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: I bought a copy of Mein Kampf. Occurred to me it might shed a spot of light on all this... how d'ye do. Ever read it? Caldicott
: Never had the time. Charters
: I understand they give a copy to all the bridal couples over here. Caldicott
: Oh, I don't think it's that sort of book, old man.
: [at newsstand, next to display of "Mein Kampf" and "Gone With the Wind"
] There's not a copy of this week's "Punch" ? Saleswoman
: Please ? Charters
: "Punch." English magazine. Very humorous. You must have a copy. Saleswoman
: No. Charters
: [to Caldicott
] She hasn't got a "Punch" old man. Caldicott
: Hasn't she ? Charters
: No. Caldicott
: Well. Sold out I suppose.
: They've got "La Vie Parisienne" old boy. Caldicott
: "La Vie Parisienne" ? All right. Don't bother about a "Punch."
: [to Charters and Caldicott who are sitting on a baggage cart
] You can't sit here. Charters
: Why not ? Station Master
: This truck is required. Come on. Off, off, off, off, off, off. Charters
: I suppose these bags aren't required too ? Station Master
: Off, off, off, off, off, off, off. Charters
: Pushed about from pillar to post by this railway ever since we got on the train. Caldicott
: Yeah, everything we sit on seems to be required. Charters
: It's monstrous. Caldicott
: We shall write to the company about this. You're not at war with England yet, you know. Station Master
: But you are mistaken. France declared war this afternoon. Und England declared war this morning. So ! Achtung ! Charters
: War... Caldicott
: Yes. Charters
: Good heavens ! Caldicott
: What's the matter ? Charters
: My golf clubs. Caldicott
: Where are they ? Charters
: I lent them to Max in Berlin. Like a fool, I said he needn't bring them back til next Wednesday... Probably seen the last of them. Caldicott
: Yes. I expect they'll require them for something or other.
: [Looking through papers in stationmaster's office
] It's all in German. Charters
: [to telephone operator
] What ? Well, how long then ? Oh, alright.
: Blasted junction's engaged by the military. They'll call me back. Caldicott
: These people seem to have no idea of business as usual.
: [because the hotel is full, Charters and Caldicott have been forced to share the maid's room
] They might at least have given us one each? Charters
: What? Caldicott
: The room at least.
: If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest. Caldicott
: Well, I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted on standing up until they'd finished their national anthem... Charters
: Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott. If I'd known it was going to last twenty minutes... Caldicott
: It has always been my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is *not* their national anthem.
: I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you? Charters
: Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I? Caldicott
: Indubitably. Iris Henderson
: Yes, but you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember. Charters
: Yes, I recall passing the sugar. Iris Henderson
: Well then you saw her. Charters
: I repeat we were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket. Iris Henderson
: Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people. Charters
: Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to be said! Come Caldicott. "A thing like cricket!" Gilbert
: Wrong tactics. We should've told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.
: Talking of wartime sacrifices, Caldicott - do you remember old Parterton? Caldicott
: Chap with all those rubber plantations in Malaya? Charters
: Yes, that's the fellow. Do you remember his valet, Hawkins? Caldicott
: Yes. Charters
: He's evacuated to Weston-super-Mare. Caldicott
: Really? Charters
: Parterton's simply livid. Hasn't dressed himself for 30 years. Caldicott
: What's he going to do about it? Charters
: Follow him. To Weston-super-Mare. Caldicott
: Oh, by the way, how many mines have we laid here this morning? Charters
: Erm... 86. No no, 87. Caldicott
: Sure? Charters
: Positive. Caldicott
: Hmm. We must remember not to bathe here after the war.
: You seem to be taking a deuce of a lot of stuff with you old man. How long do you think this war's going to last? Charters
: Nothing like being on the safe side Caldicott. Caldicott
: Personally I think it will be over by Christmas. Charters
: Ha ha - that's what they said in the last war. Caldicott
: Well, last time they said it would be over by Christmas and it wasn't. This time it might be. Charters
: I doubt whether that's very sound logic old man.
: It's labeled 'bathroom' Caldicott
: But that's ridiculous! It should be labeled 'Bosporus'.