Mr. Krabs
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Quotes for
Mr. Krabs (Character)
from "SpongeBob SquarePants" (1999)

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The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (2015)
Mr. Krabs: The Krabby Patty is what ties us all together! Without it, there will be a complete breakdown of social order! A war of all against all! Dark times are ahead! Dark times indeed!
Squidward Tentacles: Seriously? Aren't you overreacting a bit?
[Scene changes to Mr. Krabs, Squidward and the Bikini Bottom citizens wearing bad clothes and the citizens ran away, screaming in the ruins of Bikini Bottom]
Mr. Krabs: Welcome to the apocalypse, Mr. Squidward. I hope you like leather.
Squidward Tentacles: I prefer suede.

[from trailer]
SpongeBob SquarePants: A giant hairy porpoise's beached!
Mr. Krabs: We need to get these guys back in the water.
[the gang tries to roll a human in the ocean, but it landed on them in the sand]
Squidward Tentacles: Ew, this place smells awful!

[from trailer]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Krabby Patties!
Mr. Krabs: What are you doing with me formula?
Burger-Beard: You mean...
[he sets up his restaurant]
Burger-Beard: *me* formula!

[in sneak peek]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Give me that!
Plankton: Come on, SpongeBob, join me and we'll be rich and powerful until I eventually betray you!
[They're struggling for the Secret Formula]
Plankton: Join me!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No! Never! I'm on Team Krabs for life!
Mr. Krabs: [He muster the metal shutters open to get in] PLANKTON!
[SpongeBob and Plankton continue to struggle for the Krabby Patty Secret Forumla until it magically disappeared]
SpongeBob SquarePants: What? Where'd it go?
Plankton: [in thoughts] Wait a minute, molecular deconstruction? I proved that to be a scientific impossibility seven times!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [in thoughts] Wait a minute, I think I forgot to empty Gary's litter box today.

[from sneak peek]
Mr. Krabs: Where's me formula, Plankton?
Plankton: I... I don't know. It just disappeared
Mr. Krabs: Why should I believe you, you lying liar?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Normally, I'd agree with you, Mr. Krabs, but this time, he's telling the truth! It just vanished!
Plankton: It's true!

[from trailer]
Burger-Beard: Attack!
[a Plankton helicopter appeared to attack the Krusty Krab, and SpongeBob is ready to aim at it]
Patrick Star: I think we have a few minutes before he gets here.
[SpongeBob flips the binoculars over]
Patrick Star: Aaahhh! He's right on top of us!
[the Plankton helicopter drops a jar of mayonnaise]
Mr. Krabs: Bar the door!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [He puts a chair under the doorknob] Got it!
[the door blows up as the Bikini Bottom citizens gasp, and the Secret Formula has been stolen by Burger-Beard]
Burger-Beard: Bullseye!

[from trailer]
Mr. Krabs: Without it, there will be a complete breakdown of social order!

[from sneak peek]
Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs, the customers are getting restless.
[the customers are yelling "refunds!"]
Mr. Krabs: Listen up, boy get in there and make me customers some krabby patties.
[SpongeBob screams like a girl when he finds out there are no krabby patties there]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What's wrong, boy?
[He opens the freezer door a little, and he screamed like a girl as well]
Mr. Krabs: We're out of krabby patties?
SpongeBob SquarePants: How can we make more krabby patties without the secret formula?
Mr. Krabs: You've got to have that formuler memorized by now.
SpongeBob SquarePants: But as you are aware, sir, the Employee Handbook clearly states, and I quote, "No employee may in part, or in whole, commit the Krabby Patty secret formula to any recorded, written, or visual form, including memories, dreams, and/or needlepoint".
Mr. Krabs: [He sobbed] Oh, curse you, fine print!

[from sneak peek]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [They arrived in the human world] Woah! What is this place?
Mr. Krabs: I have a bad feeling about this.
Patrick Star: [they see a foot] Maybe, this guys knows where we are. He looks smart. He's got five heads.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [to the foot] Um, sir, can you tell us where to find the krabby patty?
Patrick Star: Hey! My friend is talking to you.
[He taps the foot several times]

Plankton: [nervous]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr. Krabs, I'm telling you, he's innocent.
Plankton: What are you going to do Krabs? Pour hot oil on me, or put bamboo shoots under my nails?
Mr. Krabs: No, knock knock.
Plankton: Knock knock jokes? I could do this all day Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Knock knock.
Plankton: Oh boy, who's there?
Mr. Krabs: Jimmy.
Plankton: Jimmy who?
Plankton: Well, that's stupid but how is that torture?
Mr. Krabs: Hee hee hee. You'll see.
[Mr. Krabs puts on headphones]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Jimmy, back my formula, hmm. Ooooooooh, I get it!
[SpongeBob starts laughing]
Plankton: [while he hears SpongeBob laughing, he screams]
Mr. Krabs: [still has headphones on and ignores everything]
Plankton: [SpongeBob continues to laugh and Plankton is screaming] Oh make it stop Krabs, make it stop!

Mr. Krabs: Release the condiments!
SpongeBob SquarePants: With relish!

Sandy Cheeks: Hello? Hello? Guess yal don't want my money.
Mr. Krabs: Money? Thank you come again.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)
King Neptune: [to Spongebob] And as for you, be back with my crown in exactly 10 days.
Patrick Star: [Appears out of nowhere] He can do it in nine.
King Neptune: Eight.
Patrick Star: Seven.
King Neptune: Six
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [He and Spongebob attack Patrick]
King Neptune: Six it is then.
Patrick Star: [while being choked by Mr. Krabs] Five?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, shush!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward Tentacles: [Leaving] Pass.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, Patrick and I...
Patrick Star: Hi.
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...will bring back the crown and save you from Neptune's wrath. You have nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [worried] Ohh!

SpongeBob SquarePants: [at podium] People of Bikini Bottom, as manager of...
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Uh, SpongeBob...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hold the phone, everybody. I'm getting an urgent news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K.
[Mr. Krabs whispers]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm making a complete what of myself?
[Mr. Krabs whispers again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: The most embarassing thing you've ever seen?
[Mr. Krabs whispers again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [final scene] Mr. Squidward, front and center! I think we both know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Fish: Hooray for SpongeBob!
[Crowd cheers]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realise that you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you crazy? I was just going to say that your fly was down. Manager! This is the greatest day of my LIFE!

[Mr. Krabs is marking up the prices for King Neptune]
Squidward Tentacles: One-hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward. With cheese.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [mumbling] ... jackass...
[more mumbling]

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [King Neptune sets Mr. Krabs on fire] My pants are on fire!... My underwear is on fire!... I'M ON FIRE!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: But before we begin the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [clapping rapidly] Yeah! Yeah! OWW! OW-HOWW! Yeah, now we're talking! Yeah! OWWW! Shhh!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob! You didn't get the job!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [shocked] What?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: You... did not... get... the job!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sadly] But... but why?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, SpongeBob. You're a great frycook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it. He's more... mature than you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm not... mature?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, lad. I mean this in the nicest of ways. But there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
Fish 1: Dork?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right, not a dork, uh...
Pearl: A goofball?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
Fish 2: A ding-a-ling!
Fish 3: Wingnut!
Old Lady: A Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [angrily] Okay, that's enough!
[back to SpongeBob]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man! Otherwise they'd call it "kidager!" You understandager- I mean, you understand?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [quietly, now miserable] I guess so, Mr Krabs.
[starts to walk away]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready... depression... I'm ready... depression...
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Poor kid.

Perch Perkins: First of all, congratulations Mr Krabs.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Hello, I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build the a second Krusty Krab right next to the original?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Money!

Squidward Tentacles: One hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: It started out as a simple order. A Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, NO CHEESE!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [slaps Mr. Krabs] Get a hold of yourself, Eugene.
[narrows eyes]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm going in.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Dying for Pie/Imitation Krabs (#2.4)" (2000)
Mr. Krabs: You had to kill him. The boy cries you a sweater of tears... and you kill him. How are you going to live with yourself?
Squidward: Kill him?

Mr. Krabs: So, you tried to kill me over a little new age management, eh?

Mr. Krabs: I've seen this before. When that pie steps up to bat - I mean, hits his lower intestine - Boom!
Squidward: You've seen this before?
Mr. Krabs: Eleven times, as a matter of fact.

Mr. Krabs: Plankton!
Plankton: Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: Plankton!
Plankton: Krabs!
SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. As long as these pants are square, and this sponge is Bob, I will not let you down!
Mr. Krabs: [SpongeBob has hoisted him up] Uh, SpongeBob? Could you let me down?

Mr. Krabs: Just remember the most important rule.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No free napkins?
Mr. Krabs: No! The other most important rule, regarading the secret formula.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Only discuss the secret formula with Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Right you are! Just remember that, boy, and everything will be fine.
Squidward: I thought the most important rule was why do today what you can put off 'till tomorrow? Ha ha!
Mr. Krabs: What is today but yesterday's tomorrow?

SpongeBob SquarePants: I think I'll just ask you two a couple of questions. Questions only the real Mr. Krabs could answer.
Mr. Krabs: Okay then.
SpongeBob SquarePants: First question: what time does the Krusty Krab open?
Plankton: 9:30 AM.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Right! That's one strike, Mr. Fake.
Mr. Krabs: But...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh-uh! I'm running this quiz show, I'll ask the questions. If there's gonna be any "buts", they're gonna be from me. OK, question number two: How much does a Krabby Patty cost?
Mr. Krabs: $2.99!
SpongeBob SquarePants: ...on Wednesday.
Plankton: 99 cents.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Right again! You're starting to look pretty phony right about now. I'd be nervous if I were you. Now, only the really real Mr. Krabs could answer this: if we're discussing the secret formula on the third Wednesday in January and it's not raining outside after we've gargled with vanilla pudding, what do we do?
Mr. Krabs: That's an easy one! Let's see, if it's January, with vanilla pudding, we... uh, pass?

Mr. Krabs: Well, if I were a robot, which I'm not, at least I'm well put together, not some rusted-up, steam-driven pile of junk.
Plankton: Who are you calling steam driven?

Fish: Mmm... these patties sure are delicious! I wonder what's in that secret formula?
[an alarm sounds]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Code twelve! Code twelve!
[he grabs onto the fish's head]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Your disguises can't fool me this time... Plankton!
[he rips the head off. everyone gasps. there's a smaller head underneath]
Fish: Everyone at the Head Enhancement Clinic said nobody would notice!
[runs off crying]
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob! What's the meaning of this?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought Plankton was trying to get the formula.
Mr. Krabs: That's no reason to rip people's head off, boy!

Mr. Krabs: [while stuck in a French fry plate] Help! Help!
Hans: [Trying to eat the French fries] Ooh! Yum! Yum!
Mr. Krabs: Back! Back, you hungry hand!

Mr. Krabs: [spots Spongebob about to give Plankton the formula] How could you do it Spongebob? Giving me secret formula to this impostor?
Plankton: Don't listen to him Spongebob. Remember: Ravioli, ravioli give me the formuoli
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob no, don't listen to him, I'm the real Mr. Krabs!
Plankton: Don't listen to him, he's obviously a robot.
[smoke comes out of the suit's exhaust pipe]
Mr. Krabs: Well if I were a robot, which I'm not, at least I'm well put together, not some rusted out, steam driven piece of junk!
Plankton: Who are you calling steam driven?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Quiet!
[holds up a hose while breathing heavily and his eyes are bloodshot]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Until I know who the real Mr.Krabs is, nobody moves
[reveals the hose is attatched to a machine dispensing tarter sauce]
SpongeBob SquarePants: nobody gets hurt.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: New Digs/Krabs á la Mode (#5.5)" (2007)
Mr. Krabs: You can't hang your delicates in front of my customers' faces.
SpongeBob SquarePants: The customers don't seem to mind.
[a customer wipes his mouth with one of SpongeBob's undies]
Mr. Krabs: Ugh, I have disgusting clientele.

Mr. Krabs: Who put this sweet-smelling soap in all the restrooms?
Squidward Tentacles: The same person who knitted these napkin holders and embroidered the menus.

Mr. Krabs: There are two ways of getting on my bad side, boys: I don't like kids playing in my yard, and nobody but me touches me thermostat.
Squidward Tentacles: That is so selfish!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah. Your yard is really fun. There are kids playing on it right now.
Mr. Krabs: What? Hey, you kids! Get off my yard!

Squidward Tentacles: If SpongeBob is living here, that means he's not living... next to me!
[Lies down on ground making snow angels]
Mr. Krabs: [Watching Squidward on the floor] Must be a full moon.

Squidward Tentacles: It's entirely too cold in here! You have to turn up the thermostat!
Mr. Krabs: [Points to thermostat, which has a sticker reading 62 over the display] The thermostat stays at 62 degrees.
Squidward Tentacles: There are icicles on the ceiling!
Mr. Krabs: I don't care if Santy Claus and Jack Frost are having ice cream cones. Don't... Touch... The thermostat!

Squidward Tentacles: I'm gonna die of hypothermia.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hippo-whatia? What's that mean?
Mr. Krabs: Means he's a big, fat, cry baby.

Mr. Krabs: You lose again, Plankton.
Plankton: I'm not giving up yet, Krabs. I've still got my secret weapon. The thermostat!
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] The thermostat!
Plankton: That's right, Krabs. It was I who froze the Krusty Krab.
[removes the sticker reading 62 from the thermostat display, revealing it to really be -15 degrees]
Plankton: See?
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] You've gone too far, Plankton! You can pound me employees, try to destroy me restaurant, but nobody messes with me thermostat!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Snowball Effect/One Krabs Trash (#3.6)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: Am I really going to defile a grave for money? Of course I am.

Patrick: How much is it?
Mr. Krabs: Five dollars.
Patrick: All what I have is seven.
Mr. Krabs: Deal.
Patrick: Patrick Star, you are one smart shopper.

Mr. Krabs: [Attempting to convince SpongeBob to give him a hat] I didn't want to tell you this in front of Patrick, but that hat makes you look like a girl.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Am I a pretty girl?
Mr. Krabs: Well... yes, you're... you're beautiful.
[Mailman passing by stares at Mr. Krabs in disgust]

SpongeBob SquarePants: [arrives at Mr. Krabs' yard sale with Patrick] Hi Mr. Krabs
Patrick: What are you doing?
Mr. Krabs: I'm having an antique sale, have a look around
SpongeBob SquarePants: [picks up a toilet plunger] Hey Patrick look at this thing, pretty cool huh?
Patrick: That looks Ike the toilet plunger I threw out yesterday
Mr. Krabs: [takes it from SpongeBob] That ain't no toilet plunger, this here's an antique! It's um... uh
[turns the rubber part inside out]
Mr. Krabs: a 17th century soup ladle, see?
Patrick: Man was I using mine wrong!

Mr. Krabs: [draws a ghost on a piece of paper and attaches it to a fishing pole] This'll scare him
[dangles it in front of Spongebob's window while he's asleep moaning like a ghost]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [wakes up] Oh my gosh, a floating shopping list!
Mr. Krabs: [looks at the paper which reads "milk, eggs, bread"] I'm not a shopping list
[turns it over]
Mr. Krabs: I'm a ghost!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No!
Mr. Krabs: Now listen SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: How do you know my name? Who are you?
Mr. Krabs: I am the ghost of soda drink hats
[draws a picture of the soda drink hat he gave SpongeBob and hangs it in front of the window]
Mr. Krabs: I'm here to tell you that that soda drinking hat you posess is cursed!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Cursed?
Mr. Krabs: Yes it belongs to some guy who's dead now
SpongeBob SquarePants: What guy?
Mr. Krabs: Uh... Smitty something
SpongeBob SquarePants: Smitty what?
Mr. Krabs: Uh, Smitty... Werben... Jaegerman... Jenson

Mr. Krabs: I've checked every headstone in this cemetery and there's no Smitty Wabbablahblah in here. Think Mr. Krabs maybe something SpongeBob said will give you some type of clue
SpongeBob SquarePants: [in a thought balloon] Remember licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets
Mr. Krabs: No not that!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [in another thought balloon] You'll never guess what I found in my sock last night, go ahead guess!
Mr. Krabs: No,no,no!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It was his hat Mr. Krabs, he was number one!
Mr. Krabs: [punches the thought balloon] Ah barnacles!, I'll never find...
[notices a tombstone with a number 1 that reads Smitty Weber Man Jensen]
Mr. Krabs: The grave!, am I really going to defile this grave for money?
[thinks for a moment]
Mr. Krabs: Of course I am!
[starts digging away]

Mr. Krabs: [opens the coffin and finds the hat attached to a dead fish's head] Jackpot! Oh it's beautiful come to papa!
[takes the hat along with Smitty's skull]
Mr. Krabs: Hey come on, Smitty let go!
[shakes the hat until the head falls off]
Mr. Krabs: Rest in pieces Smitty
[jumps out of the grave]
Mr. Krabs: I got the million dollar hat!
[lightning strikes Smitty's corpse and he rises from his grave holding his severed head]
Smitty: Hey man that's my hat, give it back!
Mr. Krabs: What? No way, just crawl back into your hole bone boy! Go ahead play dead!
Smitty: I guess I'm going to have to take it from you
Mr. Krabs: Yeah right, you and what army?
Smitty: [shows him other fish skeletons rising from their graves] Only the army of the living dead
[the dead fish walk towards Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: [scared] Oh no, I've seen this on the late show! You ghoulish fiends hold me down and take turns nibbling on my innards, then you eat my brain and leave my body for the buzzards!
Smitty: That's disgusting! We just want the hat back
Mr. Krabs: No flipping way!
[takes off the head of a swordfish and uses it as a sword]
Mr. Krabs: Back off, back off I say!
Smitty: [in a monotonous manner] Attack!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Truth or Square (#6.23)" (2009)
Mr. Krabs: And no falling asleep on the job. That means you, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: What? I have never fallen asleep on duty!
Mr. Krabs: Don't make me have a flashback.
[Montage of Squidward sleeping on the job]
Squidward Tentacles: All right, point taken.

Mr. Krabs: Back then, a Krabby Patty only cost a dime. It was a dark and evil time. I still have nightmares.

Spongebob: Remember the day Sandy and I got married?
Mr. Krabs: What?
Squidward Tentacles: No!
Patrick Star: I'm freaking out!

Mr. Krabs: I've spent a lifetime in this restaurant, and I know there's only one way out of here.
Patrick Star: A high school diploma?

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, I had some chores for you, but you wouldn't do them anyway.
Squidward Tentacles: And it only took you eleventy-seven years to figure that out?

Mr. Krabs: [On an old Krusty Krab commercial] I'm a doctor, as far as you know, and I believe Krabby Patties can add years to your life, and keep a positive attitude. So what are you waiting for? Go out and buy a Krabby Patty right now. Or a sack of Krabby Patties. Or better yet, go out and get yourself a case of the Krabbies... for your health.

Mr. Krabs: Squidward, what's with the creepy smile?
Squidward Tentacles: I was just - He he! - remembering the world before SpongeBob. Ha ha!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Arrgh!/Rock Bottom (#1.17)" (2000)
Mr. Krabs: Patrick, you're fired.
Patrick: But I don't even work here.
Mr. Krabs: How would you like a job, starting right now?
Patrick: Boy, would I.
Mr. Krabs: You're fired.

Mr. Krabs: Gold, gold, gold!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, Mr. Krabs. You're a sweaty!

Flying Dutchman: Who dug up the Dutchman's treasure?
Mr. Krabs: They did.
Flying Dutchman: So, you two scalawags dug up my treasure, did you?
[Patrick and SpongeBob are shaking and crying]
Flying Dutchman: Well, you saved me a lot of digging, you did, so here's a reward for the two of yous.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow!
Chorus: Two gold doubloons!
Mr. Krabs: Wait! I'm the captain of this crew. Where's my reward?
Flying Dutchman: I guess you're right. Here's a little something for your trouble.
Mr. Krabs: Gold! Gold... Wait, it's just a little plastic treasure chest.
Chorus: Plastic!
Flying Dutchman: Aye, but it's based on a real treasure.
Patrick: Gee, Mr. Krabs. You're looking all sweaty again.

Mr. Krabs: Now put on this pirate garb so I'm not embarrased to be seen with you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wow! Look, Patrick. Peg legs and eye patches.
Mr. Krabs: Now, don't you feel like real pirates?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Wearing pegs on both legs] Look, I'm Peggy the Pirate. Whoa!
[Trips and falls]
Patrick: [Wearing patches on both eyes] I'm Blindbeard the Pirate. Whoa!
[Trips and falls over SpongeBob]

SpongeBob SquarePants: Okey-dokey, then.
Mr. Krabs: A pirate does not say "Okey-dokey, then." A pirate says "Argh!"
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay-do... Oops! I mean, Argh, Captain Krabs.
[He spies a reef straight ahead]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Captain, we're about to hit... I mean, Argh - Cap, Argh! - we're - Argh! - about - Argh! to - Argh! - hit - Argh!...
Mr. Krabs: Out with it, Man!
Patrick: I think - Argh! - he's trying - Argh! - to say - Argh! - that we're - Argh! about to...
[They crash]
Patrick: Land.
Mr. Krabs: Argh. From now on, only the captain gets to say "Argh!"

Mr. Krabs: So, you think old Mr. Krabs has gone crazy, do ye?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Mr. Krabs! We don't think that at all!
Patrick: I think that.

Mr. Krabs: Status report?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The whole ship is underwater.
Mr. Krabs: [Disappointed] Arrgh.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Krab Borg/Rock-a-Bye Bivalve (#3.9)" (2002)
[about "Robot Krabs"]
Squidward: Um SpongeBob, how did that movie of yours end?
SpongeBob: ...the movie? OH! The ending was great! Turns out there were no robots, it was just their... imagination...
[Spongebob laughs nervously and looks at watch]
SpongeBob: Hey, it's time to feed Gary...
SpongeBob: [He bolts out the door]
Squidward: [Squidward begins sweeping nervously]

Mr. Krabs: [question for Squidward] You're gonna interrogate my blender? You're crazy!

[Squidward is about to destroy the cash register, which SpongeBob called "the last robot"]
Mr. Krabs: [sobbing] Not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator.
[Mr. Krabs then continues to cry]

[repeated line]
Mr. Krabs: I'm Mr. Krabs!

[SpongeBob and Squidward are accusing Mr. Krabs of being a robot, repeatedly asking the "robot" what happened to the "real" Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: This is one stubborn robot.
Mr. Krabs: [in anger] What? You think I'm a robot?
Squidward: We don't think. We know.
Mr. Krabs: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I am Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: [Spongebob and Squidward approach him with angry looks on their faces] Oh hello boys, what can I do for you?
[Spongebob and Squidward shut the door and lock it]
Mr. Krabs: Heh, heh why did you lock the door?
Mr. Krabs: why do you have that rope?, who's watching the cash register?
[Spongebob and Squidward attack him and tie him to a chair]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!, Squidward!, what is the meaning of this? Untie me this instance!
Squidward: [slaps him] Shut up!
Mr. Krabs: Sweet Davy Jones!, what the heck is going on?
Squidward: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts!
[slaps him again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: I can't take it!
[runs off crying]
Squidward: SpongeBob are you okay?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh Squidward, seeing you slap Mr. Krabs like that is just too horrible to watch!
Squidward: No that's not Mr. Krabs, that's Robot Krabs!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yeah
Squidward: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know
SpongeBob SquarePants: Right
[walks up to Mr. Krabs and slaps him]
Squidward: SpongeBob you have to ask him a question first
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh yeah
[to Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: What color is my underwear?
[slaps him again]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Jellyfish Hunter/The Fry Cook Games (#2.19)" (2001)
[after customer sings about the Krabby Patty with Jellyfish Jelly inside it]
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob, who's playing Squidward's records again?

Mr. Krabs: What's that smell in the air? I smell Plankton!
Plankton: [Puts on fake nose] Oh, yeah? Well, I smell... Phew, he's right.

Mr. Krabs: Win this for the Krusty Krab.
SpongeBob: [running] For the Krusty Krab!
Plankton: Win this one because I told you to.
Patrick: [running] Because you told me to!

[SpongeBob and Patrick are at a wrestling match on top of a giant hamburger, preparing for a fight]
News Reporter: It's not over yet! With the score tied, we go to our final event! Bun wrestling. Who will take home the gold? Mr. Krabs of the Krusty Krab?
Mr. Krabs: [to SpongeBob, referring to Patrick] Don't forget, he called you yellow.
[Spongebob picks up a metal chain and bites off and chews up the middle of it. He bares his teeth, revealing the metal chain to now be attached to them like braces]
News Reporter: Or Plankton of the Chum Bucket?
Plankton: [to Patrick, referring to SpongeBob] Don't forget, he called you pink!

[SpongeBob is holding a large red wrench in attempt to release all the jellyfish]
Mr. Krabs: Hey, boy, what are you doing with that?
SpongeBob: Something that should've been done a long time ago!

Mr. Krabs: Spongebob! Who's playing Squidward's records again?

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Born Again Krabs/I Had an Accident (#3.16)" (2003)
The Flying Dutchman: OK Krabs, I'll let you stay. But first, help me settle a bet. If you had to choose between Spongebob and all the money I have in my pocket, which would you take?
Mr. Krabs: That depends. How much money we talking about?
SpongeBob: Mr Krabs?
The Flying Dutchman: 62 cents.
Mr. Krabs: I'll take the money.
SpongeBob: Mr Krabs!

[about to eat a tainted patty]
Mr. Krabs: Good enough to eat.
[cut to an ambulance driving]
Mr. Krabs: Oh, look, an ambulance. Now then...

Mr. Krabs: Why's it in a cage?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Because it growled at me.
[Krabby Patty growls]

The Flying Dutchman: Next stop, Davy Jones' locker!
[transports Mr. Krabs to a locker room]
The Flying Dutchman: Here we are!
Mr. Krabs: Why does it smell so foul?
The Flying Dutchman: Davy Jones works out a lot. These are his gym socks.

Doctor: Well, Mr. Krabs, you gave us quite a scare.
Mr. Krabs: Am I going to be okay?
Doctor: Well, if you don't want to take my word for it, let's just check out your chart.
Doctor: [reads chart] Let's see... Oh no. Oh no! This is terrible!
Mr. Krabs: Is everything all right, doc?
Doctor: Don't come near me! Ahh!
[runs away]
Mr. Krabs: That's not a good sign.

[Mr. Krabs cries as he mistakenly traded SpongeBob to the Flying Dutchman]
The Flying Dutchman: [angry] Here, take him back!
Mr. Krabs: You heard what I said about the money?
The Flying Dutchman: Heard what you said? I couldn't hear myself thinking with this one around. I only had him for 30 seconds! And it's jellyfishing this and MermaidMan that! Why, not giving him back is a fate worse than death! He's your problem now!
[disappears laughing furiously]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Sandy's Rocket/Squeaky Boots (#1.8)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: It's not the boots, it's the boot-ee. Err... I mean, uh... the person in the boots.

Mr. Krabs: Here's that pay check I owe ya, plus a bonus. Well, here's your pay check anyway.

Mr. Krabs: Sponge-boy-me-Bob!

Mr. Krabs: Wait! Don't shoot! Okay, okay, shoot me, but don't take me money!

Mr. Krabs: Stop it! Can't you hear it? Yes, I did it! I took the boots! They're here, under the floor boards! Please, make it stop! It's the squeaking of the hideous boots!
[Lifts the whole restaurant to retrieve the boots]
Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, but I can't take the infernal squeaking no more!
[He dips the boots in cooking oil, eats them, and burps]
Mr. Krabs: The deed is done.

Mr. Krabs: Presents for me darlin' little sardine. Here you are.
Pearl: Oh, thank you, daddy! What is it! It wouldn't be those totally hip new flipper slippers all my friends are wearing, would they? Everyone's wearing them.
Mr. Krabs: Well, it could be.
Pearl: [Opening present] Whee! Oh, daddy, you shouldn't have! Yay, you shouldn't have!
[the present turns out to be rubber boots]
Pearl: I mean, dad, you really shouldn't have!
[Pearl's friends laugh]
Mr. Krabs: But Pearl, those are the finest fishing boots available.
Pearl: [Crying] Oh, dad, you ruined me! Waah!
Mr. Krabs: But I got them at a bargain!
Pearl: [Louder] Waaaah!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: As Seen on TV/Can You Spare a Dime? (#3.7)" (2002)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Squidward, what in Neptune's name is going on here?
Squidward: We're making a commercial.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: What you're doing is wasting all my money. I told you to rent out only what's absolutely necessary.
Squidward: This is all absolutely necessary.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Then what's all this useless junk?
Squidward: That's the useless junk for scene, uh, 28.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Then how do you explain that? A second Krusty Krab.
Squidward: Everyone needs an understudy.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [Looking at his look-alike] Well, you got me there. But what about him?
[Points to a clown]
Squidward: This job can get very stressful, Mr. Krabs.

Squidward: Are you accussing me of something?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: One, you stole it; two, you stole it; or three, you stole it!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Donate money to the Children's fund? Why? What have the children ever done for me?

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Where's Spongebob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Under the ground] Down here, sir.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: What are you doing down there, boy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward said I can help by burying myself.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, get out of there. I need you to help with the commercial.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Me, in the Krusty Krab commercial, me!

Mr. Krabs: [counting] one, two, blue, applesauce...

Mr. Krabs: Well, the way I see it, there are three possibilities: one, you put the dime in me pants; two, you put the dime in me pants; or three, YOU PUT THE DIME IN ME PANTS!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Culture Shock/F.U.N. (#1.10)" (1999)
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. I thought Plankton had changed.
Mr. Krabs: Don't blame yourself, boy. No friendship can withtstand the allure of a Krabby Patty. Now, let's go back to the Krusty Krab and have a fresh one, on me.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, maybe at a discount.

Mr. Krabs: As you know, profits are way down this month. We need a new gimmick to bring in customers. Do you lubbers have any ideas?
SpongeBob SquarePants: How about this? A free pair of socks with every purchase. Or maybe, Double Patty Midnight Madness! Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh! How about Mouth Full of Clams Day? Anyone who comes in with a mouth full of clams gets a free drink. Huh? Huh?

Mr. Krabs: I don't get it. If a free salad bar won't bring in new customers... what will?

Mr. Krabs: [Mr Krabs has put a Krabby Patty out to tempt Plankton, but it's still on the table when Plankton and Spongebob leave] Maybe the lad's right. Maybe Plankton's gone straight.
[the Krabby patty falls over, revealing that it has been replaced with a cardboard cutout]

Mr. Krabs: [Mr. Krabs has put a Krabby Patty out to tempt Plankton, but it's still on the table when Plankton and Spongebob leave] Well, maybe the lad's right. Maybe Plankton HAS gone straight.
[the Krabby patty falls over, revealing that it has been replaced with a cardboard cutout]
Mr. Krabs: And maybe scallops'll fly outta me pants!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Nasty Patty/Idiot Box (#3.4)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: We've been duped!
SpongeBob SquarePants: *Duped*!
Mr. Krabs: Bamboozled!
SpongeBob SquarePants: We've been smackledorfed!
Mr. Krabs: That's not even a word and I agree with ya!

SpongeBob SquarePants: But Mister Krabs, there's no reason to worry. The Krusty Krab is the most perfect place in the universe.
Mr. Krabs: You really haven't got any brains at all, have you, son?

Mr. Krabs: Ice? There's no ice! There never was any ice! Ice is just a myth!

Mr. Krabs: Look at him suffer! Ha ha ha ha!
News Anchor: We interrupt your laughter at other people's expense to bring you this news flash!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Slumber Party/Grooming Gary (#6.10)" (2008)
Mr. Krabs: [seeing Girly running away crying] Who the heck is that?
SpongeBob: I don't know, but she is ug-leeee.

[Pearl sees Mr. Krabs posting a very tall sign listing all of the rules of the slumber party]
Pearl: Dad?
Mr. Krabs: Just putting up the house rules.
Pearl: [reading rules] No dancing, no loud music after 7:30, no touching the root beer cellar?
Mr. Krabs: And the most important one in all, no boys allowed!
[turns on a huge neon-lit sign reading "NO BOYS ALLOWED"]
Mr. Krabs: Isn't it glorious?
[Pearl goes back in the house and locks the door, locking Mr. Krabs out]
Mr. Krabs: Sweetie, you accidentally locked the door!
Pearl: You're not coming back in this house until after my slumber party is over!
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] This is mutiny!
Pearl: What are you gonna do about it? Take away my allowance?
[she throws the ketchup-covered crackers at him]
Pearl: Here you go!

[SpongeBob accidentally flooded Mr. Krabs' house with his personal supply of root beer]
Mr. Krabs: [surveying the damage] Me knickknacks! Me root beer! Me pile of old newspapers! I was maybe gonna read that someday!
[to Pearl]
Mr. Krabs: I knew I shouldn't have trusted you!
Pearl: [angrily] Trusted ME?
[holds up SpongeBob]
Pearl: Your employee destroyed this house! The only boy at the party!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: [sheepishly] Well, Mr. Krabs, you know how boys are.
Pearl: [to Mr. Krabs] It's your fault my party is ruined, and now all my friends have zombie shock syndrome!
Girlfriend #8: [rocking back and forth] I'm too pretty to be a zombie!
Pearl: We were fine with a nice simple slumber party. But now, it's gonna cost you!
Mr. Krabs: Cost me what?
Pearl: [sinister tone] Money...

[as punishment for meddling with her slumber party, Pearl uses Mr. Krabs' money to throw a private party at Goo Lagoon; many guests are there except Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob]
Pearl: [addressing the crowd] Everyone having a good time?
[crowd cheers]
Pearl: Well, you can all thank my dad for making this possible.
[calls out to Mr. Krabs, who is very far away behind a velvet rope where a security guard watches him]
Pearl: Thank you, daddy!
Mr. Krabs: [calling back] You're welcome, sweetie! Oh, this is so expensive!
Security Guard: You're not allowed any closer, sir.
SpongeBob: [walking up] Mr. Krabs, I think I know what'll cheer you up.
[he puts a drinking glass under his armpit and squirts some root beer into it]
SpongeBob: A mug of ice cold root beer!
Mr. Krabs: No, SpongeBob, that doesn't cheer me up at all!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Big Pink Loser/Bubble Buddy (#2.3)" (2000)
SpongeBob SquarePants: Bubble Buddy's thirsty.
Squidward Tentacles: How about a glass of our finest shampoo?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sounds great.
[Squidward stops laughing and goes to get the shampoo]
Squidward Tentacles: Here's your hair product, sir.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Bubble Buddy likes bendy straws.
[Squidward bends the straw]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Huh, what's that? Bubble Buddy says it tastes funny. What do you think?
Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [chews the food for an elderly custormer] Think of the customer.
Squidward Tentacles: [Tastes shampoo] Oh, silly me. I brought the diet shampoo.

Mr. Krabs: He owes me money!
Squidward: He made me provide excellent service!

Squidward Tentacles: He's an inanimate object. His money's no good here.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [Comes out of the cash register] What are you saying, Mr. Squidward? Everyone's money is good here.
[Cut to an escaped convict eating a Krabbby Patty]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: At the Krusty Krab, we serves all kinds.
Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs, I'm not taking an order for a bubble!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Sure you are, or I'll fill your life with misery and woe.
[Goes back inside the register, then pops out again]
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Even if you quit.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Club SpongeBob/My Pretty Seahorse (#3.2)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: What was that?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I was just doing my impression of Mystery. Wee-snaw.
Mr. Krabs: Well, keep working on it. That was terrible.

Mr. Krabs: Ahh! A monster, scaring away me customers!
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's no monster, Mr. Krabs. That's my seahorse. She's my friend. I call her Mystery.
Mr. Krabs: You're a mystery, SpongeBob.

Squidward: [to Krabs. ] Why don't you go and ask Cowbob Ranchpants and his friend sir Eat-a-lot.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob. What's with all the nicknames?

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Sailor Mouth/Artist Unknown (#2.18)" (2001)
Mr. Krabs: Yes sir, that is bad word number 11. In fact, there are 13 words you should never use.
Squidward: Don't you mean seven?
Mr. Krabs: Not if you're a sailor.

SpongeBob SquarePants: MR. KRABS! MR. KRABS! MR. KRABS!
Mr. Krabs: What? What? What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!
Mr. Krabs: Yes? Yes? Yes?
SpongeBob SquarePants: He said, he said, he said...
Mr. Krabs: On with it boy!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Me and Patrick were playing Eels and Escalators and he was going up, up, up, and I had to ride the eel and then we ran, and Patrick, he said some things.
Mr. Krabs: What kind of things?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, he said...
Mr. Krabs: Yes...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, let's just say he said a certain word that you said he shouldn't say and this particular word happens to be word #11 on the list of thirteen words you said shouldn't be said.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, see you in the AM, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hold on there, SpongeBob! Take that pile of filth out with ya.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [Gasps] Mr. Krabs! You shouldn't talk about Squidward like that.
Squidward: [Holding a trash bag] He means this filth, you loon!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Graveyard Shift/Krusty Love (#2.16)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: Cheer up? How can I cheer up when you're spendin' all me hard-earned money?

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, that's my teacher, Mrs. Puff.
Mr. Krabs: Mrs. Puff? Aw, she's married.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no, Mr. Krabs. She's single.
Mr. Krabs: Then what happened to Mr. Puff?
[flash cut of a puffer fish lamp]
SpongeBob SquarePants: She doesn't like to talk about it.

Mr. Krabs: [SpongeBob is ready to finish for the day, points to Squidward holding a bag of trash] Take that pile of filth out with ya.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [gasps] Mr. Krabs! You shouldn't talk about Squidward like that!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Great Snail Race/Mid-Life Crustacean (#3.15)" (2003)
Mr. Krabs: Pearl, do you think I'm old?
Pearl Krabs: Well, of course I do. But that's okay. Daddies are supposed to be old.
Mr. Krabs: But I'm still cool, right? Your old man is cool?
Pearl Krabs: See, no one says "cool" anymore. That's such an old person thing. Now we say "coral", as in "That nose job is so coral."
Mr. Krabs: Coral, eh?
Pearl Krabs: Eww! When you say it, it sounds so uncoral.
Mr. Krabs: What if I said it with a different inflection? Cor-ral.
Pearl Krabs: Don't you have to go to work or something, dad?
Mr. Krabs: Oop, you're right! Have a coral day, honey.
Pearl Krabs: [On cell phone] Jenny? It's Pearl. Coral is definitely out.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Hello, Mr. Krabs. Are you ready to party?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Patrick?
Patrick Star: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready to par-tay! Are you ready to par-tay?
Patrick Star: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm ready to party! Are you ready to party, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: I'm ready to par...
Pearl Krabs: Stop it! Stop it, dad! You're embarrassing me!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I like looking at delicates as much as the next guy, but I thought we were gonna see more of the nightlife. You know, something that'll give me that wild and crazy feeling, if you know what I mean.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, I know what you mean, Mr. Krabs. This is just stop numero uno of our night of debauchery!
Patrick Star: Debauchery!
Mr. Krabs: Debauchery!
[Cut to Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick picking up trash at a highway pass]
Mr. Krabs: Debauchery? I've never thought of picking up trash on a highway overpass as wild, but if it's what the kids are into...

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Mermaidman and Barnacleboy/Pickles (#1.6)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for SpongeBob! Hip-hip...
Crowd: Hooray!
Squidward: [unenthusiastic] Hooray.
Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip...
Crowd: Hooray!
Squidward: Whoop-dee-doo.
Mr. Krabs: Hip-hip...
Crowd: Hooray!
Squidward: Oh, Boy...
SpongeBob SquarePants: And three cheers for the fry cook who took my place while I was gone: Squidward. Hip-hip...
Crowd: Boo!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
Crowd: Boo!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
Crowd: Boo!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hip-hip...
Deep vioce in crowd: Boo! You stink!

SpongeBob: [Wearing underwear on head and walking backwards] Mr. Krabs, hello. Do you how do?
Mr. Krabs: Why are you talking funny, man?
SpongeBob: I anything can't do right since because pickles.
Mr. Krabs: Nonsense. You'll be back working at the Krusty Krab in no time.
SpongeBob: I don't think ready back go to work, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: You're doing just fine.
[SpoongeBob walks through a closed door]
Mr. Krabs: Well, maybe not. All you need to do is get your confidence back, so you can make me more money... er, I mean, patties. He-he.
SpongeBob: I how do that?
Mr. Krabs: It's like riding a bike. You never forget.
[Sees a bicycle on a boiling pot in SpongeBob's stove]
Mr. Krabs: Uh, I'm going to help you.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Look! He's been hiding the pickles under his tongue the whole time!
Mr. Krabs: And there's the pickles from last time, too!
Female fish: And there's my car keys!
Bubblebass: And... there's my ride!
[Runs off]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Wet Painters/Krusty Krab Training Video (#3.10)" (2002)
[SpongeBob is covering up Mr. Krabs' damaged first dollar by hanging on the wall]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, you know, just hanging around.
Patrick: [giving a thumbs down] Boo!

Mr. Krabs: If you're wasting time, you're wasting money... and that's just *sick*.

Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else!
Narrator: Uh-uh-uh, Squidward! Remember what Mr. Krabs says:
[cardboard cutout of Krabs accompanied by a dialogue bubble]
Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!
Patrick: The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooky/Mermaidman and Barnacleboy II (#1.20)" (2000)
SpongeBob SquarePants: The hooks, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: Aye, the hooks. They draw you in with their pleasing shapes and beguiling colors. But just when you think you've found the land of milk and honey, they grab you by the britches, and haul you up higher, and higher, and higher, all the way up to the surface, flopping and gasping for air. Then the cook you, and then they eat you... or worse!
SpongeBob SquarePants: What could be worse than that?
Mr. Krabs: Gift shops.

Mr. Krabs: What did I tell you about those hooks, boy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, I...
Patrick: I'll tell you about the hooks. You ride them up and up and up, and then you gently float back down.
Mr. Krabs: And do you know what happens when you don't float back down?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Gift shop!
Mr. Krabs: Worse! You end up vacuum-packed in a can of tuna, with nothing to look forward to but the smell of mayonnaise.
[SpongeBob and Patrick gasp in horror]
Mr. Krabs: I want you to promise me you will never go near those hooks again.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: We promise, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: I wanna hear a sailor's promise. Yo ho, yo ho. Near the hooks I'll never go.
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Yo ho, yo ho. Near the hooks I'll never go.
Mr. Krabs: [a hook gooses him] Yeow! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poopdeck!
SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: Yeow! Mother of pearl! Fire on the poopdeck!

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward! What the halibut is going on?
Squidward: It's a feeding frenzy, Mr. Krabs, and SpongeBob is still not back from his break.
[Mr. Krabs laughs]
Squidward: What?
Mr. Krabs: I thought you said SpongeBob was taking a break. No one has taken a break in the Krusty Krab since the chum famine of '59. Now, what was that you said?
Squidward: He took a break.
[Mr. Krabs stands shocked for a moment; his claws and nose fall off]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Nature Pants/Opposite Day (#1.9)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you wouldn't last one day in the wild.
[Points to kitchen]
Mr. Krabs: This is your natural habitat.
[Points to stove]
Mr. Krabs: This is your wide-open range.
[Points to deep fryers]
Mr. Krabs: These are your amber waves.
[Takes a spatula out of the sink]
Mr. Krabs: And this... oh, this is your golden scepter with which you rule! Now that's better than nasty old jellyfish. Right, SpongeBob?

Mr. Krabs: This is the fourth time this week I had to scrape you off of something.

Mr. Krabs: Wake up, boy! You're burning me money!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Secret Box/Band Geeks (#2.15)" (2001)
Male Fish: Well, maybe we wouldn't sound so bad if *some* people didn't try to play with big, meaty claws.
Mr. Krabs: What did you say, punk?
Male Fish: Big... meaty... claws!
Mr. Krabs: Well, these claws aren't just for attracting mates!
Male Fish: Bring it on, old man! Bring it on!
SpongeBob SquarePants: No people. Let's be smart and bring it off.
Female Fish: Oh, so now the talking cheese is going to preach to us.

[the Bikini Bottom Super Band is playing to a stadium of humans]
Patrick: Those are some ugly looking fish.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Maybe we're near one of those toxic waste dumps.
Mr. Krabs: I think I'm going to be sick.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Fear of a Krabby Patty/Shell of a Man (#4.1)" (2005)
SpongeBob SquarePants: Look at me! I'm Mister Krabs! I love money.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Say, that ain't half bad.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I once won a marathon because someone dropped a penny on the finish line.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: That's me, all right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Every night I tuck me wallet in and tell it a bedtime story. Good night, Wallety.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Yeah. Okay, I get the point...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, what's that you say? Me daughter Pearl needs an operation? I'll do it meself and save a nickel.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: That'll do, SpongeBob.

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: SpongeBob, I want you to...
[turns into a giant Krabby Patty]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Could you run that by me again?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: I said I want you to...
[turns into giant Krabby Patty again]
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's what I thought you said. Now, let me offer this as a rebuttal. AAAH!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Help Wanted/Reef Blower/Tea at the Treedome (#1.1)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. The smelly smell that smells... smelly.
Mr. Krabs: Anchovies.
Squidward: What?

Mr. Krabs: Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! We're taking on water, Mr. Squidward! I want my mommy, Mr. Squidward!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: SB-129/Karate Choppers (#1.14)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: Are you on allergy medication, boy?
SpongeBob: No, Mr. Krabs. I'm practicing my karate... or kara-te, as some call it.
Mr. Krabs: Kara-te? You should be making money-e, with your spatu-le.

Sandy Cheeks: I love karate.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I love kara-te.
Mr. Krabs: I love money-e.
Squidward: I hate all of you.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: New Student Starfish/Clams (#3.13)" (2002)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [a Jaws-like theme plays in the soundtrack] SpongeBob, reel it in, quick! Can't you hear the music? That's a 4/4 string ostinato in D-minor! Every sailor knows it means death!

Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Congratulations, sir! You have just given me my one-millionth dollar!
Sandals: Great. What do I win?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Nothing. Now get out.
Sandals: What?
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Get out! Everybody get out! You're spoiling me moment!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Original Fry Cook/Night Light (#5.2)" (2007)
Jim: Well, Krabs, it looks like you got yourself another sucker. The kid is good, but he'll only be great when he finally gets the guts to leave this dump. Good luck, SpongeBob. You're gonna need it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: The Krusty Krabs isn't a dump.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, she's a dump all right, but she's my dump.

Mr. Krabs: I appreciate you, Squidward.
Squidward Tentacles: [sarcastically] Now I feel complete.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Fools in April/Neptune's Spatula (#1.19)" (2000)
Squidward Tentacles: Why is he so happy about?
[Sees the calendar set on April 1st]
Squidward Tentacles: Aah! April 1st? April Fool's Day is SpongeBob's favorite holiday!
[Dials phone]
Squidward Tentacles: Mr. Krabs, I can't come in to work today. I caught something horrible.
Mr. Krabs: What'd you catch?
Squidward Tentacles: I caught sight of the calendar.

Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, lad. I have the utmost confidence in you.
[Runs to the betting booth with a pile of cash]
Mr. Krabs: Put it all on Neptune!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Lost Mattress/Krabs vs. Plankton (#4.2)" (2005)
Plankton: Your last chance, Krabs. I can still drop the suit if you give me the formula.
Mr. Krabs: [Points at Plankton] Never!
Plankton: Ow, my wittle arm!
[Crowd gasps]
Mr. Krabs: No! I didn't even touch him!
Plankton: Ow, my other arm!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Defense calls Mr. Squidward to the stand.
Mr. Krabs: Ah, Squidward. A loyal employee.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mr... Tentacles, is it? My client has been called cheap. Do you agree with this ludicrous statement?
Squidward: Yes.
Mr. Krabs: What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Let me rephrase the question. Can you recall an instance of Mr. Krabs' generosity in any way?
Squidward: Nope. Can I go now? My first day off in three years and I have to spend it testifying?

"SpongeBob SquarePants: 20,000 Patties Under the Sea/The Battle of Bikini Bottom (#5.17)" (2007)
[Patrick chases Spongebob into the Krusty Krab kitchen while picking his nose]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Run, Mr. Krabs! Patrick is digging for gold!
Mr. Krabs: Gold?
[eagerly runs into the kitchen, in search of the gold in question, but comes out with nothing]
Squidward: Did you get any of Patrick's "gold"?
Mr. Krabs: He's not digging for any gold I'm looking for.

"Robot Chicken: Major League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (#5.6)" (2011)
SpongeBob SquarePants: [at The Krusty Krab] Krabby Patties are made out of crab!
[customers gasp, as one customer retches]
Mr. Krabs: [chuckles] Everybody knows Krabby Patties are me family's secret recipe, boy
SpongeBob SquarePants: Then explain this!
[holds a box of crab legs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: You said you fired Carl the night janitor. But this is his tattoo!
[holds crab leg that says "Born 2 Lose"]
Mr. Krabs: [grabs SpongeBob] You little yellow bastard! I treated you like a son, me boy!
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's not just crabs!
[looks over to Squidward]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Squidward, those calamari rings are squid!
[Squidward vomits]
SpongeBob SquarePants: And your Chicken-Of-The-Sea salad? Ha! Tuna! Chicken-Of-The-Sea is TUNA!
[a customer pushes away his bowl. Everyone surrounds Mr. Krabs]
Fish: You fed us to us?
Fish 2: Are we paying you to kill us?
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're disgusting.
Mr. Krabs: No! I'm the last honest man in Bikini Bottom! We're all animals, boys and girls. Eating each other is what nature intended.
[everyone except SpongeBob start to beat up Mr. Krabs]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sighs] I'm just glad nothing disgusting ever happens to a sponge.
[a very fat man sits on a bed with a nurse]
Nurse: Okay, just got to scrub deep within your rolls of fat, and we're done.
[the nurse starts scrubbing the man with a sponge. SpongeBob pushes the scene aside]
Nurse: [splat] Oh, I hope that's pudding in there.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Spy Buddies/Boat Smarts/Good Ol' Whatshisname (#5.4)" (2007)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [on the phone with SpongeBob and Patrick] You found out what Plankton's up to?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm afraid we've lost him, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Well, find him, lad. I'm not paying you to goof off with Patrick.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're not paying me at all, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Exactly. So get to work.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Atlantis SquarePantis (#5.12)" (2007)
Lord Royal Highness: My, those pockets of yours certainly have a nose for treasure!
Mr. Krabs: These are me houndstooth pants.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Chocolate with Nuts/Mermaidman and Barnacleboy V (#3.12)" (2002)
Mermaid Man: Now, who wants to save the world?
SpongeBob: I do!
Patrick: I do!
Sandy Cheeks: I do!
Squidward: I don't.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money, so either save the world, or you're fired!
[Squidward sighs]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Whale of a Birthday/Karate Island (#4.11)" (2006)
Pearl: You bought me a boat!
Mr. Krabs: I did? I mean... I did?

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Friend or Foe (#5.1)" (2007)
SpongeBob SquarePants, Mr. Krabs, Plankton: Karen?

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Driven to Tears/Rule of Dumb (#4.17)" (2007)
SpongeBob SquarePants: I used to have a dream.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Algae's Always Greener/SpongeGuard on Duty (#3.1)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: Enjoy your victory screech, Plankton, because someday the Krabby Patty formula will be mine!
SpongeBob SquarePants: You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend!
Mr. Krabs: Oh, but I will. Even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
[Mr. Krabs leaves the Krusty Krab, as Plankton perspires from nervousness]
Mr. Krabs: And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...
SpongeBob SquarePants: [handing Plankton a phone] Phone call, Mr. Plankton.
Mr. Krabs: [on the phone] And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Tentacle-Vision/I Heart Dancing (#7.1)" (2009)
Mr. Krabs: Eat at the Krusty Krab, home of the original Krabby Patty! And remember, we change our grease monthly!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob SquarePants vs. The Big One (#6.11)" (2009)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Where are your shoes? You're not going section eight on me, are you?
SpongeBob SquarePants: It's so hot, my shoes... my shoes melted off.

SpongeBob SquarePants: Lights, Camera, Pants! (2005) (VG)
Mr. Krabs: I like this idea, because it'll fit right into me own selfish and evil plan!
[Laughs evily]
Mr. Krabs: It's a deal.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: No Weenies Allowed/Squilliam Returns (#3.8)" (2002)
Squidward Tentacles: I thought you said you were the head chef of the S.S. Gourmet.
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Did I say that? No. I cleaned the floors at the Gourmet. I was head chef of the S.S. Diarrhea.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Selling Out/Funny Pants (#4.5)" (2005)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Howard Blandy? The Howard Blandy? The Howard Blandy who masterminded the sale of every small family-owned business in Bikini Bottom? That Howard Blandy? I worship you!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Welcome to the Chum Bucket/Frankendoodle (#2.14)" (2002)
Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid you don't work here anymore.
Squidward: Please tell me this isn't a joke.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Go ahead! Tell him! Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke!
Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. You work for me now!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob Meets the Strangler/Pranks a Lot (#3.20)" (2004)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: I ain't afraid of no ghost.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Dunces and Dragons (#4.6)" (2006)
SpongeBob SquarePants: [about to be arrested] Wait, you don't understand! We're not from here!
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: [as King Krabs] That's because you're witches who were sent by Planktanamor to destroy me.
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, we're time travelers.
[Krabs growls]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [gulps] Help me out here, Patrick.
Patrick Star: I'm not sure there's anything I can add at this point.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Missing Identity/Plankton's Army (#3.18)" (2004)
Mr. Krabs: Attention all employees! Just giving you a heads-up. I'll be conducting a surprise uniform inspection in one hour. Whoever doesn't pass gets the boot.
[Pulls out a boot]
Mr. Krabs: This boot to be exact. It's very stinky, and you have to wear it all day.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: SpongeBob B.C. (Before Comedy) (Ugh) (#3.14)" (2004)
Mr. Krabs: Spongebob! What's wrong?
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know, Mr. Krabs. But I got the strangest feeling that somewhere a pirate and parrot are arguing about me, and the parrot is winning.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Wormy/Patty Hype (#2.5)" (2001)
Eugene Krabs: I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready for me money.
[a crowd of angry fish show up]
Eugene Krabs: Welcome to Pretty Patties. May I take your money?
Phyllis: [furious] We want a refund, Krabs!
[All the angry customer shout in agreement]
Eugene Krabs: Huh? What?
Fish #40: Your dumb Pretty Patties turned my face purple!!
Scotsman: [lifts his shirt to reveal his plaided stomach] Look what I got under me kilt!
Ladies: And look at our tongues!
[The camera zooms close to a fish with his normal-colored tongue out]
Eugene Krabs: What's wrong with you?
[The fish turns off the lights to show that his normal tongue is now glowing green]
Tongue Fish: We want our money back--all 46,853 of us!

"SpongeBob SquarePants: Bummer Vacation/Wigstruck (#4.14)" (2006)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: You wouldn't know cool if I locked you in the freezer!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, for your information, Squidward has locked me in the freezer, so I think I know what cool is.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Krusty Sponge/Sing a Song of Patrick (#5.9)" (2007)
Mr. Eugene H. Krabs: Ah, nothing like a happy ending.
[whipping sounds in background]

"SpongeBob SquarePants: MuscleBob BuffPants/Squidward the Unfriendly Ghost (#1.11)" (1999)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward. We all came as soon as we were sure you were dead.

"SpongeBob SquarePants: The Curse of Bikini Bottom/Squidward in Clarinetland (#7.7)" (2009)
Squidward: This is an outrage! I no longer tolerate my personal items being soiled by the ravels that crawls in this restaurant! I demand a place to put my stuff!
Mr. Krabs: Hmm... Okay, uhhh, I suppose you could put it with the nacho cheese. No one's got near that in years.
Squidward: You ever read this?
[Hands out a book]
Mr. Krabs: [reading] "Bikini Bottom Labor Regulations"? Ewww! GROSS!
[grows hives]
Squidward: It specifically states that all employers must provide his or her employees with a secure, clean place to store personal property.
Mr. Krabs: Gahh! Blast you, Squidward! You drive a hard bargain. I guess I could rustle something up for ya.