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Quotes for
Lex (Character)
from Detroit Rock City (1999)

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Detroit Rock City (1999)
Christine: Hey, you know what? Disco's so fucking big right now, I wouldn't be suprised if KISS did a disco song.
Lex: Man, if there's one thing KISS will never do, it is a bullshit disco song.
Jam: No shit man!
Trip: Yeah man. Disco blows dogs for quarters man!

Lex: Man I've never heard a girl blow ass before!

[after Jam's mom finds the Kiss record]
Lex: Man, I was afraid some bullshit like this was gonna happen. If Jam misses Peter Criss's drum solo, he won't be able to continue with his fucking life!
Hawk: Lex! Quit Jynxing us man! No one is missing that concert tomorrow night!

Trip: So who did your wardrobe? A band of preppy sailboat captains?
Jam: Hey, my mom had me over a barrel, alright? After what happened last night I had to let her *dress* me today!
Jam: It's a give-and-take relationship.
Lex: Yeah, she gives you shit, and you take it!
Hawk: Jam, give me the tickets, man, I wanna hang on to them.
Jam: The... tickets?
Hawk: What?
Jam: you see, there's a little, *little* problem with that. They're still at my house in Trip's jacket.
Jam: She was standing right over me while I was changing, for fuck's sake!
Hawk: Jam, you are so pathetic, man!
Trip: That is some sick shit right there! What, does she comb your ass hair for you too?
Lex: Jam, if she even smells those tickets, she'll destroy 'em, and we get fucked outta seein' KISS for the third year in a row!
Jam: They're fine, they're at my house, they're perfectly safe. We can go there right after school and pick 'em up. My mom's not even gonna be there!
Trip: Dudes, hours from now, we're actually gonna be seein' KISS!
Hawk: All right, man. We'll just double time it to your house, and grab the tickets before heading to the train station for the 3:45 to DETROIT... ROCK... CITY! GOD!
[Bell rings]
Hawk: Well, as they say in the tampon biz, see you next period.
[slams locker door]

[Trip calls Lex's mom a dyke]
Lex: Just because she's a female gynecologist, doesn't mean she's a lesbian. And even if she was, at least my mom didn't give birth to me while she was on LSD.
Trip: 'Shrooms!

Lex: Mrs. Bruce is a psycho bitch from Hell.

[Trip is kicking the walls of the washroom]
Lex: Take it easy man. This is the girls crapper, remember?
Trip: Aw, wake up Lex! We just watched Jam's mom torch our fucking KISS tickets man! Not REO Speedwagon, not Journey, not The Bay City Rollers. KISS, man! If you can think of a better reason to trash a girl's bathroom I'd sure like to hear it.

Lex: You just upset the Incredible Hulk, his idiot half brother, and the two circus clowns.

Lex: You know, your clothes may say disco, but your eyes say rock n' roll.
Christine: Yeah? Well, your belt buckle may say rock n' roll, but your breath says pepperoni, baby.

Lex: Hey, thanks for letting us use your make-up supply. You must have the entire Revlon factory in your purse, you greasy disco ball!

Lex: [Voices, and Faces inside Trip's head as He contemplates robbing a store] I can't believe you're thinking of robbing a store, Trip. I mean, You don't pass go, and collect 200 Dollars for pulling Stuff like this, Man.
Hawk: No shit, Man, is this really worth it? Still, You're gonna get Your ass kicked nine ways to Sunday by that fucking Gorilla, but I guess it's still a Hundred Times better than getting it Porked for the next Three to Five, right?
Jam: What about that Girl Trip, She'll never forget this Night. Even if You got away with it, She'll be Scarred for Life, I mean, when are You gonna realize some Day, that being Tough, means being Tender?
Trip: [Aloud] Alright everybody, just Shut up!
[All the Customers look at Trip questionably, as Trip fakes a Cough]

Christine: Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?
Hawk: Why don't you lick my hairy crack?
Christine: Why don't you bend over, you're lookin' right at it!
Lex: [Everybody looks at each other in puzzlement] That last remark fell about 30 yards away from makin' any sense whatsoever!

[the guys find out their Volvo has been stolen]
Lex: We must get the cops in on this Volvo-situation.
Hawk: Lex, this is Detroit. You think the cops are gonna waste city-dollars on a Swedish car?

Christine: You guys like Disco? Y'know, I teach disco dancing back at my church... you guys look like you got a little rhythm in your blood... free lessons if you let me go...
Beefy Jerk #1: Oh, I know what dance we could do... 'The Horizontal Hustle'.
[Door opens, Lex enters]
Lex: Hey peanut-turds! I'm here for the girl and the car!

Trip: [looks at Jam, dressed in nerdy clothes] Man, that geek looks just like Jam.
Lex: Man, that geek *is* Jam.
Hawk: [yells across the campus] HEY, DORK!
[Jam flips them off, they all start laughing]

Hawk: [three Stellas are walking by] I wish somebody would tell these girls that *DISCO'S DEAD!*
Stella 1: Don't stare too long, boys, you'll go blind!
Lex: Yeah, right! Stellas. I hate Stellas almost as much as I hate dogs.
Trip: Yeah, man. Same species when you stop to think about it, man!

Trip: Whoa, man. I just had the killer-est vision, man. Imagine Mystery, openin' up for KISS, man.
Lex: Oh, that'd be fuckin' IT, man!
Trip: It could happen, man. it could happen!
Jam: You know, in '73, KISS was opening for Blue Oyster Cult. One year later, to the day, man, Blue Oyster Cult was opening for KISS.
Lex: Yeah, well, we're not gonna be openin' for anyone until our lead singer gets over his stage fright.
Hawk: [scoffs] Man, I don't have fucking stage fright, man!
Lex: Then why'd you pass out at Bing's party before the first fucking song?
Hawk: That was one show, man!
Lex: Yeah, that was our only show, and you dropped like a dead deer on us!
Hawk: Shut up, man.

Lex: [lifts up pillow to see the spilled bong on the bed] Trip, you asshole!
Trip: What?
Lex: Man, you spilled the bong water all over the bed!

Lex: [shoots sparks in his eyes] SHIT, man!

Lex: [Guido's car is ramming the Volvo] *The paint!*

Lex: [being chased by security guards] MAN!

Lex: [encounters several snarling dogs] Oh, God, God if you get me out of this, I swear, I will never pull my pork again!

Lex: Okay, fuck it, man. I j- I just give up.
[louder growling]
Lex: Oh, God, man, what now? Wolves?

Lex: [to dogs] Tear these grease monkeys a new asshole!
[dogs corner chop shop guys in an office]
Lex: One step out of that office, and your asses are Alpo!

Lex: [while singing "Rock and roll all night"] Give it to me, baby!

Lex: We're not stealing my mom's car. Okay, that's not happening.
Hawk: You're damn right we are.

Lex: Man, that weed knocked Christine on her ass. She's sleeping like a baby Stella.
Trip: Let's lift up her skirt!

Beefy Jerk #1: [Lex is about to leave] Hey! What about the fucking dogs?
Lex: You got a phone in there, man?
Beefy Jerk #1: Yeah.
Lex: Call the cops.