Vic Mackey
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Quotes for
Vic Mackey (Character)
from "The Shield" (2002)

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"The Shield: Of Mice and Lem (#5.10)" (2006)
Jon Kavanaugh: You know what you should start eating again man, malnourishment is screwing with your logic.
Jon Kavanaugh: Lemansky's going to prison, you need to protect him, you reach out to Antwon Mitchell, for some reason he needs uh, crew leader dead; bad blood / internal beef, whatever, so... you kill him; your end of the deal. He keeps Lem alive, his end of the deal.Hows that logic sound to you?
Vic Mackey: Let me remind you of a few things you seem to have forgotten; I didn't kill Terry, You've lost your leverage with Lem, and your es-wifes pussy... tastes like sweet butter.

Vic Mackey: Things went south.
Antwon Mitchell: Very south. Alabama south.
Vic Mackey: If I would've had all the information going in, we wouldn't be sitting here.
Antwon Mitchell: Well, here we are. Little blue and his big black puppet.
Vic Mackey: What the hell are you talking about?
Antwon Mitchell: Kavanaugh dimed me, man. Told me you were braggin' about playing me against him and protecting Lemansky to shit on his deal.
Vic Mackey: He's just jerking us off. What do you care? He can't get to you in here.
Antwon Mitchell: No, but he can touch everyone around me. That crazy ass nigga, he initiated a full-scale DOC investigation of this place. The heat is on. And soon, I won't be filling all the comforts of home.
Vic Mackey: Look... I'll figure out a way to get you your cash; look into this DOC thing.
Antwon Mitchell: You've done enough. The deal, and this conversation, are over.
Vic Mackey: Jesus Christ! I took care of that little thing for you! Now... You gonna tell me that doesn't buy Lem some time?
Antwon Mitchell: That buys you one more dead cop. I've got Niners in every pen in the state. So, wherever he touches down, it will happen, and you can set your watch to that inevitability.
Vic Mackey: One of your crew so much as hard-looks my guy, MY reach will get YOU shivved!
Antwon Mitchell: You got a reach like that? So, why're you sittin' here, talking to me, grey boy, huh?
Vic Mackey: *Vic jumps across the table, tries to attack Antwon, but is pulled away by a Correctional Officer.*
Antwon Mitchell: It's okay. It's alright. That's just Detective Mackey's way of saying GOODBYE!

Vic Mackey: Your ex-wife's pussy tastes like sweet butter.
[to Kavanaugh]

"The Shield: Cupid & Psycho (#1.8)" (2002)
College Student: [at the hospital after being asked questions he doesn't want to answer] My father's a lawyer.
Vic Mackey: Mine's a brick layer. So what?

Vic Mackey: [after viewing a body badly burned by an explosion] If I ever get that bad, pull the plug with both hands.

Vic Mackey: Hey, captain. Didn't see you there. Someone should put a bell around your neck.

"The Shield: Chasing Ghosts (#6.6)" (2007)
Julien Lowe: We shouldn't be playing God.
Vic Mackey: God creates all men equal. Once they get out of the womb, he starts playing favorites.

Shane Vendrell: All I was doing was following your game plan, Coach!
Vic Mackey: I'm not an executioner!
Shane Vendrell: Well, go tell that to Terry's family.
Vic Mackey: That's different. That son of a bitch, he was a traitor. Lem was my friend.
Shane Vendrell: He was mine, too. Look, you think you're looking at me through some window. But all you're really doing is looking in a mirror.

Vic Mackey: The daughter was a heroin addicted whore. Paid for her drugs with pussy and mouth favors. Other than that, she was Pippi Longstocking.

"The Shield: Enemy of Good (#5.2)" (2006)
Detective Vic Mackey: Ah... you must be Doomsday.
Doomsday: Who are you?
Detective Vic Mackey: I'm Armageddon. Say hello to the hounds of hell.
Detective Shane Vendrell: Ruff.

Detective Vic Mackey: Still no Lem?
Detective Shane Vendrell: Left a second message. He's probably knee-deep in a booty call.
Ronnie Gardocki: Hope he's gettin' the cop discount.
Detective Shane Vendrell: Yeah, I hear yours charges by the minute.
Ronnie Gardocki: Hey, I get mine for free.
Detective Vic Mackey: Must be seeing a charity worker.

"The Shield: Tapa Boca (#5.4)" (2006)
Ronnie Gardocki: You tell Leon he's in the clear?
Shane Vendrell: Yeah, freak tried to hug me.
Vic Mackey: But you insisted on the blowjob.

Julien Lowe: He threw a bottle at the car, cracked the windshield...
Tina Hanlon: Then he asked if he could smell my sweet spot.
Vic Mackey: Even Shane stopped using that line.

"The Shield: Possible Kill Screen (#7.12)" (2008)
Agent Olivia Murray: [after Vic has confessed to every crime he's ever committed in his immunity deal] Do you have any idea what you've done to me?
Detective Vic Mackey: I've done worse.

Vic Mackey: During a raid on a drug dealer named Two-Time... I... shot and killed Detective Terry Crowley.
Agent Olivia Murray: Y-you- you killed a police officer?
Vic Mackey: I planned it, and I carried it out. I shot him once just below the eye. Our Strike Team was committing criminal acts on a regular basis. At first it was just taking drugs from busts, turning it around, and selling it for profit. We were able to do this by making partnerships with local drug dealers and gangs, you know, that we knew we could leverage.
Agent Olivia Murray: You son of a bitch.
Vic Mackey: I killed Crowley to protect me and my guys. I shot him with Two-Time's gun to divert suspicion, but Aceveda knew. So did Kavanaugh-the I.A.D. Investigator who was after us. They just couldn't prove it. I was too good.
Agent Olivia Murray: Is that it?
Vic Mackey: [about the recorder] How much memory does that thing got?

"The Shield: Snitch (#7.2)" (2008)
Vic Mackey: The Feds are gonna be here in a minute. Once they get here, I can't help you.
Jamal: Oh, white people get shot, and it's a federal case now?
Vic Mackey: Oh, we're way past black and white. Your boys used the Al-Qaeda card, which means you got a rainbow coalition of law enforcement shitting multicultural bricks.

Claudette Wyms: Gang crime's up 14% citywide this year.
Vic Mackey: While Farmington's numbers are down. I guess I can't be everywhere.

"The Shield: Bitches Brew (#7.7)" (2008)
PBA Rep: Detective Mackey, we're not done. In spite of this ruling, the final determination is up to the chief. Go to your captain, get her to put in a good word.
Detective Vic Mackey: I see you're a married man. Is your wife pretty?
PBA Rep: Beautiful.
Detective Vic Mackey: Would you mind if I take her to Vegas for a dirty weekend? Ride her ass hard and put her away wet?
PBA Rep: What?
Detective Vic Mackey: Now that's 'bout the level of cooperation I can expect from my captain, on anything.

Detective Shane Vendrell: What is it with you and whores?
Detective Vic Mackey: Just tryin' to keep 'em from tempting you.

"The Shield: Insurgents (#4.6)" (2005)
Monica Rawling: If you can't withstand scrutiny about anything - I need you to step aside.
Vic Mackey: I don't step aside. I step up.

Vic Mackey: You can't take a joke, so you make me look like a prick in front of my ex?
Holland Wagenbach: I'm sure your ex doesn't need any help from me seeing what kind of a prick you are.

"The Shield: Pilot (#1.1)" (2002)
Captain David Aceveda: In this building, I'm in charge.
Detective Vic Mackey: Well, maybe in your own mind, amigo. But in the real world, I don't answer to you. Not today, not tomorrow, not even on Cinco de Mayo.

Dr. Bernard Grady: Your turn to play bad cop?
Detective Vic Mackey: No. Good cop and bad cop left for the day. I'm a different kind of cop.

"The Shield: On the Jones (#6.1)" (2007)
Vic Mackey: [with Shane and Ronnie, looking at Lem's grave] Here's the 21 you deserve.
[they all begin shooting 21 rounds into the dirt for a 21 Gun Salute]

Vic Mackey: You think I'm a cop killer? Maybe I am. You're a cop... right?
Lt. Tom Kavanaugh: That sounds like a direct threat on my life, detective. You know what that means?
Vic Mackey: It means you just stepped on to an entirely new playing field. For your sake, I hope you know the rules to the game.

"The Shield: The Cure (#4.1)" (2005)
Vic Mackey: Antwon Mitchell.
Antwon Mitchell: Do I know you?
Vic Mackey: I know your mugshot.
Monica Rawling: I worked with Rich Nelson.
Antwon Mitchell: How's he doin'?
Monica Rawling: Passed, three years ago. Cancer.
Antwon Mitchell: Damn, cancer's rough. But he was always talkin' about how he was gonna piss on my grave. Guess I gotta go grab a forty and pay my respects.

Vic Mackey: Sir, I'm telling you... the kid had no choice. The dog was reaching. It was kill or be killed.
Monica Rawling: Oh come on, Roy. The dog had a piece, he was gonna use it.

"The Shield: Baptism by Fire (#6.2)" (2007)
Gang Member: You got no bullets, cerdo. Or that smoke make you forget?
Vic Mackey: I got one in the chamber, dickhead. Your homies were too stoned to notice. One of you shoots me, my muscle twitch takes out your bad boy here. So, either you or I are gonna leave this basement together, or we're gonna leave this life together. You decide.

Vic Mackey: You've been a very busy boy. Planting evidence. Coercing witnesses. Assaulting my ex-wife.
Jon Kavanaugh: I learned from the master.

"The Shield: Parricide (#7.8)" (2008)
Corrine Mackey: Did you really do all those things?
Vic Mackey: I did a lot of things that I shouldn't have done, for reasons that made sense at the time, but they're pretty hard to defend right now. What do you want me to say, that I'm different? I don't want to go to prison. Do you want me to go to prison?
Corrine Mackey: Do either of you even feel any shame?
Vic Mackey: I don't think about it.
Corrine Mackey: Well, that's honest. Sad thing is, I've known - maybe not the specifics, the details - but I've known, and I have let you infect me and our children. I'll help you this one last time... and then the kids and I are out of your life! That is my price. And you have to pay some kind of price.

Vic Mackey: Oh, brother's all about his thick. Better go easy on that juice, D. Your brains turn into hot sauce, shrinks the balls to raisins. Oh... sorry, I'm too late.
Damon Leeks: My brain's fine-tuned, and them balls are the size of cat heads.

"The Shield: Money Shot (#7.3)" (2008)
Vic Mackey: [Ronnie enters clubhouse and Vic sees Ronnie's dog bite injury] Bite looks bad, how's the bark?
Ronnie Gardocki: [sighs] Oh I just got my balls chewed off because we went in too quick and undermanned.
Vic Mackey: Look man I'm sorry. I had no choice.
Ronnie Gardocki: We all had choices once, and we made them... and now we gotta live with them.
Vic Mackey: Ronnie, we're gonna get out of this quicksand.
Ronnie Gardocki: No we're not. Jesus Vic everything we do to get out of this shit just drags us down deeper. And hanging with Shane is gonna push our heads under.
Vic Mackey: We need Shane right now.
Ronnie Gardocki: I'm sick of walking around half the day smiling at a guy who put a grenade in Lem's lap.
Vic Mackey: Hey, you know what's at stake here for me.
Ronnie Gardocki: I do, yeah. But I'm not gonna drown for Shane... or you.

"The Shield: Recoil (#6.9)" (2007)
Vic Mackey: You're not even gonna give me a fair shot?
Claudette Wyms: You threw away your fair shot by taking so many crooked ones.

"The Shield: Cherrypoppers (#1.6)" (2002)
Connie Riesler: [to Vic, explaining why she shot a man] He was acting strange!
Vic Mackey: So you shot him?

"The Shield: Trophy (#5.5)" (2006)
Corrine Mackey: You be gentle. His sister just died.
Vic Mackey: I'm oozing gentle.

"The Shield: Doghouse (#4.4)" (2005)
Vic Mackey: [using some gang members as civilian deputies] Someone sees him, I want a call.
Savuto: Hey! Aren't you gonna swear us in?
Vic Mackey: Blessed is he who delivers this asshole onto me.

"The Shield: Our Gang (#1.2)" (2002)
Detective Vic Mackey: Terry asked me to move him up.
Frances Housely: He was part of your team.
Detective Vic Mackey: He wasn't ready for this.
Frances Housely: Eight years on the force, a stint in Robbery, two commendations... Sounds to me like he was ready.
Detective Vic Mackey: Strike Team's different.
Frances Housely: Really?
Detective Vic Mackey: We knock down the doors other cops don't want to. My guys accept the risks because they know I will take care of them. We go out on a mission, I expect every single one of them to come home. Anything else is unacceptable.

"The Shield: A Thousand Deaths (#4.11)" (2005)
Vic Mackey: [to Halpern] White smoke comin' out of Antwon's cell, man. Means he's anointing as his new pope of dope.

"The Shield: Grave (#4.2)" (2005)
David Aceveda: Is that the kid you choked out with a bottle of mustard?
Vic Mackey: Who ratted, the condiment weasel?

"The Shield: Postpartum (#5.11)" (2006)
Vic Mackey: We're gonna find out who did this, and we're gonna kill 'em.

"The Shield: Blowback (#1.5)" (2002)
Vic Mackey: [after Ronnie sneezes] Is there anything you're not allergic to?
Ronnie Gardocki: Sheet metal.

"The Shield: Haunts (#6.5)" (2007)
Vic Mackey: With a body count like this, the Aztecs and Mayans are squabbling about more than who invented the burrito.

"The Shield: Man Inside (#5.7)" (2006)
Vic Mackey: Why don't you tickle your balls on your own time?

"The Shield: Game Face (#7.5)" (2008)
Vic Mackey: That's why we're gonna make it look like a robbery by a rival gang. Choreograph it so the girl escapes.
Julien Lowe: No disrespect, but the only set you guys can claim is "Aryan Nation".

"The Shield: Back to One (#6.3)" (2007)
[Vic is trying to get a confession by torturing Guardo]
Shane Vendrell: You know, maybe he didn't do it, man.
Vic Mackey: If it wasn't Guardo, who was it?
Shane Vendrell: Look at him, man. If he had a name, do you think he would have told us by now?
Ronnie Gardocki: That just means he was acting alone.
Shane Vendrell: Come on. This is crazy, man.
Vic Mackey: [yelling] He killed Lem! Do you remember his body, his face? Do you think you can just forget that? Huh? Don't you think he deserves to die for what he did?

"The Shield: Carte Blanche (#2.4)" (2003)
Tike: I'd like to see a warrant.
Vic Mackey: I'd like to see Anna Kournikova naked on a water bed.

"The Shield: Petty Cash (#7.11)" (2008)
Vic Mackey: The edge is where we live, all of us, all the time. People trying to convince themselves otherwise is just an exercise in self-deception.
Beltran: Philosopher?
Vic Mackey: Former cop. Same deal, less horseshit.

"The Shield: Ain't That a Shame (#4.13)" (2005)
Vic Mackey: [about Juan] Someone in county went Mr. Universe on his skull.

"The Shield: On Tilt (#3.15)" (2004)
Curtis 'Lemonhead' Lemansky: [the team is going through documents seized at a bust] I got a bunch of receipts here.
Vic Mackey: For what?
Curtis 'Lemonhead' Lemansky: Uh, dry cleaning.
Vic Mackey: What else?
Curtis 'Lemonhead' Lemansky: Uh, for thousands of dollars on these oriental rugs.
Ronnie Gardocki: You don't dry clean oriental rugs!
[They all stare at him]
Ronnie Gardocki: My... my mom had some. She made me hand-clean 'em when I was a kid.

"The Shield: Dawg Days (#1.4)" (2002)
Corrine Mackey: Ah, Matthew thinks he's a dog now.
Detective Vic Mackey: A german sheperd, so what?

"The Shield: Animal Control (#7.6)" (2008)
Vic Mackey: We got to pull Shane out of there, man.
Ronnie Gardocki: What?
Vic Mackey: I can't do this.
Ronnie Gardocki: Vic, it's done. It's all set up. We're never gonna get another chance this clean, you know it.
Vic Mackey: I don't care! It's not too late. We still have a choice.
Ronnie Gardocki: Do you think that Shane gave Lem a choice?
Vic Mackey: I'm not Shane.

"The Shield: Dragonchasers (#1.10)" (2002)
Vic Mackey: [to David about a reporter] This one will cut your hands off and smile sweetly as she asks you to clap louder.

"The Shield: Family Meeting (#7.13)" (2008)
Ronnie Gardocki: [He's been told of Vic's immunity agreement and is being taken to jail] You told them... all of it?
Vic Mackey: Ronnie...
Ronnie Gardocki: You made a deal for yourself and you're sending me to prison?
Vic Mackey: I'm sorry. My family, I... I... I thought Corrine...
Ronnie Gardocki: You're goddamned SORRY?
Holland Wagenbach: Process him!
Officer Danielle "Danny" Sofer: Take him in!
Vic Mackey: I didn't think I had a choice!
Ronnie Gardocki: [as he's being hauled away by the police] Well, what about MY goddamn choice? Where was my goddamn choice? I was going to run! We were going to run together! God DAMN IT! What about the team? What about protecting the goddamn team?
Claudette Wyms: [to Mackey, dismissively] You can go now.

"The Shield: Exiled (#6.7)" (2007)
Vic Mackey: Come on Santi, don't you Byz Lat assholes know you gotta get along with these psychos? Either that or get a grenade shoved up your ass.
Santi: Ain't nothing up my ass except you.
Vic Mackey: Yeah? How am I feeling?

"The Shield: Rap Payback (#5.6)" (2006)
Shane Vendrell: Payback's a bitch.
Vic Mackey: Yeah, and karma's a whore.

"The Shield: Hurt (#4.7)" (2005)
Vic Mackey: [fanning out his car which has overheated] Big chief. Vic needum new driving machine, so he can catchum bad guy.
Officer Danielle "Danny" Sofer: Knew you had some Spanish. Didn't know you knew smoke signals.

"The Shield: Extraction (#5.1)" (2006)
Vic Mackey: I'll walk out the front door on my own before I'll let someone push me out the back!