Logan Huntzberger
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Quotes for
Logan Huntzberger (Character)
from "Gilmore Girls" (2000)

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"Gilmore Girls: You Jump, I Jump, Jack (#5.7)" (2004)
Logan: It'll be fun, it'll be a thrill. Something stupid, something bad for you. Just something different. Isn't this the point of being young? It's your choice, Ace. People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute. You climb up here with me, it's one less minute you haven't lived.

Rory: High. We are very high.
Logan: I've been higher.
Rory: I meant distance from the ground.
Logan: That too.

Rory: I am not a fan of ladders.
Logan: They scare the crap out of me too.

"Gilmore Girls: But Not as Cute as Pushkin (#5.10)" (2004)
Richard: Logan!
Logan: Huh? Richard!
[stands up to shake his hand]
Logan: Wow, this is a pleasant surprise! Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?
Richard: [shakes thier hands] Why, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.
Logan: The...
Richard: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.
Logan: [shocked] Wha-?
Richard: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know this place, news travels fast.
Logan: Yeah, look...
Richard: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.
Logan: No, I know, I...
Richard: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.
Logan: My father?
Richard: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.
Logan: Okay, I think that there's been...
Richard: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony.
[Logan is in shock]
Richard: Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.
Logan: But...
Richard: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan, welcome to the family, son.
[Richard turns and thumbs his nose in Rory's direction, who has watched the entire scene. She and Richard meet in the hall, laughing]
Richard: I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.
Rory: You're the best, Grandpa!
Richard: All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?
Rory: Not anymore than usual.
[They walk down the hall together]
Rory: However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
Richard: Ah, I do love this place.
Rory: Right back at you, Grandpa.

Logan: [Rory glares at Logan after he pulled a prank on her in class] That's not a good look.
Rory: I have no words.
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, lowlife, butt-faced miscreant!
Logan: [indignantly] "Butt-faced miscreant"
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"?

"Gilmore Girls: Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out (#6.8)" (2005)
Logan: Oh. You penned the great American novel, Jess?
Jess: Wasn't quite that ambitious.
Logan: So what are we talking here? Short novel? Kafka length, or longer. Dos Pasos? Tolstoy? Or longer? Robert Musil? Proust? I'm not throwing you with these names, am I?
Jess: You seem very obsessed with length.

Logan: You should send me a copy.
Jess: Sure. Where do I send it? The blond dick at Yale?

"Gilmore Girls: I'm OK, You're OK (#6.17)" (2006)
Paris: Well, well, if it isn't New Haven's favorite whorehound.
Logan: Is Rory here?
Paris: Yes.
Logan: Can I talk to her?
Paris: No. You can talk to me.
[Opens door]
Paris: What do you want to talk about? Life? Love? Common symptoms of sexually transmitted diseases?

Paris: I know you cheated on Rory.
Logan: I did not cheat on Rory.
Paris: Are you going to deny it? Are you serious?
Logan: We were apart!
Paris: Oh please!
Logan: We were! We weren't together! And why the hell am I arguing with you? I don't want you back!
Paris: You, Logan Huntzburger, are nothing but a two-bit, spoiled waste of a trust fund! You offer nothing to women or the world in general! If you were to disappear from the face of the earth tomorrow, the only person that would miss you is your Porsche dealer!

"Gilmore Girls: Wedding Bell Blues (#5.13)" (2005)
Logan: Rory, you're special.
Rory: Like, "Stop eating the paste" special?

"Gilmore Girls: Driving Miss Gilmore (#6.21)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: I could kill him!
Logan Huntzberger: You'd have to get in a very long line.
Rory Gilmore: The man should be drawn and quartered.
Logan Huntzberger: There's no fast pass, either. You just got to wait.
Rory Gilmore: Quartering's too good for him. He should be eighthed, sixteenthed.
Logan Huntzberger: I don't know; you quarter a guy, he's in four pieces. That's tough to recover from.
Rory Gilmore: He should be stretched on a rack, iron maidened, strappadoed.
Logan Huntzberger: Oh, my god. What is strappadoed?
Rory Gilmore: When you suspend him in the air with a rope tied to his hands that are tied behind his back.
Logan Huntzberger: You're scaring me with your knowledge of torture.
Rory Gilmore: I did a paper on the attorney general. It comes with the territory.

"Gilmore Girls: Unto the Breach (#7.21)" (2007)
Logan Huntzberger: If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the last 3 years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore. Everyday, everything that you do, everything that you are. This past year I learned that I don't know a whole lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm sorry, I'm a little bit nervous and I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is, I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you, and I want to be with you.
Logan Huntzberger: [Takes out ring] Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?
Rory Gilmore: ...Um... Wow! Um, wow... I... wow...
Logan Huntzberger: Is there a 'yes' in between those 'wow's?
Rory Gilmore: Um, I just... I'm so surprised. Um... um... Will you come outside with me?
Logan Huntzberger: Sure.

"Gilmore Girls: The Party's Over (#5.8)" (2004)
Logan Huntzberger: So, who's it going to be?
Rory Gilmore: What?
Logan Huntzberger: Well, this shindig is an obvious meat market. I get the feeling your grandparents are expecting you to choose someone tonight. So...
Finn: Me! Pick me.
[Falls on one knee, presenting Rory with flowers and champagne]
Colin McCrae: No me.
[All the other guys in the room join in, saying "Pick me!"]
Finn: But I'm exotic!
Colin McCrae: So is the Asian bird flu!
Logan Huntzberger: Wow. A room full of guys and still extremely slim pickings.