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: Two martinis please, very dry. David Shayne
: How'd you know what I drank? Helen Sinclair
: Oh, you want one too? Three.
: Maybe Olive's got stage fright. Maybe she won't show. Julian Marx
: Not Olive. That dame doesn't have a nerve in her body. I don't think her spinal cord touches her brain.
] I have never had a play produced. That's right. And I've written one play a year for the past twenty years. David Shayne
: Yes, but that's because you're a genius. And the proof is that both common people and intellectuals find your work completely incoherent. Means you're a genius.
: Your taste is exquisite. Helen Sinclair
] My taste is superb. My eyes are exquisite.
: Suddenly I'm taking suggestions from some strong-arm man with an IQ of minus 50.
: No, no, don't speak. Don't speak. Please don't speak. Please don't speak. No. No. No. Go. Go, gentle Scorpio, go. Your Pisces wishes you every happy return. David Shayne
: Just one... Helen Sinclair
: Don't speak.
: You're gonna write it? Cheech
: What am I? A fuckin' idiot? They taught me how to read and write in school before I burned it down. David Shayne
: You burned down your school? Cheech
: Yeah, it was Lincoln's birthday. There was nobody there.
: You thought my first draft was c-cerebral and tepid? Helen Sinclair
: Only the plot and the dialogue. But this... David Shayne
: Was-was-was there nothing in the original draft that you feel was worth saving? Helen Sinclair
: The stage directions were lucid. Best I've ever seen... and the color of the binder. Good choice. David Shayne
: Thank you. I've always had a flair for stage directions.
: I studied playwrighting with every teacher, I read every book... Cheech
: Let me tell you somethin' about teachers. I hate teachers. Those blue-haired bitches used to whack us with rulers. Forget teachers.
: My tongue is hanging out to present it on the London stage. David Shayne
: London. Lord Chafee
: Look at his face, Helen. You're going to be the toast of Broadway. Why not the West End, hmm?
: Make love to me. David Shayne
: Here? Now? Helen Sinclair
: I see no reason to wait. David Shayne
: Jerome Kern is on the other side of the door. Helen Sinclair
: Yes, he's a wonderful composer. You'll have to meet him. Now hang up your pants.
: Why do you have to be so masso... masso... David Shayne
: Masochistic. Olive
: Masochistic? What the does that mean? David Shayne
: It means someone who enjoys pain. Olive
: Enjoys pain? What is she, *retarded*?
: Sorry you guys had to hear that. Some problems with the firm. David Shayne
: Really? What type of firm is it, Nick? Nick
: It's a "don't stick your nose in other people's business and it won't get broken" type of firm.
: I've become involved with Helen Sinclair, and I feel terrible. But I can't help myself. She's so charismatic, and she's brilliant and beautiful. I mean, a real artist, and, and we speak the same language. Sheldon Flender
: You're wracked with guilt. David Shayne
: I'm wracked with guilt. Sheldon Flender
: You're wracked with guilt. You are wracked with guilt. David Shayne
: I don't know whether... I can't sleep. Sheldon Flender
: Guilt is petit-bourgeois crap. An artist creates his own moral universe. David Shayne
: I know that. I know... Sheldon Flender
: Well? What is the problem then? I'm gonna give you some advice. The same advice that was given to me many years ago when I had a very similar dilemma. David Shayne
: Similar to mine. To... Sheldon Flender
: Yes. Yes. David Shayne
: What did you do? What? Sheldon Flender
: You gotta do what you gotta do.
: You, you, you're all missing the point, the point is I can give pleasure many times a day! Rita
: Oh, now, really Flender, what does quantity got to do with it? Sheldon Flender
: Quantity, quantity affects quality! David Shayne
: Says who? Sheldon Flender
: Karl Marx! Rita
: Oh, so now we're talking economics. Sheldon Flender
: Sex is economics!
: I'll have a double anything.