April Burns
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Quotes for
April Burns (Character)
from Pieces of April (2003)

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Pieces of April (2003)
April Burns: Please give me my stupid fucking turkey!

April Burns: Once, there was this day... this one day when... everyone realized they needed each other.

April Burns: Are you Wayne...? Wayne with the new stove...?

April Burns: [discussing old-fashioned turkey shaped salt and pepper shakers that Bobby bought] We had these when I was a kid.
[pause]
April Burns: The one time Joy let me hold them she said, "Be careful, they're worth more than you are."
Bobby: Well, that's terrible.
April Burns: Next year they were gone.
Bobby: So, what happened?
April Burns: A hammer I was holding fell on them.

April Burns: I'm the first pancake.
Evette: What do you mean?
Eugene: She's the one you're supposed to throw out.

Eugene: You made boxed stuffing?
April Burns: Yeah. What's wrong with boxed stuffing?
Evette: Nothing! I'm sure it's a fine brand.

April Burns: Well, the cranberries were easy. I just had to open the can.
Eugene: [needing support from his wife] Evette?
April Burns: [sensing Eugene's outrage] What? Oh, come on. Everyone likes it from the can.
Eugene: No one likes it from the can.

Tish: There's something I need you to know.
April Burns: Okay.
Tish: I never eat anything that has a face.
April Burns: Oh, don't worry, you won't be eating it, I'll just be using your oven.
Tish: Yes, but for me, to know that there was once a living, breathing soul...
April Burns: I'm a vegetarian, I understand.
Tish: Yes, but I'm a vegan. And even the smell of flesh cooking... I don't think I can help you.

Wayne: Do you know that good feeling that often comes from being helpful?
April Burns: Yes...
Wayne: I'm not having that feeling here.