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: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park. Truvy
: Yeah, how did that go? Clairee
: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous. Truvy
: Was she hurt? Clairee
: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.
: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.
: Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.
: I kind of like hiring somebody with a past. Clairee
: She can't be more than eighteen. She hasn't had time to have a past. Truvy
: Oh get with it, Clairee. This is the eighties. If you can achieve puberty, you can achieve a past.
: When it comes to pain and suffering, she's right up there with Elizabeth Taylor.
: Truvy, you know what you need in here? You need a radio, takes the pressure off of everyone feeling they have to talk so much. Truvy
: I had one once, but I threw it up against the wall when I couldn't figure out where the batteries went. I know now I was suffering from pre-menstrual syndrome.
: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.
: I'm just screamin' at my husband; I can do that any time!
: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.
: Oh sweetheart don't. Please don't cry or I will too. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.
: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.
: Smile! It increases your face value.
: Oh, honey, God don't care which church you go, long as you show up!
: You are playin' hard to get! Clairee Belcher
: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.
: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14. Clairee
: You were brought up right.
: There is no such thing as natural beauty.
: I don't like her. I don't trust anyone who does their own hair. I don't think it's natural.
: [stands up after praying
] Amen. M'Lynn
: [looking confused at Truvy
] Was she just praying? Truvy
: [rolling eyes, frustrated
] Yes. M'Lynn
: Why? Truvy
: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.
: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.
] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone
: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn
: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [taken aback and confused
] Are you crazy? Clairee
: Hit her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Are you *high*, Clairee? Truvy
: [in a frightened tone
] Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee
: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle
: [in a scared tone
] Ms. Clairee, enough! Clairee
: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [snatches away
] Let go o' me! Clairee
: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!
: What are your colors, Shelby? Shelby
: My colors are "blush" and "bashful." M'Lynn
: Her colors are "pink" and pink." Shelby
: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama! M'Lynn
: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?
: Was she prayin? Truvy
: Yes. Shelby
: Why. Truvy
: Got me, maybe she was praying for Marshall and Drew and Bell. My she was praying for us cause we was gossipin. Maybe she was praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose. Who knows she prays at the drop of a hat these days.
: You know what you need in here, Truvy. You need a radio. Music is a wonderful thing to have in the background and it takes the pressure off of people who feel they
[looks at M'lynn
: *have to talk so much.* Truvy
: I used to have one, but I slammed it against the wall when I couldn't figure where the batteries went. I know know I was suffering from pre menstruatal syndrome.