David Fisher
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Quotes for
David Fisher (Character)
from "Six Feet Under" (2001)

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"Six Feet Under: Coming and Going (#4.8)" (2004)
David Fisher: I have to get control of myself.
Claire Fisher: No, David, if you were any more controlled, you'd be a sculpture. You know what? Last night I had a humiliating homosexual experience of my own.
David Fisher: Seriously? What happened?
Claire Fisher: Not much. I never even went down on her.
David Fisher: You can stop there.

Claire Fisher: I wish I was gay.
David Fisher: Ohh, no.
Claire Fisher: Well, then I wouldn't have to deal with unfamiliar sex organs!
David Fisher: They're all unfamiliar unless they're yours.

David Fisher: What are you doing?
Sarge: Gotta bunk with a guy from my team. More tourney this week and I don't wanna get my ass lit up at the top of the action. Gotta focus, stay tight, stay alive. Game on.
David Fisher: Well, stay here. You can't go already, I want you to stay.
Sarge: Yeah, I get that, but - like... no.

"Six Feet Under: Pilot (#1.1)" (2001)
Keith Charles: We'll get through this.
David: Yeah, I'll be the strong one, the stable one, the dependable one, because that's what I do. And everyone around me will fall apart. 'Cause that's what they do.
Keith Charles: Hey. Don't you ever get exhausted being so hard on everyone, and yourself?
David: [sigh] Shut up.

Nathaniel Fisher: [David is covering his father's wounds with wound filler, as he looks on disapprovingly] Oh, no. You're doing me? You're the worst one we've got.
David: [monotone] Thanks, Dad.
Nathaniel Fisher: [frantic] Where's Federico?
David: It's Christmas morning. He's with his wife and kids. He'll be in later.
Nathaniel Fisher: [impatient] Ooh, couldn't this wait? I don't want you ruining my face.
David: It's a little late for that.
Nathaniel Fisher: Not funny.

Elderly Man: [in front of a casket] You did a real good job on her.
David: Well, we do our best.
Elderly Man: If there's any justice in the universe, she's shoveling shit in hell right now.

"Six Feet Under: Falling into Place (#4.1)" (2004)
Claire: [Nate enters Fisher's kitchen with a stern and very beaten face] What happened to you?
Nate: Lisa's dead.
David: Ohhhh shit!
Nate: Her body washed up near Carpinteria a few days ago. Some kids found it.
Claire: Fuck.
Nate: It took the lab till yesterday to figure out it was her.
David: Do they know what happened?
Nate: She drowned.
David: She just... drowned?
Nate: That's what they said. No evidence of anything else.
Officer Keith Charles: But she could swim, right?
Nate: Yeah, it just looks like she drowned.
David: God!
Nate: So I have to go to the coroner up there and get her.
David: I'll come with you.
Nate: Thanks.
Claire: Nate, what happened to your face?
Nate: I got it in a fight.
George Sibley: [Ruth and George enter the kitchen] Good morning, morning glories! I hope we didn't keep any of your folks up last night.
[They see Nate]
David: They found Lisa's body. She's dead.
Ruth: Oh Lord! I'm sorry.
[Cuddles Nate]
Nate: So am I. So am I.

Coroner: This is the worst one I've had in a long time. It's like those whales when they die. You know what happens?
David: No.
Coroner: Their guts turn to cream and explode.
[Uncovers Lisa's corpse]
Coroner: All that's left when they wash upon shore is a bag of...
David: [Almost crying] This is my sister-in-law.
Coroner: Oh... Shit, shit, shit! I'm sorry. I thought you were here on business...
David: I am, and this is my sister-in-law. You shouldn't talk like that about anybody.

Officer Keith Charles: I gotta quit my job, that's the one thing I gotta do...
David: I think you should.
Officer Keith Charles: No, I mean it this time. Everybody in security is a fuckin' asshole.

"Six Feet Under: The Foot (#1.3)" (2001)
Keith Charles: David, I can help, I'm a cop. That's what I do for a living.
David Fisher: You find feet?

Ruth Fisher: You wake up one day and your baby's stolen a foot. Where have I been?
David Fisher: Losing $25,000.

"Six Feet Under: Untitled (#4.12)" (2004)
Nathaniel Fisher: You hang on to your pain like it means something. Like it's worth something. Well, let me tell you - it's not worth shit. Let it go! Infinite possibilities, and all he can do is whine.
David Fisher: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Nathaniel Fisher: What do you think? You can do *anything*, you lucky bastard - you're alive! What's a little pain compared to that?
David Fisher: It can't be that simple.
Nathaniel Fisher: What if it is?

Nathaniel Fisher: You're missing the point.
David Fisher: There is no point, that's the point.
David Fisher: Isn't it?
Nathaniel Fisher: Don't give me this phony existential bullshit, I expect better from you. The point's right in front of your face.
David Fisher: Well I'm sorry but I don't see it.
Nathaniel Fisher: You're not even grateful are ya?
David Fisher: Grateful? For the worst fucking experience of my life?
Nathaniel Fisher: You hang onto your pain like it means something, like it's worth something - well let me tell ya, it's not worth shit. Let it go. Infinite possibilities and all he can do is whine.
David Fisher: Well, what am I supposed to do?
Nathaniel Fisher: What do you think? You can do anything, you lucky bastard, you're alive!
Nathaniel Fisher: What's a little pain compared to that?
David Fisher: It can't be so simple.
Nathaniel Fisher: What if it is?

"Six Feet Under: The Silence (#5.7)" (2005)
David Fisher: Kids should look out into the audience and have someone rooting for them. You know when I was in seventh grade, I was a sailor in "Anything Goes"?
Keith Charles: I know. You bring it up once a week.
David Fisher: Well, my mother came, but my father didn't.
Keith Charles: Why not?
David Fisher: Plane crash. He had to deal with a whole family that died.

David Fisher: I'm really glad you decided to come. It means a lot to me.
Keith Charles: Yeah, well, uh, I've always wanted to see a musical celebration of biodiversity.
David Fisher: Now remember, if you see Durell look in our direction, just scrunch down.
Keith Charles: What do you mean?
David Fisher: I didn't tell him we were going to be here.
Keith Charles: Why not?
David Fisher: Because I'm scared of him.
Keith Charles: I thought the whole point of this was to give him emotional support.
David Fisher: We are. He just doesn't know it. Let's keep it that way. Ooh, its starting!
[Lights dim]

"Six Feet Under: I'm Sorry, I'm Lost (#3.13)" (2003)
Federico Diaz: [of Angelica] I swear I wish I could just kick her sorry ass out. Vanessa always *her* side; it's like having a fucking two-headed wife.
David Fisher: As opposed to a no-headed wife.

David Fisher: [to Keith of the first time he saw him] I just noticed how you locked your car. You pointed the button at it like "Fuck you, car, now you're locked!"

"Six Feet Under: Eat a Peach (#5.5)" (2005)
Officer Keith Charles: [They look at themselves in a mirror] Look at us. You know what we look like?
David: Homos?
[They laugh]

"Six Feet Under: You Never Know (#3.2)" (2003)
David Fisher: You can never really know a person and if you think you can, you're living in a fucking dream world!

"Six Feet Under: The Trip (#1.11)" (2001)
Stripper: [during a lap dance] Aren't you enjoying this even one bit?
David Fisher: Yeah, I'm loving it. Why?
Stripper: Well, your dick isn't responding.

"Six Feet Under: Twilight (#3.12)" (2003)
Claire: So, what are you guys doing tomorrow?
Nate Fisher: [talking an E note in unison with David] Same old shit.
David Fisher: [talking a lower B note in unison with Nate] Same old shit.

"Six Feet Under: In the Game (#2.1)" (2002)
Ruth Fisher: David, are you bringing a special friend to dinner?
David Fisher: Why are my friends always special?
Ruth Fisher: Okay, then. If you're having sex with anyone, is he coming to dinner?

"Six Feet Under: Back to the Garden (#2.7)" (2002)
Nate: [appraising David's allegedly accidental new growth of facial hair] What time's your date?
David: Who said I have a date?
[Nate looks skeptical]
David: Tonight. Dinner.
Nate: [nods, looks again] Nah, it's a little too soon. The whole "Oops, I didn't know I was sexy" stubble look will actually peak at around... noon tomorrow. Believe me, I've perfected the art. Can you make it drinks after dinner? That'll give you another couple hours.

"Six Feet Under: Everyone's Waiting (#5.12)" (2005)
George Sibley: [Making a toast] To Nate.
David: To Nate.
Bettina: To Nate.
Claire: To Nate.
Officer Keith Charles: To Nate.
Ruth: To my firstborn.
Anthony: To Uncle Nate.
Durrell: Yeah, to Uncle Nate.
Brenda: [to Maya] Can you say "To Daddy"?
Maya Fisher: To Daddy!
Brenda: To Nate.

"Six Feet Under: Out, Out, Brief Candle (#2.2)" (2002)
Nate Fisher: [preparing to confess he has AVM disease] ... I have something to tell you.
David Fisher: What have you done now?

"Six Feet Under: In Case of Rapture (#4.2)" (2004)
Claire Fisher: Oh, this is so fucking gross!
David Fisher: What the fuck do you think you're doing?
Claire Fisher: Taking pictures. This is like right out of "The Shining".
David Fisher: This is not cool or legal, stop it!
Claire Fisher: Well, call the Bureau, ass.
David Fisher: This is our family business, Claire, even if I'm the only one in the family who gives a shit anymore.
Claire Fisher: Well, what if you need photos for, like, the insurance company or something?
David Fisher: All right, take some more - but this is not an art project.

"Six Feet Under: A Private Life (#1.12)" (2001)
Fundamentalist #1: God killed Marc Foster, and I'm here to celebrate.
David Fisher: [punches fundamentalist] God just shoved your stomach into your lungs, and I'm here to celebrate!

"Six Feet Under: The Will (#1.2)" (2001)
David: Do you have any respect for human life whatsoever?
Nate: I have a HUGE respect for human life, I just didn't know they could take a dump when they're dead!

"Six Feet Under: Can I Come Up Now? (#4.4)" (2004)
David Fisher: [recording an answering machine message] Hi, it's David and Keith, but we can't come to the phone right now because we're too *gay*.

"Six Feet Under: Ecotone (#5.9)" (2005)
David Fisher: Where the fuck could Mom be? Sorry, Chuck.
Chuck: That's okay. I'm a Buddhist. We don't care about that shit.

"Six Feet Under: Terror Starts at Home (#4.6)" (2004)
David Fisher: I forgot to pray. Can you believe it? I totally forgot to pray.
Claire: That's OK. God saved you anyway, right?

"Six Feet Under: The New Person (#1.10)" (2001)
Angela: Rough night, stud?
David Fisher: You are fired.
Angela: Fuck!

"Six Feet Under: Familia (#1.4)" (2001)
Federico Diaz: I've worked here for years, and you don't know a damn thing about me.
David: That's not true.
Federico Diaz: You own an atlas?
David: An atlas?
Federico Diaz: Yeah, because if you did, you'd know there's a 24-hundred-mile difference between Puerto Rico and Mexico.
David: You're... Puerto Rican...?
Federico Diaz: [pause] ¡Vete a la mierda cabrón!