Captain Shakespeare
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Quotes for
Captain Shakespeare (Character)
from Stardust (2007)

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Stardust (2007)
[the pirates have just discovered Captain Shakespeare in drag]
Skinny Pirate: What's the problem?
Captain Shakespeare: It's my reputation.
Skinny Pirate: No. No. Don't be silly. Nonsense.
Old Pirate: It's all right, Captain. We always knew you were a whoopsie.

Captain Shakespeare: [whispers] Yvaine... I know what you are.
[Yvaine starts]
Captain Shakespeare: Have no fear, no-one on this vessel will harm you, but there are plenty who would... Your emotions give you away, Yvaine. You must learn to control them. You've been glowing more brightly every day and I think you know why.
Yvaine: Of course I know why I'm glowing. I'm a star! And what the stars do best?
Captain Shakespeare: Well, certainly not the waltz.
[Tristan approaches to dance with Yvaine. When they start to dance, Yvaine begins to glow. While they dance, they stop]
Tristan: Now try.
Yvaine: OK.
[he dances pretty well with her]
Tristan: See?
Yvaine: Very good.
[they keep dancing]

Captain Shakespeare: And, Yvaine, I have some lovely dresses; take your pick.
Yvaine: [surprised] I'm fine.
Captain Shakespeare: [quietly] Honey... you're wearing a bathrobe.

[Shakespeare and his men are selling collected lightning bolts to Ferdy, their fence]
Captain Shakespeare: So! Name your best price.
Ferdy the Fence: For 10,000 bolts?
Captain Shakespeare: 10,000 bolts of finest quality Grade A.
Ferdy the Fence: Yeah, but it's difficult to shift, isn't it? Difficult to store. If I get the revenue man in here sniffing around. Uhmmm... Best price: 150 Guineas.
Captain Shakespeare: [to his crew] Gentlemen, put the merchandise back on board and prepare to sail.
Ferdy the Fence: Whoa, whoa! Hold on. Hold on. One minute, Cuddles. 160? 160.
Captain Shakespeare: Seeing as I'm feeling particularly generous today, I'll settle for 200.
Ferdy the Fence: 200? Okay, you're having a laugh.
[Ferdy laughs]
Ferdy the Fence: Have you had your head in that? Has he been staying up where the air's too thin?
Captain Shakespeare: [darkly] You're being very rude.
Ferdy the Fence: Not any more.
Captain Shakespeare: 200.
Ferdy the Fence: 180.
Captain Shakespeare: 200.
Ferdy the Fence: That's not negotiation! I'm changing my number! 185.
Captain Shakespeare: Did I hear 200?
Ferdy the Fence: From you, you did. Yeah.
Captain Shakespeare: You said 200?
Ferdy the Fence: If I did, you're a ventriloquist. Okay, 195. Final offer.
Captain Shakespeare: 195 it is.
[they shake hands to seal the deal]
Captain Shakespeare: So, with sales tax, that's... let's see... 200.
Ferdy the Fence: [resignedly] Brilliant. Put it in the back.

Captain Shakespeare: I'm taking the girl to my cabin, and mark my words anyone who disturbs me for the next few hours will get the same treatment.
Skinny Pirate: What? You'll...
Captain Shakespeare: No, you idiot. I'll sling you over the side as well!