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: The only whiskey is Irish whiskey!
] Help me. Leprechaun
: Love to, friend, but you're all out of wishes. Ha ha ha ha!
: Scream as you may! Scream as you might! If you try to escape, you'll be dead on this night.
: I should've returned that book to the library five years ago! I don't know what you saw, but leprechauns don't exist! Leprechaun
: What's that ya say? Leprechauns don't exist?
: Now you've done it, you've welched on a Leprechaun!
: She sneezes once, she sneezes twice, she'll be me bride when she sneezes thrice.
: A leprechaun's home has many surprises.
: Just pay up and get out of here. Leprechaun
: So it's me gold you be wanting? Waiter
: Gold Card, Visa, Master, I'd prefer cash, but maybe you're a little short.
: Ha ha, aw you kill me. Leprechaun
: Now there's an idea!
] Pour all you want, pour all you can, you won't beat me, 'cause I'm a Lepre*CAN*. Mph! Cahn.
: Kiss me, I'm Irish!
: Was it as good for you as it was for me?
: What do you think of your bridal chamber? Bridget
: It... it's awful! The Leprechaun
: I know it lacks a woman's touch, but you'll change that.
: I'm going to have to make a few alterations, but afterward you should be able to bear a full litter.
: You may think this line is getting old, but believe me son, I want me gold!
: [Showing Bridgette the skeleton of William O'Day
] A little family reunion. You have his cheek bones.
: A curse be placed upon your seed, William O'Day. You may have saved your daughter, but on me next thousandth birthday, I'll stalk your fairest offspring and claim her as me bride! Ha ha ha ha ha! Happy St. Patrick's Day.
: It's the seventeenth of March. The feast of St. Patrick. William O'Day
: And your birthday. Leprechaun
: 'Tis a special birthday for a leprechaun. I'm one thousand years old. Tonight, I can claim me bride.
: A thousand years ago, a man stopped me from taking me bride! I'll not let it happen again!
: We'll have to make some changes to your face as well. 'Tis a fair face, but the wee ones won't suckle if you don't look like them. They can be very demanding at times. Many changes. Many changes.
: Do you wish me out of the safe? Morty
: Yes, goddammit! I wish you out of the safe! Where the hell are you? Leprechaun
: You'll have to open the door. It's wrought iron. Remember? Didn't you read the book?
: Cry as you may, cry as you might; its going to be one hell of a wedding night.
: I'm not an elf and I'm not a dwarf. I'm a leprechaun.
: [disguised as Bridgette
: You lose!
: [the Leprechaun talks to himself while sitting over his pot of gold
] Ah! Try as they will, and try as they might, who steals me gold won't live through the night.
[the Leprechaun breaks out of the crate and talks to Ozzie
: Hey, tubby... you got a light for an old Leprechaun's pipe? Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun takes off a giant bug from his coat jacket
] I'm starved! Haven't eaten in 10 years! Ozzie
: What - What are you? Leprechaun
: What do I look like, me lad? See the hat? The buckles on me shoes? Why, I'm a Leprechaun!
[Ozzie escapes from the Leprechaun in the basement
: You only got away because me powers are weak! I need me gold!
: [narrating from down in the flaming well
] I'll not rest till I have me gold. Curse this well that me soul shall dwell, till I find me magic that breaks me spell.
[the Leprechaun starts singing while bouncing a pogo stick onto the coin seller's chest
: This old Lep, he played one / He played pogo on his lung
[the Leprechaun asks Ozzie for his pot of gold
: Have you seen a crock of gold lying around? Leprechaun
: [Ozzie shakes his head side-to-side
] Tell me or I'll bite your ear off, and I'll make a boot out of it.
[the Leprechaun touches Ozzie's face as Ozzie starts to nervously laugh getting up to run away
[the police deputy pulls over the Leprechaun in his miniature toy car
] Deputy Tripet
: Say, aren't we a little young to be out this late? Leprechaun
: No. I'm 600 years old.
[Tory looks for a four leaf clover as the Leprechaun sneaks up to grab her hand
: Little girls shouldn't look for four leaf clovers.
[Tory talks to the Leprechaun outside the well
: Now... Leprechaun
: [Tory screams as the Leprechaun appears out of nowhere beside her
] Is that me gold? Tory
: What the hell are you? Leprechaun
: I'm a leprechaun, me dear.
[the Leprechaun rips out the dead police officer's eye and puts it into his own head
: An eye for an eye, me dear.
[Daniel O'Grady lays the four-leaf clover over the Leprechaun's crate
] Daniel O'Grady
: The power of this clover will keep you in there forever. Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun from inside the crate
] Get that damn clover off this crate. I told you, you couldn't kill me. Where's me gold, Danny, me boy? Leprechaun
: [Mr. O'Grady begins to hammer the crate shut
] Oh, Danny, don't strain yourself. Leprechaun
: [Mr. O'Grady then begins to pour gasoline over the crate
] No, not gasoline. You can't burn me, I won't let ya. Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun laughs
] Don't strain yourself. You're not as young as you used to be. You might have a stroke. I curse ye for all eternity. I've traded me soul for me gold. You'll trade your life.
[the Leprechaun laughs
[Ozzie enters the basement of the house and finds the Leprechaun's crate, where he continues to hear the little boy's voice
: Hello? Wow. What neat junk. Little Boy's Voice
: [the little boy's voice talks from the crate
] Please let me out. Please? Why won't you let me out of this crate? Ozzie
: How did you get in there? Little Boy's Voice
: [voice continues
] Please... let me out. Please, I don't like it in here. Please. Ozzie
: Hello? Hello? Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun punches his way out of the crate after Ozzie wipes off the four-leaf clover
] I'm back!
[Nathan trips over and lands in a bear trap as the Leprechaun comes out singing
: [the Leprechaun singing
] I got you in a bear trap / That'll make you shut your yap / I got you in a bear trap / You look like a stupid sap Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun holds a small ax
] Oh, oh, it looks like you're hurt. Let's play surgeon.
[Tory hands over the gold to the Leprechaun
: Ahh... me powers are returning. Leprechaun
: [laughing, rattles the bag
] It sounds like me gold. Leprechaun
: [laughing, looking in the bag
] It looks like me gold. Leprechaun
: [laughing, smelling in the bag
] It smells like me gold. Leprechaun
: [Leprechaun licks on a gold coin
] Mmm... it tastes like me gold. Tory
: [the Leprechaun walks up to Tory and pulls her arm to lean down, he kisses her on her cheek laughing, as Tory runs off,
] Oh, God! Oh, God! Leprechaun
: [the Leprechaun sits on the ground pouring out the gold
] Me golden delicious gold.
[the Leprechaun pulls his hand off the kitchen burner that's on
] We're cooking now, kids.
[the Leprechaun comes out of the chimney in front of the kids
: Ho, ho, ho. I'm right here, and I ain't no Santa Claus.
[Nathan pulls the shotgun trigger and shoots the Leprechaun down with one shot
[Tory answers the phone and talks to the Leprechaun on the phone
: [Tory answers the ringing phone
] Hello? Hello? Help us please! Come help us! We're trapped inside of here. Leprechaun
: Where's the rest of me gold?
[Tory slams the phone down and throws it off the wall, as it starts to ring again off the hook
: [Tory walks slowly to the phone and grabs it off the floor, holding it up to her ear
] Having problems? Do you need a hand?
[the Leprechaun squeezes his little hand through the phone
[Ozzie saves Alex by telling the Leprechaun where the last gold coin is
: No! It's me, it's me you want, you green little son of a bitch. I've got the last gold coin. I swallowed it. It's in my stomach. Leprechaun
: Then it's your belly I want.
: For pulling this trick, I'll chop off your dick!
: Ahhh... lovely golden palaces completely full of riches. I'll rip 'em off and rob 'em blind, those dirty sons of bitches.
: Let me go, you son of a bitch! Leprechaun
: Now that's no way to speak about me mother, bless her green soul.
: There was an old man of Madras whose balls were made of fine brass. So in stormy weather they both clang together and sparks flew out of his ass.
: Now that was quite a load to have to explode. What a lovely lass, I had to blow up your ass but now I must hit the road!
: I want my gold shilling. Tell me where it is or there will be another killing.
: Mmm, I like Indian food. So spicy!
: [Leprechaun has turned his white rabbit into a pile of dung
] Oh, shit! Leprechaun
: A little token of my esteem. It is exactly what it seems. Made fresh daily at exactly 9:00. It comes from my shillelagh. You can keep it in a crock. Ha ha.
: Who the hell are you? Leprechaun
: I'm a leprechaun me lass, and I'm gonna make you pay. Loretta
: What do you want? Leprechaun
: Your boobs are big. Your butt is small. But still you're in for quite a fall. Loretta
: What are you talking about? Leprechaun
: Oh, well didn't you hear? Bigger is good, but jumbo is dear. I'll give ya boobs that'll come out to here.
: Your shrieks, my dear, provide a perfect accompaniment to this romantic evening.
[Dolores is hanging from the catwalk
: Do ya like hangin' around, eh?
[bashes one of her hands
: Well there's no future in that!
: As Shakespeare said, shit happens.
: [pulling a pistol and imitating John Wayne
] Hold it right there, pilgrim. I'm not gonna hurt ya. Naw, I'm not gonna hurt ya.
: The hell I'm not!
: The path to power is often soiled with innocent blood, and I will let nothing stop me from becoming king. I'll have power and glory, and a beautiful queen to share it with. Share... Now there's a word that lies crooked upon me. The very sound of it sends my teeth to grate and conjures up pictures of me gold being carted off to pay for feminine pleasures, leaving me with less than what I want, and what I want is everything. I'll wed her, bed her and bury her all in the same day. I wonder if her father will pay for the wedding AND the funeral.
: A friend with weed is a friend indeed, but a friend with gold is the best I'm told.
: I'll take it from you, homie, you'll see, cause you know the Leprechaun is the real O.G.
: Death to he who sets a Leprechaun free. Steal his gold, it will corrupt your soul, you see. For many a moon the legend has grown, death toll increases, solution unknown. Beware the evil wanderer in search of his loot, lest you suffer the wrath of his golden flute. Flee while you can, the future's not good- for no one is safe from a Lep in the Hood!
: Look at all these glittering goods - I've got more loot than Tiger Woods!
: What's up, ninjas?
: We've had our fun. Now give me what's mine, and I might spare your miserable life. Emily
: Why did you kill them? For this? You evil fuck. Leprechaun
: Don't you presume to tell me right from wrong. You compromised all you believed in once you got the gold, just like all those before you. Your kind is weak, and will always give in to your selfish yearnings. Emily
: It brings out the worst in us, doesn't it? Leprechaun
: Do you really want to die so badly? Emily
: You can't live forever.
[Leprechaun is talking on a cell phone
: How tall you, sweet thing? Leprechaun
: How tall am I? Uh, about 3 foot 6. Girl
: 3 foot 6? Leprechaun
: Yeah, but, but, I make up for it in other areas, if you know what I mean.
[pause, then dial tone