No Photo Available
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Kristine Kochanski (Character)
from "Red Dwarf" (1988)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Red Dwarf: Cassandra (#8.4)" (1999)
Kochanski: I'm not sure I can do this. This is the first time I've been seduced by pre-determinism theory.

Kochanski: [in shock after finding out Rimmer is going to sleep with her] I can't believe what you're telling me!
Rimmer: [happily] I can scarcely believe it myself! I mean, obviously, you're incredibly attractive. I never thought you'd look at me twice!
Kochanski: [still in shock] Neither did I!
Rimmer: But apparently, we're gonna make love! Unbe-smegging-lievable or what?

Kochanski: [about Rimmer] Why aren't you mad that I'm in bed with him?
Lister: Because I know why you're in bed with him. And I also know that I don't kill him.
Kochanski: [disappointed] Oh, but Cassandra promised.

"Red Dwarf: Camille (#4.1)" (1991)
Mechanoid Camille: [to the crew, especially Kryten] I guess I owe you all an apology.
Kochanski Camille: [to Lister] Sorry, Dave.
Camille: [to Rimmer] Sorry, Duke.
The Cat Camille: [to Cat] Sorry, buddy.
The Cat: Heartbreaker!

Dave Lister: This is weird, you know. The last two human beings in the infinite cosmos and we happen to bump into each other.
Kochanski Camille: Yeah. That is weird, isn't it?
Dave Lister: You realize we have an awesome responsibility.
Kochanski Camille: We do?
Dave Lister: Yeah, sure we do. We have to rebuild the human race as quickly as possible. Do you want to start now or do you want to clean your teeth first?
Kochanski Camille: And they say romance is dead.

"Red Dwarf: Ouroboros (#7.3)" (1997)
Kryten: You're not good enough for him. That's all. OK, he may walk around smelling like a Balti House laundry basket, but he doesn't need the likes of you swapping dimensions like there's no tomorrow and bewitching him with your... in and out bits. Pointy and unnecessary.
Kochanski: You've got big problems, you know that?

Kochanski: Rimmer?
Rimmer: Yes, ma'am?
Kochanski: Have sex with someone, and that's an order.

"Red Dwarf: Duct Soup (#7.4)" (1997)
Kochanski: How did I end up like this? On a ship where the fourth most popular pastime is going down to the laundry room and watching my knickers spin dry?

Kryten: They always say the hardest part about leaving Cyberspace is realizing that the whole universe does not revolve around you.
Cat: Sure doesn't. It revolves around me!
Kochanski: Absolutely...
Cat: No. I'm serious! Look at the evidence!
Lister: What evidence?
Cat: Take food: until I bite into it, it has no taste. Even when I know what I'm gonna say, it never bores me!
Lister: You, and you alone.
Cat: And here's the kicker, all the interesting things that ever happen to me happened when I was in the room! Coincidence? Get outta here...

"Red Dwarf: Pete: Part 2 (#8.7)" (1999)
Kochanski: Kryten?
Kryten: Yes, ma'am?
Kochanski: How long in the normal space of things would it take for Pete to pass the Time Wand out of his system?
Kryten: Strangely enough, ma'am, I don't have that information in my database. My programmers, for some insane reason, believed that dinosaur bowel movement frequency tables needn't be required. Imbeciles!

Kochanski: Did you get punishment duty too?
Kryten: I've got to iron eight hundred prison smocks. I don't understand. Why do you get punishment duty and I get a reward? Eight hundred. Bliss!

"Red Dwarf: Back in the Red: Part 1 (#8.1)" (1999)
Kryten: Once the nanos rebuilt the ship, I thought things were going to get back to normal.
Kochanski: We don't know where we are, what to do, and have no clue what's happening. Things *are* back to normal!

Can't Smeg Won't Smeg (1998) (TV)
[Kochanski is reluctantly preparing to taste the food]
Ainsley Harriott: Want the blindfold on?
Kochanski: I think I'd rather eat the blindfold.

"Red Dwarf: Nanarchy (#7.8)" (1997)
Kochanski: Have you ever heard of something called "tough love"?
Kryten: Does it involve dressing up?

"Red Dwarf: Back to Earth (Part Three) (#9.3)" (2009)
Kristine Kochanski: Where are you going?
Dave Lister: I have to leave, and get you back.
Kristine Kochanski: The real me? You'll never get me, I'm way out of your league.
Dave Lister: I thought that too but, I was wrong.
Kristine Kochanski: You were right.
Dave Lister: No. I'm pretty cool, I don't take any smeg, and even though I'm disgusting, sometimes I can be quite brave.
Kristine Kochanski: You'll never get me.
Dave Lister: Yeah, I will.

"Red Dwarf: Pete: Part 1 (#8.6)" (1999)
Kochanski: [looking at the Time Wand] "Tempus". That's Latin for "time".
The Cat: Latin? I didn't even know the Romans built spaceships!

"Red Dwarf: Back in the Red: Part 2 (#8.2)" (1999)
Kochanski: [after being affected by the sexual magnetism virus] I don't know what got into me.
Lister: Nothing, sadly.

"Red Dwarf: Blue (#7.5)" (1997)
Kochanski: Do you think I like living in this big skip with thrusters? And to top it all off, I am faced with a neurotic droid who is completely obsessed with my pants drawer!
Kryten: You mean I'm not alone? Oh, I see. You mean me.

"Red Dwarf: Back in the Red: Part 3 (#8.3)" (1999)
Kochanski: This is all your fault.
Rimmer: My fault?
Kochanski: You betrayed us over that confidential file scam.
Lister: ...stole the sexual magnetism virus.
Kryten: You lied to us.
Kochanski: And generally behaved like a self-serving, scum-sucking, ruthless little ratbag!
Rimmer: And that's bad?