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Quotes for
Spare Tire Dixon (Character)
from "Married with Children" (1987)

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"Married with Children: All-Nite Security Dude (#5.16)" (1991)
[last lines]
Spare Tire Dixon: [panting] Nice run, Bundy.
Al Bundy: [panting] Nice... nice hit, Spare Tire.
Spare Tire Dixon: We were two pretty good athletes back then, weren't we?
Al Bundy: Hey, we're still great athletes!
[pause]
Al Bundy: I'm hurt real bad, you know.
Spare Tire Dixon: Me, too.
Al Bundy: I can't get up.
Spare Tire Dixon: Me neither.
Al Bundy: Sleepy-time now?
Spare Tire Dixon: Oh, yes.
[They both pass out on the floor]

Spare Tire Dixon: It should have been mine, Bundy. Headlines should have read: "Spare Tire crushes unidentified white man on goal line." I was supposed to play college ball, but it never happened. Know why?
Al Bundy: Too stupid?
Spare Tire Dixon: Well, it was because after that game, I fell into a deep depression. And I turned where too many players before me had turned to drown their sorrows: pie. Come the trials, I could no longer make three points unless there was a pie on the floor. My career was over. You stole the glory that should have been mine.
Al Bundy: I had a little bit of glory, yeah. But you had pie, and I haven't eaten in twenty years! I'd give you that trophy now for a piece of pie! So pardon me if I don't cry for you, Argentina, but I sell women's shoes, AND I'm married!
Spare Tire Dixon: Oh, yeah? Well, I bet your mother-in-law doesn't look like this.
[takes out his wallet and shows Al a photo that makes him gasp and reel momentarily]
Al Bundy: No, my mother in law looks like THIS!
[takes out his own wallet with his own picture]
Spare Tire Dixon: [aghast] Okay, okay!

Spare Tire Dixon: On the count of three... 3!