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Quotes for
Speed (Character)
from The Odd Couple (1968)

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The Odd Couple (1968)
Vinnie: I thought he looked edgy the last couple of weeks. Don't you think he looked edgy?
Speed: No, as a matter of fact, I thought you looked edgy.

Speed: Excuse me, sir, but aren't you the one they call the Cincinnati Kid?
Murray: You don't like it, get a machine.
Roy: Geez, it stinks in here.

Murray: How many cards you got, four?
Speed: Yes, Murray, we all have four cards. When you give us one more, we'll all have five. If you gave us two more, we'd all have six. Do you see how that works now?
Murray: Is Oscar playing or not? Hey, Oscar!
Oscar Madison: [from the kitchen] Yeah?
Murray: Hey Oscar, are you in or out?
Oscar Madison: [blows on a slice of bread he'd dropped on the floor] Out pussycat, out!

Felix Ungar: [serving refreshments at the poker game] Cold glass of beer for Roy...
Roy: Thank you.
Felix Ungar: Where's your coaster?
Roy: My what?
Felix Ungar: Your coaster. The little round thing that goes under the glass.
Roy: I think I bet it.
Oscar Madison: [tosses the coaster back to Roy] Here, here, here. I knew I was winning too much! Here.
Felix Ungar: Always try to use your coasters, huh, fellas? A scotch and a little bit of water...
Speed: Scotch and a little bit of water and I have my coaster.
Felix Ungar: I don't want to be a pest, but you know what glasses can do.
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] They leave little rings on the table.
Felix Ungar: They leave little rings on the table!
Oscar Madison: [under his breath] And we don't want little rings on the table.

Murray: I'm telling you, I'm worried. I know Felix. He's going to try something crazy.
Vinnie: You mean you just threw him out?
Oscar Madison: That's right, I threw him out. It was my decision. All right, I admit it. Let it be on my head.
Vinnie: Let what be on your head?
Oscar Madison: How should I know? Felix put it there. Ask him.
Speed: He's out there somewhere.
Oscar Madison: Listen, he was driving us all crazy with his napkins and his ashtrays and his bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwiches. All of you said so.
Roy: We didn't say kick him out, Oscar.
Oscar Madison: Well, who do you think I did it for? I did it for us!
Roy: Us?
Oscar Madison: Yes, that's right. Do you know what he was planning for next Friday night's poker game as a change of pace? Do you have any idea?
Vinnie: What?
Oscar Madison: A luau! A Hawaiian luau! Roast pork, fried rice, spareribs - they don't play poker like that in Honolulu!

Oscar Madison: Hey wait a minute, wait a minute, the pot's shy. Who didn't put in a quarter?
Murray: You didn't.
Oscar Madison: You got a big mouth, Murray. Just for that, lend me twenty dollars.
Murray: I just loaned you twenty dollars. Borrow from somebody else, I keep winning my own money back.
Roy: You owe everybody in the game. If you don't have it, you shouldn't play.
Oscar Madison: All right, I'm through being a nice guy, you owe me six dollars apiece for the buffet!
Vinnie: What Buffet?
[they all chime in]
Vinnie: What buffet?
Speed: What buffet? Hot beer and two sandwiches left over from when you went to high school.
Oscar Madison: What do you want at a poker game, a tomato surprise? Murray, lend me twenty dollars or I'll call your wife and tell her you're in Central Park wearing a dress.


"The Odd Couple: Murray the Fink (#2.6)" (1971)
Oscar Madison: Your name is Homer?
[Shocked upon hearing Speed's real name from the guard]
Speed: [Sarastically] What? You think when I was born my parents named me SPEED?