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Quotes for
Buck the Dog (Character)
from "Married with Children" (1987)

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"Married with Children: Assault and Batteries (#8.24)" (1994)
Kelly Bundy: Let's do something nice for him.
Bud Bundy: What can we do?
Buck the Dog: Food would be nice.
Kelly Bundy: I know. Let's take him out for some exercise.
Buck the Dog: Oh good, the very thing you need food for.

Kelly Bundy: Hey I know, lest's play...
Buck the Dog: Anything but frisbee.
Kelly Bundy: Frisbee
Buck the Dog: Noooooo, not the disk of death!
Bud Bundy: Oh ho ho ho, look at his eyes light up.
Buck the Dog: I'd tear out both their hearts if my teeth weren't in a glass in my doghouse.

Buck the Dog: [Kelly and Bud are fighting] Oh come on, she's never gonna get that frisbee to fit there.
Bud Bundy: Aaaaaargh!
Buck the Dog: Well I'll be damned.

"Married with Children: Field of Screams (#8.19)" (1994)
Bud Bundy: [dismayed] Come on, Ma, tell the truth.
[looking down at his man-boobs]
Bud Bundy: Do you think these will turn girls off?
Peggy Bundy: Oh, come on, honey. Don't let a little thing like a couple of boobs get you down. It's not like you're permanent. I mean, it's been a whole week and look how much better Buck is getting.
Buck the Dog: [Buck is now a turkey] I sure hope this crap wears off before Thanksgiving.
Bud Bundy: Maybe you're right, Ma. I'll just hide for a while. It's not like I had any plans this week.
[goes to answer doorbell]
Sascha: [in doorway, luscious blonde, with breathy voice] Hi, Bud.
[Bud is hiding behind door, mortified]
Sascha: It's me, Sascha, the girl you've wanted every day and night of your life since the first grade. Well, I'm about to enter a convent, and I wanted to be with a real man for my first, last, and only time. Take me, Bud! Take me now!
Bud Bundy: [reaches out from behind door - her luscious body is so near, yet so far - gives up] You caught me at a bad time. Goodbye.
Sascha: [gasps a startled little stifled cry of defeat] Oh!
Peggy Bundy: [to retreating Bud] Where are you going?
Bud Bundy: [plodding up the stairs to his room] To cop a feel and kill myself.
Kelly Bundy: [entering] Hi, Mom. Does Bud still have boobs?
[Peggy nods]
Kelly Bundy: Ah, well, then I'll be sleeping at Cindy's.

"Married with Children: Honey, I Blew Up Myself (#8.15)" (1994)
Peggy Bundy: [preparing Al's excuse for a makeshift birthday cake] Now, do we have any candles?
Bud: Nope. Dad said no candles this year, because of last year's
[giving Kelly a pointed look]
Bud: little mishap.
Kelly: [with a shrug] Hey, I just thought that Roman candles meant that they were imported. You know, from Romany.
Bud: It's amazing. Dad's looks and Buck's brains.
Buck the dog: [quietly indignant, in spiteful tone] At least, I never tried to date one of my plastic toys.

"Married with Children: Teacher Pets (#6.21)" (1992)
Bud: Now can I get a "Whoa, Bud is popular"?
Buck the dog: How about a "Whoa, shoot the boy"?

"Married with Children: Change for a Buck (#8.11)" (1993)
Buck: Yeah. Like your family is any better.

"Married with Children: I Want My Psycho Dad (#9.12)" (1994)
Al: You got Psycho Dad back on the air? You better not be kidding or you're gonna have to outrun the Dodge.
Buck: Rush Limbaugh can outrun the Dodge.

"Married with Children: Kids! Wadaya Gonna Do? (#5.19)" (1991)
Bud Bundy: You know, you and I are a lot alike, boy.
Buck the Dog: No. I've had sex. And at least I have the decency to die at thirteen.

"Married with Children: Sofa So Good (#8.14)" (1994)
Gunther: I was getting kind of bored out there so I took some pictures.
[hands Kelly framed wall pictures]
Gunther: This one is from the house across the street.
Buck: Where the hell does she find these guys?