Rory Gilmore
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Quotes for
Rory Gilmore (Character)
from "Gilmore Girls" (2000)

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"Gilmore Girls: Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' the Twist (#4.17)" (2004)
Man on LOUDSPEAKER: The banana-eating contest is about to start on the upper level.
Paris: Oh, real food. Thank God.
Rory: Um... Paris.

Rory: [Rory and Paris are in Florida for spring break; both are drunk] Whoa, I'm loving the spinning beach.

Lorelai: Maybe they could stop by a bathing suit store along the way.
Rory: My suit is fine.
Lorelai: No, sure it is. It's nice to be able to go from the beach to the mosque without having to change.

Lorelai: So, how was your Spring Break getaway?
Rory: It was interesting, you know. We sat on the beach, went to a club, watched the Power of Myths, Paris and I kissed...
Lorelai: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop. You watched the Power of Myths? I hid that from you.

Rory: [Paris has just kissed Rory] Get away from me, you're not my type!

Rory: [about Kirk] Now he's gonna hate us forever.
Lorelai: No he's not. He's just gonna hate us till something shiny comes by.

Paris: Rory will you just wait. How was I?
Rory: What?
Paris: As a kisser, how was I?
Rory: [incredulous] Oh, man!
Paris: Well, I always wanted to know. You can't really ask a guy that because it's a sign of low self-esteem which I read in a magazine is really not sexy. So, be honest. How was I when I kissed you? Was I too stiff? Too forceful? Do I need to relax my lips a little, maybe open my mouth a little more? Make it more inviting?
Rory: I need some fresh air.

Rory: I'm so cold. What I would do to stay warm.
Paris: It's warm in Florida.
Rory: What?
Paris: Nothing.
Rory: No, did you say Florida?
Paris: No. Err... yes.
Rory: Are you serious?
Paris: Maybe.
Rory: But it's Spring Break.
Paris: I know.
Rory: It's Girls Gone Wild, and Boys Doin' the Twist. We're not Spring Break people, are we?
Paris: I don't know what we are. But the thought of spending a week with a bunch of drunken college bimbos and rattle-headed frat boys is a great payoff for staying warm.
Rory: Warm...

Rory: Hey, was I supposed to clear this with you first?
Lorelai: Clear what with me?
Rory: Going away.
Lorelai: Oh. I don't know.
Rory: I mean, I don't live here any more, so I'm not sure what the protocol is.
Lorelai: Ah, well, I think as long as I know now, and I feel as if I have veto power, we're good.
Rory: You have veto power?
Lorelai: No. I feel as if I have veto power. Very different statement.
Rory: Got it.

Lorelai: You don't take off without telling Mommy!
Rory: I love that I didn't have to clear it with you to go on spring break but I had to clear it with you to come home.
Lorelai: I had visions of you being swallowed by a whale, or taking off with some surfers to go chase the perfect wave and not inviting *me*.

"Gilmore Girls: Friday Night's Alright for Fighting (#6.13)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: What's the worst that can happen? We won't be speaking anymore? Gee, that would suck.
Lorelai Gilmore: Wow. Ice, ice, baby.

Rory Gilmore: Grandma said she was 'into this'?
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, you know, she didn't say it like that, but she said,
[English accent]
Lorelai Gilmore: 'oh! Dinner with Rory! How delightful! Well, spit-spot. Alert the corgis'.

Rory Gilmore: I let him pay for Yale. He's my father.
[Emily laughs]
Lorelai Gilmore: You know something I don't, Mom?

Paris Geller: Our pictures have sucked eggs lately, and so I sent out two photographers to cover the same story. They each came back with about 40 of the crappiest pictures ever to have been committed to film, completely unusable.
Rory Gilmore: It was supposed to be a picture of a football game.
Paris Geller: I know.
Rory Gilmore: Well, was there one with a guy in a helmet holding a football? Because that's really all you need.
Paris Geller: They were predictable and standard.
Rory Gilmore: Guy in helmet holding ball.
Paris Geller: Cover of the Harvard Crimson, after the big game, guy with helmet holding ball. Stanford game, guy in helmet holding ball. I wanted something more, okay, something that really said something about the game.
Rory Gilmore: Like "we forgot to go"?

Lorelai Gilmore: I can't believe you didn't dress crazy like we agreed.
Rory Gilmore: We never agreed to dress crazy
Lorelai Gilmore: What are you talking about? We did so, on the phone last night when we made our lunch plans.
Rory Gilmore: You saying, "hey, let's dress crazy," does not equate to us agreeing to dress crazy.
Lorelai Gilmore: For years, it did.
Rory Gilmore: Well, for years, you bought my clothes for me, so I had very little choice.

Rory Gilmore: Where is Michael and everyone else?
Bill: Well, let's see. The sports department, city department, entertainment department, and feature department, other than you, have quit. Michael quit. Sylvia quit. Joni quit. Sheila's sick tonight, but as soon as she's better, she's going to quit.
Rory Gilmore: Great.
Bill: Oh, not done. The senior editor quit. The entire copy department quit. The little fellow who brought around sandwiches in the basket quit.
Rory Gilmore: Okay, fine, I get it. Everyone quit.
Bill: Not everyone, but close. It was quite an exodus, very biblical. All that was missing were the Cabala bracelets and the Matzo.
Rory Gilmore: Whatever. We'll figure that out later. Right now I just need to finish my article, so I guess you and I can do it together.
Bill: We could, but I quit too.
Rory Gilmore: What?
Bill: Right after Joni. I bowed out. I actually bowed, physically bowed.
Rory Gilmore: Then what are you doing here?
Bill: Are you kidding, I'm going to have a ringside seat for the event of the century. Tonight will be the first time ever in the history of the Yale Daily News that the paper does not come out.
Rory Gilmore: Very nice.
Bill: D-Day, the paper came out. Kennedy gets shot, the paper comes out. But three months of the Geller reign of terror, and the whole damn institution comes tumbling down.
Rory Gilmore: You suck, Bill.

Sheila: Printer's on the phone. We're losing our spot.
Rory Gilmore: [Takes the phone] Hello? Who am I speaking to? Hello, Russell. This is Rory Gilmore. What's this I hear about us losing our spot?... Yes... Well, we had an epidemic hit our staff this week, and, unfortunately, it has put us a bit behind. However, we are quickly getting back on track, and maybe, considering the circumstances, you could cut us a little slack, give us a bit of an extension... I know, but we've never asked for it before, and we will never ask for it again... By the way, you sound like a very handsome man, Russell... Yes, I'm using my wiles and everything else I can to get you to... one hour. I'll take it. Thank you, Russell. You have a slightly inappropriate Christmas card coming your way this year.

Lorelai Gilmore: [Outside her parents house] Once upon a time, there was a big house with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted, and so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartford... shire... ville. "Maids go in, but they never come out," they would whisper on the street.
[to Rory]
Lorelai Gilmore: How are we doing?
Rory Gilmore: Keep going.
Lorelai Gilmore: One day, a beautiful young cowherderess walked by the house.
Rory Gilmore: Cowherderess?
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, we could just go in, you know?
Rory Gilmore: Cowherderess is walking by.
Lorelai Gilmore: And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of 100-year-old scotch. So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked, and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation, and
[to Rory again]
Lorelai Gilmore: okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were 4. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now.

"Gilmore Girls: Pilot (#1.1)" (2000)
Lorelai: [after leaving Emily and Richard's house] Do I look shorter? 'Cause I feel shorter.
Rory: Hey, how about I buy you a cup of coffee?
Lorelai: Oh yeah. You drive though. OK? 'Cause I don't think my feet will reach the pedals.

Dean: So, how are you liking Moby Dick?
Rory: Oh, it's really good.
Dean: Yeah?
Rory: Yeah, it's my first Melville.
Dean: Cool.
Rory: I mean, I know it's kind of cliché to pick Moby Dick as your first Melville but... Hey, how did you know I was reading Moby Dick?
Dean: Uh, well, I've been watching you.
Rory: Watching me?
Dean: I mean, not in a creepy, like, "I'm watching you" sort of way. I just - I've noticed you.
Rory: Me?
Dean: Yeah.
Rory: When?
Dean: Every day. After school you come out and you sit under that tree there and you read. Last week it was Madame Bovary. This week it's Moby Dick.
Rory: But why would you...
Dean: Because you're nice to look at, and because you've got unbelievable concentration.
Rory: What?
Dean: Last Friday these two guys were tossing around a ball and one guy nailed the other right in the face. I mean, it was a mess, blood everywhere, the nurse came out, the place was in chaos, his girlfriend was all freaking out, and you just sat there and read. I mean, you never even looked up. I thought, "I have never seen anyone read so intensely before in my entire life. I have to meet that girl."
Rory: Maybe I just didn't look up because I'm unbelievably self-centered.
Dean: Maybe, but I doubt it.

Rory: You're happy.
Lorelai: Yeah.
Rory: [suspiciously] Did you do something slutty?
Lorelai: I'm not that happy.

Lorelai: You really like my table, don't you?
Joey: I was just... uh
Lorelai: Getting to know my daughter.
Joey: Your...
Rory: Are you my new daddy?
Joey: Wow. You do not look old enough to have a daughter. No, I mean it. And-and-and you do not look like a daughter.
Lorelai: That's possibly very sweet of you. Thanks.
Joey: So. Daughter. You know, I am traveling with a friend.
Lorelai: She's sixteen.
Joey: Bye.

Lorelai: So who is he?
Rory: There's no guy.
Lorelai: Dark hair, romantic eyes, looks a little dangerous?
Rory: This conversation is over.
Lorelai: Tattoos are good too.
Rory: I don't wanna change school because of all the reasons I've already told you a thousand times. If you don't wanna believe me, that's fine. Goodnight.
Lorelai: Does he have a motorcycle? 'Cause if you're gonna throw your life away he'd better have a motorcycle!

Mrs. Kim: How was school? Any of the girls get pregnant, drop out?
Lane Kim: Not that we know of.
Rory: Oh come to think of it JoAnna Pozner was glowing a little.
Mrs. Kim: What?
Lane Kim: Nothing Mama. She's just kidding.
Mrs. Kim: Boys don't like funny girls.
Rory: Noted.

Lorelai: What do you need? Hot tea, coffee?
Rory: Lip gloss.
Lorelai: Aha.
[Opens her purse]
Lorelai: I have vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and toasted marshmallow.
Rory: Anything in there not resembling a breakfast cereal?
Lorelai: Yes.
[pulls out another bag]
Lorelai: It has no smell but it changes colors with your mood.

"Gilmore Girls: A Deep Fried Korean Thanksgiving (#3.9)" (2002)
Lorelai: Rory what are we if not the world's champion eaters?
Rory: It's too much food.
Lorelai: It's not too much food. This is what we've been training for our whole lives. This is our destiny, this is our finest hour.
Rory: Or final hour.

Lorelai: Hey, Kirk, discover a new freaky fetish?
Kirk Gleason: What?
Rory: Nothing. You buy a cat?
Kirk Gleason: Yep! I'm very excited.
Lorelai: You seem it. So what's all this?
Rory: I'm assuming there's nothing left in the store.
Kirk Gleason: Actually there are a number of things left.
Rory: No, I meant, you seem to be buying a lot of stuff.
Kirk Gleason: Oh. Sorry. My excitement must be clouding my ability to judge comedic hyperbole.

Lorelai: Um, okay, I may be crazy, but he almost looked ...
Rory: Disappointed.
Lorelai: Yes. Disappointed. We disappointed Luke!
Rory: I didn't think it was possible.
Lorelai: Our powers are greater than we know.

Luke Danes: What's this?
Rory: Flowers.
Luke Danes: What do I do with them?
Lorelai: Uh! Not this again.
Rory: Put 'em in a vase with water.
Luke Danes: I don't have a vase.
Lorelai: You do this every year.
Luke Danes: I don't have vases.
Lorelai: Buy a vase.
Luke Danes: But I don't need a vase, because I never have flowers.
Lorelai: Except when we bring you flowers every year at Thanksgiving. Buy a vase.
Luke Danes, Lorelai: Stop bringing me flowers.
Lorelai: I knew you were gonna say that because you say the same thing - We have the same exact conversation every year.
Luke Danes: And every year you point that out.
Lorelai: And every year you point that out.
Luke Danes: And every year you point that out.
Rory: And then every year we put the flowers on the counter and forget the ugliness ever happened.
Lorelai: Well at least we have a tradition.

Lorelai: What's that?
Sookie St. James: That is a vat of boiling oil.
Lorelai: Really? Where's Quasimodo?
Sookie St. James: This is not a joking matter.
Rory: What is the oil for?
Lorelai: For pouring on Visigoths.
Sookie St. James: Lorelai.
Lorelai: When else am I gonna get to use my Visigoth material?

Paris Geller: My Thanksgiving is turning into a Wes Craven movie.
Rory: How so?
Paris Geller: I called shelters to volunteer to serve food. It's Thanksgiving - you'd think they have needs. Nope. Every stupid soup kitchen in town turned me down because they have enough volunteers.
Madeline Lynn: Bummer.
Paris Geller: I'm on a couple waiting lists, but it doesn't look good.
Rory: I've never heard of too many volunteers.
Paris Geller: Who are all these jackasses who volunteered anyway? They can't all be students like me. They're not all putting it on a college application. I get something out of it and these other people don't get a thing. Talk about selfish.

"Gilmore Girls: We Got Us a Pippi Virgin (#5.5)" (2004)
Emily Gilmore: It's a panic room.
Rory Gilmore: Like Jodie Foster?
Emily Gilmore: What does Jodie Foster have to do with it?

Rory Gilmore: [in Richard's study] The drink cart's over there, Grandma. We can grab the gin and vamoose.
Lorelai Gilmore: No, she's got vamoose, remember? It's the gin we need.

Rory Gilmore: Okay, just to remind you, once again, the drink cart is right over here. Oh, and I think I spot gin. It's brown, right?
Lorelai Gilmore: I love that you think that.

Luke Danes: Here we go:
[to Lorelai]
Luke Danes: boysenberry pie with ice cream,
[to Rory]
Luke Danes: hot fudge sundae, half a grapefruit.
Rory Gilmore: I don't want a grapefruit.
Luke Danes: It's good for you.
Rory Gilmore: Kinda my point.
Luke Danes: It's too late for her, but not for you. Eat it.
Lorelai Gilmore: The service is very rude. No tip for you.
[to Rory]
Lorelai Gilmore: In fact, he actually owes us a lot of money because we weren't supposed to be tipping him all these years.
Rory Gilmore: I know. Customarily, you do not have to tip the proprietor of an establishment.
Lorelai Gilmore: Why have we been tipping him all these years?
Rory Gilmore: We like him?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh, that.
[to Luke]
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, bring us some coffee, and I promise this grapefruit will be eaten.
Luke Danes: O-kay.
Lorelai Gilmore: How long is my nose?
Rory Gilmore: Very.

Rory Gilmore: What'd you have in mind?
Lorelai Gilmore: I'll surprise you with it; but it's a classic Stars Hollow slate of activities.
Rory Gilmore: So we're gonna TP Taylor's house again?
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh! I wanted it to be a surprise.

Rory Gilmore: The less you tell grandma, the better.
Lorelai Gilmore: By George, I think she's got it !
Rory Gilmore: What ?
Lorelai Gilmore: I have been trying to burn that into your brain since you were a baby but you stubbornly resisted. Now a breakthrough, I'm so proud.

"Gilmore Girls: Nag Hammadi Is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel (#4.13)" (2004)
Jess: [Jess gets in his car, finds an envelope with money, and gets out of the car. He stops when he sees Rory standing in line for burgers. They stare at each other for a few seconds]
Rory: I get to leave first!
Rory: [Rory starts running away]
Jess: Rory, wait! Stop!
[He runs after her]
Rory: No, you don't get to walk away!
Jess: Hold on!
Rory: My town! I leave!
Jess: I just wanna - where are you going?
Rory: None of your business!
Jess: We look like idiots.
Rory: I don't care!
Jess: Stop running!
Rory: Stop following!
Jess: Oh, come on!
Rory: Go away, I'm leaving!
Jess: Rory, stop!
Rory: Why?
Jess: Because I wanna talk to you.
Rory: About what? What do you want to talk to me about?
Jess: When did you learn to run like that?
Rory: You know, I have actually thought about this moment. A lot. What would Jess say to me if I ever saw him again? I mean, he just took off, no note, no call, nothing, how could he explain that? And then a year goes by. No word, nothing, so he couldn't possibly have a good excuse for that, right? I have imagined hundreds of different scenarios with a hundred different great last parting lines, and I have to tell you that I am actually very curious to see which way this is going to go.
Jess: Could we sit down?
Rory: No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?
Jess: [Jess pauses a second]
Jess: I love you.
[Rory stares after him as Jess walks away, gets into his car and drives away]

Jess: Could we sit down?
Rory: No. You wanted to talk, so talk. What do you have to say to me?
Jess: I love you.

Lorelai: I'm going to make out in the coat room. Don't eat my chicken.
Rory: That's going on your tombstone.

Rory: So who else is joining us?
Emily: No one. We brought one of Richard's coats to hang over the chair.
Richard: We're saying it's Marjorie's husband's.
Emily: He's making the rounds, and at about eight he'll get sick and have to leave.
Richard: Does everybody understand the story?
Lorelai: I think so. But then we'll have to hide his jacket. So I suggest I put it under my dress and pretend to be pregnant, then Jason can pretend to be the doctor. Then Rory can dig a tunnel, and...
Emily: I might have known you'd turn this into something ridiculous, Lorelai.
Rory: Yeah, I wanna be the doctor.

Lorelai: Cold, cold, cold, cold, icy feet. Stupid, frozen tundra house. Honey, why are you sleeping in here? Your room is way warmer. Ok, here is the question for today kids: what the hell are the Eskimos thinking? I mean yes, the hoods are cute but it's always cold, always! Plus you have to eat fish for breakfast, and you have to eat whales, and polar bears, and penguins and Santa Clause. Coffee's on and Pop-Tarts are poptarting! If you're just gonna lie there I'm just gonna have to sit here. I'm gonna have to make myself very comfortable on my nice warm Rory!
Rory: Why is it so cold in here?
Lorelai: Ahh!
Rory: Ahh!
Lorelai: But I was sitting on you!
Rory: Oh, really, good trick.
Lorelai: But if you were there, then who's this?
Rory: I don't know.
Lorelai: We've got a stranger in our house.
Rory: Robert Downey Jr.?
Lorelai: Or a murderer.
Rory: Who needed a nap before committing his crimes?

Lorelai: So...
Rory: So?
Lorelai: I was just wondering what you were thinking about.
Rory: I was thinking about nothing.
Lorelai: Nothing wouldn't happen to wear a leather jacket and pull off a very convincing "Adriaaann", would it?

"Gilmore Girls: But Not as Cute as Pushkin (#5.10)" (2004)
Richard: Logan!
Logan: Huh? Richard!
[stands up to shake his hand]
Logan: Wow, this is a pleasant surprise! Finn, Colin, you know Richard, don't you?
Richard: [shakes thier hands] Why, hello, boys. Nice to see you. Logan, I wanted to talk to you. I just heard about the incident.
Logan: The...
Richard: I heard that you professed your feelings for Rory.
Logan: [shocked] Wha-?
Richard: Mr. Bell is a very dear friend of mine, as is the Dean of admissions. Well, you know this place, news travels fast.
Logan: Yeah, look...
Richard: I have to tell you that, while I understand what could have driven you to such a public display of affection, there is an appropriate time and place for that sort of thing. And a classroom in the middle of class is not one of them.
Logan: No, I know, I...
Richard: However, what's done is done. It's out. So I dropped by to tell you that I have spoken to your father.
Logan: My father?
Richard: We pounded out a few things. Property agreements, pre-nups, that sort of thing.
Logan: Okay, I think that there's been...
Richard: Oh, we came to a very fair agreement. I'm sure you'll be pleased. Now, we're setting up a dinner next week to finalize the engagement and start talking about the ceremony.
[Logan is in shock]
Richard: Emily is handling all the newspaper announcements, so, not to worry. That's all taken care of.
Logan: But...
Richard: She is a fine young lady, Logan. I want her to be happy. You'll take care of that, I assume. All right, I'll let you get back to your coffee break. Nice seeing all of you again. And Logan, welcome to the family, son.
[Richard turns and thumbs his nose in Rory's direction, who has watched the entire scene. She and Richard meet in the hall, laughing]
Richard: I do hope one of his dopey looking friends knows CPR, or he just might not make it.
Rory: You're the best, Grandpa!
Richard: All right, who's next? Paris giving you any trouble?
Rory: Not anymore than usual.
[They walk down the hall together]
Rory: However, there is a girl in my modern poetry class who keeps kicking my chair.
Richard: Ah, I do love this place.
Rory: Right back at you, Grandpa.

Logan: [Rory glares at Logan after he pulled a prank on her in class] That's not a good look.
Rory: I have no words.
Logan: It was just a joke!
Rory: Oh, no, wait. I thought of some. Jerk! Ass, arrogant, inconsiderate, mindless, frat-boy, lowlife, butt-faced miscreant!
Logan: [indignantly] "Butt-faced miscreant"
Rory: Why would you do something like that?
Logan: I'm sorry, "butt-faced miscreant"?

Lorelai: [Kirk enters] You know what? I have someone standing abnormally close to me right now. I'll call you later?
Rory: Okay. Say hi to Kirk for me.

Rory: Where would a sixteen-year-old girl go for a good time?
Lorelai: Oh! How sad! That you had to come to me for this conversation.

Lorelai: Do you think he's cute ?
Rory: It doesn't matter if I think he's cute.
Lorelai: Uh, it matters to me, if I don't want ugly grandchildren.

"Gilmore Girls: The Deer Hunters (#1.4)" (2000)
Rory: Thanks though.
Lorelai: For what?
Rory: For yelling at the Headmaster the way you did.
Lorelai: Oh, I didn't yell at him.
Rory: You called him 'il duce'!
Lorelai: Which means 'kind sir' in Cantonese.

Lorelai: Sweetie you're never gonna find the deer.
Rory: Well I'm gonna try.
Lorelai: Well I'm in heels!
Rory: Well stay in the car.
Lorelai: It's dangerous in the car with all the kamikaze deer running around...
[getting out of the car]
Rory: I have to find it.
Lorelai: Alright, wait up! So what does the deer look like? Huh? Does it have any distinguishing marks - besides the word 'Jeep' imprinted on it's forehead?

Lorelai: You couldn't tell me? You tell me everything.
Rory: It was too humiliating.
Lorelai: Honey, you once told me you loved _Saved By the Bell_. What could be more humiliating than that?

Luke Danes: You look like you need pie.
Rory: I do?
Luke Danes: Violent pencil-tossing usually signals a need for pie.
Rory: What if I'd thrown a pen?
Luke Danes: I would've brought you a trout.
Rory: What?
Luke Danes: I don't make the rules, I just carry them out.

Rory: A "D" at Stars Hollow is like an "F" at Chilton. It's worse. It's like a "G"... or a "W".
Lorelai: So I'm guessing the spelling test didn't go well, either?

"Gilmore Girls: The Third Lorelai (#1.18)" (2001)
Rory: [in government class at Chilton] Henry VIII started a new church when the old one wouldn't allow divorce.
Paris: He also cut off his wife's head. Is he still your role model?

Rory: Paris, what are these cards that fell out of your jacket?
Paris: Oh, yeah. Those are notes for tonight.
Rory: Notes?
Paris: Yeah, just some reference points, really. You know, subjects to bring up in case the conversation lags.
Rory: Well, can I suggest that you leave this one about the Spanish Inquisition out?
Paris: Not very romantic?
Rory: Not really.

Emily Gilmore: You were on the phone...
Richard Gilmore: Long distance.
Lorelai Gilmore: God?
Richard Gilmore: London.
Lorelai Gilmore: God lives in London?
Richard Gilmore: My mother lives in London.
Lorelai Gilmore: Your mother is God?
Richard Gilmore: Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: So God is a women.
Richard Gilmore: Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: And a relative. That's so cool. I'm gonna totally ask for favors.
Richard Gilmore: Make her stop.
Rory: Oh, that I could!

Louise Grant: Those who simply wait for information to find them spend a lot of time sitting by the phone. Those who find it themselves have something to say when it rings.
Rory: Nietzsche?
Louise Grant: Dawson.
Rory: My next guess.

Rory: [about great-grandmother] I hope she likes me.
Lorelai Gilmore: She'll love you!
Rory: I hope her and grandma get along.
Lorelai Gilmore: She'll love you!

"Gilmore Girls: The Big One (#3.16)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: Hey, this looks different.
Luke Danes: It's not different.
Lane Kim: It's totally different.
Luke Danes: It's not that different.
Lorelai Gilmore: There are more salads.
Rory Gilmore: Three more salads.
Lorelai Gilmore: Three more salads? Who needs three more salads?
Rory Gilmore: One was enough.
Luke Danes: Well, Nicole said...
Lorelai Gilmore: Nicole said!
Luke Danes: ...there wasn't that much for her to eat on the menu, so I just...
Lorelai Gilmore: You added three more salads just for Nicole. When I asked you to add chili topped Pringles, you said no.
Luke Danes: And I stand by that.
Lorelai Gilmore: How come Nicole gets three more salads, and I still get a "no"?
Rory Gilmore: Because Nicole is his girlfriend.
Luke Danes: Nicole is not my girlfriend. Nicole is the woman that I am dating. That's it.
Lorelai Gilmore: So what happens when you guys get serious - the whole place goes soy?

Luke Danes: Just order, please.
Lane Kim: Did you take off the Monte Cristo sandwich?
Luke Danes: Well,I, uh...
Rory Gilmore: No!
Lorelai Gilmore: You did. You took off the Monte Cristo sandwich.
Luke Danes: I ommitted a few obsolete dishes.
Lorelai Gilmore: I can't believe Nicole made you take off the Monte Cristo. She's got you menu-whipped.
Luke Danes: She does not have me menu-whipped. I took off a disgusting ridiculous sandwich that no one has ever ordered, including the three of you.
Rory Gilmore: But just having it there made us feel like we always could.
Lorelai Gilmore: It was comforting.
Rory Gilmore: Like soup.
Lorelai Gilmore: Exactly. It was comforting like deep-fried ham and cheese soup.
Rory Gilmore: And even though I never ordered it, I talked about ordering it. Haven't I?
Lane Kim: On several occasions.
Lorelai Gilmore: So you've not only eliminated a sandwich, you've eliminated a conversation peice.
Rory Gilmore: Now what will we talk about?
Luke Danes: Fine. Here- old menus- everything's there. Knock yourselves out.
Lorelai Gilmore: ...How come everybody else gets a new menu?
Luke Danes: [Luke walks away]
Lorelai Gilmore: I feel much better now.

Paris Geller: I slept with Jamie. Last night, after we talked.
Rory Gilmore: Was it something I said?
Paris Geller: I went over there to study, and he lit a fire, and then we did it. What are your thoughts on that?
Rory Gilmore: My thoughts?
Paris Geller: Because I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it myself yet.
[Rory gets up for a drink of water; Paris follows]
Paris Geller: I've been going over it in my head; I mean, it seemed to go pretty well. The fire was nice, and thank god he didn't try to put on any ridiculous make-out music, and - then it just happened. I was actually fairly surprised at the timing of it, because I wasn't wearing anything particularly alluring; and in the moments just before the act...
Rory Gilmore: [appalled] Oh god!
Paris Geller: ...we were actually discussing modern-day Marxism in America, which is not what I would have deemed a "come and get it" sort of conversation, but nevertheless he came and got it, and I have to figure out what that means to me on a psychological level. So I thought maybe, if you and I could have sort of a healthy debate about it, I could come to some sort of reasonable conclusion about how I should be feeling right about now; so, come on, talk! What do you think?

Rory Gilmore: Any chance you could go faster?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah, you got a girl's future in that sack of yours. Santa...
Rory Gilmore: Thank you for adding the Santa.

Richard Gilmore: Now, did anyone ever to tell you to picture the audience in their underwear?
Rory Gilmore: Yes.
Richard Gilmore: Well, don't do it. I did it once and I had nightmares for a week. Bulgarians in Speedos.

"Gilmore Girls: Die, Jerk (#4.8)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: One of them, a married man, had a long conversation with, how shall I put this delicately? A woman of less than reputable nature.
Lorelai Gilmore: Hmm... do hookers charge to let you talk to them?
Rory Gilmore: Depends on what they're doing when they're talking to you.

Rory Gilmore: Let's not make each other feel bad.
Paris Geller: Hey, hug a dolphin another day alright?

Rory: [Rory and Paris walk into the common room] Fun stuff, huh, guys?
Janet Billings: Yeah, it's ridiculous.
Tana Schrick: I may have been here when it happened.
Janet Billings: And you heard nothing?
Tana Schrick: No.
Paris: Way to have that radar up.
Rory: Let's not make each other feel bad.
Paris: Hey, hug a dolphin another day, all right? We need to rev up the gunships and retaliate before the next strike. We gotta go full-out Sharon.

Lorelai Gilmore: Jason, this is my daughter, Rory. Rory, Jason.
Rory Gilmore: Right, Scooper!
Lorelai Gilmore: Digger.
Rory Gilmore: Sorry, Digger.
Jason Stiles: It's nice to meet you. And I don't really go by Digger anymore.
Lorelai Gilmore: What is it, P. Digger now?

Rory Gilmore: Oh, I've always wanted to see the Atlantic City boardwalk.
Emily Gilmore: I'll save you a trip. Tip an overflowing trash can on your front porch and walk up and down on it.

"Gilmore Girls: Ted Koppel's Big Night Out (#4.9)" (2003)
Rory: I want you to meet Marty.
Lorelai: Oh, naked guy.
Marty: You told your mother about me.
Rory: Um, yeah. Well, I included some anecdotes where you were actually clothed, too.
Marty: Oh, I appreciate that.
Richard: And who is this young man?
Rory: This is Marty. He lives in my residence hall.
Emily: It's very nice to meet you, Marty.
Richard: Why did my daughter just call you "naked guy"?
Rory: I now owe you money.
Marty: I, uh, had an unfortunate experience with a keg and a party and a need to take my clothes off and fall asleep in a hallway.
Emily: Oh my goodness.
Richard: Oh, please, that's nothing. I was naked an entire month my sophomore year.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Welcome to tonight's episode of "Things I Never Needed to Know About My Father."
Richard: I and a group of like-minded young men decided to protest the new dress code by wearing silk ties and nothing else. We were written up by the dean of admissions and threatened with expulsion. We were also suddenly very popular with the ladies.
Emily: Ah, yes. This is exactly the kind of conversation I had hoped we would have with our granddaughter and her friend.
Richard: One night in the hallway does not a true naked guy make, my friend.

Lorelai: Twenty-three is old. It's almost twenty-five, which is, like, almost mid-twenties.
Rory: She did not say that.
Lorelai: She did say that.
Rory: It seems a little wrong that Jessica Simpson is alive and well and Roy got eaten by his tiger.
Lorelai: Aw. Survival of the fittest, baby.

Lorelai: [half asleep] Did I put on underwear?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: I think I forgot to put on underwear... can you check?... Did I just ask you to check if I put on underwear?

Emily: It's time for a toast
Lorelai: Seriously?
Richard: Here we go... the Rory flask.
Rory: Oh.
Richard: And the fun flask.
Emily: Thank you.
Richard: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Fun flask, please!

"Gilmore Girls: Say Goodnight, Gracie (#3.20)" (2003)
Lorelai: So, not only did you GO to a cop raided party, but you were the cause of the fight that caused the raid!
Rory: Yes...
Lorelai: [singing] Did you ever know that you're my heeero. You're everything I wish I could be!

Lorelai: Uh, so let's get back to the party recap. Any details you wanna tell Mommy?
Rory: Jess and Dean got into the fight.
Lorelai: Over you.
Rory: I was a contributing factor.
Lorelai: Was anyone hurt?
Rory: No.
Lorelai: And that's why the cops came and broke up the party?
Rory: Yes.
Lorelai: So not only did you go to a cop-raided party, but you started the raid?
Rory: Yees.
Lorelai: This fence is broken because of you. This crap is on the ground because of you!
Rory: What's your point?
Lorelai: [sings] Did you ever know that you're my hero, You're everything I wish I could be, If could fly higher than an eagle, You are the wind beneath my wings!

Rory: [about Lane's backpack] I got it, we can go.
Lorelai: Why are you holding it like that?
Rory: Because when Lane left it here last night it was a very different colour.
Lorelai: Are you sure she's gonna want that back? It's been left alone all night at a keg party, there's no getting it over that. That backpack is permanently scarred, that backpack is Zelda Fitzgerald.
Rory: Well, Zelda's going home.
Lorelai: Ok. Your first cop-raided party, I'm just so proud!
Rory: Moom!
Lorelai: I just wish I could've been there.

Lorelai: Hey, Luke.
Luke Danes: I'm in bed. I have ten more minutes to sleep. Not a lot of time in the grand scheme of things, but still, ten minutes is ten minutes. You know what I mean.
Lorelai: Sure, yeah.
Rory: Ten minutes is great.
Luke Danes: And then the phone rings, and it just rings and rings and rings and rings, so I pick it up.
Lorelai: And then hopefully got your hearing checked.
Luke Danes: Can I finish my story?
Lorelai: I'm just saying, that's a lot of rings.
Luke Danes: And on the other end of the phone is someone named John who says he's Kyle's father, and Kyle threw a party last night without permission. And two guys got into a fight and tore the place apart, so John wants me to come down and take a look at the damage and discuss some sort of solution to the problem of the damages. Now, I don't know John, and I certainly don't know Kyle, but I do know someone who would get into a fight at a party and leave the place completely trashed. It's a wild guess, but I think his name rhymes with "Tess". So here I am, heading in there to talk to John about Kyle and discuss what is to be done about the hummel.

"Gilmore Girls: Written in the Stars (#5.3)" (2004)
Lorelai: I can't believe you won't flirt with me in front of my own daughter. She's going to think somethings wrong with me.
Rory: Please, I got that confirmation letter a long time ago.

[on the phone]
Rory Gilmore: Hello?
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
[Emily enters the room behind her]
Rory Gilmore: Rory!
Rory Gilmore: Grandma!
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Rory Gilmore: I have to hang up now.
Lorelai Gilmore: Have I mentioned I'm sorry?

Rory: Heart attack
[... ]
Rory: Um, it wasn't during... , um, was it ?
Paris Geller: No, Rory, this great man was not brought down by my vagina. Okay.

Rory Gilmore: [Having moved into the pool house, Richard now has his own valet/butler, Robert] Do you think he's happy?
Lorelai Gilmore: I do. I think he's very happy out here with his books and his special friend, Robert.
Rory Gilmore: Don't be gross.
Lorelai Gilmore: What? I'm just saying two grown men out here alone with Hungarian cheese and swim trunks...
Rory Gilmore: Oh, jeez.
Lorelai Gilmore: Don't be so puritanical. After all, Heather has two mommies.

"Gilmore Girls: That's What You Get, Folks, for Makin' Whoopee (#7.2)" (2006)
Rory: [Rory finds Lane laying against her bed, still recovering from her Mexican honeymoonn fiasco] Lane? Are you okay? Did the doctor say you have a parasite?
Lane: In a manner of speaking.
Lane: I'm pregnant.
Rory: You only did it one time, and - wow! - a baby!
Lane: That's what ya get, folks, for makin' whoopee!

Rory: [screams out, as an excuse to not answer the phone] I'm a cat with no legs!

Lane: I wonder if Blanket ever met Tom and Katie's baby, Pillow.
Rory: Yeah, that would be a perfect playdate.
Lane: Yeah, when it's nap time, they would be totally set.
Rory: And then they could invite Gwyneth's Apple over afterward for a little snack.
Lane: And Banjo, Rachel Griffiths' baby could play for them.
Rory: And then they could all jump in Mia Farrow's Satchel and make fun of what's-his-face?
Lane: Oh, Pilot Inspektor Lee.
Rory: Yeah.

Lorelai: [eating "dessert sushi"] You are honestly asserting that you like the Tootsie Roll-marshmallow-Twizzler roll better than the Butterfinger-Junior Mint-chocolate chip-Jujube roll?
Rory: Hey, call me crazy, but I just don't think that Butterfingers go with Jujubes.
Lorelai: Ca-razy! The limitations of your palate astound me.
Rory: Hey, I liked the Oreo-Red Hot sashimi.
Lorelai: Me too.

"Gilmore Girls: Those Are Strings, Pinocchio (#3.22)" (2003)
Rory: [to Jess, on the phone] Jess, is that you? Jess, I'm pretty sure it's you and I'm pretty sure you've been calling and not saying anything but wanna say something. Hello? You're not going to talk? Fine, I'll talk. You didn't handle things right at all. You could've talked to me. You could've told me that you were having trouble in school and weren't going to graduate, and that your dad had been there, but you didn't. And you ended up not taking me to my prom and not coming to my graduation and leaving again without saying goodbye again, and that's fine, I get it, but that's it for me. I'm going to Europe tomorrow and I'm going to Yale and I'm moving on. And I'm not going to pine. I hope you didn't think I was going to pine, okay? I think... I think I may have loved you, but I just need to let it go. So, that's it, I guess. Um, I hope you're good. I want you to be good, and, um, okay, so, goodbye. That word sounds really lame and stupid right now, but there it is. Goodbye.

Rory: Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students, family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes and seconds and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is, because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who've been my mentors, so many people who've shaped my life, and my fellow students lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric, but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars, without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore.
Sookie St. James: Uh, oh ...
Lorelai Gilmore: Hang in there.
Rory: My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her.
Sookie St. James: Not crying.
Lorelai Gilmore: Crying a little.
Sookie St. James: Crying a little, but not blubbering. That's what we meant when we said no crying. No blubbering.
Rory: Thank you, Mom: you are my guidepost for everything.
Sookie St. James: On the verge of blubbering here.
Jackson Belleville: Not doing too well myself.
Lorelai Gilmore: Not you, too.
Luke Danes: I'm blubbering. You're freaks!

Lorelai Gilmore: [fitting Rory's new dress] Maybe we should bring it in a bit more.
Rory: Oh, sure, but first why don't you use a medieval torture instrument to crush my ribs and flatten my spinal cord in order to accommodate your sadistic wishes.
Lorelai Gilmore: Don't use subtlety on us, we're slow.

Rory: Headmaster Charleston, faculty members, fellow students,family and friends, welcome. We never thought this day would come. We prayed for its quick delivery, crossed days off our calendars, counted hours, minutes, and seconds, and now that it's here, I'm sorry it is because it means leaving friends who inspire me and teachers who have been my mentors - so many people who have shaped my life and my fellow students' lives impermeably and forever. I live in two worlds. One is a world of books. I've been a resident of Faulkner's Yoknapatawpha County, hunted the white whale aboard the Pequod, fought alongside Napoleon, sailed a raft with Huck and Jim, committed absurdities with Ignatius J. Reilly, rode a sad train with Anna Karenina, and strolled down Swann's Way. It's a rewarding world, but my second one is by far superior. My second one is populated with characters slightly less eccentric but supremely real, made of flesh and bone, full of love, who are my ultimate inspiration for everything. Richard and Emily Gilmore are kind, decent, unfailingly generous people. They are my twin pillars without whom I could not stand. I am proud to be their grandchild. But my ultimate inspiration comes from my best friend, the dazzling woman from whom I received my name and my life's blood, Lorelai Gilmore.
Sookie: Uh oh.
Lorelai: Hang in there.
Rory: My mother never gave me any idea that I couldn't do whatever I wanted to do or be whomever I wanted to be. She filled our house with love and fun and books and music, unflagging in her efforts to give me role models from Jane Austen to Eudora Welty to Patti Smith. As she guided me through these incredible eighteen years, I don't know if she ever realized that the person I most wanted to be was her.

"Gilmore Girls: Teach Me Tonight (#2.19)" (2002)
Jess Mariano: Ok, so I guess we should be getting back. I did promise to study if you'd go on this ice cream run with me.
Rory Gilmore: Yes, you did.
Jess Mariano: Ok, so I could just go straight and we'll be back at Luke's.
Rory Gilmore: Good sense of direction.
Jess Mariano: Of course, I could turn right and then we'd just be driving around in circles for a while.
Rory Gilmore: Turn right.
Jess Mariano: As you wish.

Rory Gilmore: Sarcasm does not become you.
Lane Kim: Maybe not but it does sustain me.

Lorelai: Where are you?
Rory Gilmore: I need you to be calm.
Lorelai: Calm about what?
Rory Gilmore: Calm about what I have to tell you.
Lorelai: What? Where are you?
Rory Gilmore: I'm all right.
Lorelai: [scared] Well of course you're all right. Why wouldn't you be all right?
Rory Gilmore: Because. I got in an accident.
Lorelai: What? What accident? What do you mean you got in an accident?
Rory Gilmore: Jess and I went for ice cream and we were just driving and it was dark, and this dog or cat or possum, I don't know. It was small and furry and it ran out into the middle of the road and Jess swerved
Lorelai: Jess swerved?
Rory Gilmore: Yes.
Lorelai: Jess was driving?
Rory Gilmore: Yes.
Lorelai: Jess was driving your car and you got in an accident?
Rory Gilmore: But I'm fine, and he's fine. And the furry thing is fine. The car's messed up a bit, but there's nothing for you to be worried about.
Lorelai: [almost hysterically] Where are you?
Rory Gilmore: I'm in the hospital.

[studying in Luke's]
Jess: [looks out the window] Is that your car?
Rory: Yes.
Jess: [sits down next to her] Okay, how about we go get ice-cream and when we come back, I'll study.
Rory: But this is a diner, there's ice-cream here.
Jess: Yes, but we don't have cones.
Rory: Cones?
Jess: I need cones.
Rory: So if we go get ice-cream...
Jess: [interrupts] In cones.
Rory: In cones, you will study?
Jess: Yup.

"Gilmore Girls: Santa's Secret Stuff (#7.11)" (2007)
Rory: Sounds like you're over thinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper.
Lorelai: I tried that, I thought, "I'll just sit down and write whatever comes - no judgment, no inner critic." Boy was that a bad idea.
Rory: Really? Why?
Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter, I can't write a letter, why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress, I wish I was wearing my blue dress, my blue dress is at the cleaners. The Germans wore gray, you wore blue, 'Casablanca' is such a good movie. Casablanca, the White House, Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard. Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants!"
Rory: Hockey puck, rattlesnake, monkey, monkey, underpants?

Rory: It smells so good in here with all our trees.
Lorelai: It's like a dozen car air fresheners.
Rory: Just imagine how good it's gonna be once all our trees are here.
Christopher: This is crazy!
Lorelai: Seven trees.
Christopher: Which was crazy.
Lorelai: What? Buck a tree.
Rory: Dad, we have to have at least one tree in the kitchen.
Georgia 'GG' Hayden: Yeah, dad.
Christopher: I'm in a forest of crazy.

Lorelai: I'm so mad at you!
Rory: What kind of greeting is that?
Lorelai: What kind of daughter doesn't let her mother pick her up at the airport?
Rory: The kind who parks her car at the airport car park.
Lorelai: But I'm the kind of mother who picks her daughter up at the airport, you know with flowers and coffee and a fake chauffeur's sign. Why would you mess with my sense of self?
Rory: My car was parked at the airport car park.
Lorelai: So what, I could have driven to the airport, picked you up, brought you back. Then we both could have driven to pick up your car and come here.
Rory: Yeah 'cause that wouldn't be a waste of gas or anything.

Rory: I love our trees!
Georgia 'GG' Hayden: Me too!
Christopher: You don't think our trees are...
Lorelai: What?
Christopher: Maybe a little homely?
Lorelai: Homely?
Christopher: I'm just saying.
Rory: What!
Lorelai: What are you saying?
Christopher: That our trees are not classically good-looking. I mean if you were to look up "tree" in the dictionary, you would not find one of these fellows.
Lorelai: Why would you look up "tree" in the dictionary?
Rory: So we don't have classically good-looking trees.
Lorelai: [At Chris] You don't know what a tree is.
Rory: Come on look at that tree.
Christopher: I'm looking
Rory: That tree has character.
Lorelai: It does.
Rory: That tree has earned character by persevering through freezing winters and forest fires and floods.
Lorelai: This tree's a fighter.
Rory: Woodpeckers, I mean maniacal woodpeckers just pecking at its trunk.
Lorelai: Survivor.
Rory: Peck, peck, peck, day in and day out.
Lorelai: That tree's a champion.

"Gilmore Girls: Cinnamon's Wake (#1.5)" (2000)
Rory: Patty! It's not like that. He's just a person.
Miss Patty: A person?
Rory: A boy-type person.
Miss Patty: Oh, my favorite kind.

Dean: Do you have a second?
Rory: No... I have gum.

Rory: Our town is weird.
Lorelai: Thank god!

Rory: Shouldn't you be baking?
Lorelai: I don't know, shouldn't you be knitting?

"Gilmore Girls: There's the Rub (#2.16)" (2002)
Jess: ...Okay well give him my best, would you?
Jess: Actually, I guess I could do that myself.
Rory: Dean, Jess just came by to bring me some food.
Jess: From Luke's.
Rory: He wanted to make sure I ate.
Jess: Luke did.
Rory: Right, Luke did.
Jess: Personally, I could care less if she eats.
Rory: Yeah true, He could care less.
Jess: I see you brought a little something, too. Is that ice cream? That's so nice. A tiny little ice cream package just big enough for two. Hey are you guys gonna feed each other? 'cause that's just so darn cute.
Jess: Oops, you're doing that towering over-me-thing. huh. I tell you, you've really got that down. It helps that your 12 feet tall. But this whole Frankenstein scowl thing really adds to the whole...
Rory: Jess!
Jess: Okay, I'm going.
Jess: Look man, I really was just dropping off some food, so don't go all West Side Story on me, okay?
Rory: So do you want to
[Dean heads inside]
Rory: come in?

Jess: Delivery.
Rory: What are you doing here?
Jess: Well, Luke figured since you're alone tonight, thought maybe you wouldn't have any food in the house. So he sent over a care package.
Rory: I don't need a care package. I ordered food from Sandeep's.
Jess: Really? Planning on burning down the house afterwards?
Rory: Jess...
Jess: The only way to kill the smell. Where should I put this? Kitchen?
Rory: Um, sure.
Rory: [cut to kitchen] God, how much food is in there? This could feed twelve!
Jess: Excuse me, I've seen you eat.
Rory: Fine, six.

Paris: I'm not allowed to have Mac&Cheese.
Rory: Splurge. Come on Paris, stay.
Paris: Do you have a 24-hour pharmacy just in case I have an allergic reaction to something?
Rory: Believe it or not, we do.
Paris: Okay. Can I borrow your phone?
Rory: It's by the door.
[Paris leaves the room to call her nanny]
Jess: Interesting.
Rory: What is?
Jess: You think we need a chaperon.
Rory: No, I don't.
Jess: You just invited one.
Rory: Just being polite. Paris is alone tonight and you yourself just said we have enough good for six.
Jess: With me, it's down to four
Rory: With Paris around it's down to two.
Jess: Works out well.
Rory: I think so.
Paris: [Talks to her nanny excitedly about Mac&Cheese]

Paris: A tragic waste of paper.
Jess: I can't *believe* you just said that.
Paris: Well it's true. The Beats' writing was completely self-indulgent. I have 1 word for Jack Kerouac: Edit.
Jess: It was not self-indulgent, The Beats believed in shocking people, stirring things up.
Paris: They believed in drugs, booze, and petty crime.
Rory: Well, then you could say that they exposed you to a world that you wouldn't have otherwise known. Isn't that what great writing is all about?
Rory: That was not great writing. It was the National Enquirer of the 50's.
Jess: You're cracked.
Paris: Typical guy response. Worship Kerouac and Bukowski, god forbid you pick up anything by Jane Austin.
Jess: Hey, I've read Jane Austin
Paris: You have?
Jess: Yeah, and I think she would have liked Bukowski.
Paris: What are you doing?
Jess: Salt and pepper dip, only way to eat a fry.
Paris: Really?
Rory: It's fast food gospel.
Paris: Mmmm. That's good. That's really really good.
[Phone rings, and Rory leaves to answer it]
Jess: Do you like Hot sauce?
Paris: I don't know, should I?
Jess: I think it's wise.

"Gilmore Girls: Kiss and Tell (#1.7)" (2000)
[after running away from Doose's market after being kissed/to Lane]
Rory Gilmore: I got kissed.
Rory Gilmore: [holds up a box of starch] And I shoplifted.

Rory: You're my *mother*!
Lorelai: Stop saying "mother" like that.
Rory: Like what?
Lorelai: Like there should be something after it.

[Rory is freaking out about Dean]
Rory: I just don't want to do or say anything else that's going to be completely moronic.
Lorelai: I'm afraid once your heart is involved, it all comes out in moron.

Rory Gilmore: [Rory tells Lane about her first kiss] Oh my God, He kissed me.
Mrs. Kim: [Mrs. Kim comes up to the girls] Who kissed you?
Lane Kim: The Lord, Mama.
Mrs. Kim: Oh, OK then
[Mrs. Kim leaves]

"Gilmore Girls: Keg! Max! (#3.19)" (2003)
Rory: So you mean someone broke into our house, went past our TV, our stereo and our jewelry, then headed straight for the booster club cashbox, took $18 and left the rest?
Lorelai: Some burglars aren't as greedy as others.

Jess Mariano: You got enough songs?
Dave Rygalski: We have enough for two half hour sets. What we need is a name.
Brian: I've made my suggestion.
Zack: Yeah, and we've vetoed the Harry Potters. Next.
Brian: So yours is better?
Zack: Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert is memorable and classy.
Brian: I run out of breath every time I say it.
Zack: You've got asthma, dude. You run out of breath saying your name.
Dave Rygalski: Yeah, Brian, we can't work our name around your respiratory illness.
Brian: Even without an inhaler, Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert is too long.
Zack: Yeah, but when we get famous our fand will shorten it to FTTTEOTD.
Dave Rygalski: Do you guys have any suggestions?
Rory: We wouldn't dare.

Rory: Here they are, Star Hollow's rockingest band - although they're not all from Stars Hollow, but, they um, they practice here, so we kind of consider them our own - here they are - what's your name?
Zack: Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert.
Dave Rygalski: The Chops - Follow Them to the Edge of the Desert.
Zack: The Chops.
Rory: The
[coughs, mumbles]
Rory: !

"Gilmore Girls: Happy Birthday, Baby (#3.18)" (2003)
Fran Westin: So that's a four foot chocolate cake with individual vanilla cupcakes on top spelling out Happy 16th Birthday, Lorelai?
Rory Gilmore: That's right.
Fran Westin: Would you like butter cream or whip cream frosting on that?
Rory Gilmore: Can you do both?
Fran Westin: That's alot of frosting.
Rory Gilmore: I know. But it's my mom's favorite part. Once we tried to make a cake entirely out of frosting, which turned out to be better in theory than in actual execution.
Fran Westin: Well, both frostings it is, then.

Jess: I got the video for tonight.
Rory: What did you get?
Jess: Almost Famous.
Rory: No, not again!
Jess: I can't help it, I'm addicted!
Rory: Fine, but if I'm going to spend two hours sitting there watching Kate Hudson commit suicide again, then we are ordering Indian food.
Jess: Oh, come on!
Rory: Hey, last night when we watched Ed Wood, we got burgers like you wanted to.
Jess: Okay fine, tonight Indian food, but tomorrow Saturday Night Fever and Thai food.
Lane: That's so cute, you're like a really sweet old agoraphobic couple!
Jess: Thank you very much.

Rory: Hey, can you stash this at your house till the party? It's just favors and stuff.
Lane: Ironic, isn't it? You having to hide stuff at my house for a change.
Rory: Life has come full circle.

"Gilmore Girls: Say Goodbye to Daisy Miller (#5.1)" (2004)
Lorelai: Okay, fine. Maybe I did. But you didn't have to accept.
Rory: Yes, I did!
Lorelai: No, Rory, you didn't. You're 19, you're in college, you can handle your own affairs. Sorry, that's a bad choice of words, you can handle your own life events.

Dean Forester: I love you, Rory.
Rory: I love you too, Dean.
[they both smile. Rory suddenly realizes that she's lying on Dean's hand, and the bed is uncomfortably small]
Rory: Are you comfortable? Am I killing your arm.
Dean Forester: My arm is fine.
Rory: I can move...
Dean Forester: Don't you dare move.
Rory: This right here, is - the textbook definition of a perfect moment.
Dean Forester: [laughs] Yeah, it is.

Rory: I was going to be practical, and I was going to be adult, and then...
Lane Kim: Yeah?
Rory: And then he walked in.
Lane Kim: Yeah?
Rory: And he kissed me, and I couldn't think! It was just - and then we...
Lane Kim: Again?
Rory: Well, once you get the hang of it, it's pretty easy to duplicate.
Lane Kim: Where?
Rory: What?
Lane Kim: Where did you do it the second time?
Rory: Miss Patty's.
Lane Kim: You did it at Miss Patty's?
Rory: Yeah.
Lane Kim: She would be so proud.

"Gilmore Girls: Emily Says Hello (#5.9)" (2004)
Paris Geller: I need the exact time of today's sunset.
Rory Gilmore: I'm in the middle of an article.
Paris Geller: Well, if you read faster, you wouldn't be.
Rory Gilmore: Okay, the time of today's sunset is 4:31.
Paris Geller: Okay. Then I just have to keep my mind occupied until 4:31.
Rory Gilmore: Paris.
Paris Geller: What?
Rory Gilmore: Tell me again why you're fasting for Ramadan.
Paris Geller: Look, Rory, if you want to crib your articles from the AP wire, that's your business. I, on the other hand, actually give a rat's ass about journalistic integrity. When I write about Ramadan, I experience Ramadan. Are you chewing gum?
Rory Gilmore: What? Yes, why?
Paris Geller: I'd really prefer it if you didn't chew it *at* me.
Rory Gilmore: Paris, did you know that not eating can make people kind of snippy?

Lorelai Gilmore: Well, if you feel it is best to end the Friday night dinners, then as your mother I feel it is my duty to support you.
Rory Gilmore: I'm not saying we should end Friday night dinners.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, well then, as your mother I feel it is my duty to tell you you're wrong.

Rory Gilmore: So this friday, l'll have dinner with one and you'll have dinner with the other.
Lorelai Gilmore: Uhu, hey, what happend to the idea of ending Friday night dinners ? 'cause l thought that one had real potential.

"Gilmore Girls: You've Been Gilmored (#6.14)" (2006)
Lorelai: You're going to have to tell me how it is living with a guy before I let Luke move in. If it's too creepy he may have to stay with Babette.
Rory: I will.
Lorelai: And I've heard horror stories about toilet seats you wouldn't believe.
Rory: Really? Do tell. Oh, but wait, let me dim the lights and start the fire.
Lorelai: You have a fireplace?
Rory: Wood burning.
Lorelai: I don't think we can be friends anymore.

Rory: You don't need this. You're going to be a doctor!
Paris Geller: Surgeon.
Rory: And a lawyer.
Paris Geller: Judge.

Rory: My books looks sad. Can books look sad?

"Gilmore Girls: Lorelai's Graduation Day (#2.21)" (2002)
Paris: So I told her, "Look missy - "
Rory: You called your advisor "Missy"?
Paris: It was attitudinal. I said I'm not taking AP calculus from Henneman. I'm going with Branch. Branch is a graduate of MIT and HenX-Mozilla-Status: 8000 X-Mozilla-Status2: 00000000 neman went to Berkeley. Berkeley! I mean, he may have majored in math but what did he minor in? Bean sprouts? Forget it. And I'm telling my advisor all this, Mrs. Schlosser, and I look down in her trash can and there's this half-eaten banana in there. Nothing else. And I pictured her sitting in this shoe box of an office eating a banana all by herself and I almost felt sorry for her, but then she questioned my judgement about Berkeley so I eviscerated her. I mean, she was welling up at the end, but she had the decency to hold it in until I was gone. I have enough faculty recommendations to run for student council, so I don't need her anyway. My locker's this way.

Lorelai: Hey, is Jackson in the house? Let me hear you say ehh!
Jackson Belleville: [half asleep] Ehh.
Lorelai: A new toy!
Rory: Shameless...

Lorelai: Do you know how much pressure I felt? Do you? All last week, I felt like a giant man and his brother were sitting on my chest!
Rory: A giant man?
Lorelai: And his giant brother.
Rory: Did they have names?
Lorelai: Clem and Clem. Same names. Which did not reflect well on the imagination of their mothers.
Rory: Mother.
Lorelai: Mothers. There were two Clems.
Rory: Yeah, 'cause they were brothers.
Lorelai: Yes, so they had mothers.
Rory: You're drawing me into your drunken world.
Lorelai: It's not a bad place to be, my friend.

"Gilmore Girls: The Perfect Dress (#6.11)" (2006)
Lorelai: I can't believe you're going to a therapist. You know, they're totally going to ask you about me.
Rory: What?
Lorelai: They always want to ask about your mother. It's okay. Say whatever you want. But make sure you start with "my mother's very hot".
Rory: Yes, that won't seem at all disturbing to the doctor.

[describing their choices of entertainment in Las Vegas]
Lorelai: Well, it came down to Journey without their original lead singer, INXS without their original lead singer, Queen without their original lead singer, The Supremes without Diana and, weirdly, the James Brown Band without James Brown.
Rory: But we wound up seeing Tony Danza, who was sublime!
Lorelai: Oh, the tap dancing!

Dr. Shapiro: You were arrested with your boyfriend?
Rory: Yes, I was.
Dr. Shapiro: Tell me about that.
Rory: About what? He was my boyfriend then and now he's not.
Dr. Shapiro: He's not?
Rory: No, he's not, we broke up. No, oh no, I'm sorry, HE broke up, I thought that we were just taking some time, but apparently, I'm a moron!
Dr. Shapiro: This is Logan?
Rory: What you have his name too? Super! Do you also have the picture of him hijacking me in my hallway earlier today?
Dr. Shapiro: I'm sorry, what?
Rory: I mean, how fair is that? He's gone, and then he shows up out of the blue, 'You cant live here, this place is a dump, and by the way, I love you!' I love you? Is he serious?
Dr. Shapiro: I don't know.
Rory: Nothing, for weeks! And then he just decides that he loves me?
[freaking out]
Rory: So what happens now? I get another Birkin bag? And how long until he doesn't love me again, huh? I stole a boat with him! I never stole a boat with Dean!
Dr. Shapiro: Who's Dean?
Rory: My married ex-boyfriend who I lost my virginity to!
Dr. Shapiro: Wow.
Rory: Yeah, I'm a treat! I don't know what I'm gonna do, I don't think I can take running into him every day in the halls, and in the paper and the coffee cart... Oh my god! I'm gonna have to quit drinking coffee! And I love coffee!
Rory: I really love coffee!

"Gilmore Girls: Dear Emily and Richard (#3.13)" (2003)
Lorelai: It's from my mother.
Rory: What is it?
Lorelai: It's heavy. It must be her hopes and dreams for me.
Rory: I thought she discarded those years ago.

Madeline Lynn: I called last night and asked her to talk me through the Korean War, and she said she was busy.
Louise Grant: Oh she's definitely got a boyfriend.
Madeline Lynn: I know.
Louise Grant: Well I for one think it's about time.
Madeline Lynn: I agree.
Louise Grant: It wasn't healthy, all that non-dating.
Madeline Lynn: Definitely didn't help that whole skin thing she was going through.
Louise Grant: How come she didn't tell us?
Madeline Lynn: I think she just wanted to make sure it was going to take.
Louise Grant: So, tell us, what's this Jamie like?
Rory: You know, I really don't feel like talking about Paris right now. Or ever.
Madeline Lynn: Oh, come on, you know him, we don't.
Louise Grant: Is he sexy?
Madeline Lynn: Does he have a good car?
Louise Grant: How's the trust fund?
Madeline Lynn: How's the profile?
Louise Grant: Will the prom pictures work?
Madeline Lynn: How are his friends?
Louise Grant: Yes! Is there spinoff potential?
[Paris walks by]
Louise Grant: Whoops.
Madeline Lynn: [to Rory] Bye!

Lorelai: Hello?
Rory: Mom, they're giving me gloves.
Lorelai: What are you talking about?
Rory: I don't want gloves, I don't want a gown, I don't wanna be in there.
Lorelai: In where?
Rory: In the delivery room with Sherry.
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Dad's not here yet and she's freaking out and she told the nurse I'm going in.
Lorelai: Where are her other friends?
Rory: They had to work, I'm here all by myself, and I'm trying to be calm but I'm starting to feel nauseous and... and the hospital has a smell, and there are noises, and those gowns do not stay closed, and I've seen a lot of butts today, and and...
Lorelai: Ok sweetie, calm down.
Rory: I need you.
Lorelai: Rory?
Rory: I need you, I need you here, I need you now, I cannot do this alone, I need my mommy and damn it, I don't care who knows it!
Lorelai: What hospital is it?
Rory: Boston Memorial. I really really like you.
Lorelai: Tell Sherry to keep her legs closed till I get there.
Rory: Does that work?
Lorelai: No, bye.

"Gilmore Girls: Just Like Gwen and Gavin (#6.12)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: Maybe this is a cheesy perspective to offer you, but Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale went through the same sort of situation. He found out he had a kid that he didn't know about, but they made it work. As far as I know.
Lorelai Gilmore: Meaning?
Rory Gilmore: If they can, you can.
Lorelai Gilmore: Really?
Rory Gilmore: They're people, you're people. I mean, you don't sing, and neither does Luke, but really neither do Gwen and Gavin. But they're still together. I think. I haven't read anything to the contrary.

Paris Geller: [Their apartment is full of flowers] Oh, terrific. Bring 'em on in, Algernon. The more, the merrier.
Rory Gilmore: It's Logan's doing. What can I do?
Paris Geller: Tell him to stop.
Rory Gilmore: We're not speaking, remember?
Paris Geller: Well, they're putting our lives in jeopardy.
Rory Gilmore: Oh, stop it.
Paris Geller: They scream bling, draw eyes to the apartment. Bad guys see roses, then they come for our diamonds.
Rory Gilmore: We don't have diamonds.
Paris Geller: The Doo-Wop group doesn't know that.
[as Rory is about to put the vase near the window]
Paris Geller: Yeah, by the window is good, next to the neon sign that says "come pistol-whip us".

Paris Geller: Hey. You check in?
Rory Gilmore: Check in?
Paris Geller: The board. The new system? This is the best way for me to know where anyone is at any given time. All the names are on the left. Each coloured magnet represents an activity. If you're out on assignment, it's a red magnet. If you're in the john, it's a blue magnet. If you're at home, a purple magnet. If you're at your desk, it's a green magnet.
Rory Gilmore: But if they're at their desk, you can just glance over and see that they're at their desks.
Paris Geller: But I'd have to glance all around. This saves extraneous glancing. Look, it's not really for people like you. I know you're dedicated. I trust you, but I can't appear to be playing favourites.
Rory Gilmore: I have a class.
Paris Geller: Orange magnet.

"Gilmore Girls: Rory's Birthday Parties (#1.6)" (2000)
Richard: Oh, Rory who's your friend?
Rory: I don't know, but this is Tristan.

Rory: I have now used the word "suck" so much, it's lost all meaning to me.

Lorelai: And I was screaming and swearing, and being surrounded as I was by a hundred prominent doctors, I just assumed there was an actual use for the cup of ice chips they gave me.
Rory: There wasn't.
Lorelai: But pelting the nurses sure was fun.
Rory: I love you, Mom.
Lorelai: Shh. I'm getting to the part where he sees your head. So there I was...

"Gilmore Girls: Let the Games Begin (#3.8)" (2002)
Jess: Hi.
Rory Gilmore: Hey.
Jess: Hi.
Lorelai Gilmore: Hi.
Jess: Hi.
Luke Danes: Hi.
Rory Gilmore: I have to get to school.
Jess: Yeah, me too.
Rory Gilmore: Bye.
Jess: Bye. Bye.
Lorelai Gilmore: Bye.
Rory Gilmore: Bye.
Lorelai Gilmore: Bye.
Rory Gilmore: Bye.
Luke Danes: Bye.
[Jess and Rory leave]
Luke Danes: What the hell was that?
Lorelai Gilmore: That was episode one of "Rory and Jess: The Early Years".

Jess: Sure you don't want a soda?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, I'm sure.
[awkward pause]
Jess: Please let me get you a soda. I gotta do something other than stand here like a moron.
Rory Gilmore: Take comfort in the fact that you are not doing it alone.

Lorelai Gilmore: Don't study so much that you get brilliant, go mad, grow a big bald egghead and try to take over the world, okay? Cause I want to go shoe shopping this weekend.
Rory Gilmore: Promise. I will not go mad until we get you some boots.

"Gilmore Girls: Hammers and Veils (#2.2)" (2001)
Rory Gilmore: Dean, I promise, the *only* way you could be more important to me is if you had a kit-kat bar growing out of your head.
Dean Forester: [pause] I won't make any promises, but I'll work on that.

Man With Saw: You got a hammer?
Rory Gilmore: Oh, yes sir.
Man With Saw: Where is it?
Rory Gilmore: [Rory takes a hammer from her backpack, it is decorated with pink feathers, rhinestones and ribbon] It's a real hammer underneath.
Man With Saw: That's a hammer?
Rory Gilmore: Well, it's just dressed up a little.
Man With Saw: You dressed up a hammer?
Rory Gilmore: No, my mother did. She does that. She um, she takes things that arn't pretty and makes them pretty, like a hammer, you know. One time she made little individual outfits for my liquid paper bottles, A clown, a cowboy... a newscaster. She's not insane. She just sounds it.
Man With Saw: Ok.

Lorelai Gilmore: [Rory and Lorelai are walking through Stars Hollow to Luke's Diner discussing friday night dinner, where she told Emily she was getting married] ''Mom i'm getting married'', I'm an idiot! And you know, as my mouth was opening my mind was screaming ''Don't do it, I meant it, you'll regret it!''. But did my mouth listen?
Rory Gilmore: [looks sad] No.
Lorelai Gilmore: No! And it opened, and the words came out, and Emily was Emily, and my mouth was stunned, and my mind said ''I told you so.'' and then my mouth got mad because no mouth likes to have its nose rubbed in it. And now my mind and my mouth aren't talking, it'll be weeks before we get the boys together again.
Rory Gilmore: Your mouth has a nose?

"Gilmore Girls: Take the Deviled Eggs... (#3.6)" (2002)
Rory Gilmore: You want catharsis?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes.
Rory Gilmore: I know what'll do it for you.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Jess' car.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: We egg Jess' car. It's perfect!
Lorelai Gilmore: Are you serious?
Rory Gilmore: No one's around. It's just sitting there.
Lorelai Gilmore: Rory, if rearranging Sherry's medicine cabinet is immature, what's this?
Rory Gilmore: Off the chart!
Lorelai Gilmore: We can't egg his car.
Rory Gilmore: Sure we can.
Lorelai Gilmore: Doose's is closed and we don't have any eggs at home.
[Rory holds up the leftover devil's eggs]
Lorelai Gilmore: You want to devil egg Jess' car?

Taylor Doose: The bottom line is that too many birds are landing atop the streetlights and relieving themselves on helpless passersby. And I daresay that some of these birds seem to be doing it on purpose.
Babette Dell: You get dumped on, Taylor?
Taylor Doose: It's not just me.
Luke Danes: Hey, if anybody has a picture of Taylor getting dumped on, I'll pay top dollar.
Kirk Gleason: I'll check the internet.
Miss Patty: Taylor, all animals have to... you know. How are you gonna stop birds from doing that?
Taylor Doose: Easy. You put sharp metal spikes on the top of the fixtures. Then when they land, pow! They're shish kebab!
Rory Gilmore: That's cruel.
Babette Dell: You can't do that.
Andrew: I'd rather have bird crap fall on my head.
Lorelai Gilmore: There it is, our new town slogan.
Rory Gilmore: I like it.
Lorelai Gilmore: I see coffee mugs, T-shirts.
Rory Gilmore: Don't forget the stuffed shish-kebab birds.
Lorelai Gilmore: That moan when you squeeze them!

Taylor Doose: Could this meeting be more disrupted?
Lorelai Gilmore: I could do a soft shoe.
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, while I pound out a beat on the bongos.
Babette Dell: Ooh, that sounds like fun!
Miss Patty: I got bongos in the back!
Taylor Doose: Seeing as how our attention spans are gnat-like tonight, as town Selectman I am refusing the town loner's request to protest and I am adjourning this meeting.

"Gilmore Girls: The Lorelais' First Day at Yale (#4.2)" (2003)
Lorelai: Tana, how old are you?
Tana Schrick: Sixteen.
Rory Gilmore: Sixteen?
Tana Schrick: On Tuesday.
Lorelai: Happy Birthday, Doogie.
Tana Schrick: [happily] Thank you.

Luke: Where's your mom?
[Rory points to Lorelai, who is driving Luke's truck in reverse]
Luke: What the hell is she doing?
Rory Gilmore: She didn't know how to get it out of reverse.
Luke: So she drove it in reverse all the way from her house?

Lorelai: Do you know how vulnerable you are to venereal disease?
Rory Gilmore: All hail to the queen of the non sequiturs.
Lorelai: This parent orientation I went to was a nonstop litany of the horrors awaiting college freshman. You're supposed to carry a whistle, a flashlight, a crucifix, and a loaded Glock with you at all times.

"Gilmore Girls: The Road Trip to Harvard (#2.4)" (2001)
Lorelai Gilmore: [looking in her purse for food] Hey look!
Rory Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: Certs!
Rory Gilmore: Really?
Lorelai Gilmore: I can't for the life of me remember the last time I bought Certs.
Rory Gilmore: Gross!
Lorelai Gilmore: Look, they're fuzzy.
Lorelai Gilmore: [later] Rory?
Rory Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: I ate the fuzzy Certs.
Rory Gilmore: What?
Lorelai Gilmore: They tasted like keys.
Rory Gilmore: Ew! We need to get you some food.
Lorelai Gilmore: Bless you!

Lorelai Gilmore: I am a grown woman!
Rory Gilmore: Says the woman with a hello kitty waffle iron.

Lorelai Gilmore: Hmmmm. They're taller.
Rory Gilmore: Not this again.
Lorelai Gilmore: There's more of them.
Rory Gilmore: Mom, the flowers on the wallpaper are not growing or reproducing.

"Gilmore Girls: The Fundamental Things Apply (#4.5)" (2003)
Emily: You're in Yale, not Amsterdam. How you conduct yourself socially is as important as how you conduct yourself academically.
Rory Gilmore: I promise it was very proper.
Lorelai: Yes Mom, she had a nice Tiffany lampshade over her red light.

Lorelai: So the guy's a dud?
Rory Gilmore: Trevor's fine, I'm moronic, I bring the conversation to a crashing halt every time I speak.
Lorelai: Where is he now?
Rory Gilmore: In the bathroom, probably pondering my brilliant anecdote about urine mints...
Lorelai: What?
Rory Gilmore: You know, when people go to the bathroom and they don't wash their hands and they come out and take a mint.
Lorelai: [gasp] Oh my God, I've been eating those mints for years!
[to Luke]
Lorelai: Hey did you know about urine mints?

"Gilmore Girls: A Tale of Poes and Fire (#3.17)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: I gotta go, but call me if there's any news.
Lorelai Gilmore: You mean if Michel kills Babette, then Miss Partty, them himself, and then it's a bizarre murder, suicide.
Rory Gilmore: Amongst other things.

Paris Geller: I did tell my mother about having sex with Jamie and her only reaction was to talk about how my father hasn't pleased her in 15 years.
Rory Gilmore: Yikes!
Paris Geller: Like I couldn't tell.

"Gilmore Girls: Swan Song (#3.14)" (2003)
Rory: Alright, let's make it a foursome.

Rory: He showed up with a big black eye
Lorelai: A black guy?
Rory: A black *eye!*

"Gilmore Girls: To Live and Let Diorama (#5.18)" (2005)
Rory Gilmore: Why doesn't he like me, why won't he call me, what did I do?
Rory Gilmore: Mom.
Lorelai Gilmore: Shhh.

Lorelai Gilmore: Kirk? Turn off the TV and come have your breakfast.
Kirk: In a minute.
Lorelai Gilmore: Now.
Paris Geller: How old is he?
Rory Gilmore: You'd have to cut him open and count the rings.

"Gilmore Girls: Lorelai Out of Water (#3.12)" (2003)
Rory: Hug-a-World!
Lorelai: What?
Rory: Hug-a-World, it's my Hug-a-World.
Lorelai: Where's the world?
Rory: It's faded.
Lorelai: Oh, wait, I can see something.
Rory: Canada.
Lorelai: Canada, nice. Okay.
Rory: What are you doing?
Lorelai: I'm throwing it out.
Rory: You can't throw out Hug-a-World.
Lorelai: I'm not throwing out Hug-a-World, I'm throwing out Hug-a-Canada.

Rory: I learned my seven continents on Hug-a-World, don't you remember? We used to squeeze it as tight as we could and then wherever our pinkies would end up, that's where we were going to go together when I grew up.
Rory: Yes, many a trip to Uzbekistan was planned that way.

"Gilmore Girls: In the Clamor and the Clangor (#4.11)" (2004)
Lane Kim: It's people like you who are destroying music.
Rory Gilmore: Oh no, Britney's got some of the blame.

Rory Gilmore: The floor wasn't too comfortable, huh?
Lane Kim: No it was fine... till Paris came home and stepped on my face.

"Gilmore Girls: Kill Me Now (#1.3)" (2000)
Lorelai: I'm talking about that you take my sweaters and you wear them and you stretch them out.
Rory: I couldn't possibly stretch them out! Your boobs are way bigger than mine.
Lorelai: That is not true.
Rory: Yes it is.
Lorelai: Your boobs are totally bigger than mine!
Rory: You're crazy!
Lorelai: Do you want to measure?
Rory: What?
Lorelai: I'm serious. Why don't you get the measuring tape right now?
Rory: I am not going to measure my boobs.
Lorelai: Because you know that you are totally bigger.
Rory: I'm going inside.
Lorelai: Fine, don't measure. We'll just compare bras.

Lorelai: What's with the hat?
Rory: Grandma gave it to me.
Lorelai: Aw, now that's just mean.

"Gilmore Girls: The Breakup: Part 2 (#1.17)" (2001)
Rory Gilmore: I'm ready to wallow now.

Rory Gilmore: Paris needs no embellishment!

"Gilmore Girls: A Family Matter (#4.12)" (2004)
Lorelai Gilmore: Was she at the professor's again last night?
Rory Gilmore: Yes, but she claims she was up all night cramming.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, she was.

Lorelai Gilmore: Were you supposed to meet me here?
Rory Gilmore: Nope, I'm a surprise.
Lorelai Gilmore: As was your conception.
Rory Gilmore: I'll be two minutes.
Lorelai Gilmore: As was your conception.

"Gilmore Girls: Dead Uncles and Vegetables (#2.17)" (2002)
Jess Mariano: I'll be down in a minute.
Rory Gilmore: No, now.
Jess Mariano: I'm in the middle of something!
Rory Gilmore: Just assume that Jeannie's gonna get Major Healey out of whatever scrape he's in.
Jess Mariano: Gee, thanks for spoiling it for me.

Taylor: Mhmm, just what I thought. This is not the proper permit for this kind of business. This is a type 24B otherwise known as a cart, kiosk, cart/kiosk permit. This is not valid for your business.
The 2nd Troubadour: Why did you say it twice?
Taylor: Hmm?
Babette: You said cart kiosk cart kiosk!
Lorelai: Its repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: Its repetitive.
Rory: And redundant.
Lorelai: We certainly are entertaining, Mac!
Rory: Indubitably, Tosh.

"Gilmore Girls: Like Mother, Like Daughter (#2.7)" (2001)
Rory: This is the headmaster's office. How did she get the keys? I'm sure he didn't give them to her.
Paris: Stop it. We are making very important social contacts here.
Rory: Hey, I'm not looking for social contacts. I have friends. I'm fine.
Paris: Well, how nice it must be to be you. Maybe someday I'll stumble into a Disney movie and suddenly be transported into your body, and after living there awhile, I'll finally realize the beauty of myself. But until that moment, I'm going to go in there and I'm going to become a Puff. Now get out of my way.

Lemon: Lorelai? That's a weird name.
Rory: Well, Lem, what can I say, Lem?

"Gilmore Girls: Love, Daisies and Troubadours (#1.21)" (2001)
Rory: Dean!
Dean: What?
Rory: Stop...
Dean: Why?
Rory: Because I love you, you idiot.

Rory: Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what needed to say, and it would be beautiful, and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be song writers, so some of us will never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know that we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever... So give this guy a license!

"Gilmore Girls: Love and War and Snow (#1.8)" (2000)
Emily: This is a serious problem. These Friday dinners are the only proper food that child eats all week.
Richard: Rory, are you in any way malnourished or in need of some international relief organization to recruit a celebrity to raise money on your account?
Rory: I'm good.
Richard: She's good, Emily.
Emily: Your sense of humor rears its ugly head at the oddest of times, Richard.

[at a town meeting, about the Battle of Stars Hollow re-enactment]
Lorelai: Where's Luke?
[Rory spots him a few seats ahead of them]
Rory: There.
Mayor Harry Porter: Patty will be circulating a sign-up sheet for those of you who would like to participate in the re-enactment of the aforesaid battle.
Rory: [watching Luke] He's turning red.
Mayor Harry Porter: All right. "It was a frigid November night some 224 years ago..."
Lorelai: [watching Luke] He's shifting in his seat!
Mayor Harry Porter: "... Stars Hollow Militia stood in wait for the redcoats."
Rory: He's adjusting the cap.
Lorelai: *gasp* Ooh!
Mayor Harry Porter: "Tired and hungry, 12 proud men took their positions in the town square."
Lorelai: He's fighting the urge, he's fighting the urge!
Mayor Harry Porter: "... and imminent death in their valiant efforts..."
Luke: [bursting out] Oh for God's sake, do we have to go through this every damn year?
Lorelai: Yes!
Rory: And the urge wins by a long shot.

"Gilmore Girls: They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They? (#3.7)" (2002)
Rory: I used to hang up on Dean all the time.
Dean: You did?
Lane: I remember that!
Dean: When did you hang up on me?
Rory: Right when we first met.
Dean: You should have just said something.
Rory: I couldn't do that.
Dean: Why not?
Rory: Because then you would have known that I was calling, and therefore that I liked you.
Dean: Yes, but I liked you too.
Rory: Well, I know that now.
Dean: You could have known that then.
Rory: Dean, please, this is a girl thing.

[both very tired, dancing at the marathon]
Lorelai: Tell me a joke.
Rory: Knock knock...
Lorelai: [they both start laughing]

"Gilmore Girls: He's Slippin' 'Em Bread... Dig? (#6.10)" (2005)
Lane Kim: Hey, do you wanna be our D.A. Pennebaker? We're borrowing a videocamera and we need someone sober to do the photography.
Rory Gilmore: I can set my crack pipe aside for a night and do that.

[Michel enters the room and sees Rory back at the inn]
Michel Gerard: [joyously] Rory!
Rory Gilmore: Oh, hi, wow, Michel!
Michel Gerard: [reservedly] Eh... hi.
Lorelai Gilmore: Boy, that was weird.
Michel Gerard: She just surprised me, that's all... It's kind of okay that you are here.

"Gilmore Girls: Twenty-One Is the Loneliest Number (#6.7)" (2005)
Rory: My mom and I have been planning for my 21st birthday since... well, my first memory is kindergarten, but I have a feeling she was talking about it before that. We had this whole big thing planned.

Reverend Boteright: You know, Rory, being a young lady comes with many gifts. Your virtue, for example, is a gift, a precious gift, possibly the most precious gift you possess.
Rory: Uh huh...
Reverend Boteright: You want to give this gift very carefully. It is a gift you can only give to one man. Once you give it, it's gone, you cant re-gift it. If you give it away too soon, to the wrong man, then when the right one does come along, you have no gift to give... you'll have to buy him a sweater. Do you understand what I'm saying?
Rory: No.
Reverend Boteright: Think long and hard about when and to whom you want to give the ultimate gift you have to give away.
Rory: Oh.
Reverend Boteright: Yes.
Rory: Oh dear...
Reverend Boteright: Oh dear indeed.
Rory: Um, well, listen, Reverend, I really appreciate you taking the time out of what I assume is a busy day to come here and talk to me about... all of this, but I'm afraid the ultimate gift ship has sailed.
Reverend Boteright: What?
Rory: A while ago... it's probably in Fiji by now.

"Gilmore Girls: A-Tisket, A-Tasket (#2.13)" (2002)
Rory Gilmore: Please, don't walk away like that!
Dean Forester: Sorry, I'd do a silly walk, but I'm not feeling very John Cleese right now.

Jess Mariano: You know, I like this place.
Rory Gilmore: Wow, a place in Stars Hollow you actually like.
Jess Mariano: You see that spot over there?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah.
Jess Mariano: That's where Luke pushed me in.
Rory Gilmore: Pff.
Jess Mariano: Are you mad or something?
Rory Gilmore: I just don't want to be in a fight with Dean.
Jess Mariano: I'm sorry about that. Do you want to push me in a lake?
Rory Gilmore: Maybe later.

"Gilmore Girls: The Lorelais' First Day at Chilton (#1.2)" (2000)
Lorelai: Hey, what do you think of Luke?
Rory: What do you mean?
Lorelai: I mean, do you think he's cute?
Rory: Oh, no. No way.
Lorelai: No way what?
Rory: You cannot date Luke.
Lorelai: I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: If you date him, you'll break up, and we'll never be able to eat there again.
Lorelai: I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Rory: Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
Lorelai: I cannot believe what I'm hearing. Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.

Rory: [about the Chilton students] They kept calling me "Mary."
Lorelai: You're kidding me. Wow, I cannot believe they still say that!
Rory: What?
Lorelai: Mary, like Virgin Mary. It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
Rory: You're kidding.
Lorelai: No.
Rory: Well, what would have called me if they thought I looked like a slut?
Lorelai: Well, they might have added a "Magdalene" to it.

"Gilmore Girls: Bon Voyage (#7.22)" (2007)
[last lines]
Lorelai Gilmore: I'll get you a thermos, that says "World's Greatest Reporter," to match your cap.
Rory Gilmore: Oh yeah, about that, I meant to tell you, that I left that cap at home.
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Well, it wasn't very flattering.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, how will people know you're the world's greatest reporter?
Rory Gilmore: I don't know.
Lorelai Gilmore: I guess they'll just have to read your stuff.
Rory Gilmore: I guess so.

Lorelai Gilmore: ...Do they make flasks for hot beverages?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah, it's called a Thermos.

"Gilmore Girls: You Jump, I Jump, Jack (#5.7)" (2004)
Rory: High. We are very high.
Logan: I've been higher.
Rory: I meant distance from the ground.
Logan: That too.

Rory: I am not a fan of ladders.
Logan: They scare the crap out of me too.

"Gilmore Girls: The Incredible Sinking Lorelais (#4.14)" (2004)
Lorelai: [to Rory's answering machine] Hey Rory it's me, how's school? You learning stuff? Listen, we have the horses, Desdemona and Cletus, and the first two rides have to be me and you, hopefully you're over the time that I took you for the pony ride and the pony was old and just sort of stopped and laid down and you sort of rolled off into the ditch, it's really not likely to happen again, I promise, so call me, call me.
Rory Gilmore: [later, to Lorelai's answering machine] Mom, it's me, I left you a message at home too. I love that you got horses, as far as that pony ride when I was a kid, you're forgetting one little tidbit there, that pony did not lie down... he died ok... he died... and then the owner dragged him away by the back legs, everytime I use glue I think of him, but I'll watch you ride how's that?

Rory Gilmore: Are you still going to school too?
Dean Forester: Part time, but everything's good, I've got a 5 year plan.
Rory Gilmore: 5 years? Cool... I've got about the next 2 and a half hours planned... then there's just darkness... and possibly some dragons.

"Gilmore Girls: Sadie, Sadie (#2.1)" (2001)
Rory Gilmore: Oh, you should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra, with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.
Lorelai: [Smiles widely] Pot roast.

Rory Gilmore: So, what kind of dress are you thinking of?
Lorelai: Um, the one Stephanie Seymour wore in the Guns N' Roses video.

"Gilmore Girls: Raincoats and Recipes (#4.22)" (2004)
Lorelai: I think I'm dating Luke.
Rory Gilmore: What? How? Where?
Lorelai: Well, we went to his sister's wedding and it was really nice, we had a really good time. We laughed a lot and we ate, and then we danced...
Rory Gilmore: Danced... how?
Lorelai: We pop-locked.
Rory Gilmore: Was it a fast dance, slow dance, group dance...?
Lorelai: It was a slow dance... what's a group dance?
Rory Gilmore: The Hustle. The Hora.
Lorelai: No Hustle. No Hora. It was a waltz. Luke can Waltz.
Rory Gilmore: Luke can Waltz?
Lorelai: Luke can *Waltz*
Rory Gilmore: Look how you just said "Luke can Waltz"!
Lorelai: What? I was just saying I'm surprised Luke can Waltz.
Rory Gilmore: That sounded more like "I'm surprised I still have my clothes on"!
Lorelai: Oh, stop!

Lorelai: Let's just go back in there, and *see* if anything's weird, okay?
Rory Gilmore: Okay.
[they re-enter Luke's Diner]
Luke Danes: Is everything okay?
Lorelai: Yes.
[slips and nearly knocks over a table]
Luke Danes: I'll get the broom.
Rory Gilmore: *That* was a little weird.

"Gilmore Girls: Bridesmaids Revisited (#6.16)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: I have to move out of Logans' apartment.
Doyle McMaster: Why?
Rory Gilmore: Because, Logan had many many blondes for Thanksgiving.

Rory Gilmore: Logan and I broke up, too. Today. I'm moving out.
Paris Geller: How come?
Rory Gilmore: He cheated on me... with an entire wedding party.

"Gilmore Girls: Here Comes the Son (#3.21)" (2003)
Rory: Louise, what is your grandmother wearing to graduation?
Louise: Hopefully the pearls I get when she kicks.

Rory: I can't finish all this and sleep at the same time.
Lorelai: You have to sleep. It's what keeps you pretty.
Rory: Who cares if I'm pretty if I fail my finals?
Lorelai: Oh-kay. You've got this so completely backwards.

"Gilmore Girls: The Great Stink (#7.5)" (2006)
Lorelai: Bring Bring. Hi Rory, how are you?
Rory: Oh Logan's in town
Lorelai: Oh my goodness, that's wonderful
Rory: We're farming rutabagas
Lorelai: Oh! You're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, Pickles, Pickles, smell, pickle train conducting.

Rory: Hey, what's going on?
Lorelai: Well, Stars Hollow smells like pickles...
Rory: Pickles?
Lorelai: Pickles
Rory: Pickles pickles?
Lorelai: Pickles

"Gilmore Girls: Say Something (#5.14)" (2005)
Lorelai: [talking about Luke] He could have been the one.
Rory: He'll come around.

Rory: Well, you're awake now. Can I ask you a question?
Paris Geller: Bite me.
Rory: Were there any messages for me?
Paris Geller: Yes. Four other people called and asked that you bite me.

"Gilmore Girls: Nick & Nora/Sid & Nancy (#2.5)" (2001)
Lane Kim: I found the greatest record store in the whole world, it's 10 minutes from your school. And I wondered how much you love me?
Rory Gilmore: Address?

Rory Gilmore: Beegees, really?
Lane Kim: Mojo says.
Rory Gilmore: So it must be true.

"Gilmore Girls: Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days (#3.1)" (2002)
Lorelai Gilmore: [talking to Rory about her dream] And then, he kissed me and talked to my stomach.
Rory Gilmore: Why would he talk to your stomach.
Lorelai Gilmore: Because, apparently I was pregnant - with twins.

Paris Geller: I wish I knew if he was right for me. You know? So I don't put myself through all of this for nothing? I mean women fall for men who are wrong for them all of the time, and then they get sidetracked from their goals. They give up careers and become alcoholics and, if you're Sunny von Bülow, wind up in a coma completely incapable of stopping Glenn Close from playing you in a movie.
Rory Gilmore: I think you should wear your hair down.

"Gilmore Girls: Rory's Dance (#1.9)" (2000)
Rory Gilmore: Hey Sookie, look.
Sookie St. James: [gasps] Oh, my goodness. You're a movie star! I'm serious. At some point tonight, walk down a flight of stairs. Movie stars always walk down staircases.

"Gilmore Girls: Wedding Bell Blues (#5.13)" (2005)
Logan: Rory, you're special.
Rory: Like, "Stop eating the paste" special?

"Gilmore Girls: Driving Miss Gilmore (#6.21)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: I could kill him!
Logan Huntzberger: You'd have to get in a very long line.
Rory Gilmore: The man should be drawn and quartered.
Logan Huntzberger: There's no fast pass, either. You just got to wait.
Rory Gilmore: Quartering's too good for him. He should be eighthed, sixteenthed.
Logan Huntzberger: I don't know; you quarter a guy, he's in four pieces. That's tough to recover from.
Rory Gilmore: He should be stretched on a rack, iron maidened, strappadoed.
Logan Huntzberger: Oh, my god. What is strappadoed?
Rory Gilmore: When you suspend him in the air with a rope tied to his hands that are tied behind his back.
Logan Huntzberger: You're scaring me with your knowledge of torture.
Rory Gilmore: I did a paper on the attorney general. It comes with the territory.

"Gilmore Girls: Afterboom (#4.19)" (2004)
Rory Gilmore: FIRE!
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Nothing, I was just feeling left out.

"Gilmore Girls: Fight Face (#6.2)" (2005)
Lorelai: Repaying your debt to society, I assume.
Rory: That's what this is.
Lorelai: System already hardened you?
Rory: So I guess congratulations are in order?
Lorelai: So how are things at the new digs?
Rory: You guys set a date yet?
Lorelai: Grandma re-decorate the pool house yet?
Rory: Be sure to send me a picture!
Lorelai: Be sure to send me a change of address card! Grandma can print them out for you with a little fleur-de-lis.
Rory: I'm not supposed to be talking to outsiders.
Lorelai: Fine.
[She turns and walks away]
Rory: You and Luke getting engaged and not telling me about it? You hurt me!
Lorelai: Back at you!

"Gilmore Girls: Ballrooms and Biscotti (#4.1)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: What do you need rosary beads for?
Lorelai Gilmore: They're cute.
Rory Gilmore: They're for prayer.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, pray they match my blue suit?

"Gilmore Girls: A Vineyard Valentine (#6.15)" (2006)
Lorelai Gilmore: [after receiving a massage] Oh wow, I was like in a zen trance, totally somewhere else.
Rory Gilmore: Me too, I was in Greece. Where were you?
Lorelai Gilmore: Bergdorf Goodman.

"Gilmore Girls: Double Date (#1.12)" (2001)
Lorelai: Okay, so... How important is this business school, anyway? I mean, so what if I never run my own inn? I like my job, I like my house, I like my life. And I certainly don't wanna be one of those people who are never satisfied with what they have, you know? I mean, some people don't have legs... or arms. I have legs. And arms. What could I possibly want more than legs and arms, I mean, I could take all the classes in the world, they're still not gonna give me what I already have.
Rory Gilmore: Legs and arms.
Lorelai: Yes... Am I sounding completely crazy?
Rory Gilmore: Yes, you are.
Lorelai: Walmart is boring!

"Gilmore Girls: The Hobbit, the Sofa, and Digger Stiles (#4.3)" (2003)
Paris: [refering to the twins] Yo, Pim and Bim, up. Out!
Rory Gilmore: Sorry. She's my roomate. Call me.

"Gilmore Girls: That Damn Donna Reed (#1.14)" (2001)
Luke Danes: Painting's a pain. I'd have to close for a day, which I can't afford, or paint it in the middle of the night which I don't want to do because I hate painting.
Lorelai Gilmore: Okay, how about this? I'll help you. I love to paint.
Luke Danes: You do?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, I do.
Luke Danes: You love it?
Lorelai Gilmore: I want to marry it.
Luke Danes: You have strange passions.
Rory Gilmore: She likes washing dishes too. She's multifaced abnormal.

"Gilmore Girls: New and Improved Lorelai (#6.1)" (2005)
Paris Geller: Aren't you worried that one night you're going to sleepwalk right into that pool and drown?
Rory Gilmore: I am *now*.

"Gilmore Girls: Forgiveness and Stuff (#1.10)" (2000)
Rory Gilmore: You just want to hold a grudge.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes. Burns more calories.
Rory Gilmore: That's not true.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes it is. How do you think your grandma got those legs of hers? She's not exactly a Stairmaster gal.

"Gilmore Girls: Let Me Hear Your Balalaikas Ringing Out (#6.8)" (2005)
Emily Gilmore: You are becoming more like your mother with every passing day.
Rory Gilmore: And you're becoming more like my mother's mother with every passing day.

"Gilmore Girls: Chicken or Beef? (#4.4)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: [visiting from Yale to find the house's new alarm blasting] I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here!
Lorelai Gilmore: Oh that is not true. Plenty happens here.
Rory Gilmore: Like what?
Lorelai Gilmore: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
Rory Gilmore: I heard about that.
Lorelai Gilmore: And we have a new mail carrier.
Rory Gilmore: We do?
Lorelai Gilmore: Yeah. So now, if you want to get your mail, you have to go see Miss Patty.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kinda fun.
Rory Gilmore: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.

"Gilmore Girls: I Can't Get Started (#2.22)" (2002)
Lorelai Gilmore: You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
Rory Gilmore: Hmm.
Lorelai Gilmore: I mean, think about it, you never here the word oy and not smile. Impossible. Funny, funny word.
Emily Gilmore: Oh dear God.
Lorelai Gilmore: Poodle is another funny word.
Emily Gilmore: Please drink your drink, Lorelai.
Lorelai Gilmore: In fact if you put oy and poodle in the same sentence, you'd have a great new catch phrase. You know, like, oy with the poodles already!
Rory Gilmore: Hehe.
Lorelai Gilmore: So from now one when the perfect circumstances arrise, we will use out favortie new catch phrase...
Rory Gilmore: Oy with the poodles already!
Lorelai Gilmore: I'm telling you, it's knocking Whatcha doing Willis? right out of first place.
Emily Gilmore: Lorelai for God's sake be quiet.

"Gilmore Girls: It's Just Like Riding a Bike (#7.19)" (2007)
Rory: Hey, hey, you got into Stanford!
[Doyle and Rory start cheering]
Paris: Okay, enough of the hysterics. I have a big decision to make ,and all of this hooting and hollering is not exactly helping matters!

"Gilmore Girls: One's Got Class and the Other One Dyes (#3.4)" (2002)
[Rory and Lane are shopping for hair dye]
Lane Kim: God! There's a lot of cheese associated with the color pink. How about blue?
Rory Gilmore: Blue isn't right for your skin tone. And I agree with you about pink. What about purple?
Lane Kim: Yes purple.

"Gilmore Girls: Unto the Breach (#7.21)" (2007)
Logan Huntzberger: If I could, I'd also like to say a few words about my girlfriend of the last 3 years. You amaze me, Rory Gilmore. Everyday, everything that you do, everything that you are. This past year I learned that I don't know a whole lot more than I thought I knew, if that makes sense. I'm sorry, I'm a little bit nervous and I didn't think I would be. What I'm trying to say is, I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you, and I want to be with you.
Logan Huntzberger: [Takes out ring] Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?
Rory Gilmore: ...Um... Wow! Um, wow... I... wow...
Logan Huntzberger: Is there a 'yes' in between those 'wow's?
Rory Gilmore: Um, I just... I'm so surprised. Um... um... Will you come outside with me?
Logan Huntzberger: Sure.

"Gilmore Girls: Red Light on the Wedding Night (#2.3)" (2001)
Rory Gilmore: [as Lorelai keeps searching for sunscreen and other stuff to get in their spontaneous roadtrip] Mom, stop!
Lorelai Gilmore: What?
Rory Gilmore: Are you and Max getting married?
Lorelai Gilmore: [pauses] No.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Because I didn't want to try my wedding dress every night.

"Gilmore Girls: Norman Mailer, I'm Pregnant! (#5.6)" (2004)
Rory Gilmore: They say absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Dean Forester: Yeah. Sex can do that also.

"Gilmore Girls: So... Good Talk (#5.16)" (2005)
Rory Gilmore: [after Lane brought her a disgusting cheesburger from sad Luke] Thanks for the concept of lunch.

"Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life: Spring (#1.2)" (2016)
Lorelai Gilmore: Michel's leaving.
Rory Gilmore: No, he's not.
Lorelai Gilmore: Well, he's getting restless.
Rory Gilmore: That's just Michel. Play him some Skrillex, that always calms him.
Lorelai Gilmore: The Dragonfly was a dream Sookie and I had. It was a pals' place. And then she left, which sucked, but I still had Michel. Michel is for me what Paris is for you.
Rory Gilmore: Your angry friend.
Lorelai Gilmore: My angry friend.

"Gilmore Girls: A Messenger, Nothing More (#5.2)" (2004)
Lane Kim: I need to know if you think I'm in love with Zach, 'cause a dirty trollop suggested it, and they're generally reliable about these things.
Rory Gilmore: A dirty trollop?
Lane Kim: She said something to me and gave me this sort of knowing, worldly look that seemed to suggest I was acting in a way that said I have a thing for Zach, or she was hitting on me. I just need to know your thought on this.

"Gilmore Girls: Luke Can See Her Face (#4.20)" (2004)
Rory Gilmore: Hello?
Lorelai: They know.
Rory Gilmore: Who knows?
Lorelai: The cats. They know that I've broken up with Jason and that I'm alone, and they've decided that it's time for me to become a crazy cat lady.

"Gilmore Girls: Lorelai's First Cotillion (#7.3)" (2006)
Rory Gilmore: Hey you're gonna wow 'em at your cotillion.
Beverly: Did you ever attend a cotillion?
Rory Gilmore: No, I haven't actually, but I had a coming out party.
Lorelai Gilmore: And I totally supported her decision, she shouldn't have to hide her love for women.

"Gilmore Girls: Star-Crossed Lovers and Other Strangers (#1.16)" (2001)
Rory: We're having one of those moments, right now.
Dean: What moment's?
Rory: One of those moment's when everything is so perfect and so wonderful that... you almost feel sad because nothing could ever be this good again.
Dean: So, basically, I'm depressing you?
Rory: Yep.
Dean: [chuckles] You're very weird.
Rory: And you're wonderful.

"Gilmore Girls: We've Got Magic to Do (#6.5)" (2005)
Paris Geller: What do I do?
Rory Gilmore: You'll just have to do what everyone else who needs money has to do.
Paris Geller: What's that?
Rory Gilmore: What people do.
Paris Geller: What am I, a mindreader?
Rory Gilmore: Get a job.
Paris Geller: A job. I've never had a job. I don't know the first thing about having a job. All I've got on my resume is academic achievements, which will mean doodly-squat when I'm in line with eleven thousand people vying for an opening in the gardening department at Walmart.

"Gilmore Girls: Back in the Saddle Again (#2.18)" (2002)
Rory Gilmore: Mom, um, I know you're probably not gonna want to do this...
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes I will! Unless it's something I don't want to do.
Rory Gilmore: Do you want to be the parent advisor on my economics project?
Lorelai Gilmore: Ooh, Rory, gosh.
Rory Gilmore: I'm kind of in a spot.
Lorelai Gilmore: No one else can do it?
Rory Gilmore: Nope.
Lorelai Gilmore: You checked?
Rory Gilmore: Yes.
Lorelai Gilmore: You double-checked?
Rory Gilmore: Yes.
Lorelai Gilmore: And no one else can do it so you came slumming after me and I'm your last choice?
Rory Gilmore: Of course.
Lorelai Gilmore: [giggles] I appreciate that.

"Gilmore Girls: The Party's Over (#5.8)" (2004)
Logan Huntzberger: So, who's it going to be?
Rory Gilmore: What?
Logan Huntzberger: Well, this shindig is an obvious meat market. I get the feeling your grandparents are expecting you to choose someone tonight. So...
Finn: Me! Pick me.
[Falls on one knee, presenting Rory with flowers and champagne]
Colin McCrae: No me.
[All the other guys in the room join in, saying "Pick me!"]
Finn: But I'm exotic!
Colin McCrae: So is the Asian bird flu!
Logan Huntzberger: Wow. A room full of guys and still extremely slim pickings.

"Gilmore Girls: Go, Bulldogs! (#7.6)" (2006)
Christopher Hayden: Apparently the crème brûlée is to die for.
Rory Gilmore: Since when do you say 'to die for'?
Lorelai Gilmore: Since he got addicted to Project Runway.
Christopher Hayden: Make it work!

"Gilmore Girls: Concert Interruptus (#1.13)" (2001)
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, you didn't wake me up.
Rory Gilmore: I set the clock.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes, but see, the clock stops ringing once I throw it against the wall, giving me ample time to fall back to sleep; you, however, never stop yapping no matter how hard I throw you, thus ensuring the whole wake-up process!
Lane Kim: [pause] I'm gonna get a soda. Anybody want anything?
Rory Gilmore: Gum.
Lorelai Gilmore: Yes. The night of my fourteenth birthday back, so I could right the green-hot-pant-roller-disco-outfit wrong. Ugh.
Lane Kim: Coming right up.

"Gilmore Girls: Face-Off (#3.15)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: [to Luke's and Jess's answering machine] It's me. I just wanted to let you know that this is the last weekend I spend sitting around like an idiot hoping you'll call. Okay? I'm not going to be that girl. From now on, I want a plan. I mean a real plan with a time and a place. And I'm tired of hearing "Let's hook up later." What does that mean, anyway? What's later? How do I set my watch to later? Later doesn't cut it any more, got it? And, yeah, you know, maybe I am spoiled; but guess what, I like being spoiled! I plan to go on being spoiled. And if that doesn't sound like something that you can or want to do, then, fine! I'm sure you'll find another girl who doesn't mind sitting around cleaning her keyboard on a Friday night hoping you'll call. But it's not going to be me!
[almost hangs up]
Rory Gilmore: Oh, yeah. This is a message for Jess.

"Gilmore Girls: An Affair to Remember (#4.6)" (2003)
[Rory walks into her bedroom and discovers Lorelai and Sookie are using it to store several hundred tarts for a catering event.]
Rory Gilmore: You quiched my room!
Sookie St. James: They're not quiche. They're broccoli tarts.
Rory Gilmore: Then you tarted up my room.

"Gilmore Girls: I Solemnly Swear (#3.11)" (2003)
Paris Geller: Have you looked over the votes for commencement speaker?
Rory Gilmore: Yeah.
Paris Geller: Are the ones for Princess Diana's butler jokes or real?
Rory Gilmore: I'd say jokes.
Paris Geller: What about the ones for Dr. Phil?
Rory Gilmore: I think real.

"Gilmore Girls: Lost and Found (#2.15)" (2002)
[Looking for Rory's braclet that Dean made her]
Lorelai: Find anything?
Rory: Just grandma's pen.
Lorelai: Leave it there.
Rory: Why?
Lorelai: It makes life fun.

"Gilmore Girls: The Bracebridge Dinner (#2.10)" (2001)
Lorelai Gilmore: Hey, I have a new year's resolution for you: Become more cynical and self-absorbed.
Rory Gilmore: I'll work on it.

"Gilmore Girls: P.S. I Lo... (#1.20)" (2001)
[at Luke's, playing "1, 2, 3," a game to find prospective husbands]
Lorelai Gilmore: [about a man around 50] Pass.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Because I'm not Anna Nicole Smith.
[a man about 20-ish passes the window]
Lorelai Gilmore: Pass.
Rory Gilmore: Why?
Lorelai Gilmore: Because I'm not Mary Kay Letourneau.

"Gilmore Girls: The Festival of Living Art (#4.7)" (2003)
Rory Gilmore: Hey, talk more like a ferret!

"Gilmore Girls: Emily in Wonderland (#1.19)" (2001)
Emily Gilmore: [opening the fridge at Rory and Lorelai's house and finding it empty] Oh my god, there's nothing in here.
Rory Gilmore: I know. It's a little sparse.
Emily Gilmore: It's the Grapes of Wrath.
Rory Gilmore: Don't worry, we eat fine.
Emily Gilmore: No food, no drink. Do you at least have plates?
Rory Gilmore: Yes, we have plates.
Emily Gilmore: [opening the plate cabinet] There are women in bikins on them.
Rory Gilmore: The original Charlie's Angels. It took us years to get the complete set.

"Gilmore Girls: Hay Bale Maze (#7.18)" (2007)
Rory Gilmore: A trench coat would be too All the President's Men but my blue coat would be too His Girl Friday. I don't know!

"Gilmore Girls: Pulp Friction (#5.17)" (2005)
Lorelai: This dress is too slutty!
Rory Gilmore: The dress is fine. The person in it, however...