are you talking about?
Nadia Santos: I know where to get what we need.
Eric Weiss: What? Where is she going?
Michael Vaughn: You mind filling us in?
Sydney Bristow: Tambor's got a girlfriend, she's staying with him. She's our way in.

Sydney Bristow: He owns a fleet of sports cars, Ferrari's Lamborghini's, Bentley's
Eric Weiss: This guy's living my junior high fantasy
Marshall Flinkman: Or my current one

Eric Weiss: [Watching Nadia] Did you see that? She just palmed the PDA from his jacket. That's magic man. I showed her that with, like, a business card. It's like Fazham!
Michael Vaughn: I get it.
Eric Weiss: She's Amazing!
Michael Vaughn: I get it.
Eric Weiss: She's incredible!
Michael Vaughn: Fazham?
Eric Weiss: Yeah, Fazham.

Michael Vaughn: [Weiss and Vaughn are watching Nadia and Sydney over surveillance] She's cloning the hard drive and he's in the room.
Eric Weiss: How the hell does she know about the Slovak devils? Was that in the file?
Michael Vaughn: Maybe she's a soccer fan.
Eric Weiss: Oh, God, this is the greatest girl ever.
Michael Vaughn: [Sydney finished cloning the hard drive] She got it. I didn't know you liked soccer.
Eric Weiss: I do now, oh, by the way, it's called futbol.

"Alias: The Getaway (#2.12)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: Hey, you sure you don't want to talk about this?
Michael Vaughn: There's nothing to talk about.
Eric Weiss: I share my fights with you.
Michael Vaughn: No you don't.
Eric Weiss: Yeah I do. Remember when Alan pissed in the living room?
Michael Vaughn: That was your dog!
Eric Weiss: Yeah, but I was angry about it and I let you know how upset I was.

Eric Weiss: [Weiss has just prompted Vaughn to finally ask Sydney out on a date while on a mission in Nice] And?
Michael Vaughn: We're going to dinner.
[Weiss breaks into a celebratory dance]
Michael Vaughn: I'm going to keep my comm channel open. I need you to monitor the RF frequency.
Eric Weiss: Got it. Okay, in exchange I get an eclair.
Michael Vaughn: No, I'm serious, any suspect signal and I want to know about it. Anything.
Eric Weiss: If they're small, bring at least two!

Eric Weiss: Did you ever stop to think that the reason you and Sydney work so well together is because of the feelings you have for each other?
Eric Weiss: How's that for spin?
Michael Vaughn: Pretty good.

Michael Vaughn: I appreciate you trying to cheer me up, but you don't have to do that.
Eric Weiss: Alright; here's a thought, tell her how you feel.
[Vaughn rolls his eyes at Weiss]
Eric Weiss: I know, I know; I was the one who said this is a line you don't cross. But, that was before I nearly died. And you know what they say about the white light and all that? No... Their wrong... Its darkness...
[Vaughn rolls his eyes again]
Eric Weiss: Darkness!
Michael Vaughn: I understand.

Sydney Bristow: So I heard you on the phone with base ops; your code name is Boy Scout?
Michael Vaughn: [Vaughn laughs] Yeah...
Sydney Bristow: Why?
Michael Vaughn: Um... it goes back to CST, Clandestine Service Training. You don't want to hear this...
Sydney Bristow: Vaughn...
Michael Vaughn: Okay, the boy scouts have a motto...
Sydney Bristow: Always be prepared...
Michael Vaughn: Well, on my first day I showed up and I forgot my field manual. So the instructor said, that is your one screw up, from then on you better be prepared!
Eric Weiss: [Over coms to Vaughn only, Vaughn signals to his ear for Sydney] This story is a disaster! Just tell her she's pretty. Are you an idiot?
Michael Vaughn: [Over Coms] Look, I'm going to turn you off now, goodbye!
[Vaughn removes his earpiece]
Michael Vaughn: Sorry!

"Alias: A Missing Link (#3.4)" (2003)
Jack Bristow: We can assume what they've stolen is a precursor agent requiring further synthesis.
Eric Weiss: Okay, does everyone here speak science?
Marshall Flinkman: Yeah.
Eric Weiss: No, Marshall, they don't.

Michael Vaughn: I'm losing the signal.
Eric Weiss: I'm aiming the mike right at her.
Michael Vaughn: I should have worn the ring.
Eric Weiss: Get over yourself. No one aims the mike like I do.

Eric Weiss: It's not an alias she's ever used with us before.
Michael Vaughn: There's no mention of a Julia in her SD-6 files.
Eric Weiss: Right. Which means, last two years, when she was supposedly being held by the Covenant...
Michael Vaughn: What? You think she was operational?

Eric Weiss: [talking with Vaughn about Sydney] What ever she just did, man, she's good. She is really good.

"Alias: After Six (#3.13)" (2004)
Eric Weiss: [on a CIA meeting] Euro celebrities and children of royalty. The kind of people you want to drop-kick.

Michael Vaughn: What are you talking about?
Eric Weiss: I really don't know.
Michael Vaughn: That's helpful advice.

Michael Vaughn: Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?
Eric Weiss: No, I don't. However I did have the same intense feelings for both Sport and Posh Spice.
Michael Vaughn: Yeah, who didn't?

Weiss: Come on, what do you want me to say? If you think I'm going to tell you to stay in a loveless marriage...
Vaughn: It's not a loveless marriage.
Weiss: Whatever. And if you're waiting for me to tell you to leave your wife for another woman, you can forget about that, too.
Vaughn: Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?
Weiss: No. I don't. However, I did have the same intense feelings for both Sporty and Posh Spice.
Vaughn: Yeah, who didn't?

"Alias: Q & A (#1.17)" (2002)
Michael Vaughn: I know, but the DNA sequencing, the heart size. I mean, they both match with what Rambaldi wrote. Either this thing is completely insane... or it isn't.
Eric Weiss: Okay, what happened? The FBI's involved?
Michael Vaughn: Yeah. There's an FBI tribunal flying in from DC. They're going to question her and decide what the next move is.

Michael Vaughn: Hey, what did you say before about Haladki?
Eric Weiss: I don't think he showers?

Eric Weiss: This buddy of mine from Princeton says she actually knows Haladki, used to have lunch at the Webster Rotunda, apparently the guy's got the table manners of a 6 month old.

"Alias: Before the Flood (#4.22)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: Fine, you know what we've managed harder, come on, there's gotta be a way.
Eric Weiss: What would Jack do in this situation? Jack is the king of this sort of thing.
Marshall Flinkman: Well, first he'd probably glower a bit, right? And then he'd, I don't know, probably blackmail or torture somebody, Right?
Marshall Flinkman: You're a genius!
[Gets out of his chair]
Marshall Flinkman: You Eric Weiss are a genius.
[They move into Sloane's office]
Eric Weiss: I thought Sloane turned the Blackwell index over to Langley?
Marshall Flinkman: He didn't, it's complicated.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, not really. Sloane's evil, why wouldn't he hold onto blackmail material on world leaders?

Marshall Flinkman: [Weiss is attempting to speak Russian with Minister Karkov on the phone. Karkov just told him that his Russian is terrible. Marshall gets upset and talks at the phone, whispering] Whatever, I wrote this program in five minutes, you perv!
Eric Weiss: Okay, I'm going to make this real simple for you. We need your Milsat access codes. You either give it to us now or every major news organization will get the tuba photos by morning.
Minister Karkov: A; I don't know what you're talking about. B; I'm running a trace on this call.
Eric Weiss: Great, you know what; I look forward to meeting you. Hey, while I've got you on the line, let me ask you, what's the significance of the green balloons?
[There is a long pause, Weiss and Marshall look hopeful]
Minister Karkov: Alpha, 572811, Mike. Now let me be clear, if those photos ever...
Eric Weiss: Oh sure thing Minister, or should I call you a Cowboy?
[Cowboy is said with a Russian accent]

Eric Weiss: Are we close?
Marshall Flinkman: Listen, that's not really a helpful question right now. Okay?
Eric Weiss: Ahh, you know what, don't blame yourself; this satellite network was designed to withstand World War III.
[He takes out his earpiece and sighs]
Eric Weiss: So I just got off the phone with my buddy at the secret service. They've initiated the continuity of government protocol. The President, his cabinet, their family members being evacuated to underground command centers. I don't know, somewhere in the back of my mind, I'm kidding myself, but I thought maybe I'd be on the list.
Marshall Flinkman: Yeah, it's kinda like high school again, the cool kids are having a party and I'm not invited.
Eric Weiss: Alright, there's still time left, let's not give up on them yet.
Marshall Flinkman: [Picks up his phone and call his wife] Hey honey, hi, uhh, no I don't have a lot of time, I just... I just wanted to tell you I love you, I don't get to tell you that often enough...
[Looks up at Weiss]
Marshall Flinkman: No I'm haven't been drinking. I'm just going to be home early tonight, okay, bye.

"Alias: Facade (#3.15)" (2004)
Jack Bristow: Actually, Ryan alerted local authorities, gave them time to evacuate the building.
Eric Weiss: So he's a humanitarian bomber?

Eric Weiss: What, I can't ask my buddy...
Michael Vaughn: [angrily] The marriage is fantastic.
Eric Weiss: [Vaughn leaves in a huff] Yeah, I can tell.

Eric Weiss: That was good, right? It's called method acting: I was shot in the neck once... I can do it again.

"Alias: Phase One (#2.13)" (2003)
Michael Vaughn: I'm going to say something, and it will either be obvious to you or seem presumptuous, either way I'm going to say it. This isn't working. I've been thinking about this for a while, I don't know what the hell to do.
Sydney Bristow: What?
Michael Vaughn: I think you know what.
Sydney Bristow: I need you to tell me.
Michael Vaughn: You need me to tell you what, that when you're on operations I can't sleep at night, that when we're in debrief I have to force myself to remember what the hell we're supposed to be reviewing when all I want to do is kiss you.
Sydney Bristow: Sometimes it is hard to remember what we're supposed to be talking about.
Michael Vaughn: That's what I'm talking about, and the thing that drives me insane every day is that the people who would kill us if we were ever seen together-the Alliance, SD-6, Sloane, are the very forces that brought you into my life. What kind of a sick joke is that?
Sydney Bristow: So what are you thinking, that maybe we shouldn't be working together?
Michael Vaughn: Yes, that was what I was thinking, but we're great together, and the more we work together the sooner the Alliance gets destroyed.
Sydney Bristow: So, what are you suggesting?
[Agent Weiss interrupts]
Eric Weiss: What is this, the flirting corner?
Michael Vaughn: Uh, we're talking.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, I figured that out. Uh, there's a meeting... National Security, remember that? It's important... for the people...
Sydney Bristow: We'll be right there

Eric Weiss: OK, whenever you want to have that talk...
Michael Vaughn: What talk?
Eric Weiss: Uh, about the cologne, or whatever the hell you're wearing.
Michael Vaughn: I'm not wearing any cologne.
Eric Weiss: Well, something is going on. No man naturally smells as good as you do right now
Michael Vaughn: [Vaughn and Weiss watch as a sleazy bad guy leers at Sydney while she's in disguise as a prostitute] That son of a bitch!
Eric Weiss: Easy, come on.
Michael Vaughn: I swear I'm gonna to kill this guy.
Eric Weiss: There's no way that guy smells as good as you do.
Michael Vaughn: It's aftershave, I got a new aftershave.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, well, I'd lighten up on it a little.
Michael Vaughn: Yeah?
Eric Weiss: Oh yeah. To the point of non-use.

Eric Weiss: Hey guys! I just talked to base. We did it; we kicked their asses!
[Sydney and Vaughn keep kissing]
Eric Weiss: Hey! Guys! Did you hear what I said? Asses... kicked...

"Alias: The Nemesis (#3.6)" (2003)
Michael Vaughn: It's been three weeks since I learned that Sydney murdered Lazarey... I've been lying to my wife for three weeks.
Eric Weiss: Vaughn, I know guys who've lied to their wives for a lot longer than that...
Michael Vaughn: You understand that the reason your brother didn't like talking to you is because you say stupid things, right?

Eric Weiss: [to Vaughn] Well this is why people from the CIA should not get married to people from the NSC. Don't poop where you sleep.

Sydney Bristow: Why didn't she kill me?
Eric Weiss: Maybe she likes you.
Sydney Bristow: Weiss, I'm serious.
Eric Weiss: So am I! Come on. She lived with you for months. She doubled herself as your best friend; maybe in that time, she started to like you. I could see that happening.

"Alias: Authorized Personnel Only: Part 1 (#4.1)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: [Vaughn is beating a punching bag, obviously angry] The bag is dead, I think you can stop now.
Vaughn: Thanks for coming.
Eric Weiss: Thanks for sweating.

Vaughn: I'm leaving.
Eric Weiss: Leaving what... the Agency? Is this because of Sydney?
Vaughn: No, it's not because of Sydney; it's because last year sucked.

Eric Weiss: You alright?
Vaughn: Yeah, I think that a full month of Psych evaluations; more than enough.
Eric Weiss: Really; for you? I don't know. It was a little overkill though. Come on, burning your house down...
Vaughn: It wasn't a happy home.
Eric Weiss: But still *fire*...
Vaughn: Yeah, well you kill your wife after learning she's a vicious homicidal double agent and see how rational you are.
Eric Weiss: I just want you to know that I'm there for you, whatever you need. You know if you need to stay with me for a while, cause your house is... ashes.

"Alias: The Awful Truth (#4.3)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: No woman ever wants to go to the Magic Castle.
Nadia Santos: Oh, I like magic.

Eric Weiss: [Weiss is looking for Bishop's body guards, rounds a corner and aims his gun at Vaughn] Dude, I knew it!
[Vaughn nods his head and smiles]

Eric Weiss: What the hell is going on? You said you weren't agents anymore.
Sydney Bristow: I'll tell you later. Thanks for the distraction by the way.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, thanks for saving my life. Wait a minute; this is black ops, isn't it? Huh? Vaughn part of this too?
Sydney Bristow: We gotta go.
Eric Weiss: Am I right?
Sydney Bristow: We gotta go.

"Alias: The Box: Part 1 (#1.12)" (2002)
[after Irina's past surfaces]
Michael Vaughn: It's a weird thing you know when, learning how your father died. I mean it's always been this intellectual idea I had... knowing he died, just not having any details.
Eric Weiss: You really want some space, or are you and I going to get drunk? Because there's this bar, you won't even remember it tomorrow.

Steven Haladki: Hey! What a day, huh?
Michael Vaughn: Why do you say that?
Steven Haladki: Come one. Bristow's mom, your dad. It's not like a secret around here. Vaughn, that really sucks.
Eric Weiss: Well played.
Steven Haladki: You know what I think? Barnett is gonna be good for you.
Michael Vaughn: I am not seeing Barnett.
Steven Haladki: Oh, yeah, you are. She wants to see ya. I mean, come on. You're Bristow's handler, you found out that her mom killed your dad... She is a shrink, she lives for crisis management I think she will be good for ya...
[after a small pause, referring to Eric's and Vaughn previous conversation]
Steven Haladki: I like thick crust, in case you wanted me to come.
Eric Weiss: Oh, hey, we don't.

Michael Vaughn: What the hell is your problem, Haladki? Reporting me to Barnett?
Steven Haladki: I don't have a problem, I told you. You have a problem.
Michael Vaughn: You know what? This might shock you: my business is not you business.
Steven Haladki: I am looking out for the good of the agency.
Michael Vaughn: Yeah? Then you should quit.
Steven Haladki: Stay out of my way.
Steven Haladki: Did it make you feel better about yourself when you told Barnett that I got Sydney a Christmas gift?
Steven Haladki: You are too emotionally attached to that woman!
Michael Vaughn: Oh, like you would know anything about being emotionally attached to a woman!
Steven Haladki: I think your judgement is impaired!
Michael Vaughn: I think I am gonna kick your ass!
Steven Haladki: You are out of line!
Michael Vaughn: You are out of line, you stay the hell out of my operation, do you understand me?
Eric Weiss: [gets in between them] Okay, okay, okay, we don't need to start down...
Steven Haladki: [interrupts him] Who is losing control, me?
Eric Weiss: Hey!
Steven Haladki: Did you see that? Did everyone see that? That's what I'm talking about.

"Alias: Succession (#3.2)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: [to Sydney] Is that a smile? It's good to see that again.

Eric Weiss: [helping Syd move] You're sure you're okay with this? I mean, are you going to be all right? By yourself?
Sydney: I just can't wrap my head around it. I mean, Francie's been dead for two years, but I feel like I saw her a few days ago. And now that Will is in the witness protection, I can't even contact him. All my friends are just... gone.
Eric Weiss: Not all your friends.

"Alias: Search and Rescue (#4.21)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: I know we're in crisis mode, but a, did you ask her?
[They turn and watch Sydney speaking Czech over the phone]
Michael Vaughn: It's not exactly the right time...
Eric Weiss: When's the right time? What the Nighttime?
Michael Vaughn: Eric... Come on...
Eric Weiss: Look it's not like you have a ring burning a hole in your...
[Vaughn smiles and smirks at Weiss]
Eric Weiss: You have a ring on you right now?

Marshall Flinkman: So what you're saying is a large red ball, plus contaminated water equals a city full of homicidal maniacs. That was a sentence I'd never thought I'd say.
Michael Vaughn: But what's the point, besides the weirdest terrorist attack of all time.
Jack Bristow: Their purpose remains a mystery, perhaps Sydvoko serves some strategic importance.
Eric Weiss: I'd go with world domination, but that's always my go to.

"Alias: Mirage (#4.18)" (2005)
Sophia Vargas: Eric, you have no idea how excited I am to finally meet you. Nadia says the most beautiful things about you.
Eric Weiss: Really?
Nadia Santos: She asked me if you were tall, dark and handsome. I told her you were tall.
[Weiss and Nadia giggle then kiss]

Sydney Bristow: Ah, thank you! Marshall, remind me to kiss you.
Marshall Flinkman: Uhhh... okay.
[He gets a huge grin]
Eric Weiss: What... What did she say?
Marshall Flinkman: Uhh... Uhh... nothin'.

"Alias: Blowback (#3.14)" (2004)
Eric Weiss: [Sydney, Vaughn and Weiss are seeing a picture of Marshall's baby] Will he ever open his eyes?
Marshall Flinkman: Babies sleep, Weiss, that's what they do, you know, except when they're screaming. Last night, from midnight to six.
Sydney Bristow: He's gorgeous, Marshall.
Marshall Flinkman: Thanks.
Sydney Bristow: Isn't he beautiful?
Michael Vaughn: He has my nose.

Eric Weiss: How are you doing?
Michael Vaughn: Fine.
Eric Weiss: Hey, guess what? It's me. Come on, how're you doing?
Michael Vaughn: I'm hanging in there.
Eric Weiss: How's Lauren about it?
Michael Vaughn: She didn't remember.
Eric Weiss: And, you didn't say anything?
Michael Vaughn: No. I mean, she's got a lot on her mind.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, that's probably it.

"Alias: Authorized Personnel Only: Part 2 (#4.2)" (2005)
Marshall Flinkman: The only guy we have left is Sark and that's only because he's in custody. I hate that guy, I mean, really, kinda scares... although I did go visit him... twice... just to see a familiar face. We had eggs.
Eric Weiss: Don't do that.

Eric Weiss: [Sydney and Weiss are at Sydney's house] I just... I just don't see it, you're working in a bank? What kind of a job is that? Cashing checks, making change, "excuse me, next in line please".
Sydney Bristow: I'm a loans officer, I travel, service accounts.
Eric Weiss: Wait a minute, that cover job you had for SD-6?
Sydney Bristow: I happen to be good at it.
Eric Weiss: Great! That's stimulating stuff, watching over someone else's money, Syd come on seriously since you left the spy business you're a bore!
Sydney Bristow: It's an adjustment it's all... are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner?
Eric Weiss: I'd love to, but I've got to go save the world, see you.
Sydney Bristow: Bye.
[Weiss goes to the door and opens it, Nadia is standing there]
Eric Weiss: Hello.
Nadia Santos: Hi.
Eric Weiss: I'm Eric Weiss, 38, single...
Nadia Santos: Nadia.
Eric Weiss: How are you?
Nadia Santos: Good
[turns to Sydney]
Nadia Santos: Is this a bad time?
Sydney Bristow: Not at all Nadia, this is Eric he was just leaving.
Eric Weiss: No, I can stay...
[Sydney waves Weiss good bye]
Eric Weiss: or go, nice to meet you.

"Alias: The Box: Part 2 (#1.13)" (2002)
Eric Weiss: And what if there has been a takeover?
Michael Vaughn: [gets his gun out of his locker and loads it] If I'm not back in a couple of hours, I'm probably dead.
Eric Weiss: Good to know.

Eric Weiss: If I found out that you screwed Vaughn, you do understand this : your ass is mine.
C.I.A. Agent Steven Haladki: I am not scared of you.
Eric Weiss: You should start being scared of me.

"Alias: S.O.S. (#5.10)" (2006)
Eric Weiss: If you take this tunnel to the end, it'll drop you at the southeast edge of the complex. I've got to go back inside and wipe out the surveillance footage. Oh, if you hear anything about Sydney...
Marcus Dixon: We will.
Eric Weiss: Okay, and one more thing. Next time, just call.

Eric Weiss: [On the phone] A lockdown? Thirty seconds ago I got a call about an evacuation due to an Anthrax attack. Well there's a big difference. Evacuation means everyone has to leave, lockdown means everyone has...
Eric Weiss: No, he's in with the delegation. I'm not going to disturb him. Besides, what the hell am I going to tell him? I've got a great idea. Why don't you get your facts straight and then call me back?

"Alias: Ice (#4.4)" (2005)
Weiss: Killed? He exploded like a frozen pinata.

Derek Modell: My bird is missing... My bird is missing... My bird is missing... My bird is missing.
Weiss: It's "I've lost my canary," and try telling it to the women in café upstairs

"Alias: The Telling (#2.22)" (2003)
Marshall Flinkman: Well, post-fish, when I went to drop her off, this is traditionally, clasically the time where I would - or a man would - kiss her. And, well, I just started sweating.
Eric Weiss: How bad?
Marshall Flinkman: Bad. Weird bad. Freak show bad.

Eric Weiss: Mr. Tippin, I'm Agent Weiss. We're all through here, I'm supposed to take you to where you'll be staying.
Will Tippin: Is there a computer I can use here? The name on this DNA file, A.G. Doren, I know that from somewhere. I just want to check it out.

"Alias: Unveiled (#3.18)" (2004)
Eric Weiss: You know, Syd, nobody would blame you for hating him for going back to her.
Sydney Bristow: He's not the one I hate. How horrible does that sound?
Eric Weiss: Well I'm mad at her, and I don't even think he's that cute.

Sydney Bristow: My dad thinks Lauren's leaking information to the Covenant.
Eric Weiss: I don't understand... didn't Senator Reed confess to being the leak before he died?
Sydney Bristow: Yes, and his confessions answered all the questions my father had raised. But I can't help it, I still have doubts.
Eric Weiss: All right, let me ask you a question: do you think she's the mole, or do you just want her to be the mole?

"Alias: Endgame (#2.19)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: [talking about Sydney] So she gave you a drawer, huh?
Michael Vaughn: It was a gesture of convenience.
Eric Weiss: And, uh, what did you put it in?
Michael Vaughn: Why do you care?
Eric Weiss: What do you mean, why do I care? Do you know how spoiled you are? You know, a drawer! I wish I had a girlfriend to say 'Hey, do you want a drawer?'
Michael Vaughn: I'll give you a drawer at my place.
Eric Weiss: I don't want a drawer at your place.

Eric Weiss: Jack is going to shoot you in the face.
Michael Vaughn: Just give me a half-hour head start. Tell him that she called your phone and you gave it to me. We only have ten hours to find Kaplan.
Eric Weiss: If we end up sharing a cell in federal prison, I'm not giving you a drawer.

"Alias: Prophet Five (#5.1)" (2005)
Sydney Bristow: Six years ago, when I walked into that CIA office, why was Vaughn assigned to my case?
Eric Weiss: I don't know, he asked to be. You came in, you were all screwed up, you had that freaky red hair. He likes a challenge...

Marshall Flinkman: Hey, I just brought about thirty federal laws, if I get caught, I'll be sharing a cell with a guy named Bruno...
Eric Weiss: It's white collar, more like Martha Stewart.

"Alias: Firebomb (#2.16)" (2003)
Michael Vaughn: [Sydney and Vaughn walk into Syd's apartment, Vaughn's cell phone rings] Hello?
Eric Weiss: Hey, Kendall has something he wants to show you.
Michael Vaughn: Ah, can it wait?
Eric Weiss: Apparently not, he wants to Sydney too. Are you with her?
Michael Vaughn: Ah, no. I haven't seen her.
Eric Weiss: You're in bed with her right now, aren't you?
Michael Vaughn: Trying. Just find out what he wants.

Eric Weiss: We just had an Echelon intercept. Key words were picked up: "terrorist", "weapons of mass destruction". But you ready for this? "Rambaldi".
Michael Vaughn: Did you get coordinates?
Eric Weiss: Yeah. Yours. We don't know what's happening but you're not waiting for us to find out. Get out now!

"Alias: So It Begins (#1.2)" (2001)
Agent Eric Weiss: Impressive.
Vaughn: Yeah.
Agent Eric Weiss: Balls of steal. That's what I'm going to call you from now on. Hey, have you met Balls of Steel?

Agent Eric Weiss: Your girlfriend's name is Alice, right?
Michael Vaughn: Would you shut up?
Agent Eric Weiss: I'm just checking to see...
Michael Vaughn: Get out of my office!

"Alias: The Two (#3.1)" (2003)
Sydney: You lost weight.
Eric Weiss: I gave up all the foods I enjoy. I'm miserable but I look really good.

Eric Weiss: You're not gonna like my suggestion: you should go see Arvin Sloane.
Sydney: What?
Eric Weiss: Sloane negotiated a pardon after your... death. He's now a consultant for the CIA. Yeah, he now runs a world health organization in Zurich: OMNIFAM.

"Alias: Nightingale (#4.14)" (2005)
Michael Vaughn: No I'm fine, thanks, I'll help.
Eric Weiss: Oh boo hoo, I'm going to go up north and drink wine for two days, while my friends stay here and work.
Michael Vaughn: It's called accumulated vacation man, use it or lose it.
Sydney Bristow: So you'll water the plants...
Nadia Santos: Got it.
Sydney Bristow: And you'll send out the...
Nadia Santos: Sydney, go have a good time.
Eric Weiss: You know what; we could actually drive up and meet you guys.
Michael Vaughn: Ahh
[He looks at Sydney and pulls her closer to him]
Sydney Bristow: We're busy...
Michael Vaughn: Yeah...
[He smiles]
Eric Weiss: You gotta eat; one meal?
Michael Vaughn: Yeah, that's what room service is for...
[Sydney half hugs Vaughn and they both happily grin]

"Alias: A Dark Turn (#2.17)" (2003)
Sydney Bristow: Weiss, have you seen Vaughn?
Eric Weiss: That's all I am to you... just a conduit to Vaughn. Have you ever seen Vaughn and said "Hey, where's Weiss?"

"Alias: Another Mister Sloane (#4.16)" (2005)
Arvin Sloane: As you are aware, someone has been actively perpetrating crime in my name. Objective is simple, find the man. Apprehend him.
Michael Vaughn: Assuming he exists at all.
Jack Bristow: That's the assumption we're working with.
Arvin Sloane: Our best lead, so far, is Roberts. Where are we with him?
Marcus Dixon: Roberts has been interrogated, his knowledge of the organization he's working for is extremely limited.
Sydney Bristow: Well, we can still use him, he knows their contact protocol. We give Roberts the coil, put him into play. He makes an exchange, we track the coil back to Arvin Clone.
[Sloane looks at her puzzled]
Sydney Bristow: Sorry, that's what we've been calling him.
Eric Weiss: Yeah also Marvin Sloane,
[laughing in the room]
Eric Weiss: Rolling Sloane's...
Marshall Flinkman: But obviously equally disrespectful...

"Alias: Welcome to Liberty Village (#4.5)" (2005)
Nadia Santos: We have bowling in Argentina, you know.
Eric Weiss: Yes, but you don't have like glow in the dark pins, you don't have all you can eat hot dogs after 10, or bad disco music pumping through the stereo. You know what, why am I still talking about this? Let's just do it. We're going bowling. Come on.
Nadia Santos: Really?
Eric Weiss: Yeah, yeah, come on, we're all going bowling.
Sydney: Now?
Eric Weiss: Yeah, there's a 24 bowling alley.
Vaughn: No, no, that's not the point.
Sydney: We have work tomorrow.
Eric Weiss: Guys, you don't have to analyze everything you do, you can just decide to have fun, it's ok.
Sydney: We're fun.
Eric Weiss: Yeah... You guys are about as spontaneous as my grandparents. And they're dead.
Vaughn: No, look, it's Wednesday night.
Sydney: We're not going bowling.
Eric Weiss: Alright, well suit yourselves, the kids are going out.
Nadia Santos: How can I resist all you can eat hot dogs after 10.
Eric Weiss: Don't wait up.
Nadia Santos: Let's go.
Sydney: [to Vaughn] We don't analyze everything that we do.
Sydney: Do we?

"Alias: Echoes (#4.8)" (2005)
Michael Vaughn: Nadia's great, I know that, alright. But you might want to consider just taking it slow.
Eric Weiss: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, What's with the warning?
Michael Vaughn: Uhh, Sally Vincent
Eric Weiss: Haaaa, Sally; that was a completely different story.
Michael Vaughn: How is it different? When it ended you were all like weird.
Eric Weiss: Weird, how?
Michael Vaughn: You were building ships in bottles. You built many, many ships in many bottles over many, many months.
Eric Weiss: Yeah, that's called a hobby.
Michael Vaughn: Hobby; you locked yourself in a closet for a month.
Eric Weiss: Tell me you don't still think about how I got those ships in the bottles
Michael Vaughn: No I don't

"Alias: Rendezvous (#1.21)" (2002)
Eric Weiss: I don't want your thanks. I want it to stop.
Michael Vaughn: Look, Sydney's my responsibility...
Eric Weiss: Mike, I'm not going to trivialize your relationship with her by calling it a crush...
Michael Vaughn: A crush?
Eric Weiss: But whatever it is, it's starting to affect me and if that sounds selfish to you, I was hoping to retire fully vested. I know you genuinely care for her. I do, too. But there is a line that we have been sworn not to cross. We're about a mile past that.
Michael Vaughn: I don't know how to be Sydney's handler without making it personal.
Eric Weiss: Figure out a way

"Alias: Pandora (#4.15)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: Uhhh... You heard from Vaughn?
Sydney Bristow: [shakes head] Not yet.
Eric Weiss: Gotta be tough on him right? Going to see his uncle and all you can do is watch him die. Nothing you can do about it.
Sydney Bristow: Yeah...
Eric Weiss: My mom used to do stuff like that.
Sydney Bristow: Like what?
Eric Weiss: Scrub the sink; when she was worried about stuff that was out of her control.
Sydney Bristow: I like a clean sink.

"Alias: Double Agent (#2.14)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: So, in a case like this, we start by digitizing all the news coverage that covered the bombing. You, uh, you like Italian food?
Christine Phillips: I have a boyfriend.
Eric Weiss: [Weiss looks up as Vaughn walks in the room] Yeah, me too.

"Alias: The Road Home (#4.11)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: This is a mistake; you gotta bring the team in on this one.
Michael Vaughn: No way, not until I find out more.
Eric Weiss: Alright, let's just assume that your father did right those journals.
Michael Vaughn: Weiss; I know my father's handwriting alright, things were referenced, things he couldn't know about. I know it sounds crazy.
Eric Weiss: It sucks when something serious is crazy. But what you're thinking about doing here is insane.
Michael Vaughn: The nurse that led me to those journals, she disappeared, she was a plant.
Eric Weiss: Fine, so someone is trying to manipulate you.
Michael Vaughn: What if my father is still alive? What... What if it's his way to try and contact me?
Eric Weiss: Okay, why now? Why let you and your mother believe that he's been dead for 25 years?
Michael Vaughn: I don't know, that's what I'm gonna find out.

"Alias: ... 1... (#5.2)" (2005)
Eric Weiss: [Thomas Grace enters APO for the first time and finds an empty desk and start to settle in at it. Weiss approaches him] Hey, how ya doin'? Eric Weiss.
Thomas Grace: Tom Grace...
Eric Weiss: Hey, Tom... Ahh look, this desk isn't exactly an ideal location, ahh for you, it's right underneath the air conditioning vent, and there's actually a wobble in the desk. You know...
Thomas Grace: Yeah... I get it. The guy I'm replacing... he sat here.
Eric Weiss: You can have mine, I'm not going to need it anymore, and actually I suppose you're replacing me as well.
Eric Weiss: These are really good people here...

"Alias: The Frame (#3.17)" (2004)
Vaughn: [Weiss and Vaughn are running thru the park] Lauren's parents have been married for thirty four years, and they still love being together. I had one day off this month, and I spent it playing Hockey at the ring with High School kids.
Eric Weiss: That must be fun.
[They stop running and sit down on a bench. They both pause for a few moments while Vaughn thinks]
Vaughn: If I need it, can I crash on your couch?
Eric Weiss: Yeah... you just have to wipe off the Cheese Nips.

"Alias: Conscious (#3.9)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: [On Sydney's dream] Syd, you made it! I hope you're ready for an expensive lesson in the art of gambling...
Sydney Bristow: I'm looking for that building.
Eric Weiss: Try the kitchen.

"Alias: The Confession (#1.11)" (2002)
Ineni Hassan: You misspelled Ineni.
Eric Weiss: Shut up.

"Alias: Repercussions (#3.5)" (2003)
Eric Weiss: Vaughn will back me up. This is a true story, I swear. Sophmore year, college. Her name was April First.
Michael Vaughn: Birth name, by the way.
Eric Weiss: Right. And for a month I was obsessed. I though this women had to have my children, okay? The problem was that she only dated guitar players. Literally.
Lauren Reed: A girl should have her standards.
Michael Vaughn: Since she worked at a coffeehouse, Eric decided to impress her on open-mike night.
Sydney Bristow: You play the guitar?
Eric Weiss: No, no not even a little. But I thought that, you know, if I got up on that stage and the spotlight was in my face, that maybe God would imbue my hands with the power of Stevie Ray Vaughn.
Lauren Reed: So what happened?
Eric Weiss: Oh, disaster. Just embarrassment. I didn't play two notes that went together.
Lauren Reed: And what about April First?
Eric Weiss: Oh, we made out in my Gremlin.

"Alias: Mea Culpa (#1.9)" (2001)
Eric Weiss: [after Sydney safely walked out of park] I just lost 30 pounds, I'm not kidding.

"Alias: Parity (#1.3)" (2001)
Eric Weiss: Can I say something? And not just as a fellow officer but as a very smart man?
Michael Vaughn: What?
Eric Weiss: You're starting to get emotional about this.

"Alias: The Enemy Walks In (#2.1)" (2002)
Eric Weiss: Bringing them to justice. I love that - Arvin Sloane is talking about justice