Lieutenant Jim Dangle
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Quotes for
Lieutenant Jim Dangle (Character)
from "Reno 911!" (2003)

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Reno 911!: Miami (2007)
Deputy Travis Junior: I just had the weirdest dream.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You know you're driving, right?
[hits a porto-potty]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: [cheerfully] Nobody in it!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: What the fuck.

[repeated line]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: What the fuck, man?

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: This is the stupidest group of people I've ever worked with who are not legally retarded.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Why was your hand on my dick?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: I dreamt that I was driving in the Indie500!

Glen the Desk Clerk: Hello, welcome to the International Inn. How many?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: There's 8 of us...
Glen the Desk Clerk: 8, 8 people for a suckfest.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no suckfest. We're here for a convention.
Glen the Desk Clerk: I like convention too. I'm in a convention. A suckfest convention.

Deputy Clementine Johnson: Let me in, I don't have a key to this door.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's open. You ok?
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh, I'm in love.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Hey, you've got a bandage on your teat.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: A love bandage.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, I mean an ace bandage.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Oh my God, if I've been stabbed, I'm gonna be so pissed!

Deputy Clementine Johnson: You need to go to the store and get me some cranberry juice cuz it's gonna be one of those days!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Uh oh, yeast infection time!

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Does anybody have any ideas?
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: What about... a phone... you can smell through...

Jeff Spoder: Any last words?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Ummm... Uhhhh... Ummm He liked it? NO! Wait!

"Reno 911!: Raineesha X (#2.10)" (2004)
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Why are you wearing that thing on your head?
Deputy Raineesha Williams: This thing on my head is called a "Burka" and I am exercising my religious freedom, all right? I stand before you Raineesha X, all praise is due to Allah!
Deputy Travis Junior: [dives to the floor in fear]
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: It's from the Homeland-Security training.
Deputy Travis Junior: I'm sorry, I thought she was gonna ...
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no, good instinct.
Deputy James Garcia: She don't have a bomb.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: No, no, she didn't have a
[clicks tongue and pantomimes pressing detonator with thumb]

Deputy Raineesha Williams: Thanks to the Nation of Islam... I'm free.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Is this gonna be a problem doing your job now that you're... Nation of Muslim?
Deputy Raineesha Williams: Don't be aggressive with me, okay?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: I wasn't being aggressive.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: Don't hate me 'cause I've found the truth. And now that my eyes are open, ha, you can't have me, 'cause, see, I was had, I was took. I been hoodwinked, bamboozled. Y'all have run amok!
Deputy S. Jones: Hornswoggled.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: Thank you, brother.
Deputy S. Jones: Fandangled.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: Thank you.
Deputy Trudy Wiegel: Titty-boozled.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: No.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Well, I support you, sister.
Deputy Raineesha Williams: I'm not your sister, cracker jack.
Deputy Clementine Johnson: Whatever.

Lieutenant Jim Dangle: So, are you quitting because we're the devil?
Deputy Raineesha Williams: [points at Dangle] You can't run me out of here! I'ma do what I gotta do. Deal with it, crackers! There's a new sheriff in town. Ha!

"Reno 911!: Jones Gets Suspended (#1.5)" (2003)
Deputy Travis Junior: So, you know why we're here?
Terry Bernadino: Why? Was there a fire?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You've been chargin' three bucks, you run up when the car is at the red light, and you give a H.J. during the red light.
Terry Bernadino: What? Oh my god, that sounds... That's not something that I would ever do.
Deputy Travis Junior: No, except we've got about...
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: We got about 38 photos of you and that's only last night.
Terry Bernadino: Well, I can see how you would think that... but I sell oranges.
Deputy Travis Junior: You sell oranges?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You sell oranges?
Terry Bernadino: Mmhm!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: I'll take some.
Deputy Travis Junior: Yeah, I'd like some oranges, too.
Terry Bernadino: I've sold out, I've sold out of my oranges... I run out and people are like Beep Beep, I go okay, and they... they're driving and I just put it in their laps.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Well...
Deputy Travis Junior: I don't know about that.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: You put an orange in their laps? Come on, Terry, we're going...
Terry Bernadino: I can't do that, I have to call my girlfriend... Listen, I don't even know what you're talking about.
Deputy Travis Junior: [Begins tugging Terry away on his roller skates] We're talking about you giving hand jobs at three bucks a pop at this red light up here. That's what we're talking about.
Terry Bernadino: Okay, okay. A hand job is still a job, okay?
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Come on, easy does it. Xanadu it right into the car, now.
Terry Bernadino: You Xana-don't it!
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Did he just say " Xana-don't it" to me?
Deputy Travis Junior: I think so.

"Reno 911!: More FBI Help (#2.9)" (2004)
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Lieutenant governor, uh, throws a lot of weight around.
Deputy Travis Junior: Yeah. He used to play pro ball. He's got a couple o', couple o' bowl rings, and that, in this, uh, state, is about like having a...
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Yeah, it's like having a letter from the Pope.
Deputy Travis Junior: And a rocket launcher.
Lieutenant Jim Dangle: Yeah.

"Reno 911!: Fire Fighters Are Jerks (#2.6)" (2004)
Lt. Jim Dangle: I don't mean any disrespect, but fuck firemen!
Deputy James Garcia: That's probably what Clemmie's doing right now.

"Reno 911!: Released from Prison (#3.1)" (2005)
Deputy James Garcia: Dangle, get your ass out of my face.
Lt. Jim Dangle: Get your FACE OUT OF MY ASS!