Pvt. Kelly
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Quotes for
Pvt. Kelly (Character)
from Kelly's Heroes (1970)

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Kelly's Heroes (1970)
Kelly: Well Oddball, what do you think?
Oddball: It's a wasted trip baby. Nobody said nothing about locking horns with no Tigers.
Big Joe: Hey look, you just keep them Tigers busy and we'll take care of the rest.
Oddball: The only way I got to keep them Tigers busy is to LET THEM SHOOT HOLES IN ME!
Crapgame: Hey, Oddball, this is your hour of glory. And you're chickening out!
Oddball: To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three Tigers.
Kelly: Nobody's asking you to be a hero.
Oddball: No? Then YOU sit up in that turret baby.
Kelly: No, because you're gonna be up there, baby, and I'll be right outside showing you which way to go.
Oddball: Yeah?
Kelly: Yeah.
Oddball: Crazy... I mean like, so many positive waves... maybe we can't lose, you're on!

Big Joe: I thought I told you to bring me some good-looking kid, not this fat, sausage-chewing wino!
Kelly: Well, if you were looking for a young boy, you should have sent somebody else, Joe.

Big Joe: According to this map, we got a river to cross before we get into this town of yours.
Kelly: Yeah, well there's a bridge right here, six miles out.
Big Joe: There was a bridge. The Air Corps knocked every bridge out of that river months ago.
Kelly: A-ah. Intelligence reports that the Air Corps knocking'em out by day and the Germans rebuilding'em by night. Now all we have to do is get there tomorrow morning at dawn, and we got ourselves a bridge.
Big Joe: Oh, how about the German Army? Do you think they'd mind us crossing their bridge, eh Kelly?
Kelly: Probably.

Oddball: This engine's been modified by our mechanical genius here, Moriarty. Right?
Moriarty: Whatever you say, babe.
Oddball: These engines are the fastest in any tanks in the European Theater of Operations, forwards or backwards. You see, man, we like to feel we can get out of trouble, quicker than we got into it.
Kelly: [looking skeptical] Got any other secret weapons?
Oddball: Well, yeah, man, you see, like, all the tanks we come up against are bigger and better than ours, so all we can hope to do is, like, scare 'em away, y'know. This gun is an ordinary 76mm but we add this piece of pipe onto it, and the Krauts think, like, maybe it's a 90mm. We got our own ammunition, it's filled with paint. When we fire it, it makes... pretty pictures. Scares the hell outta people! We have a loudspeaker here, and when we go into battle we play music, very loud. It kind of... calms us down.

Pvt. Little Joe: Kelly's even got us armor support.
Big Joe: [facing Kelly] What armor?
Crapgame: [interrupting] Three Shermans from the 321st.
Big Joe: [still facing Kelly] Who's in command?
Crapgame: It's a top line outfit, I personally recommend these guys.
Big Joe: [turning to Crapgame] Now you butt out, hustler, the only time you come out of the ground is when you smell a profit.
Crapgame: Oh, yeah, well I'm comin' out now, because Kelly's got the perfect caper.
Big Joe: Sure for you it's a vacation. Six days out of seven you're behind the lines, we're at the broken end of a bottle all the time, so you, BUTT OUT!
[turning back to Kelly]
Big Joe: Who's in command?
Kelly: A guy named Oddball.
Big Joe: Oddball! He's a freak!
Kelly: He's got three Shermans all ready to go.
Big Joe: What kind of a guarantee is that? "He's ready to go." He's a nut!
Pvt. Jonesey: Well we're all nuts, or we wouldn't be here!

Kelly: [after he finds the hidden gold bar in the Colonel's bag] Sit down on this bench. I want you to have a drink.
Col. Dumpkopf: Under the Geneva Convention...
Kelly: This isn't Geneva, Colonel.

[confronting the Tiger tank commander]
Big Joe: Look, Mac, you and us? We're just soldiers, right? We don't even know what this war's all about. All we do is we fight and we die and for what? We don't get anything out of it. In about a half an hour the whole American army's gonna be comin' down that road. Why don't you do yourself a great, big fat favor, huh? And get the hell outta here?
German tank commander: I have orders. This bank isn't to fall into the hands of the American army.
Kelly: Sergeant, this bank's not gonna fall into the hands of the American army. It's gonna fall in our hands. You see, we're just a private enterprise operation.
German tank commander: You... the American army!
Oddball: No, baby, we ain't.