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Quotes for
R.J. Fletcher (Character)
from UHF (1989)

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UHF (1989)
Pamela Finklestein: [into a phone to Fletcher] "Broads don't belong in broadcasting"? Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department?
R.J. Fletcher: [into the phone] Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, never call chicks broads.

R.J. Fletcher: This is an embarrassment. A disgrace. What do you think R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?
Richard Fletcher: "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here. Help, let me out."

Little Old Lady: Excuse me... aren't you R.J. Fletcher?
R.J. Fletcher: Yes!
[she knees him in the groin, he collapses in pain]

R.J. Fletcher: This community means about as much to me as a festering ball of dog snot! You think I care about the pea-brained yokels of this town? If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first. I can't stand those sniveling maggots! They make me want to puke! But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

R.J. Fletcher: This is a business! Not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!

[George notices a measuring tape, but does not recognize Fletcher at first]
George Newman: Can I help you?
R.J. Fletcher: No, thanks. Just taking a few measurements.
[Stanley enters the office and looks at the TV, but once he recognizes Fletcher, he runs away]
George Newman: Wait a minute, I think I missed something here.
R.J. Fletcher: Oh, didn't I tell you? I own this place now.
[Pamela Finklestein looks stunned about this]
George Newman: You what?
R.J. Fletcher: What's the matter, kid, you got wax in your ears?
George Newman: But my Uncle Harvey.
R.J. Fletcher: [as he interrupts George] Harvey Bilchik is flying in tonight to close the deal.
[George, Bob and Pamela all look stunned]

[in response to Fletcher stating that he "owns" Channel 62]
Bob: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't you already own Channel 8? Isn't it illegal to own two television stations in the same town?
R.J. Fletcher: Oh! Really? Gee...
[George and Bob do not say anything]
R.J. Fletcher: I guess I'll have to turn this place into a parking lot!
[then Fletcher laughs hysterically]
R.J. Fletcher: Toodle-oo!

R.J. Fletcher: You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do? Does this look like a #2 pencil?
Richard Fletcher: No... but... I just thought...
R.J. Fletcher: You thought? I don't pay you to think!
Richard Fletcher: But Dad...
R.J. Fletcher: *Shut up*!

R.J. Fletcher: You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...
Stanley Spadowski: Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.
R.J. Fletcher: [chuckles] Might I call you Stanley?
Stanley Spadowski: [chuckles] Okay...
R.J. Fletcher: Stanley... *you're fired*!

R.J. Fletcher: Hey wait, Just one minute. What do you think you are doing?
George Newman: [as Harvey signed the contract to save U-62] WE DID IT, THE STATION IS OURS!
[Everybody cheers]
Uncle Harvey: Wow, Look at that!
R.J. Fletcher: [Anger] YOU CAN'T DO THIS! We have an agreement, Remember? An oral contract. I'll sue them!
Uncle Harvey: Oh, Blow off your nose. Schruffbag.
FCC Man: R.J. Fletcher. Uh, Are you R.J. Fletcher?
R.J. Fletcher: Who do you think I am?
FCC Man: I am John Vector of the FCC. I notice that your station is late for filing for it's contract renewal. I know this is punishable by it's stiff fine. But I had been watching you lately, You made a big impression on me. Yeah, I am revoking your license. Effective immediately, You are off the air.
Pamela Finklestein: Well, This just in. R.J. Fletcher's VHF TV Station as now went off the air and defeated by the FCC.