Howard the Duck
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Quotes for
Howard the Duck (Character)
from Howard the Duck (1986)

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Howard the Duck (1986)
Dr. Jenning: It was just a routine procedure, meant to measure the density of the gases that surround Alpha Centauri. However, partway through the experiment, there was a deviation, and, uh... we lost control of the laser spectroscope.
Howard T. Duck: What do you mean, "lost control"?
Dr. Jenning: Some unknown force was redirecting the laser beam from its original target, so that it hit your planet instead.
Howard T. Duck: Hit my planet? How about 'hit my living room'? Talk about an invasion of privacy!

Phil Blumburtt: [working on the ultralight] Did you find the toolbox?
Howard T. Duck: Yeah, I know why you want a toolbox - you got a screw loose.

Howard T. Duck: Every duck has his limit, and you scum have pushed me over the line!

[Howard is being strip-searched]
Howard T. Duck: On my planet, we never say die, we say... NOT MY SHORTS! You perverts!

Howard T. Duck: That's it, no more Mr. Nice Duck.

Hostess: I'm sorry, we don't allow pets on the premises.
Howard T. Duck: Hey! Have a heart! Seeing-eye duck.

Howard T. Duck: It's not nice to fool with the dark overlords!

Howard T. Duck: Desperate ducks commit desperate acts!

Howard T. Duck: We've got a saying on my planet. If God intended us to fly, he wouldn't have taken away our wings.

Howard T. Duck: No one laughs at a master of Quack Fu!

Beverly: You got some place to go?
Howard T. Duck: Hey, if I had some place to go I certainly wouldn't be in 'Cleve-Land'.

Dr. Jenning: In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren't aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions?
Howard T. Duck: Yeah. Where are my pants?

Howard T. Duck: I've given up trying to assimilate. I've got to get back to my own kind!
[notices Beverly's behind as he watches her crawl across the top of her bed in her underwear]
Howard T. Duck: Althoooooough... I HAVE developed a greater appreciation for the female version of the human anatomy... ARROOOOO!
Beverly: Howard, you really are the worst!
Howard T. Duck: He-he!
Beverly: Come on, let's watch David Letterman. Come on!
[Pats the bed]
Howard T. Duck: Okie-dookie.

Howard T. Duck: [to Bev] Of all the alleys in the world I could have fallen into that night, why did it have to be yours?

Howard T. Duck: No duck is an island. And if fate sent me here to save Earth, then Howard the Duck is ready to fight!

Phil Blumburtt: DUCK!
Howard T. Duck: And proud of it!

Beverly: Hiya, Duckie.
Howard T. Duck: Hi, Toots.

[Phil Blumburtt hangs into the sea from the bottom of a flying machine as Howard's driving]
Howard T. Duck: This is no time for watersports!

Howard T. Duck: What is this place?
Beverly: Uh... Cleveland?
Howard T. Duck: Cleve-Land? U-huh. That's a perfect weird name for this planet.

[Jenning has almost crashed into a diner]
Howard T. Duck: You think that's funny, Jenning?
Dr. Jenning: I'm not Jenning anymore! The transformation is complete. I am now... someone else.
Howard T. Duck: Try telling that to your insurance company.

Beverly: I'm sorry I'm so nervous. It's just that I've never been around a... Um, I mean, I've never even had any pets or anything, you know. They seem like such a hassle - you know, feeding 'em, cleaning up their little poo-poos, and...
Howard T. Duck: I'll try to be careful.

Beverly: Make yourself at home.
Howard T. Duck: Make myself at home? I wish.

Howard T. Duck: Bev, I am not a real sentimental guy.
Beverly: No. I bet you were born from a very hard-boiled egg, Duckie.

Howard T. Duck: I can't believe this planet. Fried eggs - yuck!

Dr. Jenning: I told you, bird-brain, I am not Jenning anymore! I am now one of the Dark Overlords of the Universe.
Beverly: Hmm, Dark Overlord of the Universe?
Howard T. Duck: That must be quite a responsibility.

[the mob is trying to slaughter Howard]
Howard T. Duck: Jenning! They're seasoning me!

Dr. Jenning: The world is in great danger.
Howard T. Duck: Yeah, it certainly is when *you're* out on the highway.

[Together in bed, Beverly seducing Howard]
Howard T. Duck: [flustered] I've got a headache...
Beverly: And I've got the aspirin!
Howard T. Duck: Be gentle.

Dr. Jenning: You are about to make history a second time, my little friend.
Howard T. Duck: Thanks. But once was plenty.

[Howard and Phil have landed in a pond]
Howard T. Duck: Philsy, help! Philsy, help me!
Phil Blumburtt: Never heard of a duck that couldn't swim.
Howard T. Duck: Shut up and save me!

Beverly: I was worried about you. I missed you.
Howard T. Duck: Well, sex appeal. Some guys got it - and some guys don't.

[last lines]
Howard T. Duck: Not bad for a duck from outer space.
Beverly: You were great, Duckie!

Howard T. Duck: Goodbye, Duckworld.

Howard T. Duck: I'm a dead duck!

Beverly: Listen, would you like something to eat or drink? Milk? I could put it in a bowl?
Howard T. Duck: Doll, I don't drink out of bowls. Do you gotta beer?

Phil Blumburtt: I've already got a theory.
Beverly: What theory?
Phil Blumburtt: Well, this is, of course, the evolutionary ladder showing how man progressed from monkey to me, for instance.
Howard T. Duck: You consider that progress? Jeez, you're all hairless apes? That's really disgusting.
Phil Blumburtt: Now, I want you both to imagine, somewhere in the universe, is Howard's world. Picture it, in your mind, a world almost exactly like ours except the progenitor of the dominant species was not a monkey - but, a duck!
Howard T. Duck: Sound theory. Every school duck knows this stuff!

Beverly: If that's the way you want it! Then, so long, Duckie!
Howard T. Duck: Don't shed any tears over me, Toots!

Howard T. Duck: Dammit! I can't sit here on my tail feathers, feeling sorry for myself. I've got to think about practical matters. Food. Shelter. A job!

Beverly: I just can't seem to find the right man.
Howard T. Duck: Maybe it's not a man you should be looking for.
Beverly: Ah, you think I might find happiness in the animal kingdom, Duckie?
Howard T. Duck: Like they say, Doll, love's strange. We could always give it a try.
Beverly: Okay, let's go for it Mr. Macho.

Beverly: You play pretty good.
Howard T. Duck: I had a group in high school: Howard and the Heartbreakers.
Beverly: Oh, heavy, Howard. Very heavy. Maybe you should be our manager. Wait a second. Maybe you're just the kind of bizarro influence we need!

Howard T. Duck: On my planet, we never say die - we say kill!

Howard T. Duck: Aren't you going to see me off?
Beverly: Sure I am. I just hope they let you take a carry-on bag. Look, I'm gonna put in these polaroids that we took at the club.

Beverly: [Picks up a handful of feathers] What's this in my bed?
Howard T. Duck: Ah, souvenirs?
Beverly: I'm gonna miss you a lot, Duckie.

Howard T. Duck: I need this like I need another tail.

Howard T. Duck: It's alright, Toots.

Howard T. Duck: [after Howard sees a couple of people, outside the science museum] Yah, they look hungry, get em a banana

Waitress: [after the waitress brings the "Specials", Howard lets out a cry and is horrified] You ordered your specials, what's wrong?
Dr. Jenning: [Dr. Jenning posessed by a dark overlord] This will mean the extinction of all existing lifeforms.
Waitress: You haven't even tasted it yet
Howard T. Duck: What do you think, I'm into cannibalism or something?
Waitress: Hey, are we like all in the same discussion here?
Howard T. Duck: I'll give you a hint doll, what's white, all boiled and always remind me of my birthday?
Waitress: I don't know.
Howard T. Duck: The eggs, get em outta here.

Beverly: Howard, why are you so pissed off?
Howard T. Duck: Why, if you got blasted millions of miles through space, ended up on another planet and were given an IQ test by a janitor. You'd be a little pissed off to.
Beverly: Ho look, maybe you are trapped in a world you never made, but I've got problems of my own. My whole career is falling apart.
Howard T. Duck: Your career. What about my life?
[a group of kids and their teacher show up and see Howard]
Howard T. Duck: I'm stranded here, shipwrecked.
Teacher: Look at this wonderful exhibit.
Howard T. Duck, Teacher: You see what I mean, I'm a freak and outcast.
Teacher: It's so lifelike and realistic.
Howard T. Duck: Bug off.
Teacher: Excuse me.
Howard T. Duck: I said beat it. Brrr
[Scares the kids and the teacher away]

Howard T. Duck: [Holding Dr Jenning's hand, who is posessed as a dark overlord] Ahh, not so tight, what are you doing falling in love?

Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Howard the Duck: Why'd ya have it lick you like that? Gross!

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Howard the Duck: [to a lady] So how about a round with the duck?