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: Sammy Wayne Desoto, what is this in my Frigidaire? Sammy
: Beer. Annelle
: I don't care what you do with your refrigerator, but you will not keep liquor in mine.
[dumps the beer out in the yard
: Oh, Annelle, for Christ's sake! Annelle
: Who? Who did you say? Sammy
: Christ, Christ, Christ! Annelle
: Are you speaking of our Lord? Is that whose name you're taking in vain? Sammy
: That's the one. Annelle
: Well, I'm sorry, Sammy. But I am not about to spend the next fifty years of my life with someone I'm not gonna run into in the hereafter. Sammy
: Oh, Annelle, goddammit! Annelle
: I think we should pray. Sammy
: Oh, I'd rather eat dirt!
: Miss Truvy, I promise that my personal tragedy will not interfere with my ability to do good hair.
] That wasn't a very Christian thing to do. Clairee
: Oh Annelle, you gotta lighten up.
[Sammy is wearing an Easter bunny contume
: We'll talk about uncomfortable when you're nine months pregnant!
: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied. Annelle
: I suspected this all along! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken! Annelle
: Not on your first visit! Clairee Belcher
: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!
: We are in the house of the Lord! Clairee Belcher
: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life. Ouiser Boudreaux
: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.
: That is one ugly dog. What kind of dog is that? Clairee
: If it had hair, it'd be a Saint Bernard.
: [stands up after praying
] Amen. M'Lynn
: [looking confused at Truvy
] Was she just praying? Truvy
: [rolling eyes, frustrated
] Yes. M'Lynn
: Why? Truvy
: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.
] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone
: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn
: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [taken aback and confused
] Are you crazy? Clairee
: Hit her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Are you *high*, Clairee? Truvy
: [in a frightened tone
] Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee
: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle
: [in a scared tone
] Ms. Clairee, enough! Clairee
: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [snatches away
] Let go o' me! Clairee
: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!
: Does your dress have to go over your head? M'Lynn
: No Annelle
: OH! Thank God!