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: You're probably a blessing in disguise. Fucking good disguise.
[about marrying Matt
: I just don't think it's something we should rush into. Lucia
: Oh, no, no. But bring another human life onto the planet - that's whim time.
: He made his bed, he can lie in it. Lucia
: If there's room.
: Why did he grow that beard? And his posture! He looks like Early Man.
: Matt, this is not your baby, OK? It's some other idiot's baby, probably with an eighth grade education and a trunk full of Waco pamphlets.
: Vagina, vagina, vagina. Does that word do anything for you? Bill Truitt
: I don't think it does much for anyone, gay or straight.
: God. How does a woman get so bitter? Lucia
[Dedee in labor
: Are you having contractions? Dedee
: No, this is my sleepy face! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?
: See, you think you're being nice, but it's really just self-destructive. Bill Truitt
: When is it too hot to analyze me? 110, 115 degrees? Lucia
: You've got a death wish. So selfish.
: I have one too, but I direct it toward others.
: This is how we do things on the Planet Maturia. We have much to teach you.
: I'm bisexual. Lucia
: Puh-lease! I went to a bar mitzvah once. That doesn't make me Jewish.
: Bill, I don't think he's as stupid we think. Bill Truitt
: As you think, Lucia.
[She gets mad and walks to the door
: Fine! Goddammit! God... Fuck! Shit! I hope Tom Cruise is as straight as they come... I never thought he wasn't!
: I don't know how you do it. You're always so nice and so calm. Tom was like that too. It's depressing. Bill Truitt
: You're nice. Lucia
: That's how I always felt around you too, like the Baroness in The Sound of Music. While everybody's just singing and climbing an Alp. And I just wanna STUFF THAT GUITAR UP THAT NUN'S ASS! And... ugh!
: Oh, good, it's my delivery from 1-800-PITY.
: Bill's kind of cute. I mean, even though he's old. Lucia
: He's 35! Dedee Truitt
: Yeah but he's still kind of cute. Too bad he's a fairy, right? Lucia
] That is not how I would put it. Dedee Truitt
: Well, then too bad he's however *you'd* put it.
: This is about trimesters. Matt Mateo
: Yeah, I know. I want her to go back to school too.
Sheriff Carl Tippett
: What's the point of sleeping with you if it doesn't get your attention? If I always come second to Bill? Lucia
: Excuse me? Sheriff Carl Tippett
: Say the point of sex isn't recreation or procreation or any of that stuff. Say it's concentration. Say it's supposed to focus your attention on the person you're sleeping with, like biological highlighter.
] Sheriff Carl Tippett
: Otherwise, there's just too many people in the world. Lucia
: So while I'm sleeping with you, I'm not supposed to care about anybody else? Sheriff Carl Tippett
: Look for me first in any crowded room. And I'll do likewise.
] Sheriff Carl Tippett
: Otherwise, a person ends up sleeping with somebody else.
[Looks at her intensely and then sits back and waits
: It's just a habit, thinking about Bill. Because of Tom. Sheriff Carl Tippett
: I know.
: [discussing Tom's death from AIDS
] Did he give it to Bill? Lucia
: That is none of your business. Dedee
: Actually it is. I could drink from the wrong cup or something by mistake. Lucia
: God, what do they teach you in Louisiana?
: I don't know. I just don't - I don't get sex. Bill Truitt
: You should get out more. Lucia
: I mean, "I don't understand sex." I don't get it. Get it? It seems like a lot of trouble for not much. Am I the only one that thinks this? Bill Truitt
: I don't think you're the tip of an iceberg, frankly. Lucia
: I would rather have a backrub, you know. It lasts longer and there's no fluids. You know, what's so great about that? It's like, "Hi! I'd like to blow my nose on your face." I mean, you wouldn't like that, would you? Bill Truitt
: And after they do it, they never phone you. Lucia
: Yeah, or a shampoo. You know, just a really great shampoo. That would make sense. If you were chasing this asshole all around the country because he gave really great shampoos... Bill Truitt
: It's not just sex, Lucia. I CARE for Matt, alright? Lucia
: It IS sex, Bill. You just won't admit it. Cuz you wanna be above that. You wanna think that nothing that happened happened because you like sex. Bill Truitt
: I'm really beat. Lucia
: You know, sex kills, Bill. You just - you won't accept that. But why do you think there's no more real Hawaiians, huh? And why would they bother coming up with the phrase "died in childbirth" if it only happened one time? It's fucking dangerous, sex! Bill Truitt
: Tom didn't die because of sex. Lucia
: Didn't he? I mean, PC crap aside, didn't sex kill Tom? Huh? I mean, if he just couldn't get enough shampoos or backrubs, wouldn't he still be here today? Bill Truitt
: You might as well say I killed him. Lucia
: You didn't give it to him. Bill Truitt
: No, but some OTHER faggot did! Isn't that what you think? Lucia
: No. What I think is: Fine. Chase this bimbo from Indiana to Chippewa Falls, for all I care. Go ahead. Throw away your reputation, your job, and your students, and whatever because you want Matt. That's - it your RIGHT! Just don't say that it's about love, okay? You're an English teacher. Call things by their right name.