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: You need to move back more. Brian
: Why? Zack
: Because when I do my double jump kick off the amp with slashing windmills, I'm gonna need more room. Lane Kim
: Well, don't do that, then. Dave Rygalski
: Yeah, sounds a little too Milli Vanilli.
: KE-E-E-E-E-E-E-G! Kyle
: That's my cousin Rick. He just turned 21. Pretty awesome. Rick Bloomenfeld
: 21! Yeah! Lane Kim
: What is that - beer? Zack
: No, it's one of those milk kegs. Brian
: Ha. Good one. Lane Kim
: There's beer? Is that legal? Dave Rygalski
: Well, apparently, Rick is 21. Rick Bloomenfeld
: 21! WHOO-HOO! Dave Rygalski
: Or just really into that particular integer.
: Hello, Mama? Hi, how are you doing tonight? It's Lane. Yeah, Lane. Nothing's wrong. In fact, I'm feeling pretty good right now. Had a beer and a half - nice cold beer - and I just thought I'd tell you I'm drumming in a band tonight at a party and we rocked. We were the Clash and Rage Against the Machine and Nirvana combined. And i'm in love with Dave Rygalski. He's my guy, not Young Chui. Young Chui is a ship in the night, Mama. Not even a ship. He's a little tugboat tooting along. And I'm not going to the prom with him. Uh-uh. I'm going with Dave. Because we rock together, Mama. The charade is over!
[Dave lunges for the phone and presses hang up
] Lane Kim
: Hey! Dave Rygalski
: What are you doing? Lane Kim
: What I should have done months ago, Davey! Dave Rygalski
: That was not your mother. Tell me that wasn't your mother. Lane Kim
: Oh, that was the mother. I am liberated, my friend.
] Dave Rygalski
: You're drunk. Lane Kim
: No, I'm - am I? Dave Rygalski
: We're going on in five minutes. Can you even play? Lane Kim
: Oh, I can hit the sticks on those brums. Dave Rygalski
: Great, great, but what about the *drums*?
: May he rest in peace, but Buddy Holly was not an attractive man. Brian Fuller
: I find him attractive. Zack Van Gerbig
: Dude, don't say every thought out loud.
: Hmm. You look different. Lane Kim
: I do? Lorelai Gilmore
: Yeah, you look cute. I mean, you always look cute, but this is just a new facet of your cuteness. Lane Kim
: Thanks. You look cute too. Lorelai Gilmore
: I have a boyfriend, so maybe this flirting thing we've got going on should just end here.
[We hear Luke getting frustrated in the back
] Lorelai Gilmore
: What was that? Lane Kim
: It's been like that for an hour. It's the damn oven. Lorelai Gilmore
: The damn oven? Luke Danes
: Damn oven! Lorelai Gilmore
: What's up with the damn oven? Luke Danes
: I bought this damn oven and the thermostat doesn't work! Lorelai Gilmore
: The damn thermostat or just the thermostat? Luke Danes
: Are you being cute? Lorelai Gilmore
: Sorry, go on! Luke Danes
: So I went and I got a new thermostat, and now I can't figure out how to replace the damn thing. Lorelai Gilmore
: So it is a damn thermostat. Luke Danes
: I don't have time for this.
: I got the video for tonight. Rory
: What did you get? Jess
: Almost Famous. Rory
: No, not again! Jess
: I can't help it, I'm addicted! Rory
: Fine, but if I'm going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food. Jess
: Oh, come on! Rory
: Hey, last night when we watched Ed Wood, we got burgers like you wanted to. Jess
: Okay fine, tonight Indian food, but tomorrow Saturday Night Fever and Thai food. Lane
: That's so cute, you're like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple! Jess
: Thank you very much.
: Hey, can you stash this at your house till the party? It's just favors and stuff. Lane
: Ironic, isn't it? You having to hide stuff at my house for a change. Rory
: Life has come full circle.
: It's people like you who are destroying music. Rory Gilmore
: Oh no, Britney's got some of the blame.
: The floor wasn't too comfortable, huh? Lane Kim
: No it was fine... till Paris came home and stepped on my face.
: [Rory finds Lane laying against her bed, still recovering from her Mexican honeymoonn fiasco
] Lane? Are you okay? Did the doctor say you have a parasite? Lane
: In a manner of speaking.
: I'm pregnant. Rory
: You only did it one time, and - wow! - a baby! Lane
: That's what ya get, folks, for makin' whoopee!
: I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow. Rory
: Yeah, that would be a perfect playdate. Lane
: Yeah, when it's nap time, they would be totally set. Rory
: And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over afterward for a little snack. Lane
: And Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby could play for them. Rory
: And then they could all jump in Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of what's-his-face? Lane
: Oh, Pilot Inspektor Lee. Rory
: Hey, this looks different. Luke Danes
: It's not different. Lane Kim
: It's totally different. Luke Danes
: It's not that different. Lorelai Gilmore
: There are more salads. Rory Gilmore
: Three more salads. Lorelai Gilmore
: Three more salads? Who needs three more salads? Rory Gilmore
: One was enough. Luke Danes
: Well, Nicole said... Lorelai Gilmore
: Nicole said! Luke Danes
: ...there wasn't that much for her to eat on the menu, so I just... Lorelai Gilmore
: You added three more salads just for Nicole. When I asked you to add chili topped Pringles, you said no. Luke Danes
: And I stand by that. Lorelai Gilmore
: How come Nicole gets three more salads, and I still get a "no"? Rory Gilmore
: Because Nicole is his girlfriend. Luke Danes
: Nicole is not my girlfriend. Nicole is the woman that I am dating. That's it. Lorelai Gilmore
: So what happens when you guys get serious - the whole place goes soy?
: Just order, please. Lane Kim
: Did you take off the Monte Cristo sandwich? Luke Danes
: Well,I, uh... Rory Gilmore
: No! Lorelai Gilmore
: You did. You took off the Monte Cristo sandwich. Luke Danes
: I ommitted a few obsolete dishes. Lorelai Gilmore
: I can't believe Nicole made you take off the Monte Cristo. She's got you menu-whipped. Luke Danes
: She does not have me menu-whipped. I took off a disgusting ridiculous sandwich that no one has ever ordered, including the three of you. Rory Gilmore
: But just having it there made us feel like we always could. Lorelai Gilmore
: It was comforting. Rory Gilmore
: Like soup. Lorelai Gilmore
: Exactly. It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup. Rory Gilmore
: And even though I never ordered it, I talked about ordering it. Haven't I? Lane Kim
: On several occasions. Lorelai Gilmore
: So you've not only eliminated a sandwich, you've eliminated a conversation peice. Rory Gilmore
: Now what will we talk about? Luke Danes
: Fine. Here- old menus- everything's there. Knock yourselves out. Lorelai Gilmore
: ...How come everybody else gets a new menu? Luke Danes
: [Luke walks away
] Lorelai Gilmore
: I feel much better now.
: I found the greatest record store in the whole world, it's 10 minutes from your school. And I wondered how much you love me? Rory Gilmore
: Beegees, really? Lane Kim
: Mojo says. Rory Gilmore
: So it must be true.
: How was school? Any of the girls get pregnant, drop out? Lane Kim
: Not that we know of. Rory
: Oh come to think of it JoAnna Pozner was glowing a little. Mrs. Kim
: What? Lane Kim
: Nothing Mama. She's just kidding. Mrs. Kim
: Boys don't like funny girls. Rory
: [other two guys in the band almost found out about Dave and Lane liking each other, when Lorelei made a comment about Dave and Lane singing love songs
] Guys, I'm so sorry! It just slipped out! Lane
: That's ok. Lorelai
: How long are you going to keep it a secret? Lane
: For a while, at least, it's easier. Lorelai
: Do you think it would be so bad if they knew? Keeping this secret seems awfully complicated. Lane
: Not really, we have a system. Dave
: Mmhmm, speaking of which
[turns to Lane
: it's 3:18, we can have the stuff packed by 3:40, what's the situation? Lane
: At 3:40 my mom will be on her way to the yarn store for a bimonthly sew-a-thon with Lacy Swartzch and Bick-Ho. Dave
: The yarn store's on Peach. Lane
: Plum. Dave
: That cuts us off from our usual route to the interstate. Lane
: There's a back road, but it's gonna be muddy from the rain. Dave
: How bout I have the guys take the usual route, I'll go by foot on Peach, down the alley, behind Allison's , over the fence, and they can pick me up a half mile down by the Shell Station? Lane
[both let out a breath and turn back to Lorelai
: [stares, mouth open
: Uh, well, that's not complicated. Lorelai
: Sorry I doubted you. Lane
: Well, ok then!
[Rory and Lane are shopping for hair dye
] Lane Kim
: God! There's a lot of cheese associated with the color pink. How about blue? Rory Gilmore
: Blue isn't right for your skin tone. And I agree with you about pink. What about purple? Lane Kim
: Yes purple.
: I was going to be practical, and I was going to be adult, and then... Lane Kim
: Yeah? Rory
: And then he walked in. Lane Kim
: Yeah? Rory
: And he kissed me, and I couldn't think! It was just - and then we... Lane Kim
: Again? Rory
: Well, once you get the hang of it, it's pretty easy to duplicate. Lane Kim
: Where? Rory
: What? Lane Kim
: Where did you do it the second time? Rory
: Miss Patty's. Lane Kim
: You did it at Miss Patty's? Rory
: Yeah. Lane Kim
: She would be so proud.
: Oh, I can tell you what they're saying. Lorelai Gilmore
: How? Kirk Gleason
: I read lips. My girlfriend taught me. It's so we can have quiet time and keep a conversation going at the same time. Okay: she just said "Hardwood sponge is the authority of the hostile biographer." And then he responded, "Just phone cords to original samovars." Lorelai Gilmore
: Kirk, that doesn't make any sense. Kirk Gleason
: Must mean they're on to us and they've switched to some sort of code. Lorelai Gilmore
: I don't think they're speaking in code. Kirk Gleason
: Oh, I think Luke's heading back, he just got up and said "Feel your taters." Lorelai Gilmore
: Is it possible he said "I'll see you later?" Kirk Gleason
: No, I'm pretty sure about this one. Lane Kim
: [waitressing at Luke's
] Kirk, I'm so sorry, we accidentally made the eggs in the fish pan. Here's new eggs. Kirk Gleason
: I don't know why everybody in this town always thinks I'm crazy.
: I used to hang up on Dean all the time. Dean
: You did? Lane
: I remember that! Dean
: When did you hang up on me? Rory
: Right when we first met. Dean
: You should have just said something. Rory
: I couldn't do that. Dean
: Why not? Rory
: Because then you would have known that I was calling, and therefore that I liked you. Dean
: Yes, but I liked you too. Rory
: Well, I know that now. Dean
: You could have known that then. Rory
: Dean, please, this is a girl thing.
: Hey, do you wanna be our D.A. Pennebaker? We're borrowing a videocamera and we need someone sober to do the photography. Rory Gilmore
: I can set my crack pipe aside for a night and do that.
: I need to know if you think I'm in love with Zach, 'cause a dirty trollop suggested it, and they're generally reliable about these things. Rory Gilmore
: A dirty trollop? Lane Kim
: She said something to me and gave me this sort of knowing, worldly look that seemed to suggest I was acting in a way that said I have a thing for Zach, or she was hitting on me. I just need to know your thought on this.
: Sarcasm does not become you. Lane Kim
: Maybe not but it does sustain me.
[Lane sees that Rory's crying/A guy asks for her number
] Lane Kim
: The last name's Kim, we're the only ones in Stars Hollow. Lane Kim
: [running away
] I can't believe I just gave my number to a potential Korean doctor.
[at Luke's diner
] Lane Kim
: You cannot put those flyers in here! I'm surprised my mother told you that you could, but you can't! So, go stand on a street corner like I had to do ages six through fourteen! - Go! - What? Kyon
: I'm so hungry. Lane Kim
: What? Kyon
: It's flaxseed muffin month. Flaxseed muffin in the morning, flaxseed muffin at night - I have trouble lifting my toothbrush. Lane Kim
: Okay, come here. Kyon
: Not fast, please. Lane Kim
: Sit. Kyon
: She made a lot food with flaxseed; it last very long time. Lane Kim
: [presenting a plate of french fries
] Here. Kyon
: What are these? Lane Kim
: Fries. Kyon
: But Mrs Kim, she says the fries are the devil's starchy fingers. Lane Kim
: They're hot and delicious, and they don't have any flaxseed in them. Kyon
: But they are gateway food. They lead to harder things: pizza, movie popcorn, deep-fried Snicker - bar -
[Lane holds the fries up under Kyon's nose
[Kyon hesitantly takes a bite
] Lane Kim
: Welcome to America.
: Where does your mom think you are? Lane Kim
: Oh, on a park bench, contemplating the reunification of the two Koreas. Lorelai
: Not here, skanking to Rancid? Lane Kim
: Wouldn't be included.
: Hey, you didn't wake me up. Rory Gilmore
: I set the clock. Lorelai Gilmore
: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back to sleep; you, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the whole wake-up process! Lane Kim
] I'm gonna get a soda. Anybody want anything? Rory Gilmore
: Gum. Lorelai Gilmore
: Yes. The night of my fourteenth birthday back, so I could right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco-outfit wrong. Ugh. Lane Kim
: Coming right up.
: [Rory tells Lane about her first kiss
] Oh my God, He kissed me. Mrs. Kim
: [Mrs. Kim comes up to the girls
] Who kissed you? Lane Kim
: The Lord, Mama. Mrs. Kim
: Oh, OK then
[Mrs. Kim leaves
: Better I watch my daughter writhe in pain? Lane Kim
: I wasn't writhing! Lorelai, tell her I wasn't writhing. Lorelai Gilmore
: You know, does it really matter who was or wasn't writhing?
: [Dean enters Kim's antiques
] Hello? Lane are you here? Mrs. Kim
: [Mrs. Kim pops out from behind a piece of furniture
] Who are you? Why you call Lane? How you know her? You date her? Dean
: No. Mrs. Kim
: You try to? Dean
: No! Mrs. Kim
: Then why you here? Empty your pockets! Dean
: OK. I'm gonna go now. Lane
: Dean! Wait! Wait! Mrs. Kim
: Who's Dean? Dean
: I'm Dean. Mrs. Kim
: How you know Dean? Lane
: We go to school together. Mrs. Kim
: You do? Dean
: Yeah, we're science partners. Mrs. Kim
: You! Don't talk!
] Mrs. Kim
: Science Partners? Lane
: Yes mamma. I've invited him over to work. Mrs. Kim
: Work? Lane
: On our science project. Mrs. Kim
] Reproduction? Lane
: Spores, molds and fungus. Mrs. Kim
: Science project? Lane
: Yes. Mrs. Kim
: For School? You're not dating? Lane
: No mamma. Mrs. Kim
: Ok. Follow me.
[She leads them to the kitchen
] Mrs. Kim
: [To Dean
] You! Sit here!
] Mrs. Kim
: You! Sit here! I'm going there. When I come back these chairswill be in the same place. No moving! You understand?
[She walks away but turns back to Lane and Dean
] Mrs. Kim
: I See All!
: [the band are talking about new replacement, Gil
] Right here.
[points to his eyes
: He's got some lines. That blows my mind. Brian Fuller
: What is he, late thirties? Zach
: Approaching forty. Lane Kim
: Forty? Brian Fuller
: He was alive before man walked on the moon. Zach
: Don't do that, man. You're freaking me out. Lane Kim
: Let's not be over-dramatic, guys. I mean, he is an incredible guitarist. Zach
: He's had a lot of time to practice. Brian Fuller
: And the bicentennial - he was alive for that. Lane Kim
: This is the best we've sounded since Dave, and he's really... Zach
: Elderly. Lane Kim
: Excited. Brian Fuller
: He was our age when we were born. Lane Kim
: He thinks we're great. Brian Fuller
: There were no CD's when he was born. Zach
: Stop it, man. I mean it. Lane Kim
: Maybe there's a way to offset his oldness. Put a hat on him. Dress him up like Angus Young in AC/DC - that schoolboy outfit. Brian Fuller
: He could have seen AC/DC with their original lead singer. Zach
: And 1980 is when that guy choked on his own vomit. That's old. Lane Kim
: You want to stop the audition? Brian Fuller
: We shouldn't be rude. Lane Kim
: Good. Zach
: Fine, we'll keep going, but remember, any new member has to be approved by all of us. So one vote against, and he's back at bingo.
: Hey, did somebody sit on me just now? Lorelai
: No, why? Lane
: My hip hurts. Lorelai
: Mm, gettin' old.