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[Referring to her daughter's many pink wedding decorations
: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.
: We have this new psychiatrist that comes in two days a week and of course I pick her name out of the grab bag, I have to pick something up for her tomorrow. Would you put that on the list, I have no idea what to get your father. What's Jackson giving you, do you know? Shelby
: Furniture. M'Lynn
: Furniture, well, my. Must be nice to be married to a rich lawyer. What's it for, the living room? Shelby
: No, for the nursery.
[seeing M'Lynn's stricken look
: We wanted to tell you when you and daddy were together, but you're never together so it's every man for himself. I'm pregnant. M'Lynn
: I realize that. Shelby
: Well is that it? Is that all you're gonna say? M'Lynn
: What do you want me to say? Shelby
: Well, something along the lines of congratulations. M'Lynn
: Congratulations. Shelby
: Would it be too much to ask for a little excitement, not too much I wouldn't want you to break a sweat or anything. It's in July. Oh Mama, you have to help me plan. We're gonna get a new house. Jackson and I are going house hunting next week. Jackson loves to hunt for anything. M'Lynn
: What does Jackson say about all of this? Shelby
: He's so excited. He says he doesn't care whether it's a boy or a girl, but I know he really wants a son so bad he can taste it. He's really cute about the whole thing. It's all he can talk about: Jackson Latree, Jr. M'Lynn
: Does he ever? Listen, I mean when doctors and specialists give you advice. Does he listen? I know you never do, does he? Huh? What? Well, I guess since he doesn't have to carry the baby it really isn't any of his concern. Shelby
: Mama, I want a child. M'Lynn
: What about adoption? You've filled out all the applications. Shelby
: Mama, no judge is gonna give a baby to someone with my medical records. Jackson even put out feelers about buying one. M'Lynn
: People do it all the time. Shelby
: Listen to me. I want a child of my own. I think it would help things a lot. M'Lynn
: I see. Shelby
: Mama, you worry too much. In fact I never worry 'cause I always know you're worried enough for the both of us. Jackson and I have given this a lot of thought. M'Lynn
: Has he really? Well, there's a first time for everything. Shelby
: Don't start on Jackson. M'Lynn
: Your poor body has been through so much. Why would you deliberately do this to yourself? Shelby
: Diabetics have healthy babies all the time. M'Lynn
: You are special Shelby. There are limits to what you can do.
: I am going to be very, very careful, nobody is going to be hurt or disappointed or even inconvenienced. M'Lynn
: Least of all Jackson, I'm sure. Shelby
: You're jealous, because you no longer have a say so in what I do and that drives you up the wall. You're ready to spit nails because you can't call the shots. M'Lynn
: I did not raise my daughter to talk to me like this. Shelby
: Yes, you did. M'Lynn
: Oh no, I didn't. Shelby
: Whenever any of us asked you what you wanted for us when we grew up what did you say? M'Lynn
: Shelby, I'm not in the mood to play games. Shelby
: Just tell me what you said, Mama, what did you say? M'Lynn
: The only thing I have ever said to you, ever, is that I want you to be happy. Shelby
: Okay, the one thing that would make me happy is to have a baby. If I could adopt one I would, but I can't. I'm going to have a baby, and I wish you'd be happy too. M'Lynn
: I'll tell you what I wish. Well, I don't know what I wish. Shelby
: Mama, I don't know why you have to make everything so difficult. I look at having a baby as the opportunity of a lifetime. Sure there may be risk involved, but that's true for anybody. But you get through it and life goes on. And when it's all said and done there will be a little piece of immortality with Jackson's good looks and my sense of style, I hope. Please, please I need your support. I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.
: Shelby, the boys bought the car around. Shelby
: What did they do to it? M'Lynn
: Well, let me put it this way... If you and Jackson want to practice safe sex, you're all set!
: Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!
: [stands up after praying
] Amen. M'Lynn
: [looking confused at Truvy
] Was she just praying? Truvy
: [rolling eyes, frustrated
] Yes. M'Lynn
: Why? Truvy
: Maybe she's praying for Marshall and Drew and Belle. Maybe she's praying for us because we're gossiping. Maybe she's praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose! Who knows! She prays a the drop of a hat these days.
] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone
: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn
: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [taken aback and confused
] Are you crazy? Clairee
: Hit her! Ouiser Boudreaux
: Are you *high*, Clairee? Truvy
: [in a frightened tone
] Clairee, have you lost your mind? Clairee
: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her! Annelle
: [in a scared tone
] Ms. Clairee, enough! Clairee
: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn! Ouiser Boudreaux
: [snatches away
] Let go o' me! Clairee
: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!
: I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something. I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand. There was no noise, no tremble, just peace. Oh god. I realize as a woman how lucky I am. I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she drifted out. It was the most precious moment of my life.
: Does your dress have to go over your head? M'Lynn
: No Annelle
: OH! Thank God!
: What are your colors, Shelby? Shelby
: My colors are "blush" and "bashful." M'Lynn
: Her colors are "pink" and pink." Shelby
: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama! M'Lynn
: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?
: Shelby, as you know, wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this. We should handle it the best way we know how and get on with it. That's what my mind says, I just wish somebody would explain it to my heart.
: [looking at herself in Truvy's compact mirror
] Oh my God Shelby was right, my hair *does* look like a brown football helmet!
: [after Ouiser drinks a soda and belches
] Oh, now, that's attractive, Ouiser.
: [Shebly's father and brothers have adorned it with condoms
] My lord, the limousine's here Shelby
: What did they do to it? Shelby
: Well, let me put it this way: if you and Jackson plan of having safe sex, you're all set.
: [describing her reception
] Wedding cake in the dining room, and groom's cake...
[slyly, to M'Lynn
: hidden in the carport? M'Lynn
: Shelby and I, we agree on one thing: Shelby
: The groom's cake! Shelby
: It's awful!
: They brought the car around. Shelby
: What did they do to it? M'Lynn
: [the car is decorated with condoms
] . Let me put this way. If you and Jackson want to practice safe sex, you're all set.