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Quotes for
Schroeder (Character)
from A Boy Named Charlie Brown (1969)

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Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (1975) (TV)
Violet: Charlie Brown, we've been feeling awfully guilty about not giving you a valentine this year. Here, I've erased my name from this one. I'd like you to have it.
Schroeder: Hold on there! What do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are? Where were you yesterday when everyone else was giving out valentines? Is kindness and thoughtfulness something you can make retroactive? Don't you think he has any feelings? You and your friends are the most thoughtless bunch I've ever known. You don't care *anything* about Charlie Brown! You just hate to feel guilty! And now you have the nerve to come around one day later and offer him a used valentine just to ease your conscience! Well let me tell you something: Charlie Brown doesn't need your...
Charlie Brown: Don't listen to him! I'll take it!

Linus van Pelt: [after he tries to stuff his valentine box of candy for Miss Othmar into the valentines box] I can't get my valentine in the box. Is it all right if I give it personally?
Schroeder: Miss Othmar, is it okay if Linus presents his valentine personally?
[we hear an indistinct trombone blabbering, which is really Miss Othmar]
Schroeder: She said that would be delightful.
Linus van Pelt: [happily] She said that'd be delightful!
[going to his desk]
Linus van Pelt: This is gonna be better than I expected.

Charlie Brown: [to Schroeder] Did you see my name on any of those valentines?
Schroeder: No, I haven't been paying any attention. What's that briefcase for?
Charlie Brown: Well, in case I get a lot of valentines, I'll want to have something to carry them in.

Schroeder: [after everyone except Charlie Brown receives their valentines] Well, that's it. Happy Valentine's Day, everybody. Refreshments will be served in the back.
Charlie Brown: Are you sure there's none for me?
Schroeder: Yep, none.

Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown (2011) (V)
Lucy van Pelt: You know, Schroeder, I bet if we were married some day, we'd be very happy. While you were practicing the piano, I'd be in the kitchen making your breakfast. Then I'd bring it in like this and set it out all nice, and prop out your favorite newspaper and pour your coffee. Wouldn't that be romantic?
Schroeder: [screams] No!

Lucy van Pelt: Schroeder, if I told you I had the feeling you and I would get married someday, would you chuckle lightly or laugh loudly long?
Schroeder: I don't know. It's kind of hard to say off hand.
Lucy van Pelt: Schroeder, I have the feeling you and I would get married someday.
Schroeder: [laughs loudly]
Lucy van Pelt: Loud and long.

You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972) (TV)
Schroeder: The candidate whose name I am presenting to the electorate possesses the same unique combination of qualities as those possessed by Beethoven, the greatest of all composers. That wonderful pianist, and that tower of strength. Linus is sort of like that, too.

Linus van Pelt: If I'm elected student body president, I will purge the kingdom! My administration will release us from our spiritual Babylon! My andministration will bring down all false idols in high places!
Schroeder: I wonder why the principal looks so pale?

You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (1985) (TV)
[last lines]
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Sally Brown, Lucy van Pelt, Linus van Pelt, Schroeder: [singing] Happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime too.
Charlie Brown: For happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you.
Lucy van Pelt: [spoken] You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Lucy van Pelt, Linus van Pelt, Schroeder, Sally Brown: [singing] You're a good man, Charlie Brown! You're a prince, and a prince could be king! With a heart such as yours, you can open any doors; you can go out and do anything! You could be king, Charlie Brown! You could be king!
Lucy van Pelt: [spoken] If only you weren't so wishy-washy.

Charlie Brown's All Stars! (1966) (TV)
Linus: [to the girls about Charlie Brown's decision, which they were complaining about] Well, if you must know, Charlie Brown was only thinking about your feelings.
Lucy van Pelt, Patty, Frieda, Violet, Schroeder: What do you mean our feelings?
Linus: Well, the only reason Charlie Brown turned Mr. Hennessey down was because he'd have to get rid of Snoopy and you girls. Mr. Hennessey said that the league wouldn't accept girls and dogs on a team.
[Upon hearing this the girls all look at each other in shock, and Snoopy breaks down crying]

Frieda: Don't you want to see Charlie Brown get a hit?
Schroeder: No. I don't think I'm ready to see the world come to an end.

Snoopy Come Home (1972)
Lucy: [the kids are playing Monopoly, and it's Lucy's turn] Oh, no! Not on Pacific! With hotels?
Schroeder: Pay me twelve hundred and seventy-five dollars, please.
Lucy: Schroeder, Schroeder, how about a beep on the nose?
Schroeder: A what?
Lucy: [poking him on the nose] BEEP. A beep on the nose is a sign of great affection.
Schroeder: I'd rather have the twelve hundred and seventy-five dollars, please. PAY UP!

[last lines]
Linus: [outraged by a note handed out by Snoopy] Look at this, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: [reading it] "To Linus Van Pelt: I expect my croquet set and chess set returned forthwith, in good order, and within five days, or the matter will be turned over to my attorney."
Schroeder: [outraged over his own note from Snoopy] And mine says... he wants the record collection back!
Charlie Brown: [reading his own letter] And mine says... that since he gave me nothing, I owe him nothing!
[glares at Snoopy]
Lucy: That does it, Charlie Brown! He's your dog, and you're welcome to him!
[everyone walks out on Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and Woodstock; Charlie, annoyed at Snoopy, follows suit]

Play It Again, Charlie Brown (1971) (TV)
Schroeder: [Schroeder is playing a song while the dual-staff music notes are shown on the screen as he plays them; somewhere in the middle of him playing, Lucy's face appears between the staffs, yet he does not take notice for a little bit; when he does, he stops playing] Don't tell me I've grown accustomed to *that* face.

[last lines, Schroeder continues playing more Beethoven songs]
Lucy van Pelt: [sits by the piano] How come you never send me flowers?
Schroeder: Because I don't like you.
Lucy van Pelt: The flowers wouldn't care. Beethoven never would've made it in Nashville.
Schroeder: [stops playing, offended] What did you say? What do you mean Beethoven wouldn't have made it in Nashville?
Lucy van Pelt: Did he have the Nashville sound? Huh? Did he? Did he?
[Schroeder leaves, feeling insulted]
Lucy van Pelt: [shouts] He probably wouldn't have made it in New Orleans, *either*!
[Lucy takes out her radio and happily listens to rock music on Schroeder's piano]

"This Is America, Charlie Brown: The Building of the Transcontinental Railroad (#1.5)" (1989)
Schroeder: [to Spike] Are you the new harmonica player? You'd better be good; this is a very knowledgeable crowd.

It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown! (1974) (TV)
Schroeder: What's the matter with you? All you think about is "gimme, gimme, gimme; get, get, get"!
Lucy van Pelt: That's called sur-*vival*, baby!

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) (TV)
Schroeder: This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubblegum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubblegum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.

Happy New Year, Charlie Brown (1986) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: [as Schroeder plays his piano] Well, are you taking me to the party or not?
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: Musicians don't dance. And anyway, I'll be playing the piano at the party.
[continues playing]
Lucy van Pelt: I don't mind the rejection; it's the smile that bugs me.

It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: All right, all right! Let's bob for apples! This is the way to do it.
Schroeder: Yeah, Lucy, you should be good at this. You have the perfect mouth for it.

A Boy Named Charlie Brown (1969)
Schroeder: Alright, Charlie Brown, let's get our signals straight. One finger will mean the high straight ball, and two fingers will mean the low straight ball.
Charlie Brown: What about my curveball? And my slider? And my knuckleball? And my sidearm? And my submarine pitch?
Schroeder: One finger will mean the high straight ball, and two fingers will mean the low straight ball.
[Charlie Brown grimaces]

The Peanuts Movie (2015)
Miss Othmar: Wahh wahh wahh wahh.
Franklin Armstrong: What? The new kid is joining our class
Schroeder: Wow, she's pretty.
Lucy van Pelt: She's not *that* pretty.

It's Flashbeagle, Charlie Brown (1984) (TV)
Lucy: [singing] Lucy says I want to be the queen of the world, yes I do. Lucy says I want everything my way. Lucy says I'm gonna be a beautiful girl, yes I am. Lucy says I wanna marry Schroeder somedaaaay!
Schroeder: Oh good grief!

Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown (1985) (TV)
[last lines]
Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown, I've got some good news for you, and I've got some bad news. The good news is that we've prepared a great party.
[short pause]
Lucy van Pelt: The bad news is that the bride-to-be has just run off with the golden retriever.
[Snoopy faints in shock]
Charlie Brown: The wedding's off!
Linus van Pelt: What about my sermon?
Lucy van Pelt: What about my salad?
Schroeder: Hey, what about my music?
Marcie: What about my dinner?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: What about my *wedding* cake?
Charlie Brown: What about my *dog*?

Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales (2002) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: You know why I don't want you to get me anything for Christmas? Because I know you hate me.
Schroeder: I never said I hated you.
Lucy Van Pelt: [shouting] Then buy me something!

Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977)
Schroeder: Musicians don't dance.