Brenda Cushman
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Quotes for
Brenda Cushman (Character)
from The First Wives Club (1996)

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The First Wives Club (1996)
[about her ex-husband's scantily clad date]
Brenda: What's the matter, Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?

Brenda: My Morty becomes this big shot on T.V... He was selling electronics, right? On our 20th wedding anniversary it hits midlife crisis major. He starts working out, he, he grows a moustache, he gets an earring. I said, "Morty, Morty, what are you? A pirate? what's next? A parrot?" And all of a sudden I'm a big drag. I'm holding him back because I won't go rollerblading.

Brenda: There she is. Princess Pelvis!

[finding empty liquor bottles in trash]
Brenda: Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs!
Elise: I had guests!
Brenda: Who? Guns N Roses?

Elise: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person.
Brenda: No, that's why your co-stars drink.

Brenda: My, my, the bulimia has certainly paid off.

[Upon seeing a slinky dress]
Brenda: Now, I ask you, Duarto, who's supposed to wear that? Some anorexic teenager? Some fetus? It's a conspiracy, I know it is! I've had enough. I'm leading a protest. I'm not buying another article of clothing until these designers come to their senses!

Brenda: What's wrong?
Jilted Lover: It's my lover. She left me for this younger woman that weighs twelve pounds.
Brenda: That's just like my Morty.
Jilted Lover: Who?
Brenda: Morty.
[Shows Woman her picture]
Jilted Lover: She's butch.

Annie: Let's synchronize our watches.
Brenda: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!"
Elise: Oh, that was a big hit.

Brenda: I remember your first talk-y.
Elise: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"

Elise: Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda?
Brenda: Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project?
Elise: Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?

Brenda: Where's Shelly?
Morty: In the car.
Brenda: Glove compartment?
Morty: Trunk.

Annie: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away?
Elise: Been there!
Brenda: Done that!

Brenda: Wake up and smell the audit!

Brenda: Ya know I wonder how drunk Cynthia was when she decided to do a jack knife off Park Avenue.

Elise: And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah!
Brenda: I didn't think you would come.
Annie: Yeah, it was in Hebrew!
Brenda: Oh shutup!

Elise: [Drunk] You never even wrote to me!
Annie: [Meekly] You were unlisted...
Elise: And you always talked about me behind my back!
Brenda: Oh, you deserved it!

Elise: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted!
Brenda: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty!
Elise: It was the sixties.

Brenda: Those lips - what's in 'em? Are they wax?

Brenda: When men know women are a certain age...
Elise: Good bye love.
Brenda: Hello pop-tarts.

Brenda: I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT!
Elise: Whhhaaattt?

Duarto: [upon seeing an "unnaturally" young Elise walk into Cynthia's funeral] She looks fabulous; do you think she's had work done?
Brenda: [rancorously] Honey, she's a quilt!

Brenda: So okay, alimony sucks. Okay, you didn't get to play a police woman in a wonder bra. But look at you, you're gorgeous! And thanks to Cher's pioneering efforts you still haven't hit puberty! And once upon a time you *were* a terrific actress! You've even got an Oscar to prove it! You've spent your whole life with people *sucking* up to you! I'm sure Annie will agree with me when I say that *your* perception of life is *somewhat altered*!

Brenda: Morty! Well, look at you. You look prosperous.
Morty: Brenda, don't embarrass me.
Brenda: [Mocking Morty] Don't embarrass you.
Morty: Don't make a scene.
Brenda: Don't make a scene.
Morty: Do not make a scene.
Brenda: Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!
Morty: Keep your voice down.
Brenda: Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!
Morty: You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,
[grabs a yellow blouse]
Morty: honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.
Brenda: You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?
Morty: It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!
Brenda: You're a liar and a FRAUD!
Morty: I have no money.
Brenda: Really? Why don't you look in your purse?
Morty: Oh you're very funny.
Shelly: There stunning Morton, I need all of them.
Brenda: Morton?
Shelly: [covers her face with a dress] Oh God, make it go away.
Brenda: Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.
Morty: Don't start.
Brenda: What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try these on in
[holds out her arms]
Shelly: *your size*!
Morty: It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.