Caldicott
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Quotes for
Caldicott (Character)
from The Lady Vanishes (1938)

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Night Train to Munich (1940)
Charters: I bought a copy of Mein Kampf. Occurred to me it might shed a spot of light on all this... how d'ye do. Ever read it?
Caldicott: Never had the time.
Charters: I understand they give a copy to all the bridal couples over here.
Caldicott: Oh, I don't think it's that sort of book, old man.

Charters: [at newsstand, next to display of "Mein Kampf" and "Gone With the Wind"] There's not a copy of this week's "Punch" ?
Saleswoman: Please ?
Charters: "Punch." English magazine. Very humorous. You must have a copy.
Saleswoman: No.
Charters: [to Caldicott] She hasn't got a "Punch" old man.
Caldicott: Hasn't she ?
Charters: No.
Caldicott: Well. Sold out I suppose.

Charters: They've got "La Vie Parisienne" old boy.
Caldicott: "La Vie Parisienne" ? All right. Don't bother about a "Punch."

Station Master: [to Charters and Caldicott who are sitting on a baggage cart] You can't sit here.
Charters: Why not ?
Station Master: This truck is required. Come on. Off, off, off, off, off, off.
Charters: I suppose these bags aren't required too ?
Station Master: Off, off, off, off, off, off, off.
Charters: Pushed about from pillar to post by this railway ever since we got on the train.
Caldicott: Yeah, everything we sit on seems to be required.
Charters: It's monstrous.
Caldicott: We shall write to the company about this. You're not at war with England yet, you know.
Station Master: But you are mistaken. France declared war this afternoon. Und England declared war this morning. So ! Achtung !
Charters: War...
Caldicott: Yes.
Charters: Good heavens !
Caldicott: What's the matter ?
Charters: My golf clubs.
Caldicott: Where are they ?
Charters: I lent them to Max in Berlin. Like a fool, I said he needn't bring them back til next Wednesday... Probably seen the last of them.
Caldicott: Yes. I expect they'll require them for something or other.

Caldicott: [Looking through papers in stationmaster's office] It's all in German.
Charters: [to telephone operator] What ? Well, how long then ? Oh, alright.
[to Caldicott]
Charters: Blasted junction's engaged by the military. They'll call me back.
Caldicott: These people seem to have no idea of business as usual.


The Lady Vanishes (1938)
Caldicott: [because the hotel is full, Charters and Caldicott have been forced to share the maid's room] They might at least have given us one each?
Charters: What?
Caldicott: The room at least.

Charters: If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.
Caldicott: Well, I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted on standing up until they'd finished their national anthem...
Charters: Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott. If I'd known it was going to last twenty minutes...
Caldicott: It has always been my contention that the Hungarian Rhapsody is *not* their national anthem.

Iris Henderson: I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?
Charters: Well, I don't know, I mean, I was talking to my friend, wasn't I?
Caldicott: Indubitably.
Iris Henderson: Yes, but you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember.
Charters: Yes, I recall passing the sugar.
Iris Henderson: Well then you saw her.
Charters: I repeat we were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket.
Iris Henderson: Well, I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people.
Charters: Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, there's nothing more to be said! Come Caldicott. "A thing like cricket!"
Gilbert: Wrong tactics. We should've told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.


Millions Like Us (1943)
Charters: Talking of wartime sacrifices, Caldicott - do you remember old Parterton?
Caldicott: Chap with all those rubber plantations in Malaya?
Charters: Yes, that's the fellow. Do you remember his valet, Hawkins?
Caldicott: Yes.
Charters: He's evacuated to Weston-super-Mare.
Caldicott: Really?
Charters: Parterton's simply livid. Hasn't dressed himself for 30 years.
Caldicott: What's he going to do about it?
Charters: Follow him. To Weston-super-Mare.
Caldicott: Oh, by the way, how many mines have we laid here this morning?
Charters: Erm... 86. No no, 87.
Caldicott: Sure?
Charters: Positive.
Caldicott: Hmm. We must remember not to bathe here after the war.

Caldicott: You seem to be taking a deuce of a lot of stuff with you old man. How long do you think this war's going to last?
Charters: Nothing like being on the safe side Caldicott.
Caldicott: Personally I think it will be over by Christmas.
Charters: Ha ha - that's what they said in the last war.
Caldicott: Well, last time they said it would be over by Christmas and it wasn't. This time it might be.
Charters: I doubt whether that's very sound logic old man.


Crook's Tour (1941)
Charters: It's labeled 'bathroom'
Caldicott: But that's ridiculous! It should be labeled 'Bosporus'.