Babette Dell
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Quotes for
Babette Dell (Character)
from "Gilmore Girls" (2000)

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"Gilmore Girls: Take the Deviled Eggs... (#3.6)" (2002)
Taylor Doose: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the streetlights and relieving themselves on helpless passersby. And I daresay that some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.
Babette Dell: You get dumped on, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: It's not just me.
Luke Danes: Hey, if anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar.
Kirk Gleason: I'll check the internet.
Miss Patty: Taylor, all animals have to... you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?
Taylor Doose: Easy. You put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures. Then when they land, pow! They're shish kebab!
Rory Gilmore: That's cruel.
Babette Dell: You can't do that.
Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai Gilmore: There it is, our new town slogan.
Rory Gilmore: I like it.
Lorelai Gilmore: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory Gilmore: Don't forget the stuffed shish-kebab birds.
Lorelai Gilmore: That moan when you squeeze them!

Taylor Doose: There's one more issue that must be addressed before we can adjourn. All right. Now, that weird, taciturn fellow who's always walking around with his backpack has put in an absurd request to stage a protest in the town square.
Lorelai Gilmore: The town loner?
Luke Danes: That guy still lives around here?
Babette Dell: Somewhere in the hills, right?
Lorelai Gilmore: I thought he was long gone.
Andrew: No, he came into the bookstore a couple times last month, never said a word.
Miss Patty: He's a bit creepy.
Taylor Doose: Very creepy.
Lorelai Gilmore: But he's our Boo Radley, and we don't have a Boo Radley, unless you count the troubadour or Pete the pizza guy or the guy who talks to mailboxes.

Taylor Doose: Could this meeting be more disrupted?
Lorelai Gilmore: I could do a soft shoe.
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos.
Babette Dell: Ooh, that sounds like fun!
Miss Patty: I got bongos in the back!
Taylor Doose: Seeing as how our attention spans are gnat-like tonight, as town Selectman I am refusing the town loner's request to protest and I am adjourning this meeting.

"Gilmore Girls: Unto the Breach (#7.21)" (2007)
Taylor Doose: [at the town meeting] All right, everybody! That's enough! The meeting has come to order. Now before we get down to official business, I would like to unofficially thank all of you for your concerns over my health. I'm doing much better, thank you.
Babette Dell: We never heard. What did you do?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah what happened?
Miss Patty: I heard you slipped in the tub.
Taylor Doose: That's right, I did. Let that be a lesson to all of you. Bathroom safety is a serious business. One can never be too careful. Now, on to...
Gypsy: I thought the paramedics found you in your living room.
Taylor Doose: Well, yes. The tub was, in fact, a pedi-spa. I have bunions, and I was soaking, but it still was exceedingly slippery

Taylor Doose: Onto the next order of business. Our esteemed friend and neighbor Kirk would like a permit to do his performance art piece called "Kirk-in-a-box" in the town square.
Kirk Gleason: It isn't a performance art piece. It is a feat of endurance - an attempt to stretch the bounds of human possibility.
Miss Patty: And what exactly is "Kirk-in-a-box"?
Kirk Gleason: I will be suspended 20 feet above the street in a clear Lucite box with no food or water.
Lorelai Gilmore: Like David Blaine.
Kirk Gleason: Not at all. My box is smaller.
Babette Dell: Why?
Kirk Gleason: Because Lucite is very costly.
Babette Dell: No. Why are you doing it?
Kirk Gleason: To see if I can.
Taylor Doose: Let me point out that something like this could draw a crowd.
Gypsy: Hey, if Kirk wants to sit in a box, let him sit in a box.
Morey Dell: Yeah, what do we care?
Babette Dell: Yeah, you don't have to look. It's a good idea! Let's vote!
Taylor Doose: Very well. All those in favor.
[Town votes Aye]
Taylor Doose: All right, all right. But don't complain to me when and if we run into a parking situation...

"Gilmore Girls: Just Like Gwen and Gavin (#6.12)" (2006)
Babette Dell: Hey, you guys hear the bells?
Luke Danes: No, we were just on one of our spontaneous three-in-the-morning strolls, saw everybody in here, and wondered, "hey, what's up?".
Babette Dell: Really?
Luke Danes: No.
Babette Dell: [to Lorelai] He's cranky at three in the morning.

Luke Danes: [Taylor is video-conferencing a town meeting] Where the hell are you, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: I'm at my sister's in Maine. Anyway, we have never not had a Stars Hollow Winter Carnival. It's a hundred and twenty-five year tradition.
Lorelai Gilmore: Is he getting to the point soon?
Babette Dell: Yeah, come on, Doo-doo head.
Taylor Doose: Fine, let's cut to the chase. I run the winter carnival, it's this weekend, and I am snowed in, unable to get back into town.
[Gets no reaction from the town]
Miss Patty: So, what's this about, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: Maybe it's the lateness of the hour or the computer connection isn't clear. We have never had to cancel a carnival, and it's absolutely impossible for me to get back into town to run it.
Babette Dell: I must be tired. I'm not getting this.
Miss Patty: It's like a riddle or something.
Taylor Doose: People, are you not hearing me? I won't be there to run the carnival. Draw the obvious conclusion.
Miss Patty: Oh, OK, I got it now.
Taylor Doose: Thank you, Patty.
Miss Patty: Kirk, could you take it over?
Kirk Gleason: Sure.
Miss Patty: Great. Anything else, Taylor?

"Gilmore Girls: Friday Night's Alright for Fighting (#6.13)" (2006)
Babette Dell: [phone message] Hey, sugar. I heard some terrible crashing sounds coming from your living room today. I tried to get in, but Luke fixed the back door, so you can't jiggle it off the hinge anymore. You should really talk to him about that, sweetie.

"Gilmore Girls: Written in the Stars (#5.3)" (2004)
Taylor Doose: People, do I have to remind you about Fay Wellington and Art Brush, huh? Do I?
[murmurs in the crowd]
Lorelai Gilmore: Uh, yeah.
Babette Dell: Fay owned a flower shop, and Art owned a candy store, and they fell madly in love about 10 years ago; \big romance.
Taylor Doose: And for a while, it all worked very synergistically. Flowers and candy seemed like a perfect match...
Miss Patty: Until Art met Margie.
Gypsy: The fudge queen.
Babette Dell: Ooh, that was bad.
Taylor Doose: The whole town split right down the middle. Suddenly you could buy flowers or you could buy candy.
Miss Patty: Valentine's Day was a nightmare.
Taylor Doose: ...Eventually, the hostility forced Art to move.
Babette Dell: Fay never married. She stopped making candy. It was very sad.
Taylor Doose: And those storefronts were empty for a year. No one wanted to be there.
Lorelai Gilmore: God, this sounds terrible. Maybe they have a point.
Luke: No, they don't have a point.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, what if something happens?
Luke: This is crazy. I don't believe that the breakup of Fay Wellington and Art Brush affected the economy of this town one bit.
Taylor Doose: Well, lucky for you, I brought charts
Luke: You have charts concerning the romance of two people who used to live here 10 years ago?

"Gilmore Girls: Dead Uncles and Vegetables (#2.17)" (2002)
Taylor: Mhmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type 24B otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business.
The 2nd Troubadour: Why did you say it twice?
Taylor: Hmm?
Babette: You said cart kiosk cart kiosk!
Lorelai: Its repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: Its repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: We certainly are entertaining, Mac!
Rory: Indubitably, Tosh.

"Gilmore Girls: Red Light on the Wedding Night (#2.3)" (2001)
Taylor Doose: Townspeople, we should all be proud of the new addition to our streets. I know many of you have wanted a traffic light and a crosswalk for many years...
Luke Danes: What?
Taylor Doose: - And now, your dream has come true.
Luke Danes: It's like Hitler's Germany!
Taylor Doose: Luke!
Luke Danes: You're trying to brainwash us, Taylor. Telling us we want something that we don't, and not giving us any choice.
Lorelai Gilmore: Luke, shush! We're planning.
Luke Danes: I heard, and you're idiots if you don't eat first.
Taylor Doose: Everybody, let me segue into the informational portion of our gathering. If I can turn your attention to the pole here, you will see a yellow button with an instructional panel right above it.
Miss Patty: Oh my God. That's the biggest yellow button I've ever seen.
Taylor Doose: Now if you'll read the panel above the button, you'll learn how the system works.
Miss Patty: [reading the sign] To cross street, push yellow button, wait for walk signal. When signal reads WALK, step into street and proceed to the other side.
Luke Danes: It's written for morons.
Babette Dell: In big stupid letters too!
Morey Dell: I hate being infantilized.
Taylor Doose: Does no one here care about this fate of near accidents we have suffered over the past year?
Luke Danes: NEAR accidents. Meaning they didn't happen.
Taylor Doose: Just because they didn't happen doesn't mean that we shouldn't ward against them.
Luke Danes: There's lots of things that don't happen that we don't ward against.
Taylor Doose: Like?
Luke Danes: Like... everything.
Taylor Doose: So that everything doesn't happen here, meaning nothing happens?
Luke Danes: No, it's - It's not nothing happens. Stuff happens. It's that it... it's not everything that's... it's... Damn it, Taylor!
Taylor Doose: Ha!

"Gilmore Girls: The Long Morrow (#7.1)" (2006)
Babette Dell: I heard about the fight between you and Luke.
Lorelai: [sighs] you did?
Babette Dell: Yeah, you know Adrian Bittenberg's daughter, Becky? She's got a huge mouth.
Lorelai: Becky is not a gossip.
Babette Dell: But she has a huge mouth! And she and Eileen Whitewin were behind Doose's Market seeing how many devil dogs Becky could stuff in there, and when she got up to four completely cut off her oxygen, so Eileen went running over to Luke's to see if she could get some help, but then she saw the two of you at the street screaming at each other.
Lorelai: Well, I'm glad she had the presence of mind to listen in on our argument while her friend was choking to death.