Michel Gerard
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Michel Gerard (Character)
from "Gilmore Girls" (2000)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Gilmore Girls: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)
Lorelai: [Michel is ignoring the phone] Michel, the phone.
Michel: Mmm-hmm. It rings.
Lorelai: Can you answer it?
Michel: No, people are particularly stupid today. I can't talk to anymore of them.
Lorelai: You know who's really nice to talk to? The people at the unemployment agency.
Michel: [He pickes up the phone] Independence Inn, Michel speaking.
Michel: No, I'm sorry, we're completely booked.

"Gilmore Girls: The UnGraduate (#6.3)" (2005)
Michel Gerard: She's back! She's coming back!
Lorelai: Why?
Michel Gerard: I don't know why. Maybe she left her phone. Or spell book.

"Gilmore Girls: Keg! Max! (#3.19)" (2003)
Lorelai: Are those people waiting for a bellman?
Michel Gerard: No, they're waiting for a unicorn to sing to a rainbow. Yes, a bellman. But there's only one because we had to lay off the others. And a maid called in sick, so not only am I dealing with answering phones and checking people in and out, but I'm going to have to do turn down service and carry people's bags to their rooms and...
Lorelai: You're going to a bad place. Now just take a breath and go to a good place.
Michel Gerard: Plus, I had to run home and play with my Chow puppies because the Chow book said they need love and stimulation or else they'll murder you later on. And Pau-Pau had fallen in her water bowl and was soaking wet so I had to blow dry her and...
Lorelai: Okay, the nice place!

"Gilmore Girls: Happy Birthday, Baby (#3.18)" (2003)
Michel Gerard: Well, this is wonderful, to smell like a dead person. You'll have to beat them off with a stick.

"Gilmore Girls: New and Improved Lorelai (#6.1)" (2005)
Michel Gerard: I'm sorry, if you're talking to me you'll have to do it in woofs.
Emily Gilmore: You've been working with my daughter way too long.
Michel Gerard: Don't I know it.

"Gilmore Girls: Kill Me Now (#1.3)" (2000)
Michel: [explained to Lorelai that he once got attacked by swans] No one forgets that.
Lorelai: Oh, no, not being attacked by a band of swans. Was it an all-boy band? Kind of a scary, feather, 'NSync fiasco?
Michel: This is not funny.
Lorelai: No, I'm sorry. It's not funny at all
[swan shrieks/Michel freaks]
Lorelai: [laughing] Oh, my God. Now, come on. You have to admit that's a little funny.

"Gilmore Girls: Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller (#5.1)" (2004)
Lorelai: I can't believe you did this.
Michel Gerard: Oh, you can too.

"Gilmore Girls: He's Slippin' 'Em Bread... Dig? (#6.10)" (2005)
[Michel enters the room and sees Rory back at the inn]
Michel Gerard: [joyously] Rory!
Rory Gilmore: Oh, hi, wow, Michel!
Michel Gerard: [reservedly] Eh... hi.
Lorelai Gilmore: Boy, that was weird.
Michel Gerard: She just surprised me, that's all... It's kind of okay that you are here.

"Gilmore Girls: But I'm a Gilmore! (#5.19)" (2005)
Michel: [Suki's doctor put her on bed rest for her pregnancy] Well, we need Suki here.
Lorelai: Well, Suki's not gonna be here so let's go to plan B.
Michel: Ok, plan B, that involves Suki's clone also named Suki.
Lorelai: Well, um, who here makes the sauces?
Michel: Suki.
Lorelai: Who here, Michel?
Michel: Suki trusts no one else with the sauces, she makes the sauces.
Lorelai: Well, what does Mark make?
Michel: Salads.
Lorelai: Ok, and Donnie does desserts, what do our other guys do?
Michel: Well, that man does the cleaning, that man over there dresses the plates, that man uses tongs and... I have no idea what that man in the corner does but I will check his trunk before he leaves.
Lorelai: So without Suki here we have salads and desserts?
Michel: Pretty much.
Lorelai: We can't run a restaurant serving just salads and desserts.
Michel: I will not go to it, no.
Lorelai: Wait, ok, here we have ducks, who here does the ducks?
Michel: No body touches the ducks.
Lorelai: Well, um, starting now someone has to touch the duck.
Michel: I do not know what to tell you except it will not be me.
Lorelai: This is bad Michel.
Michel: I'm getting that, yes.
Lorelai: Well, we'll just figure something out, right?
Michel: Absolutely, ain't no mountain high enough.
Lorelai: Just formulate a plan, nail down a strategy. Any ideas?
Michel: We could order a pizza, some chinese food or one of those hogi's that you cut into a million pieces...

"Gilmore Girls: The Incredible Sinking Lorelais (#4.14)" (2004)
[Lorelai just booked the Dragonfly Inn's first reservation]
Michel Gerard: But you wrote it down on a gum wrapper.
Lorelai: So?
Michel Gerard: It's embarrassing. This is an historical document.
Sookie St. James: Who cares what she wrote it down on?
Michel Gerard: Big Red wrapper.
Sookie St. James: Juicy Fruit would have been better?
Michel Gerard: Well, I'm going to go out and get a value pack for when things really start getting busy around here.

"Gilmore Girls: Back in the Saddle Again (#2.18)" (2002)
Michel Gerard: You know what heppens when you assume, don't you?
Lorelai Gilmore: No.
Michel Gerard: Well, it is something about a donkey, it is a stupid American phrase!

"Gilmore Girls: I Solemnly Swear (#3.11)" (2003)
Sookie: Jackson's taken a lot of courses through the Learning Center, and he loves it. He took beekeeping -
Lorelai: Jackson keeps bees?
Sookie: No, it turned out he was allergic. One stung his lip and his whole head blew up to three times its normal size.
Michel Gerard: Please tell me you have pictures?

"Gilmore Girls: Say Something (#5.14)" (2005)
Michel: I'm staying out of the way. In situations like this, 'do not get in the way' is so valuable.
Sookie: Well, get in the way. Entertain the kids.
Michel: Like I'm Sponge Boy Big Pants or something? I do not entertain children.

"Gilmore Girls: Haunted Leg (#3.2)" (2002)
Lorelai: We cannot have this mouse running around the inn, customers will freak!
Michel: Tell them it's a baby, people love babies, they'll talk to it in funny voices.
Lorelai: Did you call an exterminator?
Michel: Why,no, what a wonderful idea! I was actually going to fasten a large wedge of cheese to my head and lay on the ground until Mickey gets hungry and decides to crawl out and snack on my face!

"Gilmore Girls: Hay Bale Maze (#7.18)" (2007)
Michel Gerard: Whatever.
Sookie St. James: Michel, people stopped saying "whatever" like two years ago.
Michel Gerard: Whatever. I'm Audi 5000.

"Gilmore Girls: Pulp Friction (#5.17)" (2005)
Lorelai: Hey, everything okay, Michel?
Michel: Yes, everything is fine. Lots of sunshine. I'll be right with you.
[On the phone]
Michel: I insist you do something about this before I go out and find a stick and make it pointy and come and find your cubicle and poke you very hard!