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: [reading headline
] "Last one on drugs is a queer," shouts Portillo.
: People say that alcohol's a drug. It's not a drug, it's a drink!
: Luckily, the amount of heroin I use is harmless, I inject about once a month on a purely recreational basis. Fine. But what about other people less stable, less educated, less middle-class than me? Builders or blacks for example. If you're one of those, my advice is leave well alone. Good luck.
: An overdose of heroin is fatal - in the short term. But there has been no research whatsoever into long term effects.
: Drugs destroy families. Well, a disabled lonely teenager, a blind mother, but a family held together by the father's crack dealing, which he uses to keep them in talking books and dildos.
: If time's a drug, then Big Ben is a huge needle injecting it into the sky.
: You're wrong, and you're a grotesquely ugly freak.
[pause, everyone shocked
] Chris Morris
: In Britain in the last century, it was quite acceptable for a gentleman to lose his virginity to one of London's many whore dogs. Dickens and Prince Albert both boasted of their experience.
: Institutionalised cruelty is one thing, but the twisted brain-wrong of a one-off man-mental is quite another. Ted Maul disturbs.
: You are a paedophile, you are a nonce, you're a perv, you're a slot badger, you're a two pin din plug, you're a bush dodger, you're a small bean regarder, you're an unabummer, you're a nut administrator, you're a bent ref, you're the crazy world of Arthur Brown, you're a fence foal, you're a free willy, you're a chimney bottler, you're a bunty man, you're a shrub rocketeer...
: [talking about paedophile Jes North
] One day, a stairwell nonce-bashing left him quadrospazzed on a life-glug.
: [walking down the street holding a sign
] So, is it any wonder people are afraid of technology?
[Spins large sign revealing the word technology
] Christopher Morris
: TECHNOLOGY! woman
: Oh my god!