Scorpius
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Quotes for
Scorpius (Character)
from "Farscape" (1999)

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"Farscape: The Peacekeeper Wars" (2004)
[from trailer]
Scorpius: This is insane, Crichton.
John Crichton: Four years on and your finally gettin' that?

Scorpius: Crichton, you possess it, don't you?
John Crichton: Don't touch me!
Scorpius: The secret to victory, the violent path to peace.

Maryk: Where the hezmana in my orders did you find the phrase "pre-emptive attack"?
Scorpius: The Scarrans are massing for an impending onslaught we all know is coming. A conflict we are ill-situated to win. By challenging them before they are prepared at least we have a fighting chance.
Maryk: You were sent there to gather surveillance and?
Scorpius: With all due respect, sir, I was sent here to perish at the vanguard of this inevitable conflict. I simply refuse to participate on their terms or yours.
Maryk: Because of your actions, the Scarran Empire has declared war against us. Do you know what that means, Scorpius? We are now officially engaged in the last war of our era! Congratulations.

Scorpius: So, how have you been, Crichton?
John Crichton: I'm good, Bob. You? The wife? The kids?
Scorpius: Busy.
John Crichton: Yeah, I hear business is booming.
Scorpius: You are right. The Scarrans and Peacekeepers are at war, and the Scarrans will prevail unless you help us to build a wormhole weapon.
John Crichton: Gee, that all sounds reasonable, Bob. Only two problems. No matter what you may believe I can't do it. And just as important - I don't think that the Peacekeepers are any better than the Scarrans. So make sure you validate your parking on the way out.
Scorpius: You will find no serenity during this conflict, Crichton. Examine your choices.
John Crichton: You are not listening. Wormholes: no! Weapons: no! Killing: no! Crichton: no.

John Crichton: [a Peacekeeper Marauder has tracked down the crew of Moya] You know who it's gonna be, don't ya?
Ka D'Argo: I know who it is.
John Crichton: Bet me. C'mon D, bet me. How much?
Ka D'Argo: You're on your own my friend.
Scorpius: [Exiting the ship] Hello, John!
John Crichton: Easy money.

John Crichton: [John is about to activate the wormhole weapon] Do you want to see it? Do you want to see what you've been chasing me and my family for years for? Do you want to see a wormhole weapon?
Scorpius: Yes.
John Crichton: Beg.
Scorpius: I beg you.
John Crichton: It's not good enough. Say "please."
Scorpius: Please.
John Crichton: Pretty please...
Scorpius: -Pretty please.
John Crichton: With a cherry on top...
Scorpius: -With a cherry on top.
John Crichton: Happy Birthday. Now get out of my sight.


"Farscape: Crackers Don't Matter (#2.4)" (2000)
Scorpius: Kill her. Then we'll have pizza and margarita shooters. Go on, John. Kill her. Do it. Do it.
John Crichton: [aims gun at Scorpius instead] Nobody has margaritas with pizza.

Scorpius: Go on, John, do it. Then we can go to the beach. I know a place with naked Sebacean girls and margarita shooters.


"Farscape: Revenging Angel (#3.16)" (2001)
John Crichton: I don't... wanna be like other people. I don't wanna be like you. I don't wanna stoop that low. Kirk wouldn't stoop that low.
Scorpius: That was a television show, John. And he made Priceline commercials. But if you insist, then look to Kirk the way he really was - savage when he had to be.
John Crichton: He's a fiction, Harv. I know the difference. I'm real, I have to live with what I do.

Scorpius: [Describing John Crichton] A schmuck.


"Farscape: Self Inflicted Wounds: Part 1 - Could'a, Would'a, Should'a (#3.3)" (2001)
[inside John's head]
John Crichton: If he masters wormhole technology, what will he use it for?
Scorpius: Faster delivery of pizzas.

[inside John's head]
Scorpius: Did you call me here... to talk you out of your guilt?
John Crichton: No. It's just... the information amassed inside their ship...
Scorpius: No contest! I sit here inside your feeble brain, listen to the arguments bounce off the hollow spaces, how could you not choose science above a beast of burden? You disgust me, John!
[sits]
Scorpius: I long for the dumpster. Pilot and Moya are to die, John. Take the wormhole knowledge that's fallen in your lap and call it a day!


"Farscape: Infinite Possibilities: Part 1 - Daedalus Demands (#3.14)" (2001)
[Crichton is trying to get the Scorpius Neural Clone, Harvey, removed from his mind]
Scorpius: And after you've done his dirty work for him, he will terminate you, Furlow, Rygel, Stark, Aeryn...
John Crichton: Do not play the Aeryn card Scorp, you killed her.
Scorpius: Aeryn is alive.
John Crichton: Now Zhaan's gone, who do I thank for that?


"Farscape: Prayer (#4.18)" (2003)
Scorpius: You have a plan?
John Crichton: Yes, and don't interrupt before I finish, no matter how stupid it sounds.
Scorpius: John...
John Crichton: I said do not interrupt!


"Farscape: I Shrink Therefore I Am (#4.8)" (2002)
Scorpius: [to bounty hunter] Hello. Are you looking for someone.
[tries to fire his weapon, realizes it's empty turns to the side]
Scorpius: Thank you, John.
John Crichton: [after killing the bounty hunter] Didn't think I'd give you a loaded weapon did you?


"Farscape: Self Inflicted Wounds: Part 2 - Wait for the Wheel (#3.4)" (2001)
Scorpius: [in John's head] Why is it always the gentle ones who pay the price for everyone else's ambition?


"Farscape: Liars, Guns and Money: Part 2: With Friends Like These... (#2.20)" (2001)
Scorpius: [in John's head] There are vast regions of your brain that are filled with nothing but... gibberish.
John Crichton: That would be high school.


"Farscape: Die Me, Dichotomy (#2.22)" (2001)
Scorpius: I condemn you, John Crichton, to live so that your thirst for unfulfilled revenge will consume you.


"Farscape: Into the Lion's Den: Part 1 - Lambs to the Slaughter (#3.20)" (2002)
John Crichton: I came to work.
Scorpius: For or against me?


"Farscape: The Hidden Memory (#1.20)" (2000)
Scorpius: What won't you tell me? I already know everything else. I know you're living on a stolen leviathan with escaped prisoners. And I know that leviathan is pregnant.
John Crichton: You know who the daddy is?


"Farscape: Twice Shy (#4.14)" (2003)
Aeryn Sun: No. I'm going to tell you how it's going to go from now on. *You* are going to stop sniffing this dren...
John Crichton: Shut up!
Aeryn Sun: Don't you tell me to shut up!
John Crichton: [moves away from Aeryn] Pilot. My comms are a bit buggy. Can you test the system please?
Pilot: [over the comms] Yes, Commander. But that will take all comms offline for about 30 microts.
John Crichton: I thought so. That'll be fine.
[moves closer to Aeryn]
John Crichton: Shut up and listen to me. Scorpius is here. Looking for the key to what's inside my head. The neural chip, aurora chair, threatening Earth, none of it works because he does not *understand* me.
Aeryn Sun: Stop using him as an excuse!
John Crichton: Please!
[pause]
John Crichton: You're the key. My achilles. You. If he figures that out. The world and all that's in it is nothing. He will use you and the baby, and I will not be able to stop him.
Aeryn Sun: So you think he's been using the comms? Look at what it's done to you. You're completely paranoid.
Scorpius: [over the comms] Pilot, are we having a problem with the comms?
Pilot: I was just checking them. Some slight irregularities but they appear to be functioning normally.
Aeryn Sun: So it's over.
John Crichton: It's over.
Aeryn Sun: There's nothing more between us.
John Crichton: Nothing.
[they kiss]


"Farscape: We're So Screwed: Part 3: La Bomba (#4.21)" (2003)
Scorpius: [after Crichton drops the bomb down the shaft] What have you done, John?
John Crichton: Fixed your little flower problem.
Officer Aeryn Sun: You reactivated it, didn't you?
John Crichton: It should go off in 60 microts.
Chiana: Then it explodes?
John Crichton: Yeah
Chiana: A big explosion?
John Crichton: Oh god, we should have voted first. All in favor show of hands
[pause - Crichton, Aeryn and Scorpius raise their hands]
John Crichton: Those opposed.
[pause - Chiana and D'Argo raise their hands]
John Crichton: Motion passes 3-2 with Sikozu abstaining.


"Farscape: Into the Lion's Den: Part 2 - Wolf in Sheep's Clothing (#3.21)" (2002)
Captain Biallar Crais: Scorpius. I am just making my final goodbyes.
Scorpius: Where are you, Crais?
Captain Biallar Crais: I am standing in your heart, and I am about to squeeze.