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: No, Sean Connery is Monique's boyfriend! He may be three hundred years old, but he's still a stud!
[finding empty liquor bottles in trash
: Let's examine the evidence. Look! all bottles and gallon jugs! Elise
: I had guests! Brenda
: Who? Guns N Roses?
: I drink because I am a sensitive and highly strung person. Brenda
: No, that's why your co-stars drink.
: You think that because I'm a movie star I don't have feelings. Well you're wrong. I'm an actress. I've got all of them!
: If only she'd called me. If only I was listed.
: It's the 90s, plastic surgery is like good grooming.
: Let's synchronize our watches. Brenda
: Ooo, just like "Mission: Impossible!" Elise
: Oh, that was a big hit.
: I'm not Monique's Mother! Maurice
: No. Elise
: Angela Lansbury's Monique's Mother! Maurice
: Uh-huh. Elise
: Shelley Winters is Unique's mother! Maurice
: Now that's a good one. Elise
: Sean Connery is Monique's mother! Maurice
: And I'm going to get you some coffee.
: I'm unhappy, Maurice! Maurice
: And I'm going to get you that coffee.
: I remember your first talk-y. Elise
: Oh yeah, what did you ever win? A pie eating contest? "Best digestion?"
: Annie, you choose. Who's your friend? Me or Brenda? Brenda
: Yeah, for once in your life make a decision? Who's your friend? Some Beverly Hills science project? Elise
: Or a woman with her own aisle at the supermarket?
: What if Elise starts drinking again and then you start sniping away? Elise
: Been there! Brenda
: Done that!
[Elise shows Bill proof that his new girlfriend is only sixteen years old
: Should have done your homework, Bill! I did. Oh, by the way, here's a copy of her birth certificate. Bill
: Oh, God... I didn't know... oh, God! Wh-what are you going to do? Elise
: Oh, what am I gonna do? Well, for now I'm just going to say the f word... *Felony*.
: And you didn't even invite me to your son's bar mitzvah! Brenda
: I didn't think you would come. Annie
: Yeah, it was in Hebrew! Brenda
: Oh shutup!
] You never even wrote to me! Annie
] You were unlisted... Elise
: And you always talked about me behind my back! Brenda
: Oh, you deserved it!
: You've always been jealous of me, even in college! Because I was blonde and beautiful, and could have any guy I wanted! Brenda
: Could and did! All the senior class and half the faculty! Elise
: It was the sixties.
: When men know women are a certain age... Elise
: Good bye love. Brenda
: Hello pop-tarts.
: I'm saying this, with love compassion and the spirit of true sisterhood... you are full of SHIT! Elise
: There are only three ages for women in Hollywood - Babe, District Attorney, and Driving Miss Daisy.