Lucy Van Pelt
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Quotes for
Lucy Van Pelt (Character)
from A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) (TV)

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A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: You DO think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charlie Brown?
[pause]
Lucy Van Pelt: You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you? If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would've spoken right up. I know when I've been insulted. I KNOW WHEN I'VE BEEN INSULTED.
Charlie Brown: Good grief.

Schroeder: This is the music I've selected for the Christmas play.
[Schroeder plays Fur Elise]
Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of Christmas music is *that*?
Schroeder: Beethoven Christmas music.
Lucy Van Pelt: What has Beethoven got to do with Christmas? Everyone talks about how "great" Beethoven was. Beethoven wasn't so great.
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: What do you mean Beethoven wasn't so great?
Lucy Van Pelt: He never got his picture on bubblegum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who's never had his picture on bubblegum cards?
Schroeder: Good grief.

Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of responsibility? If you are, then you have hypengyophobia.
Charlie Brown: I don't think that's quite it.
Lucy Van Pelt: How about cats? If you're afraid of cats, you have ailurophasia.
Charlie Brown: Well, sort of, but I'm not sure.
Lucy Van Pelt: Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacaphobia. Maybe you have thalassophobia. This is fear of the ocean, or gephyrobia, which is the fear of crossing bridges. Or maybe you have pantophobia. Do you think you have pantophobia?
Charlie Brown: What's pantophobia?
Lucy Van Pelt: The fear of everything.
Charlie Brown: THAT'S IT!
[Lucy goes flying out into a field of snow]

Lucy Van Pelt: You're the innkeeper's wife.
Frieda: Do innkeeper's wives have naturally curly hair?

Lucy Van Pelt: I know how you feel about all this Christmas business, getting depressed and all that. It happens to me every year. I never get what I really want. I always get a lot of stupid toys or a bicycle or clothes or something like that.
Charlie Brown: What is it you want?
Lucy Van Pelt: Real estate.

Lucy Van Pelt: Linus, you've got to get rid of that stupid blanket, and here, memorize these lines.
Linus Van Pelt: I can't memorize these lines. This is ridiculous.
Lucy Van Pelt: Memorize it and be ready to recite when your cue comes.
Linus Van Pelt: I can't memorize something like this so quickly. Why should I be put through such agony? Give me one good reason why I should memorize this.
Lucy Van Pelt: I'll give you five good reasons.
[proceeds to make a fist out of her fingers]
Lucy Van Pelt: One, two, three, four, FIVE!
Linus Van Pelt: [begins shaking his head emphatically] Those are good reasons. Christmas is not only getting too commercial, it's getting too dangerous.
Lucy Van Pelt: And get rid of that stupid blanket! What's a Christmas shepherd gonna look like holding a stupid blanket like that?
Linus Van Pelt: Well, this is one Christmas shepherd who's going to keep his trusty blanket with him.
[Lucy raises her fist to strike Linus; Linus puts his blanket over his head like a headdress]
Linus Van Pelt: See? You wouldn't hurt an innocent shepherd, would you?

Patty: Try to catch snowflakes on your tongue. It's fun.
Linus Van Pelt: Mmm. Needs sugar.
Lucy Van Pelt: It's too early. I never eat December snowflakes. I always wait until January.
Linus Van Pelt: They sure look ripe to me.

Lucy Van Pelt: Here he comes! Attention, everyone, here's our director.
[Charlie Brown enters, while everyone applauds]
Snoopy: Whoooooooooooooooooooooo.
Charlie Brown: [sarcastically] Man's best friend.

Lucy Van Pelt: Say, by the way, can you play "Jingle Bells?"
[Schroeder proceeds to play "Jingle Bells", which sounds like a traditional grand piano]
Lucy Van Pelt: [interrupting] No, no. I mean "Jingle Bells." You know, deck them halls and all that stuff?
[Schroeder begins to play again, with the piano sounding like an organ]
Lucy Van Pelt: [interrupting again] No, no. You don't get it at all. I mean "Jingle Bells." You know, Santa Claus and ho-ho-ho, and mistletoe and presents to pretty girls.
[gazes lovingly at Schroeder, who then out of frustration taps one key of the piano while playing "Jingle Bells," which sounds like a child's toy piano]
Lucy Van Pelt: That's it!
[Schroeder turns a few unplanned flips from Lucy's reaction]

Lucy Van Pelt: Get the biggest aluminum tree you can find, Charlie Brown, maybe painted pink.

Lucy Van Pelt: Look, Charlie, let's face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It's run by a big eastern syndicate, you know.

Lucy Van Pelt: You think you're so smart with that blanket. What are you going to do with it when you grow up?
Linus Van Pelt: Maybe I'll make it into a sport coat.

Lucy Van Pelt: Pig-Pen, you're the innkeeper.
Pig-Pen: In spite of my outward appearance, I shall try to run a neat inn.

Lucy Van Pelt: Snoopy, you'll have to be all the animals in our play. Can you be a sheep?
Snoopy: Baaa!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a cow?
Snoopy: Moo!
Lucy Van Pelt: How about a penguin?
[Snoopy waddles like a penguin]
Lucy Van Pelt: Yes, he's even a good penguin.
Snoopy: Roar!
[Snoopy then fights like a boxer and jumps on Lucy's head, acting like a vulture]
Lucy Van Pelt: [throwing Snoopy off her head] No, no, no!
[Snoopy starts mocking Lucy]
Lucy Van Pelt: Listen, all of you! You've got to take direction! You've got to have discipline! You've got to have respect for your director!
[notices Snoopy]
Lucy Van Pelt: I oughta slug you!
Lucy Van Pelt: [Snoopy licks her face] Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some Iodine!
Snoopy: [Snoopy sticks out his tongue] Bleah!

[Charlie Brown and Linus return with the puny little tree]
Violet: Boy, are you stupid, Charlie Brown.
Patty: What kind of a tree is that?
Lucy Van Pelt: You were supposed to get a *good* tree. Can't you even tell a good tree from a poor tree?
Violet: I told you he'd goof it up. He isn't the kind you can depend on to do anything right.
Patty: You're hopeless, Charlie Brown.
Frieda: Completely hopeless
Charlie Brown: [upset] Rats!
Lucy Van Pelt: You've been dumb before, Charlie Brown, but this time, you really did it.
[pause; then everyone bursts out laughing]
Lucy Van Pelt: [laughing] What a tree!

Charlie Brown: Actually, Lucy, my trouble is Christmas. I just don't understand it. Instead of feeling happy, I feel sort of let down.
Lucy Van Pelt: You need involvement. You'll need to get involved in some real Christmas project. How would you like to be the director of our Christmas play?
Charlie Brown: [lighting up excitedly] Me? You want *me* to be the director of the Christmas play?

Lucy Van Pelt: May I help you?
Charlie Brown: I'm in bad shape.
Lucy Van Pelt: Wait a minute. Before we begin, I request that you pay in advance. Five cents, please.
[Charlie Brown drops a nickel on the can]
Lucy Van Pelt: Boy, what a sound! How I love the sound of clinking money! That beautiful sound of cold hard cash! Nickels, nickels, nickels! That beautiful sound of clinking nickels!


The Peanuts Movie (2015)
[from trailer]
[Charlie Brown, carrying two buckets of popcorn, is blocking the screen]
Charlie Brown: Excuse me. Sorry.
Lucy van Pelt: Augh! Charlie Brown, you blockhead!
Charlie Brown: Wooah!
[He tries to get the popcorn bucket, but falls, then the other popcorn bucket fell inside his head. They all laugh, and Charlie Brown tries to take the popcorn bucket out of his head, but could not]
Charlie Brown: [sighs] Good grief.

Lucy van Pelt: No dogs!

Miss Othmar: Wahh wahh wahh wahh.
Franklin Armstrong: What? The new kid is joining our class
Schroeder: Wow, she's pretty.
Lucy van Pelt: She's not *that* pretty.

Lucy van Pelt: Let me let you in on a little secret, Charlie Brown. If you really want to impress people, you need to show them you're a winner.
Charlie Brown: A winner? Me? Lucy, you may be on to something!
Lucy van Pelt: Of course, when I say "you", you know I don't mean "you personally".

Lucy van Pelt: Oh, Charlie Brown, I'll hold the football and you kick it.
Charlie Brown: You *say* you'll hold it, but what you really mean is you'll pull it away and I'll land flat on my back and I'll kill myself.
Lucy van Pelt: But I feel I have really come to know you. I now understand that you are kind, compassionate, brave, and funny. No one would pull a football away from someone with all *those* qualities.
Charlie Brown: [to himself] She's right. I would never pull a football away from someone with all *those* qualities. I am gonna kick this ball all the way to the moon.
[He starts running up and, as expected, Lucy pulls the football away from him]
Charlie Brown: AAUGH!
[Wham!]
Lucy van Pelt: And gullible. I forgot to mention gullible.

Lucy van Pelt: You blockhead! I should have known. What kind of a person tries to fly a kite in the middle of winter? You will never get that kite to fly. Why? Because you're Charlie Brown!

Lucy van Pelt: [to Charlie Brown] Girls want someone with proven success. Have you won any awards? Like a Congressional Medal of Honor? Or a Nobel Peace Prize?
Charlie Brown: Uh...
Lucy van Pelt: What are your real estate holdings? Do you have a diversified portfolio?

[In art class, Charlie Brown tries to make a flower out of a coat hanger, but ends up making a squiggle that looks like his one strand of hair]
Franklin Armstrong: Will you look at this? What a contemporary piece.
Patty: Nice use of space.
Lucy van Pelt: Have you all lost your minds?

Lucy van Pelt: [to Charlie Brown] I hate to admit it, you blockhead, but public opinion leads me to believe that after all these years, I *may* have been wrong about you. This has not been easy for me.
[pulling her hair]
Lucy van Pelt: MY WHOLE WORLD HAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN!

Charlie Brown: Before I begin, I'd like to thank all of you for your support. You have all been so kind. It is not often that I get this sort of recognition. But... um, there's been a mistake. This is not my test.
Lucy van Pelt: [wearing a Charlie Brown shirt] HA! I knew it!
[sits down covering her shirt]

Lucy van Pelt: [after reading Snoopy's novel] A dog that flies? This is the dumbest thing I've ever read!
[Snoopy hurls the typewriter at Lucy as he and Woodstock laugh. Lucy walks over to Snoopy to pound him, but he kisses her on the nose]
Lucy van Pelt: AAUGH!

[last lines before the credits]
Linus: It must feel pretty great being Charlie Brown right about now!
Pig-Pen: You did it!
Peppermint Patty: Nice job, Chuck!
Marcie: Good job, Charles.
Sally Brown: Hey, big brother!
[blows up a balloon with Charlie Brown's face on it]
Sally Brown: I'm proud to be your little sister.
Lucy van Pelt: [crabbily] You've really shown something new to me, you blockhead!
[nicely]
Lucy van Pelt: You're always full of surprises. Good ol' Charlie Brown.
[as everyone cheers and lifts Charlie Brown up into the air, the scene turns into a black and white drawing. The final touch to the drawing is added: Sparky adding his signature]

Lucy van Pelt: I oughta slug you. Ugh! I've been kissed by a dog! I have dog germs! Get hot water! Get some disinfected! Get some Iodine!

Lucy van Pelt: Linus time to get up. You don't want to be late for school. GET UP!
Linus: Ah! My blanket!

Lucy van Pelt: Agh! I've got dog germs!

Charlie Brown: She has a pretty face and pretty faces make me nervous.
Lucy van Pelt: Pretty face? Pretty face? I have a pretty face! How come my face doesn't make you nervous? How come you can talk to me Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: I just need to know the secret to winning her heart.

Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown, what brings you out here so late in the day?
Charlie Brown: [sigh] I need your advice on girls, Lucy. You're a girl, right? Let's just say there's this girl I'd like to impress. But, she's something and I'm nothing. If I were something and she was nothing, I could talk to her. Or, if she was nothing and I was nothing, I could talk to her! But, she's something and I'm nothing. So I just can't talk to her.


A Boy Named Charlie Brown (1969)
[at the spelling bee]
Charlie Brown: Fussbudget, F-U-S-S-B-U-D-G-E-T, Fussbudget.
[the Peanuts gang watching the spelling bee on TV]
Lucy Van Pelt: Hey! How'd he know that word?

Lucy Van Pelt: [about Schroeder's Beethoven bust statue] Incidentally, who's this? George Washington?

Lucy Van Pelt: [Walks into Linus's bedroom and raises the shade] Wake up Linus. It's time to go to school.
Linus Van Pelt: Again?
Lucy Van Pelt: What do you mean 'again'?
Linus Van Pelt: [Snuggles back into bed] I went yesterday.
Lucy Van Pelt: Mom's already made your lunch.
[Sets it on his bed and walks out]
Linus Van Pelt: [Sits up in bed, sighs] Guess I might as well go to school. I can't waste a good lunch.

Linus Van Pelt: Here, run over to the drinking fountain and soak this handkerchief in cold water.
[Lucy skeptically examines the handkerchief]
Lucy Van Pelt: You're kidding. With a head like Charlie Brown's, you'll need a bedsheet.
Charlie Brown: I'm dying! And all I hear are insults!

[last line of the movie]
Lucy Van Pelt: Welcome home, Charlie Brown.

Charlie Brown: This pitcher's mound is covered with dandelions!
Frieda: Don't touch them Charlie Brown! Don't you dare hurt all those innocent dandelions! They're beautiful! Don't you dare cut them down!
Lucy Van Pelt: Besides... you may not know this, but you look kind of cute standing there surrounded by dandelions.
Charlie Brown: I don't want to look cute!

Charlie Brown: I've never gone through anything like that in my life. I never knew I could be so stupid. I never knew I had so many faults. I never felt so completely miserable.
Lucy Van Pelt: Wait until you get my bill.

[Lucy shuts the TV off after Charlie Brown lost the spelling bee]
Lucy Van Pelt: [angrily] Owning 10% of Charlie Brown is like owning 10% of nothing!
[turns the TV on again]
Lucy Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you - you make me mad!
[shuts the TV off again]

Patty: Does anyone here know first aid?
Lucy Van Pelt: It's probably not serious. Second or third aid will do.

Lucy Van Pelt: You must learn how to smile, Charlie Brown. Smile!
[Charlie Brown smiles; Snoopy smiles more broadly; Lucy compares the two]
Lucy Van Pelt: You've got a smile like a sick pumpkin.

[first lines]
Lucy Van Pelt: Aren't the clouds beautiful? They look like big balls of cotton. I could just lie here all day and watch them drift by. If you use your imagination, you can see lots of things in the cloud's formations. What do you think you see, Linus?
Linus Van Pelt: Well, those clouds up there look to me look like the map of the British Honduras on the Caribbean.
[points up]
Linus Van Pelt: That cloud up there looks a little like the profile of Thomas Eakins, the famous painter and sculptor. And that group of clouds over there...
[points]
Linus Van Pelt: ...gives me the impression of the Stoning of Stephen. I can see the Apostle Paul standing there to one side.
Lucy Van Pelt: Uh huh. That's very good. What do you see in the clouds, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Well... I was going to say I saw a duckie and a horsie, but I changed my mind.

Lucy Van Pelt: These slides show your tendency toward fatness.
[Next slide]
Lucy Van Pelt: Look at that stomach!
[Next slide]
Lucy Van Pelt: Even your nose is fat, and your legs. Why, I bet if the truth were known, even your toes are fat.


Snoopy: The Musical (1988) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: Santa Claus has elves to help him. What does the Great Pumpkin have? Oranges?
[laughs as she walks away]

Linus van Pelt: [all singing] Poe! Edgar Allen, American poet, born 1809.
Charlie Brown: He wrote Cock Robin and My Darling Clementine.
Linus van Pelt: Published Tamerlane in 1827.
Sally Brown: If you're listening, Heaven, Heaven, help me, help me!
Lucy van Pelt: She's gonna ask us something, on Edgar Allen Poe. I just know, I just know that any minute now...
Sally Brown: She's gonna call on me and ask me something I don't know.

Charlie Brown: [reading a letter to Snoopy about his promotion to head beagle] Well, I'll be.
[hands the letter to Linus, who also reads it]
Linus van Pelt: Well, I'll be!
Charlie Brown: Who else do you know whose dog's just been promoted to head beagle?
Lucy van Pelt: Head beagle? That stupid dog can't be promoted to head beagle! He'll bring ruination upon the country! He'll destroy us all! He's inept, he's incompetent, he's...
Snoopy: Hmph! If you don't mind, the head beagle would like to be alone to prepare his acceptance speech!
[hops off his dog house and kicks it]
Charlie Brown: I recognize that kick. That's the kick of someone who'd like to be alone to prepare his acceptance speech.
Snoopy: I don't think that's an unreasonable request.
Charlie Brown: And considers that a reasonable request.
Lucy van Pelt: Weird!
[She, Linus, and Charlie Brown leave]
Snoopy: [proudly] Just think - head beagle! I wish I knew where Mom was. Beautiful moments are meant to be shared.

Lucy van Pelt: May I ask you something? Did the Great Squash ever show up?
[walks away]
Linus van Pelt: It's pumpkin!
[sings]
Linus van Pelt: I'll never wait for him again until... next... year!

Charlie Brown: Do falling leaves make you sad?
Lucy van Pelt: Absolutely not. If they want to fall, I'd say "Let 'er fall." In fact, falling leaves are a very good sign. It's when you see them jumping back *onto* the trees that you're in trouble.

Lucy van Pelt, Linus van Pelt, Sally Brown, Patricia 'Peppermint Patty' Reichardt, Snoopy: Well, what do you see, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: I was going to say a horsie and a duckie, but I changed my mind.

Lucy van Pelt: You know, if you use your imagination, you can see all sorts of things in the clouds. What do you see, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Well...

Charlie Brown: I have never seen the sky as blue as it is today.
Lucy van Pelt: Oh, I have. I remember back on July 14th, 1980, the sky was really blue. Oh yes, it was much bluer that day. And then I also remember on September 2nd, 1981, the sky was a very deep blue, and on June 1st of the very next year, the sky was...
Charlie Brown: I can't stand it. I just can't stand it.

Lucy van Pelt: [to the teacher] You're what? You're giving me a Z? A Z is not a grade, a Z is sarcasm!
[to Linus]
Lucy van Pelt: Don't you say a word!

Lucy van Pelt: Wouldn't it be great to have your whole life to live over if you knew then what you know now?


It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown (1966) (TV)
Charlie Brown: Hey! I got an invitation to a Halloween party!
[dances happily]
Lucy Van Pelt: Is the invitation to Violet's party, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: Yes. It's the first time I've been invited to a party.
Lucy Van Pelt: Charlie Brown, if you got an invitation, it was a mistake. There were two lists, Charlie Brown: one to invite, and one not to invite. You must have been put on the wrong list.

Sally Brown: Do I get to go trick-or-treating with you, big brother?
Charlie Brown: Sure, Sally.
Sally Brown: Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! How do we do it?
Lucy Van Pelt: All you have to do is walk up to a house, ring the doorbell, and say "tricks or treats."
Sally Brown: Are you sure it's legal?
Lucy Van Pelt: Of course it's legal.
Sally Brown: I wouldn't want to be accused of taking part in a rumble.

Lucy Van Pelt: Baugh! My lips touched dog lips! Baugh! Agh! Poisoned dog lips! Baugh! Agh!

Lucy Van Pelt: A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.
[Puts on a witch costume]

Violet: Charlie Brown, you'll have to model for us.
Charlie Brown: Me? You want me to model?
Patty: Sure, Charlie Brown. You'll be the perfect model.
Lucy Van Pelt: Turn him around.
Violet: [Drawing on the back of Charlie Brown's head] If we shape the eyes like this, and the nose like this, and the mouth like this...
Lucy Van Pelt: [Drawing the same thing on a pumpkin] Yes, that's the way! Thank you, Charlie Brown. You were a perfect model.
[Charlie Brown turns red in anger]

Lucy Van Pelt: All right, all right! Let's bob for apples! This is the way to do it.
Schroeder: Yeah, Lucy, you should be good at this. You have the perfect mouth for it.

Lucy Van Pelt: What kind of costume is that?
Charlie Brown: He's a World War I flying ace.
Lucy Van Pelt: Now I've seen everything. All right everybody, we'll go trick-or-treating, and then over to Violet's for the big Halloween party.

Charlie Brown: You just want me to come running up to kick that ball, so you can pull it away and see me fall flat on my back and kill myself.
Lucy Van Pelt: This time you can trust me. See? I have a signed document testifying that I promise not to pull it away.
Charlie Brown: It *is* signed. It's a signed document. I guess if you have a signed document in your possession, you can't go wrong. This year I'm really going to kick that football.
[Charlie Brown runs to kick football, but Lucy pulls it away]
Charlie Brown: Aauugh!
[falls on his back]
Lucy Van Pelt: Peculiar thing about this document: it was never notarized.

Lucy Van Pelt: [as Linus writes a letter to the Great Pumpkin] Not again! Writing a letter to a stupid pumpkin? You make me the laughingstock of the neighborhood! All they talk about is my little brother who always writes to the Great Pumpkin.
[she holds up her fist at Linus]
Lucy Van Pelt: You better cut it out right now or I'll pound you!
Linus: There are three things that I've learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.

Sally Brown: Is Linus taking me to the party?
Lucy Van Pelt: That stupid blockhead of a brother of mine is out in the pumpkin patch making his yearly fool of himself.
Violet: Boy, is he strange.
Sally Brown: But maybe there *is* a Great Pumpkin.


It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown! (1974) (TV)
Sally Brown: See? Linus was right. There *is* an Easter Beagle.
Lucy van Pelt: Some Easter Beagle! He gave me my own egg!

Schroeder: What's the matter with you? All you think about is "gimme, gimme, gimme; get, get, get"!
Lucy van Pelt: That's called sur-*vival*, baby!

Sally Brown: It's Easter, and they already have the Christmas decorations up.
Charlie Brown: Good grief.
Linus van Pelt: I can't believe it.
Lucy van Pelt: I told you. It's the *gift* getting season.

Lucy van Pelt: This is going to be the greatest Easter Egg Hunt ever, and I'm going to find them all!

Lucy van Pelt: [to Charlie Brown and Sally] We're on our way to the store. We got to get ready for Easter. You know, we need Easter baskets, eggs, candy, the works. Want to join us?
Linus van Pelt: I told you it's a waste of time. The Easter Beagle does all that.
Lucy van Pelt: Ooh, Linus, you drive me crazy!
Sally Brown: Easter Beagle?
Linus van Pelt: Sure, Sally. We don't need to go to all this trouble. On Easter Sunday, the Easter Beagle passes colored eggs to all the good little children.
Sally Brown: The Easter Beagle? Are you sure, Linus?
Linus van Pelt: Of course.
Charlie Brown: Come on, Sally, I thought you wanted to get some new shoes.


It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: Okay, get up! I want to lie in that beanbag!
Linus: Remember when we were siting around the Christmas tree opening our presents? That's when you said it.
Lucy Van Pelt: That's when I said what?
Linus: It was beautiful. You said, "Why do we have to be nice to each other only on Christmas? Why can't we be nice to each other every day?"
Lucy Van Pelt: You drive me crazy!
Linus: Joy to the world.

Lucy Van Pelt: [looking at a cardboard box on top of a pine tree] I think they look better when they have a little star or an angel on top.

Lucy Van Pelt: Where are you going to get $25?
Charlie Brown: That's the problem.
Lucy Van Pelt: Maybe you can sell your dog.
[Snoopy blows a raspberry]
Lucy Van Pelt: I take it back. He's probably only worth 50 cents.

[Snoopy is dressed as Santa Claus; ringing a bell while standing outside a store]
[as she and Violet walk past him]
Violet: Wouldn't you think he could do something besides ring a bell?
[Snoopy stops ringing the bell and pulls out a bike horn]
Violet: [Lucy walks past Snoopy again; this time with Linus]
Lucy Van Pelt: [to Linus] Just ignore that Santa Claus, Linus. There's nothing he can do to you.
[Snoopy honks the horn so hard, it sends Linus and Lucy flying offscreen]
Lucy Van Pelt: [Lucy walks back and confronts Snoopy] I don't think you're a real Santa Claus. What do you have to say about that?
[Snoopy responds by putting the horn to Lucy's nose and honking it in her face; sending her winter hat flying off her head]
Lucy Van Pelt: [Lucy leaves and Sally enters]
Sally Brown: [confronting Snoopy] I don't think you're the real Santa Claus. If you're the real Santa, where are your helpers?
[Woodstock and two of his friends, who are all wearing Santa hats walk past each holding picket signs with the word, "HELP" written on them, much to Sally's surprise]
Sally Brown: That's the dumbest thing I'd ever seen.

[first lines]
[Sally and Linus are preparing to sled down a hill in a cardboard box]
Sally Brown: [to Linus] Now what? Kinda a steep hill, isn't it?
Linus: Don't worry about it. Just lean forward and jiggle your feet.
Sally Brown: [Sally climbs out of the box] I think I've changed my mind.
[the box falls an inch off the slope; Linus is then face planted in the snow]
Sally Brown: If I'd have known you were only going that far, I would've stayed in.
[Linus tries again]
Linus: Here we go. We put it in fast forward, and here we go!
Linus: [Linus slides backwards down the slope; the box lands on top of him] Fast reverse.
[Linus' third attempt involves him sliding down the hill at a fast speed; the box then lands on top of a tree]
Linus: [camera pulls back to reveal that Linus landed in the snow as Sally and Lucy are standing there]
Lucy Van Pelt: [to Sally] I think they look better when they have a little star or an angel on top.


It's Magic, Charlie Brown (1981) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: [after Charlie Brown finally reappears from his invisibility and Lucy pulls the ball away from him again; last lines] Welcome home, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: I did it; I finally kicked that football!
Lucy van Pelt: Oh no, you didn't! I just pulled it away!
Charlie Brown: I did it when I was invisible. I did it!
Lucy van Pelt: You can't prove it, Charlie Brown. No one will believe you.
Charlie Brown: [as he comes over to them] Snoopy knows I did it. He made it possible.
Lucy van Pelt: [angrily] Why, that stupid dog of yours couldn't disappear himself out of a paper bag!
[Snoopy growls at her for that, then starts zapping her with a spell]
Lucy van Pelt: Hey, what are you doing?
[She starts rising in the air]
Lucy van Pelt: Put me down, put me down!
[She keeps rising until she is about 10 feet in the air, then stops]
Lucy van Pelt: Hey, hey! You can't leave me up here! Hey!
[Snoopy and Charlie Brown start laughing and dancing around]
Lucy van Pelt: Hey, what about me?
[They both run off, still laughing. Calling after them]
Lucy van Pelt: Hey! Hey, what about me?

Lucy van Pelt: Linus, have you seen Charlie Brown?
Linus van Pelt: Nobody has seen him since Snoopy's magic show. I just talked to Sally, and she said even when you look at him, you don't see him.
Lucy van Pelt: What's *that* supposed to mean? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

Lucy van Pelt: If that Charlie Brown is still sneaking around invisible, I'll have to be careful. I'm not going to tee up the ball.
[quick pan to the invisible Charlie Brown, panting next to a tree, then back to Lucy, tossing the football]
Lucy van Pelt: But if he *is* visible, I'd hate to deprive him of the opportunity to attempt one of his famous place kicks. I think maybe I'll practice a few tees.
[places the football]
Lucy van Pelt: There, that's about right.

Lucy van Pelt: All right, beagle, here's your magic book. You made Charlie Brown disappear. You'd better make him reappear. Now you start figuring out how to make him visible again, or I'll pound you!

Marcie: And now for the best trick of all: the Great Houndini will now perform the great disappearing act. This calls for another volunteer from the audience.
Lucy van Pelt: [Still woozy from falling out of the air onto her back during the previous trick] Boy, I volunteered once.
[Turns to him, sitting next to her]
Lucy van Pelt: Maybe you should go this time, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: [Speaking basically to Lucy] *Me*?
Marcie: Yes. The gentleman who just said 'me', please come forward.
Charlie Brown: [to Marcie this time] Me?
Marcie: Yes, yes. The gentleman with the large round head, please come right up.


Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown (2011) (V)
Lucy van Pelt: You know, Schroeder, I bet if we were married some day, we'd be very happy. While you were practicing the piano, I'd be in the kitchen making your breakfast. Then I'd bring it in like this and set it out all nice, and prop out your favorite newspaper and pour your coffee. Wouldn't that be romantic?
Schroeder: [screams] No!

Lucy van Pelt: Schroeder, if I told you I had the feeling you and I would get married someday, would you chuckle lightly or laugh loudly long?
Schroeder: I don't know. It's kind of hard to say off hand.
Lucy van Pelt: Schroeder, I have the feeling you and I would get married someday.
Schroeder: [laughs loudly]
Lucy van Pelt: Loud and long.

Charlie Brown: Hey, Linus. Where's your blanket?
Linus van Pelt: Lucy locked it in a closet. She wants me to do without it until dinner. It's her way to getting me to gradually free myself of it before grandma comes.
Charlie Brown: You don't look too well.
Linus van Pelt: How would you feel if your whole nervous system was shot?
Linus van Pelt: [grabs Snoopy's ear for a blanket]
Lucy van Pelt: No substitutes!

Linus van Pelt: Uh, there's no mail for me?
Lucy van Pelt: Why do you care if there's mail for you?
Linus van Pelt: No reason.
Lucy van Pelt: Ha! The Air Rescue Service mailed you your blanket, and you're waiting for it.
Linus van Pelt: If that blanket of mine is lost in the mail, it's your fault, you know. They'll have to haul me away kicking and screaming. I crack up and they haul me away, what are you going to do?
Lucy van Pelt: I'll write you.


You're the Greatest, Charlie Brown (1979) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: I can't believe it. After the first five events, you're in third place, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: What's so good about that?
Lucy van Pelt: I thought you'd be dead last.
Charlie Brown: Who was last?
Lucy van Pelt: The Masked Marvel. Freddie Fabulous from Fremont and Marcie are neck and neck for first.
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: You did okay, Chuck, and so did our team. In fact, if you can win the decathlon tomorrow, we might win the whole junior olympics.
Lucy van Pelt: Good grief! The whole world must be coming to an end.

Lucy van Pelt: [In response to Charlie Brown winning the discus event] Stop the world! I wanna get off!

Lucy van Pelt: [during the last event of the 1500M run] Charlie Brown has the lead! I may faint!

Charlie Brown: [as the 1500m race starts, he gains an early lead]
[Thinking]
Charlie Brown: Hey! I'm out in first. Maybe I do have a chence to win. Maybe I will be the hero. Wow!
Lucy van Pelt: [Agahst] Charlie Brown has the lead! I may faint!
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: [Excited] Keep it up, Chuck! You're setting a good pace!
Charlie Brown: [His eyes are now closed as he is running]
[Still thinking]
Charlie Brown: I'm going to win! I'm going to win the decathlon! They'll treat me like Bruce Jenner! Parades! Flowers! Wow!
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: [Sensing something wrong] Chuck! Chuck! Pay attention, Chuck! Open your eyes!
[Charlie Brown keeps running straight forward while his competitors take the turn in the track]
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: [Yelling] You took the wrong turn, Chuck! Chuck! TURN BAAAACK!
Charlie Brown: [He runs off the school grounds into a residential neighborhood, completely oblivious of what has happened]
[Still thinking]
Charlie Brown: It's great being a winner. So peaceful and quiet.
[keeps running straight down the street]
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Good grief! He ran off the track. He lost the race.


You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown (1972) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: I've just compiled the results of my poll. You'll never get elected, Charlie Brown. You have no way of winning. No way.

Lucy van Pelt: If you knew that Linus Van Pelt was running for president, would you vote for him?
Russell: No.
Lucy van Pelt: If you knew that he was going to straighten out the whole educational system, would you vote for him?
Russell: No.
Lucy van Pelt: If you knew that he was going to solve all of the problems of the whole world, would you vote for him?
Russell: No.
Lucy van Pelt: Well, why not?
Russell: 'Cause I'm the one who'd be running against him.

Lucy van Pelt: Do you have a question?
Caller: Yes, I am a first time caller, but a long time listener. I want to know what the candidate plans to do about the rivers.
Lucy van Pelt: Rivers? Our school doesn't have any rivers!


Happy New Year, Charlie Brown (1986) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: [as Schroeder plays his piano] Well, are you taking me to the party or not?
[Schroeder stops playing]
Schroeder: Musicians don't dance. And anyway, I'll be playing the piano at the party.
[continues playing]
Lucy van Pelt: I don't mind the rejection; it's the smile that bugs me.

Lucy van Pelt: [pouring root beer] Come on, Charlie Brown, it's almost midnight. I'll pour you root beer.
Charlie Brown: Thank you, Lucy. I've decided next year, I'm going to be a *changed* person.
Lucy van Pelt: Oh, be serious, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: No, I mean it. I'm going to be strong and firm.
Lucy van Pelt: Forget it, Charlie Brown. You'll always be wishy-washy.
[Snoopy starts sniffing her root beer]
Charlie Brown: Why can't I change just a little bit? I've *got* it! I'll be wishy one day, washy the next.
Lucy van Pelt: [as Snoopy continues sniffing her root beer until Lucy turns to him] Charlie Brown, I have news for you: you will never... you sniffed in my root beer!
[turning to Charlie Brown]
Lucy van Pelt: Your stupid beagle sniffed in my root beer! Look at that! I'll bet it's full of dog germs! Where are my binoculars?
[she pours the root beer into a dish, then examines it with binoculars]
Lucy van Pelt: Aha! I thought so!
[returning to Charlie Brown and Snoopy with the dish of root beer]
Lucy van Pelt: You see, it's filled with dog germs!
[walks away]
Charlie Brown: That's one thing you should never do. Never sniff in someone's root beer.

Lucy van Pelt: Boy, we were just with Marcie. There's gonna be a great New Year's party!
Sally Brown: It's boy-ask-girl, and I just *know* my sweet baboo will ask me.
Linus van Pelt: I am not your sweet baboo, and I wouldn't invite you to a chicken race!
Sally Brown: Isn't he the cutest thing?
Lucy van Pelt: And I expect a certain piano player to ask *me*.
Charlie Brown: But I've got this book report to do.
Lucy van Pelt: I'm enrolling us in a dance class. A New Year's party is not a party without lots of dancing.


I Want a Dog for Christmas, Charlie Brown (2003) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: Spike! You're as thin as a promise.

Lucy Van Pelt: Listen to me. Mom doesn't want you to have a dog, does she?
Rerun Van Pelt: No.
Lucy Van Pelt: Do you really think Santa Claus is going to bring you something Mom doesn't want you to have?
Rerun Van Pelt: Ooh... Supreme Court stuff.

Rerun Van Pelt: Oh, no! It's "B. of the B. Day." Oh, no!
[he exits]
Sally Brown: [asking Lucy] What is "B. of the B. Day?"
Lucy Van Pelt: It's back of the bike day. Rerun has to ride on the back of Mom's bike.


Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown (1975) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: [to Schroeder] Sometimes I don't think you realize that you could lose me. Are you sure you want to suffer the tortures of the memories of a lost love?
[pause]
Lucy van Pelt: Do you know the tortures of the memories of a lost love?
[Schroeder stops playing the piano just as Lucy goes berserk, demolishing the piano over her next line]
Lucy van Pelt: It's awful! It will haunt you night and day! You'll wake up at night screaming! You can't eat! You can't sleep! You'll want to smash things! You'll hate yourself and the world and everybody in it! Awwwwww!
[sobs, then quite normally]
Lucy van Pelt: Are you sure you want to risk losing me?

[First lines]
Lucy van Pelt: What are you doing, Charlie Brown?
Charlie Brown: I'm waiting for valentines.
Lucy van Pelt: Oh, well. Good luck.
Charlie Brown: Thank you.
Lucy van Pelt: You'll need it.
Charlie Brown: You didn't have to say that!

[At Snoopy's puppet show]
Charlie Brown: Have you ever been to one of these shows before?
Lucy van Pelt: No, I can't say I have.
Charlie Brown: Then maybe I should warn you about this first scene.
Lucy van Pelt: What first scene?
[Water splashes on Lucy]
Charlie Brown: When the carriage crosses the swollen river.


You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown (1985) (TV)
[last lines]
Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Sally Brown, Lucy van Pelt, Linus van Pelt, Schroeder: [singing] Happiness is morning and evening, daytime and nighttime too.
Charlie Brown: For happiness is anyone and anything at all that's loved by you.
Lucy van Pelt: [spoken] You're a good man, Charlie Brown.

Lucy van Pelt, Linus van Pelt, Schroeder, Sally Brown: [singing] You're a good man, Charlie Brown! You're a prince, and a prince could be king! With a heart such as yours, you can open any doors; you can go out and do anything! You could be king, Charlie Brown! You could be king!
Lucy van Pelt: [spoken] If only you weren't so wishy-washy.

Lucy van Pelt: My Aunt Marion was right. Never try to discuss marriage with a musician.


It Was a Short Summer, Charlie Brown (1969) (TV)
Lucy: Look at this, a big yellow butterfly. It's unusual to see one of those at this time of year, unless of course, it flew up from Brazil. I'll bet that's it. They DO that sometimes, you know. They fly up from Brazil, and they...
Linus: [interrupting] This is no butterfly, this is a potato chip.
Lucy: Well, I'll be, so it is. I wonder how a potato chip got all the way up here from Brazil?

[Lucy gets kissed by Snoopy during the arm wrestling match]
Lucy: [goes hysterical] Ugh! Foul! Foul! This stupid Masked Marvel fouled! And I'm the rightful winner! I won!

Lucy: [on their way to school] Did you wash your hands? Let's see your fingernails.
[looks at Linus's hand]
Lucy: They're clean! How'd you get your fingernails so clean?
Linus: Toothpaste.


Charlie Brown's All Stars! (1966) (TV)
Linus: [to the girls about Charlie Brown's decision, which they were complaining about] Well, if you must know, Charlie Brown was only thinking about your feelings.
Lucy van Pelt, Patty, Frieda, Violet, Schroeder: What do you mean our feelings?
Linus: Well, the only reason Charlie Brown turned Mr. Hennessey down was because he'd have to get rid of Snoopy and you girls. Mr. Hennessey said that the league wouldn't accept girls and dogs on a team.
[Upon hearing this the girls all look at each other in shock, and Snoopy breaks down crying]

Charlie Brown: If you grit your teeth and show real determination, you can do anything. Let me see you grit your teeth.
[Lucy grits her teeth]
Charlie Brown: That's great! You'll scare the pitcher.
Lucy van Pelt: Scare the pitcher? I can't even see him!

Lucy van Pelt: You don't think Charlie Brown will try to steal home, do you?
Violet: No way! Not even Charlie Brown is stupid enough to do that.
Charlie Brown: I wonder if I should try to steal home?


Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales (2002) (TV)
Lucy Van Pelt: You have to give me a Christmas present. It says so in the Bible.
Linus Van Pelt: You're bluffing. The Bible says nothing about giving Christmas presents.
Lucy Van Pelt: It doesn't?
Linus Van Pelt: You can't bluff an old theologian.

Lucy Van Pelt: You know why I don't want you to get me anything for Christmas? Because I know you hate me.
Schroeder: I never said I hated you.
Lucy Van Pelt: [shouting] Then buy me something!

Lucy Van Pelt: One of your Christmas cards came back. It says, "No such address".
Linus Van Pelt: It's that girl from class. Ooh, she drives me crazy!
Lucy Van Pelt: Why do you even bother?
Linus Van Pelt: She fascinates me.


Race for Your Life, Charlie Brown (1977)
Linus Van Pelt: Are we dead?
Lucy Van Pelt: Thanks to old Charlie Brown.
Sally Brown: I'm not dead.
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Of course you're not dead!
Lucy Van Pelt: No thanks to old Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: All right, all right, let's go to the river!

[the kids take a wrong turn to a channel and see a sign: "Danger, Blasting on Tuesdays and Thursdays"]
Charlie Brown: That's funny. Did you see that sign?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Hey, Chuck, did you see that sign? What day is this?
Charlie Brown: That's right, today is Tuesday!
[the kids pass by a group of bulldozers and tractors and see another sign: "Danger, Blasting on Tuesdays and Thursdays, 10 am"]
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Chuck, did you see that sign? What time is it, Chuck?
Charlie Brown: [checks his watch] It's almost...
[a huge explosion occurs and a bunch of rocks fall on the screaming kids as the channel goes wavy separating the kids from Snoopy and Woodstock]
Charlie Brown: ...10 AM!
[the rocks stop falling and the channel goes calm again]
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: [angrily points at Charlie Brown] Okay, Chuck! *Another* fine mess you've gotten us into! Look at that! The channel is all blocked!
Lucy Van Pelt: Yeah, just like his head!
[Charlie Brown nervously blushes]

Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Okay gang, I suggest we run this tent in a democratic fashion. The first thing we'll do is elect a tent leader. We'll have to prepare some ballots, and we'll do this democratically. We'll vote to see who's leader - one gal, one vote. However, we can't pass the ballots until we voted to see who's gonna pass the ballots. This will be done very democratically. Let's see... I vote that Lucy prepares the ballots.
Lucy Van Pelt: Wait a minute! You can't vote unless we have ballots!
Marcie: If we can't vote to see who will pass the ballots, how can we have ballots to vote?
Sally Brown: Yeah, who cares?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: All in favor say "aye". Aye!
Marcie: Aye!
Lucy Van Pelt: No!
Sally Brown: No!
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: It's settled, Lucy will pass the ballots. Okay Lucy, pass the ballots. Everybody mark their choice, either vote for me or against me. That'll be fair.
Lucy Van Pelt: Wait one darned second! How about if we nominate somebody first?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Good idea! I nominate me! Any further nominations? If not, the nominations are declared closed. Okay gals, let's vote.
[the girls vote]
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Marcie, pick up the votes and tally 'em.
Marcie: Alright, here's the way it went: one vote for Lucy, one vote for Peppermint Patty, one vote for Sally, and one vote for Marcie.
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: Huh, a tie vote. I guess I'll have to decide the casting vote.
Lucy Van Pelt: Huh?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: The deciding vote is for Peppermint Patty! Peppermint Patty is the leader! I am the leader! It was fair and square!
Lucy Van Pelt: Boy, some vote!


He's Your Dog, Charlie Brown (1968) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you've got to do something about that dog.
Linus Van Pelt: It's up to you, Charlie Brown.
Charlie Brown: Why me?
All kids: Because HE'S YOUR DOG, CHARLIE BROWN!

Lucy van Pelt: If that stupid dog doesn't come home pretty soon... I'm gonna start missing him.
All kids: SNOOPY COME HOME!


You're in Love, Charlie Brown (1967) (TV)
[unable to face the Little Red-Haired Girl, Charlie Brown covers his face up in his lunch bag, and rushes for the entry line when the bell rings. Blinded, he bumps into Lucy]
Lucy van Pelt: Good grief, Charlie Brown! You're ridiculous!
Charlie Brown: I can't help it, Lucy! I just can't face the Little Red-Haired Girl... Pretty faces make me nervous.
Lucy van Pelt: How come *my* face doesn't make you nervous?
[as Charlie Brown walks off, with Lucy following him]
Lucy van Pelt: I've noticed you can talk to *me*! *I* have a pretty face! So how come you can talk to me? Wasn't I the Christmas Queen? You haven't answered!

Lucy van Pelt, Violet: [singing, teasing Charlie Brown] Poor little Charlie Brown, nyah, nyah, nyah! No one could love that frown, nyah, nyah, nyah! Who would love you? No one, that's who! Your face is too darn round, nyah, nyah, nyah! Your face is too darn round!


A Charlie Brown Celebration (1982) (TV)
[last lines, after Charlie Brown accidentally kicked Lucy's arm instead of the football]
Lucy van Pelt: I kept my promise, didn't I? I didn't pull the ball away.
Charlie Brown: No, you're right, you didn't, but I missed the ball and kicked your hand. I don't know what to say. Is there anything I can do?
Lucy van Pelt: [her whole arm is in a cast] Next time you go to the hospital, stay there!

[Charlie Brown gets himself, Snoopy, Linus, and Lucy all tangled up from a kite at Snoopy's doghouse]
Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown, you can't possibly imagine how glad we'll all be when the kite-flying season is over!


Snoopy Come Home (1972)
Lucy: [the kids are playing Monopoly, and it's Lucy's turn] Oh, no! Not on Pacific! With hotels?
Schroeder: Pay me twelve hundred and seventy-five dollars, please.
Lucy: Schroeder, Schroeder, how about a beep on the nose?
Schroeder: A what?
Lucy: [poking him on the nose] BEEP. A beep on the nose is a sign of great affection.
Schroeder: I'd rather have the twelve hundred and seventy-five dollars, please. PAY UP!

[last lines]
Linus: [outraged by a note handed out by Snoopy] Look at this, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: [reading it] "To Linus Van Pelt: I expect my croquet set and chess set returned forthwith, in good order, and within five days, or the matter will be turned over to my attorney."
Schroeder: [outraged over his own note from Snoopy] And mine says... he wants the record collection back!
Charlie Brown: [reading his own letter] And mine says... that since he gave me nothing, I owe him nothing!
[glares at Snoopy]
Lucy: That does it, Charlie Brown! He's your dog, and you're welcome to him!
[everyone walks out on Charlie Brown, Snoopy, and Woodstock; Charlie, annoyed at Snoopy, follows suit]


Play It Again, Charlie Brown (1971) (TV)
Frieda: [she comes in and sits down in front of Schroeder's piano where Lucy usually sits] Schroeder, I think it's disgraceful the way Lucy bothers you, and she's always asking everybody "Why does he always have to play that stupid piano?" I think that's terrible.
[pause]
Frieda: Incidentally, why DO you always have to play this stupid piano?
Lucy van Pelt: [comes in and sees her] What are you doing here?
Frieda: Who wants to know? Maybe I just like music.
Lucy van Pelt: [sits down beside her] Do you like Beethoven?
Frieda: What?
Lucy van Pelt: If you're going to hang around here, you've got to like Beethoven.
Frieda: All right, but I'll just have a small glass.
[Schroeder stops playing when he realizes what she just said, then angerly pulls the piano out from under both of them]
Lucy van Pelt: You blew it, kid.

[last lines, Schroeder continues playing more Beethoven songs]
Lucy van Pelt: [sits by the piano] How come you never send me flowers?
Schroeder: Because I don't like you.
Lucy van Pelt: The flowers wouldn't care. Beethoven never would've made it in Nashville.
Schroeder: [stops playing, offended] What did you say? What do you mean Beethoven wouldn't have made it in Nashville?
Lucy van Pelt: Did he have the Nashville sound? Huh? Did he? Did he?
[Schroeder leaves, feeling insulted]
Lucy van Pelt: [shouts] He probably wouldn't have made it in New Orleans, *either*!
[Lucy takes out her radio and happily listens to rock music on Schroeder's piano]


A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (1973) (TV)
[first lines]
Lucy van Pelt: [holding football] Charlie Brown! Oh, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: I can't believe it. She must think I'm the most stupid person alive.
Lucy van Pelt: Come on, Charlie Brown. I'll hold the ball and you kick it.
Charlie Brown: Hold it? Ha! You'll pull it away and I'll land flat on my back and kill myself.
Lucy van Pelt: But Charlie Brown, it's Thanksgiving.
Charlie Brown: What's that got to do with anything?
Lucy van Pelt: Well, one of the greatest traditions we have is the Thanksgiving Day football game. And the biggest, most important tradition of all is the kicking off of the football.
Charlie Brown: Is that right?
Lucy van Pelt: Absolutely. Come on, Charlie Brown. It's a big honor for you.
Charlie Brown: Well, if it's that important, a person should never turn down a big honor. Maybe I *should* do it. Besides, she wouldn't try to trick me on a traditional holiday. This time I'm gonna kick that football clear to the moon!
[he runs to kick the ball, but Lucy pulls it away]
Charlie Brown: Aaauuugh!
[falls flat on his back]
Lucy van Pelt: Isn't it peculiar, Charlie Brown, how some traditions just slowly fade away?


It's an Adventure, Charlie Brown (1983) (TV)
Lucy van Pelt: What would you do if I were to snatch that blanket from you and throw it right into the trash burner?
Linus van Pelt: I'd collapse right on the spot. They'd have to haul me away in an ambulance and place me in an oxygen tent.
[Lucy rushes out upon hearing this]
Linus van Pelt: How do I think of things like that?


"This Is America, Charlie Brown: The Birth of the Constitution (#1.2)" (1988)
Lucy Van Pelt: Now what are they debating about?
Linus Van Pelt: They're trying to decide who will be the head of the government.
Lucy Van Pelt: I think it should be a queen. A beautiful queen.
Linus Van Pelt: Some of the delegates think it should be just one man. But others are afraid that if it's just one man, he'll be like another king.


"This Is America, Charlie Brown: The Music and Heroes of America (#1.8)" (1989)
Lucy Van Pelt: [bringing out a few photos of famous American black heroes] Black leaders would also emerge. Just to name a few: Booker T. Washington, who headed Tuskeegee Institute, was the advisor to two presidents. This is scientist George Washington Carver. He caused a revolution in agriculture in the South. He changed and improved the growing patterns of everything from cotton, to sweet potatoes, to peanuts. This is W. E. B. Du Bois. He founded the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People in 1909.


Why, Charlie Brown, Why? (1990) (TV)
[Linus comes home from the hospital]
Lucy Van Pelt: Where've you been?
Linus van Pelt: Charlie Brown and I were visiting Janice in the hospital. They say she has leukemia.
Lucy Van Pelt: While you're up, why don't you give me a glass of milk?
[Linus does so, Lucy turns up the TV, Linus comes back with a glass of milk and gives it to Lucy]
Linus van Pelt: I remember that day in school when she said she wasn't feeling well. I remember touching her forehead and feeling how warm she was.
Lucy Van Pelt: [shocked in disgust] You touched her? And now you're handing me a glass of milk? You could catch leukemia from her and give it to me!
Linus van Pelt: Cancer is not contagious. You can't catch it from somebody like a cold or the flu.
Lucy Van Pelt: She probably got it because she's a creepy kid.
Linus van Pelt: Janice didn't get cancer because of something she did wrong! It just happened.
Lucy Van Pelt: [takes her milk back] Well, anyway, take this milk back. I don't want it.
Linus van Pelt: [pushes it away] No thank you! I don't want to catch your crabbiness!
[Linus leaves]


Snoopy's Getting Married, Charlie Brown (1985) (TV)
[last lines]
Lucy van Pelt: Charlie Brown, I've got some good news for you, and I've got some bad news. The good news is that we've prepared a great party.
[short pause]
Lucy van Pelt: The bad news is that the bride-to-be has just run off with the golden retriever.
[Snoopy faints in shock]
Charlie Brown: The wedding's off!
Linus van Pelt: What about my sermon?
Lucy van Pelt: What about my salad?
Schroeder: Hey, what about my music?
Marcie: What about my dinner?
Patricia "Peppermint Patty" Reichardt: What about my *wedding* cake?
Charlie Brown: What about my *dog*?


"Robot Chicken: But Not in That Way (#4.9)" (2009)
[the Peanuts characters show off their geography schoolwork]
Linus Van Pelt: I love Geography Day!
[shows off a map of Italy]
Linus Van Pelt: I got Italy!
Lucy Van Pelt: [showing off a map of Russia] I got Russia!
Charlie Brown: [showing off a map of Iraq] I got Iraq.


Life Is a Circus, Charlie Brown (1980) (TV)
Charlie Brown: [to Lucy, who has taken it upon herself to board up Snoopy's doghouse] What are you doing?
Lucy van Pelt: Since Snoopy 'obviously' isn't coming back, we're closing down his house.
Charlie Brown: [as she walks away] What do you mean he's not coming back?