Clairee Belcher
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Quotes for
Clairee Belcher (Character)
from Steel Magnolias (1989)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Steel Magnolias (1989)
Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Truvy: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past.
Clairee: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past.
Truvy: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.

Clairee Belcher: [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

[about the new mayor's wife dancing]
Clairee Belcher: Looks like two pigs fightin' under a blanket.

Clairee Belcher: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

Clairee Belcher: They were both high. They'd been smokin' everything but their shoes.

Clairee Belcher: I love ya more than my luggage.

Annelle: [quietly] That wasn't a very Christian thing to do.
Clairee: Oh Annelle, you gotta lighten up.

Clairee Belcher: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Clairee Belcher: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee Belcher: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Clairee Belcher: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

Ouiser Boudreaux: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee Belcher: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Ouiser Boudreaux: Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.
Clairee Belcher: Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.
Ouiser Boudreaux: That explains a lot.

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee Belcher: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee Belcher: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

Clairee Belcher: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

Clairee Belcher: The older you get, the sillier you get.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.

Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...
Ouiser Boudreaux: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

Annelle: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that?
Clairee: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.

Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.
Clairee: You were brought up right.

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser Boudreaux: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

Clairee Belcher: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?
Ouiser Boudreaux: SHUT UP!
Clairee Belcher: What?
Ouiser Boudreaux: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.
Clairee Belcher: I am not.
Ouiser Boudreaux: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.

Clairee: Why do you give all these to me?
Ouiser Boudreaux: Somebody's gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.

Ouiser Boudreaux: I should have never said that in front of Shelby.
Clairee: Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.

Clairee: Anne Boleyn had six fingers.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Who's Anne Berlin?
Clairee: Anne Boleyn. She was one of the six wives of Henry VIII.
Ouiser Boudreaux: I never watch public television.
Clairee: She had six fingers.
Ouiser Boudreaux: What happened to the other four?
Clairee: She had 11 total.
Ouiser Boudreaux: Are you trying to confuse me, Clairee?
Clairee: No. I just want to expose us to a little more culture. And that's not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.

Clairee: [after Shelby said she almost called off the wedding] Shelby, you scared us. That wasn't a nice thing to do to your mama. Never say that to a woman who's marinating 50 pounds of crab claws.