Capt. Ivan Danko
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Quotes for
Capt. Ivan Danko (Character)
from Red Heat (1988)

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Red Heat (1988)
Abdul Elijah: Revolutionary political leaders like myself are incarcerated to keep us quiet.
Ivan Danko: What is your political crime?
Abdul Elijah: I robbed a bank.

Art Ridzik: About this pile-of-shit pimp in here. In this country, we try to protect the rights of individuals. It's called the Miranda Act, and it says that you can't even touch his ass.
Ivan Danko: I do not want to touch his ass. I want to make him talk!

[after torturing a witness into talking]
Ivan Danko: Soviet method is more economical.

Ivan Danko: I have car under control.
Art Ridzik: Yeah, I'm sure they taught you all about cars and the price of insurance at your famous Russian school in Kiev!
Ivan Danko: In socialist countries, insurance not necessary. State pays for everything.
Art Ridzik: Yeah? Well, tell me something, Captain. If you've got such a fucking paradise over there, how come you're up the same creek as we are with heroin and cocaine?
Ivan Danko: Chinese find way. Right after revolution, they round up all drug dealers, all drug addicts, take them to public square, and shoot them in back of head.
Art Ridzik: Ah, it'd never work here. Fucking politicians wouldn't go for it.
Ivan Danko: Shoot them first.

Commander Lou Donnelly CPD: Since I figure cops are cops the world over, how do you Soviets deal with all the tension and stress?
Ivan Danko: Vodka.

Ivan Danko: Tea, please.
Art Ridzik: In a glass, with lemon, right?
Ivan Danko: [surprised] Yes.
Art Ridzik: Yeah. I saw Dr. Zhivago.

[Danko's watch alarm goes off]
Art Ridzik: What's that?
Ivan Danko: My watch. It's on Moscow time.
Art Ridzik: Time to pick up Pokey?
Ivan Danko: Time to feed parakeet.
Art Ridzik: What's that, Russian for "jerking off"?

[Watching a porno scene on the TV]
Ivan Danko: Capitalism!

Ivan Danko: [commenting on Chicago, USA] Very strange city. The crime is organized; the police is not.

Art Ridzik: You were talking to that jazzball so long I thought about having my head shaved.
Ivan Danko: It could be a good idea.

[Danko changes his militia uniform for a suit]
Art Ridzik: What, you retire your uniform?
Ivan Danko: I now work undercover.
Art Ridzik: Undercover? You look like Gumby.

[Ridzik and Danko go to speak with Abdul Elijah in prison]
Art Ridzik: Hey, you, come here. This is Captain Danko. He's come all the way from Russia to speak with your scoutmaster.
Prison Cleanhead: Well, that's nice, but who the fuck are you?
Ivan Danko: These men have no respect of our authority as police officers.
Art Ridzik: No shit.

Ivan Danko: [in Russian] What's this key for?
Viktor Rostavili: [in Russian] Kiss my ass.
Ivan Danko: [to Ridzik, in English] You know what this key open?
Art Ridzik: Looks like a key to a locker to me. Why don't you ask your bud?
Ivan Danko: [hauls Viktor around to face Ridzik] You try.
Art Ridzik: Where-is-the-lock-er-that-this-key-opens?
Viktor Rostavili: [mutters something in Russian]
Art Ridzik: What did he say?
Ivan Danko: He say, "Go and kiss your mother's behind."
[Gallagher laughs. Ridzik stares at Viktor for a moment, then lunges at him]

Art Ridzik: Captain Danko, congratulations. You are now the proud owner of the most powerful handgun in the world.
Ivan Danko: Soviet Patparine, nine-point-two milimeter, is world's most powerful handgun.
Art Ridzik: Oh, come on, everybody knows the .44 Magnum is the big boy on the block. Why do you think Dirty Harry uses it?
Ivan Danko: Who is Dirty Harry?

Hooligan: Hey, asshole! You can't park here, this is my spot! I live right up there. So move your piece-of-shit car or give me fifty bucks.
Ivan Danko: I do not understand.
Hooligan: Let me make it real simple, moron. You move your ass or give me fifty, or I take my Pete Rose here and fucking mutilate your car.
Ivan Danko: Do you know Miranda?
Hooligan: Never heard of the bitch.
[Danko punches him unconscious]
Ivan Danko: [in Russian] Hooligani.
[Ridzik comes back]
Art Ridzik: Everything okay?
Ivan Danko: Yes, fine. No problems.
Art Ridzik: What about that sack of shit lying on the sidewalk?
Ivan Danko: He lives here.

Ivan Danko: I do not understand this sport.
Art Ridzik: You're not supposed to, it's completely American.
Ivan Danko: We play baseball now in Soviet Union.
Art Ridzik: Are you kidding me? This is our national pastime!
[pause]
Art Ridzik: Ah, it'd be a hell of a world series though, wouldn't it?
Ivan Danko: We will win.

Art Ritzik: Yeah, and about the chess game, you were right, I was dead in two.
Ivan Danko: [with scorn and moving away] It was obvious.

Ivan Danko: [speaking in Russian] Let's go. All of you
Viktor Rostavili: [speaking in Russian] Why do you always pick on us Georgians? We are just simple people. Maybe that is why we are such easy prey.
Vagran Rostavili: [speaking in Russian] What's this country coming to?! This is like the old days! We are not guilty of anything!
Sacha: [speaking in Russian] Where is your evidence?
Ivan Danko: [grabs Sacha and throws him to the ground, then grabs Sacha's prosthetic leg and pulls it, turns it over and a white powder comes out and speaking in Russian] Cocaine.