The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park. Truvy
: Yeah, how did that go? Clairee
: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous. Truvy
: Was she hurt? Clairee
: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.
: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past. Clairee
: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past. Truvy
: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.
: [quoting her gay nephew
] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.
[about the new mayor's wife dancing
] Clairee Belcher
: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.
: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!
: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.
: I love ya more than my luggage.
] That wasn't a very Christian thing to do. Clairee
: Oh Annelle, you gotta lighten up.
: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.
: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied. Annelle
: I suspected this all along! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken! Annelle
: Not on your first visit! Clairee Belcher
: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!
: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time. Ouiser Boudreaux
: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.
: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.
: You are evil, and you must be destroyed. Clairee Belcher
: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.
: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time. Clairee Belcher
: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything. Ouiser Boudreaux
: That explains a lot.
: We are in the house of the Lord! Clairee Belcher
: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life. Ouiser Boudreaux
: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.
: You are playin' hard to get! Clairee Belcher
: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.
: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.
: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?
: The older you get, the sillier you get. Ouiser Boudreaux
: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.
: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week... Ouiser Boudreaux
: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!
: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that? Clairee
: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.
: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14. Clairee
: You were brought up right.
] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone
: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn
: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [taken aback and confused
] Are you crazy? Clairee
: Hit her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Are you *high*, Clairee? Truvy
: [in a frightened tone
] Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee
: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle
: [in a scared tone
] Ms. Clairee, enough! Clairee
: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [snatches away
] Let go o' me! Clairee
: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!
: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms
] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'? Ouiser Boudreaux
: SHUT UP! Clairee Belcher
: What? Ouiser Boudreaux
: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee. Clairee Belcher
: I am not. Ouiser Boudreaux
: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.
: Why do you give all these to me? Ouiser Boudreaux
: Somebody's gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.
: I should have never said that in front of Shelby. Clairee
: Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.
: Anne Boleyn had six fingers. Ouiser Boudreaux
: Who's Anne Berlin? Clairee
: Anne Boleyn. She was one of the six wives of Henry VIII. Ouiser Boudreaux
: I never watch public television. Clairee
: She had six fingers. Ouiser Boudreaux
: What happened to the other four? Clairee
: She had 11 total. Ouiser Boudreaux
: Are you trying to confuse me, Clairee? Clairee
: No. I just want to expose us to a little more culture. And that's not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.
: [after Shelby said she almost called off the wedding
] Shelby, you scared us. That wasn't a nice thing to do to your mama. Never say that to a woman who's marinating 50 pounds of crab claws.