Dr. Allison Cameron
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Quotes for
Dr. Allison Cameron (Character)
from "House M.D." (2004)

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"House M.D.: Finding Judas (#3.9)" (2006)
Dr. Eric Foreman: [about the patient, Alice] She's six. Six-year-olds don't get gallstones.
Dr. Gregory House: So, she didn't have pancreatitis?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Your theory is an invisible gallstone?
Dr. Robert Chase: His theory correctly predicted the pancreatitis.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] You might wanna wait until he actually tell us his theory before you start kissing his theory's ass.

Dr. Robert Chase: I wasn't kissing his ass.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It just looked that way from our angle. You on your knees, House bending over.
Dr. Robert Chase: He predicted the pancreatitis.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's his dad's fault.
Dr. Robert Chase: My dad was an ass.
Dr. Allison Cameron: But you did everything he wanted you to and in return, you got everything you wanted.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, it's that simple.
Dr. Allison Cameron: His strategy worked. Dad got him a cushy job, paid for his cushy life.
Dr. Robert Chase: Cut me out of his cushy will.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I told you, just his nature. Poor guy's hardwired to kiss ass.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Allergic reaction is 100% times more likely with or without a history. Fever and anemia could've been symptoms of pancreatitis.
[talks on cell phone]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Hello? Thank your for your help.
[hangs up phone]
Dr. Allison Cameron: They froze my accounts.
Dr. Robert Chase: Thank you for your help?
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's not her fault.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Gonna break out the rubber hoses, the bright lights? I'm not gonna testify just because I have to borrow lunch money.
Michael Tritter: I know. Women don't give up on guys that they're in love with.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not in love with House.
Michael Tritter: A guy as unhinged and unethical does what he wants with no concern for others, but you stand by him.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That can't just be loyality and respect?
Michael Tritter: No.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm a girl, so I must be in love with him.
Michael Tritter: Not because you're a girl. Because 10 years ago, you got an "A" in calculus until you ratted yourself out, showed your professor a mistake he missed, because you married a man...
Dr. Allison Cameron: [angry tone] Don't go there!
Michael Tritter: You used to be someone who did the right thing. House has changed you. Do you think it's all been for the better?
[Cameron walks out of the room]

Dr. Allison Cameron: [when Alice is in the operating room] Are you saying she never had Reye's? We just put that girl through excruciating pain.
Dr. Robert Chase: Pain wasn't House's fault. Even if the clot was a reaction to what we gave her, we still have to...
Dr. Gregory House: [angry tone] I don't need you to cover my ass! What I need is my Vicodin! Two pills every six hours like I'm on an allowance. She's given the cop leverage over medical decisions. What the hell, why don't we get a plumber in here, ask his opinion?

Dr. Allison Cameron: Tritter released our bank accounts.
Dr. Gregory House: Horrible, horrible news. Wow! I'm glad we didn't let that fester.

Dr. Robert Chase: [when Tritter released Chase, Cameron, and Foreman's accounts] Maybe he wants us to think that one of us talked.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It worked.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You were with him.
Dr. Robert Chase: We were all with him.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We weren't laughing with him.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [after House yells at them] He's yelled at us before.
Dr. Allison Cameron: 'Cause he thought our theories were dumb, not because our theories were sending him to jail.
[Chase is playing with House's laser pointer]
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's going through withdrawal, could be causing mild paranoia. It'll pass, we just have to suffer through it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We never ruled out allergy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We gave her drugs, she had no negative reaction.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We cut open her belly, she got a rash on her belly. We did a scratch test on her back, she got a rash on her back. I know House ruled out mojo, but it can't be a coincidence.
[Chase points the laser pointer at Foreman]
Dr. Robert Chase: Little late to be playing differental games, isn't it?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [shields his eyes] Get that thing away from me! I don't wanna get burned.
Dr. Robert Chase: Laser pointers don't burn you, genius.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Skin, no. Retina, yes.
Dr. Robert Chase: You don't trust my aim? Maybe you should cover any sensitive...
[thinks for a minute, then has an epiphany. He puts down the laser pointer]
Dr. Robert Chase: He was wrong about the puppies!
[jumps from his seat and races out of the room]

"House M.D.: Half-Wit (#3.15)" (2007)
Dr. Eric Foreman: He paged us at five in the morning for that? I'm going back to bed, distonia's not life threatening, who needs a panel to take care of it...
Dr. Cameron: Takes conilizopan for seizures he has from a bus accident when he was ten.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then we treat with Benstrupine.
Dr. Robert Chase: [enters] What's up?
Dr. Cameron: 35 year old savant, distonia.
Dr. Robert Chase: Pfft. I'm going back to bed.
Dr. Gregory House: [appears] Where're you going?
Dr. Robert Chase: Uh... bathroom. It can wait.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There is no case, House. Even if distonia was a big medical mystery, it's not this time.
Dr. Gregory House: [shocked] And you're not intruiged as to how a perfectly healthy ten year old boy with no prior musical training gets into an accident on his way to school and can suddenly play the piano?
[Chase reaches across for the bag of breakfast, House takes it with his cane]
Dr. Robert Chase: We have to solve a 25 year old case before breakfast?
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Chase and Cameron and their wet hair] You two shower together?
Dr. Cameron, Dr. Robert Chase: NO!
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at Forman] Double negative. It's a yes.
[Forman stares at Chase and Cameron]

Dr. Robert Chase: You can't just randomly stab the temporal lobe and hope you hit the right spot.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll only take little tiny pieces.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Until what?
Dr. Gregory House: Until I find the problem.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Or you kill him.
Dr. Gregory House: No, I'll keep going even if I killed him.

Dr. Gregory House: Twenty seconds. Pretty good.
Dr. Allison Cameron: For what?
Dr. Gregory House: The time it took you to go from hard-ass to human being.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [seeing an old photo of House] He's not smiling.
Dr. Robert Chase: I wonder if he has teeth.

Dr. Gregory House: [finds the needle the Cameron was going to use to draw his blood] A little whorish to kiss and stab.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You kissed back.
Dr. Gregory House: I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling. Actually no woman should die without knowing the feeling.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You're just looking for a puzzle to distract you from your own situation.
Dr. Gregory House: You're right. He's dead. Let's go home.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [searching House's place] I'll take in here. Bedroom's down the hall.
Dr. Robert Chase: You've been here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Where else would the bedroom be?
Dr. Robert Chase: Come with?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're scared of him catching us breaking into his home, but you're not scared of him catching us doing it in his bed?
Dr. Robert Chase: [to himself] If I'm gonna get fired anyway...

Dr. Eric Foreman: He was testing blood in the clinic. Don't think it was a patient's blood.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why? Was it green?

"House M.D.: Act Your Age (#3.19)" (2007)
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's being abused.
Dr. Eric Foreman: A bloody t-shirt doesn't equal abuse. Kids get hurt all the time.
Dr. Robert Chase: That amount of blood?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Oh, crap. You two are agreeing again.

Dr. Allison Cameron: If menstruating is a sign of brain cancer, then I should be on chemo right now.
Dr. Gregory House: That's ridiculous. You're way too skinny to be menstruating.

Dr. Gregory House: You guys are idiots.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why? Because we stayed up all night doing exactly what you told us to do?
Dr. Gregory House: No. Because you stayed up all night doing exactly what I told you to and you have nothing to show for it.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We've eliminated dozens of wrong answers.
Dr. Gregory House: I asked you what two plus two equals and a day later you tell me not 25.

Dr. Allison Cameron: He went home.
Dr. Gregory House: Work smart, not hard.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You're intentionally punishing us.
Dr. Gregory House: By making you do your job? Does sound kinda cruel, doesn't it?

Dr. Gregory House: Somebody better be dying.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Lucy's big brother has a crush on me, so he bit the crap out of Chase.
Dr. Gregory House: Not interested.
Dr. Robert Chase: Figured you'd like to know when one of your employees gets attacked by a sociopath.
Dr. Gregory House: Bees or monkeys, yes. Sociopaths, no.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Before you came here, did anybody hurt you? Make you bleed?

Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm gonna need to look in your vagina now, do you understand? I'm a doctor so it's okay.

"House M.D.: Saviors (#5.21)" (2009)
Dr. Robert Chase: So I shouldn't be at all concerned that you're treating another doctor's patient for hiccups instead of going on a vacation I spent a week planning.
Dr. Allison Cameron: ...There's a reason I need to stay with this case a while longer. But... I can't tell you what it is.
Dr. Robert Chase: So you admit you lied to me. Now you're asking me to trust you?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes.
Dr. Robert Chase: ...Okay.

Dr. Allison Cameron: How do you think House is doing?
Dr. Eric Foreman: That's why you're here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No it isn't. Even if House is messed up by Kutner's suicide, wouldn't matter. He already thinks that life is nasty, brutish and long. And misery helps his diagnostic skills.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Are you in love with House?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You are not concerned about me... You're marking your territory.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You shouldn't be involved with House. Neither should I. Neither should anyone. You and Chase are good together. Don't screw it up.

Dr. Allison Cameron: This... has nothing to do with House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, well it has nothing to do with me either, not anymore... Let me know when I can pick up my things.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Are you teaching commitment classes? 'Cause I thought you were too busy with your lectures...
Dr. Gregory House: Lectures on that are going to be hysterical. Let me just give you the Cliff Notes. Don't try to dump him by dumping cases on me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I told you I never wanted to dump Chase!
Dr. Gregory House: Absolutely. You wanted him to dump you! It's totally different, much less guilt. Either way you're out of reasons to avoid him. Kutner was a pretty dumb one to begin with.

Dr. Robert Chase: Are- are you proposing to me?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm
[Cameron exhales]
Dr. Allison Cameron: proposing that you propose to me.
Dr. Robert Chase: After I broke up with you? After you ruined my planned proposal? You expect to...
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not expecting... hoping.
[Long pause. Chase walks to Cameron, slight pause. then he gets down on one knee. and holds her hand]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes!

Dr. Allison Cameron: [after House has ordered tests] By myself?
Dr. Gregory House: Without yourself.
[to the team]
Dr. Gregory House: Grab a bat.
[to Cameron]
Dr. Gregory House: Grab some pine. Time to bring in the first string.
[the team leaves]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: You obviously want to be here. But I can't figure out why. I want to see where you go when you can't be here.

"House M.D.: Whac-A-Mole (#3.8)" (2006)
Dr. Eric Foreman: [House is writing down something] What are you writing?
Dr. Gregory House: Nothing.
Dr. Robert Chase: If you know the diagnosis, why don't you...?
Dr. Gregory House: [finishes writing] How are you gonna learn to swim unless I take off your floaties and throw you into shark-infested waters?
[licks the envelope]
Dr. Allison Cameron: You can't know what's wrong after a 30-second perusal of his file.
Dr. Gregory House: Apparently, you can't. Now what's a game without rules? Uh, no tagbacks, no biting, you get one test each and the clock runs until lunch.
[writes something on the envelope; walks over to the whiteboard]
Dr. Gregory House: If I'm right, he'll still be alive. If I'm wrong, it's a very cruel game.
[places the envelope on the whiteboard with a magnetic paperclip. On the envelope written is "THE GAME IS A ITCHY FOOT."]

Dr. Allison Cameron: [when House gets a new cane] Nice cane.
Dr. Gregory House: [with a sexual wink and voice] If I know what you mean.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [refuses to write a prescription for House] Here. This'll tide you over. Takes the edge off my PMS, do wonders for you.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Jack] It can't be genetic. He would have been getting infections since he was an infant.
Dr. Gregory House: Not if he grew up in a bubble.
Dr. Robert Chase: Or if he grew up on Mars. No germs there either.

Dr. James Wilson: [walks in during a differential] I have a patient. I need...
Dr. Gregory House: Not now!
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll go.
Dr. Gregory House: [she begins to leave] You'll stay. Patient's dying.
Dr. James Wilson: So's mine.
Dr. Gregory House: Not in the next hour.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You know you have a problem.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. It's got a badge and everything.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Are you okay?
Dr. Gregory House: I hurt my shoulder playing Fantasy Football.

"House M.D.: Fools for Love (#3.5)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: [about Wilson] If he's not hitting that, why is she here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because I'm hitting that, and it's totally hot.
[House, Forman and Chase look amazed]

Dr. Allison Cameron: 20-year-old married African-American female couldn't breathe. Anaphylaxis-like throat swelling.
Dr. Gregory House: Children?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You think pregnancy would explain the...
Dr. Gregory House: It explains the marriage. Who the hell gets married at 20?

Dr. Gregory House: [about Wilson, who's talking to a nurse] Who's he talking to?
Dr. Allison Cameron: What?
Dr. Gregory House: It's got an ass. Technically, that makes it a who.

Dr. Gregory House: How is that unethical? It'll lead to a diagnosis.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's leading to the torture of a husband on the off-chance he'll allow a procedure on another person.
Dr. Gregory House: Which will lead to a diagnosis. Didn't I just say that?
Dr. Robert Chase: Give it up. Foreman and Cameron are too ethical and I'm too scared of getting sued.

Dr. Robert Chase: We can't babysit House all day.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll tell Cuddy to put a nurse by his room.

Dr. Gregory House: Why does he have it? What does it tell us?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Small cell vasculitis?
Dr. Gregory House: Good. Now let's hear it again, but now with a more environmental or infectious feeling.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Married couple, same disease. They either got it from each other or in the same place.
Dr. Gregory House: Infectious or environmental... all we have to do is check out parasites, viruses, bacteria, fungi, prions, radiation, toxins, chemicals or it's internet porn related. I'll check the internet, you guys cover the rest of the stuff.

"House M.D.: Human Error (#3.24)" (2007)
Dr. Robert Chase: Foreman's not going anywhere.
Dr. Gregory House: He said that to you?
Dr. Robert Chase: He doesn't really want to leave. And you don't really want to let him. You'll cave. Just like you did with Cameron.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreman's not as easy as Cameron. But, of course, who is?
Dr. Allison Cameron: [sternly] I'm in the room.

Dr. Eric Foreman: No tumors in her arm. Synovial membrane's working fine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No hot spots. No bone cancer. Maybe we should be looking for something else.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Chase walks in wearing his coat, carrying a bag, some books and an umbrella] Is it raining out?
Dr. Robert Chase: House fired me.
Dr. Eric Foreman: What?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because you yelled at him?
Dr. Robert Chase: "Time for a change" was the official explanation.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It makes no sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since when does House make sense?
Dr. Allison Cameron: He always makes sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's angry.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes, it's all about you, Foreman. He's upset you're leaving so he fires Chase.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Why'd you fire Chase?
Dr. Gregory House: Sure thing, first you tell me the results of the PET scan.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Did you fire him for me?
Dr. Gregory House: Would you stay if I did?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You asked him to fire Chase?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No!
Dr. Gregory House: Yes!
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're frustrated with Foreman so you lash out, kick the dog?
Dr. Gregory House: He's not gone five minutes and the name-calling starts. What's on the PET scan?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Why'd you fire Chase?
Dr. Gregory House: Do *you* know what's on the PET scan?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You two, out.
Dr. Gregory House: Whoa, whoa, wait. What's on the PET scan?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You can't dump your entire department just because you don't know how to deal with an issue.
Dr. Gregory House: Yes, they are all irreplaceable.

Dr. Gregory House: It's impossible.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Apparently not.
Dr. Gregory House: Live hearts don't stop for no reason. Dead hearts don't start for no reason.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Apparently they do.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's three hours off bypass and still stable, and the pain has gone.
Dr. Gregory House: No, it's not.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You think that she's lying about feeling better?
Dr. Gregory House: Just 'cos it's not there now doesn't mean it's gone.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Just because it was there before doesn't mean that it's coming back.

Dr. Gregory House: Antibiotics did not bring her back to life.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Other than a miracle, it's the only explanation for her symptoms.
Dr. Gregory House: How come God gets credit whenever something good happens?

Dr. Allison Cameron: My resignation letter. I've gotten all I can from this job.
Dr. Gregory House: What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologise? Beg Chase to come back?
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, I expect you to do what you always do - make a joke and go on. I expect you to be just fine. I'll miss you.

Dr. Gregory House: [Talking to his team about the patient] If there's one thing Castro knows, is how to look great in green. And if there's two things Castro knows, is how to look great in green *and* train doctors. Even without the medical records, we can assume she was drowned in antibiotics before she risk drowning see *me*
Dr. Allison Cameron: So, whats doesn't Castro knows?
Dr. Gregory House: How to lay his hands on high tech scanning equipment.

"House M.D.: Clueless (#2.15)" (2006)
Maria Palko: Marriages don't fail because couples get bored. They fail because, while they're dating, people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants and then - well, there's only so long you can keep that up.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe they are that person when they're dating, but then they change.
Maria Palko: People thinking their partner will change? That's another reason marriages fail. People don't change. At least not in any way that really matters.

Dr. Allison Cameron: He's gonna need a lung transplant.
Dr. Gregory House: He's becoming more attractive by the minute, isn't he?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're pleased. You think you've proved every marriage is a mistake?
Dr. Gregory House: Do I look pleased?

Dr. Gregory House: Is the ant big and red, or small and black?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Medium and brown.
Dr. Gregory House: Halle Berry brown or Beyonce brown?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is there a difference?
Dr. Gregory House: [sarcastically] Is there a difference?

Dr. Allison Cameron: What was I supposed to do, tie her up?
Dr. Gregory House: Why not? She likes that.

Dr. Allison Cameron: If you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
[everyone stares at her]
Dr. Gregory House: Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about a couple's threesome] Another guy or girl?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Girl. His wife's college roommate.
Dr. Robert Chase: If he's not happily married, I don't know who could be.

Dr. Gregory House: Where's Mrs. nympho?
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's waiting outside. Why?
Dr. Gregory House: Go search her.
Dr. Allison Cameron: What, you mean search her medical records?
Dr. Gregory House: If I'd meant that, good chance I'd have said that.

"House M.D.: Sleeping Dogs Lie (#2.18)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is this just one of your experiments? You just wanted to see how I'd react to being screwed over by Foreman?
Dr. Gregory House: Nice idea, but no. This was just good old-fashioned laziness. Gotta hand it to Foreman though, he knew that you were a suck up and I don't give a crap. He successfully exploited us both.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Right. We're both victims. A simple heads up, that's all I needed. Maybe between your incredibly witty remarks about anal sex and Cuddy's breasts, you could have tipped me off.
Dr. Gregory House: Then I'd have Foreman pissed at me. And as annoying as you can be, at least I know you're not going to pop a cap in my ass. Witty, huh?

Dr. Cameron: [coming in, with Foreman and Chase, to announce a patient's symptoms] We've got rectal bleeding.
Dr. Gregory House: What, all of you?

Dr. Allison Cameron: Lovely. Revenge as motive for success.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Well, it doesn't have to be motive. But it sure tastes good.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Do you have any idea what it feels like to have a six foot long hose shoved into your large intestine?
Dr. Gregory House: No, but I now have a much greater respect for whatever basketball player you dated in college.

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't own House's cases. You had just as much right as I did to write it up. You should have told me but... I should handle it better too.
Dr. Allison Cameron: If we want this to not get in the way of our friendship, I think we both have to apologize and put it behind us.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I like you, really. We have a good time working together. But ten years from now, we're not gonna be hanging out, having dinners. Maybe we'll exchange Christmas cards, say "Hi," give a hug if we're at the same conference. We're not friends, we're colleagues. And I don't have anything to apologize for.

Dr. Gregory House: [looks after her as she walks] You, on the other hand,
[Cameron stops in her tracks and turns to him, hands on her hips]
Dr. Gregory House: continue to be flabbergasted every time someone actually acts like a human being.
[Cameron softly scoffs]
Dr. Gregory House: Foreman did what he did 'cause it worked out best that way for him.
[slightly bends over and raises his eyebrows]
Dr. Gregory House: That's what everyone does.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That is not the definition of being human. That's the definition of being an ass.
[walks away and House turns his head in frustration; cut to moving shot of hospital with background music]

"House M.D.: Informed Consent (#3.3)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: [House sees the Ducklings looking like crap after an all-nighter] What have you been doing all night?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Jello shots and wild sex, what else?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to House, about Ezra's unethical research] He injected newborn babies with radioactive agents just to see if they'd urethral reflux.
Dr. Gregory House: He was curious.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I can't do this.
Dr. Gregory House: Drama queen.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Ezra] You want us to fail?
Ezra Powell: No, but you will.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Ezra] He says no more tests. He wants to die, and he wants us to help him do it.
Dr. Gregory House: And I want to play a little game I like to call, "Block My Spike", with Misty May.

Ezra Powell: No! Just give me the rest of the epinephrine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Test is over, it's okay, we're going to stabilize you.
Ezra Powell: No! No, just let me die.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're not gonna die.
Ezra Powell: Yes, I am.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We'll find a treatment.
Ezra Powell: I don't wanna live like this. Please. I'm begging you. Kill me.

"House M.D.: Deception (#2.9)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's the irony of change, they don't like other women in charge. What, you think it's something else?
Dr. Robert Chase: You sabotaged yourself. You went on a date with House, you slept with me. Putting you in charge of this department is like a sexual harassment suit waiting to happen.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah, they're really worried that I'm going to create a hostile work environment.
Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe that's the problem. Being in charge means having say no to House. Would you hire you for that?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [looking through Anica's home] There's even books in the bathroom.
Dr. Gregory House: Well either she's very smart, or she has a severe fiber deficiency.

Dr. Allison Cameron: She's got an appointment with her ophthalmologist on Tuesday and an appointment with her gynecologist on Thursday. Multiple appointments with multiple doctors, symptom of Munchausen's.
Dr. Gregory House: Or... just thinking outside the box here, she has a vagina and trouble reading.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to a suspected Munchhausens patient] This is a consent form to stick a wire into your brain. It's important for hospitals to get these signed for procedures that are completely unnecessary.

Dr. Cameron: How would you describe my leadership skills?
Dr. Gregory House: Nonexistent... otherwise, excellent.

Dr. Cameron: There's more to being a leader than being a jerk!
Dr. Gregory House: The world will never know.

"House M.D.: The Jerk (#3.23)" (2007)
Dr. Robert Chase: [while giving Nate mushrooms] Nate, how's the pain?
Nate: Hey, it's Skippy, the bush kangaroo!
Dr. Robert Chase: Your head, Nate. We need to know how the pain is.
Nate: What I got here is the opposite of pain.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That means you're suffering from cluster headaches which means hopefully...
[Nate looks at Cameron]
Nate: [laughs] Man, you're hot!
[turns to Chase]
Nate: She's making me horny.
Dr. Robert Chase: Deal with it.
Nate: Hey, hey, hey, hey. You can't get me stoned then not close the deal.
Dr. Robert Chase: [under his breath] God, shut up.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] Take it easy, he's not well.
Nate: [laughs] You'll regret saying no. Check it out.
[Nate opens his gown exposing himself to Chase and Cameron]
Dr. Robert Chase: [disgusted tone] Oh, for God's sake!

Dr. Allison Cameron: Where's Foreman?
Dr. Gregory House: He's mad at me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: No reason.
Dr. Robert Chase: [scoffs] Yeah, that makes sense.

Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy thinks I sabotaged Foreman's interview. She's gonna fire me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't believe it.
Dr. James Wilson: She said it was unprofessional and...
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, I mean I literally don't believe it. Cuddy wouldn't fire you for something like that.
[Wilson looks guilty]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which means either she lied to you or you're lying to me.
Dr. James Wilson: You so would have fallen for that three years ago.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You were looking for a reaction. You were looking for me to feel bad for you, save your skin. But how am I gonna save you? Unless you think I'm the one who really did it.
Dr. James Wilson: Cuddy's logic was Foreman's valuable to House. I care about House. Ergo, I would do anything to save him.
Dr. Allison Cameron: And your logic was I care about House as much as you do, ergo...
[Wilson nods]
Dr. Allison Cameron: It wasn't me. I don't care about House.
Dr. James Wilson: I don't believe you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No one does. House is nothing more than my boss, Foreman's nothing more than a colleague.
Dr. James Wilson: [nods his head] You're lying.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Everyone does, but it wasn't me.
Dr. James Wilson: [nods and leaves]

Dr. Allison Cameron: Foreman's interview in New York got screwed up.
Dr. Robert Chase: I heard.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Foreman thought it was House, House thought it was Cuddy, Cuddy thought it was Wilson, Wilson thought it was me.
[stares accusingly at Chase]
Dr. Robert Chase: And you think it was me?
Dr. Robert Chase: God, you think I sabotaged Foreman? I don't even want him here.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I know.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then why would I do...?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I think you sabotaged Foreman just to sabotage Foreman.
Dr. Robert Chase: So everyone's a suspect because everyone wants to help House, except for me. I'm a suspect because I'm a petty, vindictive jerk?
[Cameron stares at him]
Dr. Robert Chase: You actually think I would do something like that?
Dr. Allison Cameron: It was someone.
Dr. Robert Chase: [firm tone] It wasn't me.

Dr. Robert Chase: It's Tuesday.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I know.
Dr. Robert Chase: I like you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [smiles] I know. See you next Tuesday.

Dr. Robert Chase: Blood thinners and TMS had no effect; it's not cluster headaches.
Dr. Gregory House: You accusing the symptoms of lying?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Could be hemacomatosis.
Dr. Gregory House: Wouldn't account for the personality disorder.
Dr. Robert Chase: Hypothyroidism.
Dr. Gregory House: He's not getting aggressive and lethargic, he's getting aggressive and aggressiver.
Dr. Allison Cameron: What about ruptured dermoid cyst?
Dr. Gregory House: [House stumbles backward] Sorry. I just got dizzy there. I was expecting to turn right. Its Foreman's turn to be shot down.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [listlessly] The thing that Cameron said.
Dr. Gregory House: Way to think outside the box. No fat in the ventricles. It's cluster headaches.
Dr. Robert Chase: Normal treatment didn't work. Abnormal treatment didn't work.
Dr. Gregory House: Good point, Foreman. The normal treatments don't always work. Symptoms never lie.
Dr. Allison Cameron: The only approved treatment left for cluster headaches is brain surgery and that's not even a guarantee.
Dr. Gregory House: Back off, Foreman!

"House M.D.: Daddy's Boy (#2.5)" (2005)
[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why does he hate seeing his parents? So his Dad tells the truth, he can't handle that?
Dr. James Wilson: He hates being a disappointment.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's a doctor. World famous! How disappointed can they be?
Dr. James Wilson: You know what I figure is worse than watching your son become crippled? Watching him be miserable.

Dr. Cameron: Why would you need $5,000?
Dr. Robert Chase: Bad night at poker or a great night with a hooker.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting that personal question with a joke.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You're not curious?
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm curious about crocs, but I don't stick my head in their mouths.

Dr. Gregory House: Well, there's the fever that Cameron was looking for.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We knew if it was myelitis there had to be an -itis. This must be the infection that set it off.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Except in this universe effect follows cause. I've complained about it, but...

Dr. Allison Cameron: What's with the jacket?
Dr. Gregory House: It keeps me warm and cool. How does it know?

"House M.D.: Teamwork (#6.7)" (2009)
Dr. Eric Foreman: House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.
Dr. Robert Chase: Congratulations.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Perfect timing for us.
Dr. Robert Chase: We're leaving the team. And the hospital, effective immediately.

Dr. Robert Chase: What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer. But *I* did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I'd do again today.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You don't mean that. This isn't you.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not running away from what I did because you want me to pretend I never did it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: If that's how you feel - okay.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to House] I was in love with you. I was an idiot. Tried to be like you. Tried to understand you. Because - thought I could heal you. You almost killed that patient.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You did kill Dibala. By playing God and teaching us to do the same.
Dr. Gregory House: I taught you to think for yourselves.

Dr. Gregory House: Your husband killed a patient, and you're breaking up with me?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You ruined him... So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of human life any more. I loved you. And I *loved* Chase. I'm sorry for both of you. For what you've become. Because
[Camerons's voice starts to break]
Dr. Allison Cameron: there's no way back for either of you.

"House M.D.: Big Baby (#5.13)" (2009)
Dr. Gregory House: Love what your wearing. Brings out the blue in the case file, means it's not from the ER. So why are you here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because Dr. Cuddy is *not* here. She's decided to spend some more time with the baby for a while. I'm taking over some of her day-to-day responsibilities like baby sitting you.
Dr. Gregory House: Interesting. You have your whole life ahead of you. So why would Cuddy want you to die so young?
Dr. Allison Cameron: She figured I spent three years working for you, I was innoculated.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: There's no medical justification for that kind of...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Not medically no. Absolutely no medical justification. I had to say yes because House wanted me to say no.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You think he was bluffing?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm the new kid. He had to test me.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Don't get cute. Don't engage him. Do no play his games because you will lose!
Dr. Allison Cameron: You hired me to do this job. Let me do it.

Dr. Gregory House: I can't find the proof you want because it's inside her head. And the only way I can get at it is to cut it open and rip it out, which is apparently the *one* test you won't let me run. So either I do this or I do nothing!
Dr. Allison Cameron: What do you want me to do? Say yes just because you're House?
Dr. Gregory House: I'd certainly like that, yeah.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [pause. Hand clipboard to House] Yes.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I approved an insane procedure with no proof, no evidence, no...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You made the right call.
[Cameron sighs]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The problem was a brain problem, without the procedure House never notices the increased left brain function. She'd be dead if you didn't say yes.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I know... But... I'll always say yes to House. I studied under him, he's in my head. And if you gave *anyone* else this job they would always say no. Because - well because they should. House is insane!
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Which leaves me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm sorry.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not going play games. If you come to me with a request and it makes medical sense, I'll say yes.
Dr. Gregory House: I need oral sex. I'm pretty sure biological imperative qualifies as medical sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Can I return my phone call now?
Dr. Gregory House: I don't see how that's going to be possible.

"House M.D.: Que Será Será (#3.6)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: Why'd you do it? Help the guy.
Dr. Cameron: I like damaged people... remember?

Dr. Cameron: What'd your lawyer say?
[House stares in surprise]
Dr. Cameron: I looked up "buttplug" in a legal dictionary.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Where are you going?
Dr. Gregory House: To get a $400 butt-plug.
Dr. Cameron: What about George?
Dr. Gregory House: He's going to have to get his own.

[Cameron investigated George's place]
Dr. Gregory House: What did you find out?
Dr. Cameron: That you and George have the same taste in home furnishing and women.
Dr. Gregory House: Danish modern and Russian gymnasts?
Dr. Cameron: Pianos and prostitutes.

"House M.D.: Insensitive (#3.14)" (2007)
Dr. Robert Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.
Dr. Allison Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else, it's Wednesday.
Dr. Robert Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Hannah, you're having a paranoid delusion.
Hannah Morganthal: I don't believe you.
Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cameron] Did you think she would?

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: So I'm thinking we should have sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: That makes sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs there's no point in putting our lives on hold until love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people, and we work together so it's convenient.
Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza?
Dr. Allison Cameron: And of all the people I work with you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza.
Dr. Allison Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Some day there'll be a time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we've already had sex once and didn't get weird about it, so...
Dr. Robert Chase: I get it, I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You weren't shot because of leg pain, you were shot because you're a jerk.
Dr. Gregory House: Some think the two are connected.

"House M.D.: Love Hurts (#1.20)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: I want to know how you feel... about me.
Dr. Gregory House: You live under the delusion that you can fix everything that isn't perfect. That's why you married a man who was dying of cancer. You don't love, you need. And now that your husband is dead, you're looking for your new charity case. That's why you're going out with me. I'm twice your age, I'm not great looking, I'm not charming, I'm not even nice. What I am is what you need... I'm damaged.

Dr. James Wilson: I just want to make sure no one gets hurt.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I will be fine. Everyone's acting like I'm going out with Jack the Ripper.
Dr. James Wilson: Oh, it's not - it's not you I'm worried about.
[Cameron looks at him quizzically]
Dr. James Wilson: It's been a long time since he opened up to someone and I - You better be *absolutely* sure you want this because if he opens up again and gets hurt - I don't think there's going to be a next time.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're worried I'm going to break *his* heart?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Foreman and Chase] I'm *allowed* to sexually harass my boss.

Dr. Allison Cameron: According to Freud, and I'm paraphrasing, instinct of love toward an object demands a mastery to obtain it, and if a person feels they can't control the object or feel threatened by it, they act negatively toward it. Like an eighth-grade boy punching a girl.
Dr. Gregory House: I treat you like garbage, so I must really like you. Given your Freudian theory, what does it mean if I start being nice to you?
Dr. Allison Cameron: That you're getting in touch with your feelings.
Dr. Gregory House: Hmm. So there's absolutely nothing I can do to make you think that I don't like you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Sorry, no.

"House M.D.: Euphoria: Part 1 (#2.20)" (2006)
[House is discussing a patient's status]
Dr. Gregory House: He has a bullet in his head.
Dr. Cameron: He was shot?
Dr. Gregory House: No, somebody threw it at him.

Dr. Cameron: The chance of infection is next to nothing.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, I was never that great at math, but next to nothing is higher than nothing, right?

Dr. Cameron: [explaining why she thinks Foreman should be off the case] He doesn't like cops.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreman, policemen are our friends. If you and I ever get separated shopping...

Dr. Gregory House: How unprofessional was Foreman?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Ask him yourself, he's right here!
Dr. Allison Cameron: Worse than usual, better than you. He berated Joe for being a bad cop.
Dr. Gregory House: Berated or humilliated?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not sure. I didn't had my thesaurus with me.

"House M.D.: The Tyrant (#6.3)" (2009)
Dr. Eric Foreman: You had no problem treating that guy on death row.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Who is still in jail after we patched him up. We fix this Dibala and he gets on a plane and executes half his country. He's been repressing an ethnic rebellion in the south, the Sitibi people... It's getting *worse*.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Dibala is a guest of the US Government. And he's been invited to speak at the UN. I'm not asking you to like him. I'm asking you to do your job.

Dr. Allison Cameron: She's being coerced.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: If she is, I'd rather have a needle prick on my conscience than family members.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Cameron] Uh, I need you to spread your legs so I can do an "H."
Dr. Allison Cameron: Can't be lymphoma. LDH is normal.

Dr. Robert Chase: How's it going with you? It worried me when you joked about letting that man shoot Dibala.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I wasn't joking.
Dr. Robert Chase: You can't want to kill anyone. Especially not your own patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's only natural to feel he should...
Dr. Robert Chase: No! It's completely *un*natural. Only psychopaths can kill other people without some kind of breakdown.

"House M.D.: Safe (#2.16)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: Boyfriend sneaks in to get his freak on the night before the anaphylaxis, and I don't buy that it's unrelated.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He loves her! He did everything he could to make sure she wouldn't get sick.
Dr. Gregory House: [looks puzzled] What does that mean?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Love is an emotion certain people experience, similar to happiness...
Dr. Allison Cameron: You know, maybe I should give a more relatable example.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, snap!

Dr. Robert Chase: We're going to need a semen sample. You can use the bathroom over there.
Dan: Right... uh... how do I...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Aim and shoot.
[Dan walks off]
Dr. Robert Chase: No thinking about Dr Cameron - we'll know.

[Dan is busy getting a semen sample in the bathroom]
Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] Too bad it's not you giving the sample. We'd be done by now.

"House M.D.: Honeymoon (#1.22)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: What happened to "everybody lies"?
Dr. Gregory House: I was lying.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to House] I thought you were too screwed up to love anyone... I was wrong. You just couldn't love me. That's good. I'm happy for you.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [referring to House's ex] The woman you used to live with.
Dr. Gregory House: That's her Indian name. On her driver's license it's "Stacy."

"House M.D.: Lockdown (#6.16)" (2010)
Dr. Robert Chase: You had a conversation with House, and came back, informed me I had been forever poisoned by him, and started packing.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Intesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another human being.

Dr. Robert Chase: Just tell me the truth.
Dr. Allison Cameron: About what?
Dr. Robert Chase: Did you ever love me?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't know!
Dr. Robert Chase: Thank you for finally telling me.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I still don't know why I said that. It's not even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have ever worked.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why not?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because everything you said is true. I'm a mess. I married a man I knew was dying. So... God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I'm-I'm un-unfixable. Not you.

"House M.D.: Skin Deep (#2.13)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: So we're just gonna leave a child molester in the same room as his victim?
Dr. Gregory House: It's got windows!

Dr. Allison Cameron: Since when do you voluntarily go and see patients?
Dr. Gregory House: [points toward room] Have you seen her?
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's fifteen.
Dr. Gregory House: [House and Cameron start walking] Yeah, but there is something about her. Something in her eyes; a kind of maturity.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah, yeah. She's an old soul. This is creepy, even for you.
Dr. Gregory House: She's a fashion model on the cover of magazines. They hold her up as the sexual ideal. But the law says we can't touch her for three more years. How hypocritical is that?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Did the history reveal anything, oh, I don't know, medically relevant?
Dr. Gregory House: History, right. I knew I was forgetting something. You should do one of those while you're running the labs and the tox screen.
[hands her a small packet of charts]

Dr. Allison Cameron: [team meeting in room to discuss patient ] Labs show valium and heroin in her urine.
Dr. Robert Chase: A supermodel on smack. Shocker.
[Gets up]
Dr. Gregory House: [looking away] Oh, Alex. I expected so much more from you. Heroin chic is so five years ago.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Okay. Let's start crossing out withdrawal symptoms.
Dr. Allison Cameron: A positive test means she tried it once; doesn't mean she's an addict; she's only 15.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There's no age limit on addiction.
Dr. Gregory House: He's right.
[dramatically swallows Vicodin]
Dr. Robert Chase: She's never menstruated; sounds like a symptom of drug addiction to me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Or bulimia o-or her age. Some girls don't start 'til their mid to late teens.
Dr. Gregory House: Evidence to the contrary: The round hips. The perfectly sculpted, bountiful breasts.
Dr. Robert Chase: Implants. I've seen some of her photos. They've grown dramatically since last summer.
Dr. Gregory House: Symptomatic of turning 14. Two clinic hours says that those love apples are handcrafted by God.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [incredulous, walks over to House] Whoa! I thought that you didn't believe in God.
Dr. Gregory House: I do now.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're on.
[comes over to House and the two men bump fists]
Dr. Allison Cameron: [disgusted] Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?
Dr. Gregory House: It could be relevant. Come on, Cameron. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Many women develop breasts -
[House slips due to pain and catches himself on a table, disrupting the table's contents while the team looks on. He regains his composure; looks back to team]
Dr. Gregory House: No, I'm fine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Even if she is an addict, a lot of her symptoms - the cataplexy, the violence - they could be neurological. We chalk this up to drugs, we could be releasing her with Juvenile M.S. or Parkinson's or...
Dr. Gregory House: [interrupts] So detox her.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fine. We'll set her up on a program that'll wean her onto the methadone.
Dr. Gregory House: And in four weeks, we'll know that you're right. Or, we'll know that Cameron's right and the pretty girl will do Milan next fall in a wheelchair. Put her in a coma and pump her full of naltrexone. Cut the four weeks in one night.
[House exits; Cameron and Chase look to Foreman]

"House M.D.: Lines in the Sand (#3.4)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: Do a stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because he screamed?
Dr. Robert Chase: It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, something he ate...
Dr. Gregory House: Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... the lungs are in the chest too, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I had a date last night, she screamed! Should we spend $100,000 testing her?
Dr. Gregory House: Course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!

Dr. Allison Cameron: Is it so wrong for them to want to have a normal child? It's normal to want to be normal.
Dr. Gregory House: Spoken like a true circle queen.

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: All change is bad? It's not true, you know.

"House M.D.: Autopsy (#2.2)" (2005)
Dr. Gregory House: We've got a patient who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it's not obvious, I thought we'd go with subtle.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It doesn't matter. If her sat percentage is off, that means her blood isn't getting enough oxygen; that's a problem with her lungs, not her heart.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And a lung problem isn't causing hallucinations.
Dr. Robert Chase: But the lungs could lead us somewhere that is.
Dr. Gregory House: Welcome to the end of the thought process.

Dr. Gregory House: And *you* stay away from the patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron: What'd I do?
Dr. Gregory House: Oh well, you'd just get all warm and cuddly around the dying girl and insinuate yourself; end up in a custody battle.

Dr. Gregory House: She's a rock.
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's brave.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, yeah, yeah...

"House M.D.: Failure to Communicate (#2.10)" (2006)
Dr. Robert Chase: [to Foreman] The only thing you've been asked to do is supervise House in case he does something insane.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which might, you know, save a life.

Dr. Eric Foreman: If a human being had actually *looked* at his blood anywhere along the way, instead of just running tests through the computer, the parasites would have jumped out at them.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Price of the electronic age.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [sarcastically, to Foreman, about House] So, you're on charge of us because you're on charge of him?

"House M.D.: Poison (#1.8)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll check into it.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll make the call.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll keep the kid alive - for a while, at least.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll have lunch.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Oh-ho. Deflecting a personal question with a joke. Gee, who do I know that does THAT?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, I'm just like him - except for the angry, bitter, pompous cripple part.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe we should all pitch in and buy you a cane. You already have the matching gym shoes.

Dr. Gregory House: Well, only one man left in the bullpen and he throws like a girl.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I hate sports metaphors.
Dr. Gregory House: Give her the high, hard one!

"House M.D.: Living the Dream (#4.14)" (2008)
Dr. Gregory House: We don't need to wait for a reflex. If he can't get engorged the way God intended, he can't get engorged.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not showing him my boobs.
Dr. Gregory House: Lack of response to your chest tells us nothing.
Dr. Gregory House: [turns to Thirteen] Thirteen show him yo...
Dr. Gregory House: [exhales] Where can I find a decent set of knockers around here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Your porn's in the second drawer.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Why is House driving a limo?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't know.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Don't have to know.
Dr. Robert Chase: Don't... care?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Wrong! Until this inspection is over, you're back on House-watch!

Dr. Gregory House: You want to be here.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I have to be here.
Dr. Gregory House: Just say the word, I'll fire Thirteen.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Just sign the forms.
Dr. Gregory House: Smart move, I was bluffing.

"House M.D.: Need to Know (#2.11)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: This better be important.
Dr. Cameron: You've gotta come back in.
Dr. Gregory House: No, I don't.
Dr. Cameron: Margo's stable, but...
Dr. Gregory House: Oh my God! I'll be right there!

[House hands Cameron a sealed envelope, which she assumes is her HIV test results]
Dr. Gregory House: Knowing is always better than not knowing.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [opens the envelope and reads the letter] It's a referral request.
Dr. Gregory House: [holds up an open envelope] Right. HIV thing came in earlier. You're fine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [incensed] You won't read your mail, but you'll open mine?
Dr. Gregory House: It said confidential. I wanted to know.
Dr. Allison Cameron: The most important letter of my life, and you're still an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: Comforting, isn't it?
[she walks out on him]

Dr. Robert Chase: Millions of women are on fertility treatments, and they don't get cancer.
Dr. Gregory House: Right. They get babies. She had a blood clot and a stroke. She'll get another one and probably die if we don't find that tumor. Do an endometrial biopsy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Biopsy's painful and unnecessary. We just did an ultrasound.
Dr. Gregory House: [squints and looks at his watch]
Dr. Eric Foreman: What?
Dr. Gregory House: Shh.
Dr. Cameron: If you have a personal issue that's interfering with...
Dr. Gregory House: [interrupts] Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Dr. Eric Foreman: What are we waiting for?
Dr. Gregory House: Your four weeks just expired. Your reign of terror is over. Mine has just begun. Now go stick a needle up her hoo-hoo and find that cancer.
[goes into his office]
Dr. Eric Foreman: [shakes his head and smiles]
Dr. Robert Chase: [looks confused] Hoo-hoo?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He went to Hopkins.

"House M.D.: Known Unknowns (#6.6)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Hey! Are you trying to kill yourself? It's from the same batch the girls ate.
Dr. Robert Chase: They ate what he ate. And what a hundred other healthy people ate. Dig in. Lunch is on the Adams.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Is he having an affair?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why should I believe you?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You shouldn't. You should believe him.

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: If you don't want to tell... okay. But I could help. Whatever this is, it's eating away at you. We could get past it together. I love you no matter what.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Long pause] We lose patients sometimes. One of those patients... Dibala... we didn't ac- we didn't actually lose him... I killed him.

"House M.D.: The Itch (#5.7)" (2008)
Dr. Gregory House: Why are you siding with him? Oh yeah, you're that girl who like broken people. Because her husband died. Since Chase isn't all that broken...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Hey, why don't we operate on his infarcted leg while we're at it. Who cares if he said "No."
Dr. Gregory House: I was risking my life to avoid becoming a cripple. He's doing it to avoid sunlight and fresh air.

Dr. Robert Chase: All right forget about the patient. What is going on with you? This is why we left House's team, to avoid the constant flood of pure craziness.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That's why I left. You got fired.

Dr. Robert Chase: You know why we spend nights at my house? Because when we spend nights at yours - I can tell you don't want me there.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why would I keep inviting you over if I didn't want you there?
Dr. Robert Chase: You always kick me out every morning. You never offered me a drawer, never cleared out your closet for me. I was just a visitor.

"House M.D.: Occam's Razor (#1.3)" (2004)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Men should grow up.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, and dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.

Dr. Cameron: [messing with Chase's head] Sex *could* kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere, and secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent. It's ugly. And it's messy. And if God hadn't made it *unbelievably* fun, the human race would have died out eons ago. Men are lucky they can only have one orgasm. You know that women can have an hour long orgasm?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Dr. Robert Chase] Sex could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate. Arteries constrict. Core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets.Respiration becomes rapid and shallow. The brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere. Secretions spit out of every gland, and the muscles tense and spasm like you're lifting three times your body weight. It's violent, it's ugly, and it's messy. And if God hadn't made it unbelievably fun, the human race would've died out eons ago.

"House M.D.: Locked In (#5.19)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Handling him some pills] Here this going to hurt even more. Take two now, two later.
[House swallows all the pills]
Dr. Gregory House: Oops.

Dr. Gregory House: Why did I fire you again?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You didn't. I quit.

"House M.D.: Spin (#2.6)" (2005)
Dr. Robert Chase: We take drugs to help us fall asleep, to stay awake...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah but we don't make careers out of who can stay awake the longest.
Dr. Robert Chase: Really? Ever been to uh, I dunno... Med School?

Dr. James Wilson: [Cameron reveals she was in love with her husband's best friend] You can't control your emotions.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No... just your actions.
Dr. James Wilson: You didn't do it, did you? You didn't sleep with him.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I couldn't have lived with myself.
Dr. James Wilson: You'd be surprised what you can live with.

"House M.D.: Heavy (#1.16)" (2005)
Dr. Gregory House: Who would you fire?
Dr. Allison Cameron: No one.
Dr. Gregory House: Not an option.
Dr. Allison Cameron: If everyone took a paycut and put in a few more hours, we could all stay for the same amount of money.
Dr. Gregory House: Figures you'd try to come up with a solution where no one gets hurt. The problem is the world doesn't work that way just 'cause you want it to.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Figures you'd stall and refuse to deal with the issue. Problem is, the world doesn't go away just because you want it to.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I apologize if it looked like we weren't devoting our full attention to your daughter, but I assure you that we...
Mrs. Simms: Oh, please. Save your pathetic insincerity for your boyfriend.
Dr. Gregory House: You're wrong. She is in fact pathetically sincere.

"House M.D.: Emancipation (#5.8)" (2008)
[as Foreman rushes away from them]
Dr. Robert Chase: I think we gave him an idea.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Or he's off to kill House.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I've looked down one end and up the other. All tests came back clean. I can't figure this out.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You can't? Don't you work with three other doctors, and a grouchy gimp?
Dr. Eric Foreman: This isn't House's case.
Dr. Robert Chase: [pause. Chase takes the folder] Just so you know, whatever you're trying to prove, it won't be enough.

"House M.D.: Son of Coma Guy (#3.7)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [rushes in the room; looks around to a relaxed Foreman and Chase] I was paged.
Dr. Robert Chase: Saw you with a cop. What'd he want?
Dr. Allison Cameron: [slides door closed] How many pills does House take, did I ever write him a prescription; that sort of stuff.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I told him six.
Dr. Eric Foreman: A day, or in a mouthful?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I was just hoping you guys would stay consistent with...
Dr. Robert Chase: [nervous] He wants to talk to us, too?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're next.
Dr. Robert Chase: [aghast] We gotta tell House what's going on.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Tritter says no.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then no it is. Cops have a thousand ways to make life difficult for you.
Dr. Gregory House: [House slides door open to peek in] Quick! What's the kid's status? I gotta get back to our sleeper before he goes looking for the orgasmatron.
[looks around expectantly; team is silent]
Dr. Gregory House: See, if that were rhetorical, it would mean that I could just turn around and leave now. Which I'm not doing. From which you should deduce...
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's off all drugs except the antibiotics. His liver's just managing to hang in there.
Dr. Robert Chase: He's still sliding into coma.

Michael Tritter: [stops Cameron by showing her his badge] Mind if we talk a few minutes?
[cut to semi-dark private room]
Michael Tritter: How many pills would you say Dr. House takes a day?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm uncomfortable setting a number.
Michael Tritter: Hmm. Try.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Six.
Michael Tritter: A day.
[Cameron nods]
Michael Tritter: Has he ever had you... write prescriptions for him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: No. What is it you want me to say? That he takes too many pills and is a danger to the hospital or he takes too few because he's selling them on the side? Either one is ridiculous.
Michael Tritter: I meant the former.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're wrong.
Michael Tritter: Can I ask what Dr. House has done to deserve your loyalty? He's not known as a great boss. He's not even much of a friend. I mean, look how he left Dr. Wilson holding the bag.
[Cameron's expression changes]
Michael Tritter: It's odd. You don't know about that. You defend him, and he won't even tell you what's happening in his life.
[pager beeps; Cameron leaves Tritter off-camera]

"House M.D.: Fetal Position (#3.17)" (2007)
Dr. Eric Foreman: This is definitely different.
Dr. Robert Chase: [looking at a photograph of House] It looks almost like...
Dr. Cameron: ...He's caring.

Dr. Cameron: Anybody going to stop her?
Dr. Robert Chase: Stopping the madness is *her* job.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Somebody's gotta be Cuddy's Cuddy.

"House M.D.: Maternity (#1.4)" (2004)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Needle in the haystack.
Dr. Gregory House: It's worse than that. We don't even know if it's a needle we're looking for.

Dr. Allison Cameron: It's easier to die than to watch someone die.

"House M.D.: Sex Kills (#2.14)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: We're going to cure her.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We're going to cure death?
Dr. Gregory House: [voice like a mad scientist] Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
[then in a normal voice]
Dr. Gregory House: Doubt it.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I thought we were wearing the wrong shoes for cancer!
Dr. Gregory House: We're wearing the wrong shoes for testicular cancer. They're perfect for lymphoma, expect Chase's, they're just goofy.

"House M.D.: One Day, One Room (#3.12)" (2007)
Dr. Wilson: Tell her the truth.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Cut to Cameron] Tell her your life has been good.
Dr. Gregory House: It hasn't been.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Tell her anyway. She wants hope. She wants to know that what happened to her wasn't the norm. Things can be okay, which means maybe they can be okay for her again.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [Cut to Foreman] Tell her your life sucked.
Dr. Gregory House: It didn't.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Tell her anyway. She wants to know she's not alone. She wants to know she's gonna survive this, that other people have been through this and worse and come out the other end. She wants to know she's gonna heal. Act like... you healed.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Cut to Chase] Tell her... Keep her asleep.
Dr. Gregory House: Thanks. You've all been a huge help.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [Cameron and Foreman are giving House advice] You need to get her to talk about what happened.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, he doesn't.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Pretending it didn't happen won't...
Dr. Eric Foreman: Wrong! Pretending this didn't happen is the best thing she could possibly do.
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's gotta make this real.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You know what we should be trying to make real, the process? The few decent moments in our lives, not the crap.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe you're right, except that there's no way that she can pretend this didn't happen so she has no choice but to process it.

"House M.D.: Fidelity (#1.7)" (2004)
Dr. Cameron: [to House, after reading Cameron's medical history on the sly] You were curious - like an eight-year-old boy with a puzzle that's just a little too grown up for him to figure out.

Dr. Cameron: You want me to ask a man whose wife is about to die if he cheated on her.
Dr. Gregory House: [sarcasm] No, I want you to be polite and let her die.

"House M.D.: Euphoria: Part 2 (#2.21)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [House wants to know why Foreman's disease is progressing much faster than Joe's] ... Foreman's black.
Dr. Gregory House: What? How long have you been sitting on this information?

Dr. Gregory House: Cameron, what type of illnesses affect humans but not rats?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why are you asking me that?
Dr. Gregory House: Because I'm sure that you spent the first twelve years of your life dreaming of being a vet.

"House M.D.: Simple Explanation (#5.20)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Did you figure that out by taking off your sunglasses to the strains of a Who song?

Eddie: You want me to die on the table?
Dr. Allison Cameron: We don't want you to, your wife *needs* you to.

"House M.D.: Acceptance (#2.1)" (2005)
[to House]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm over you. I've jumped on the bandwagon. I hate you, okay?

Dr. Allison Cameron: Department of Justice statistics show that it's a racially motivated form of punishment. Black defendants are ten times more likely to get a death sentence than Whites.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Doesn't mean we need to get rid of the death penalty, just means we need to kill more white people.

"House M.D.: Sports Medicine (#1.12)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [about a baseball player House is treating] You want it to be his kidneys, because if it's his kidneys, then maybe we can treat it, maybe we can fix it. And if it's cancer, then he'll never pitch again. If this were a regular guy who came in and broke his arm lifting a box, you would've packed him up and sent him home!

Dr. Gregory House: [to Forman, Chase, and Cameron about the new, attractive, female pharmacy rep] Okay, so who is it? Come on, she's sleeping with one of you.
[House turns to Cameron]
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, God, please tell me it's you!
Dr. Allison Cameron: She buys lunches! She doesn't...
Dr. Gregory House: Don't worry. You're not gay, you're "adventurous."

"House M.D.: Epic Fail (#6.2)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Foreman picks up House's red ball] You know how House feels about people touching his ball.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No. Chase refuses to tell me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Right. My husband's gay. Witty.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You saw House, how was he?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He was... good. He was honest, took responsibility. It was kind of weird.

"House M.D.: Cursed (#1.13)" (2005)
Dr. Cameron: Twelve-year-olds don't have sex.
Dr. Gregory House: Their mistake.

Dr. Cameron: You know, parents are never as bad as kids think they are.
Dr. Robert Chase: You like my dad so much, ask him out.
Dr. Cameron: I'd make an excellent step-mom - I'm very lenient.
Dr. Cameron: He's your father, you never see him, and he's here. Unless he's done some unspeakable thing, you should lighten up.
Dr. Robert Chase: Right, thanks for the tip.
Dr. Cameron: Okay.
Dr. Cameron: He beat your mom.
[pauses again]
Dr. Cameron: He beat you.
[pauses then again. No answer]
Dr. Cameron: What did he do?
Dr. Robert Chase: Really. Don't push it.
Dr. Cameron: All this hate. It's toxic.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then stay away.

"House M.D.: Dying Changes Everything (#5.1)" (2008)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Wilson] You want me to sleep with him to get him to stay?
Dr. Gregory House: I put the bisexual chick on that. If you'd like to sit in, so to speak...

Dr. Allison Cameron: You think you're making a rational choice. You think the worst is over, and then six months later, you look back and you realize you didn't know what you were doing.
Dr. James Wilson: Are you saying the pain doesn't go away?
Dr. Allison Cameron: It gets easier. Not in two months. Not in two years. But, no, it never really goes away.
Dr. James Wilson: I have to do something.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Then do it. But don't think it's the right choice, because there isn't one.

"House M.D.: Cane and Able (#3.2)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [after finding out Cuddy lied to House about his last patient] It's completely unethical.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He was reckless with a patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He was right.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: But he didn't know that. He needs at least some glimmer of humility.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why does he need that? Because other people have that? Why does he need to be like other people?

Dr. Allison Cameron: Does your leg hurt?
Dr. Gregory House: Is that relevant?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're leaning.
Dr. Gregory House: You're sitting.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're evading.
Dr. Gregory House: My head's hurting.

"House M.D.: Meaning (#3.1)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're lucky he didn't die.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm lucky? He's the one who didn't die.

Dr. Allison Cameron: You did something for which she's grateful and you're... embarassed?
Dr. Gregory House: For you. She saw you coming and thought you were a 14-year-old boy. I set her straight.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I am not telling you what went wrong... or right. Until you tell me why she said "Thank you."
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, you got me. You know I need to know. I am so gonna fold. Except you're forgetting there's one thing I can do now.
[Looks over Cameron's shoulder. She glances in that direction then House runs in the opposite direction]

"House M.D.: Unfaithful (#5.15)" (2009)
Dr. Gregory House: So you admit you have no idea which?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I admit, I'm too busy to care who you're screwing with.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Thirteen] Office romances are a *bad* idea.
[Cameron glares at him.Chase looks at Cameron]
Dr. Robert Chase: We beat some very long odds.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Wow. Save the gushy stuff for the wedding.

"House M.D.: Mob Rules (#1.15)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't have the right to show interest in someone?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You absolutely do. And I absolutely have the right to humiliate you for it.

"House M.D.: Mirror Mirror (#4.5)" (2007)
Dr. Allison Cameron: You've been humiliated, treated like crap. You have every right to be miserable, but you're not. Because even those this job is insane and House is insane, you like it. You always have.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You know what's worse than a sanctimonious speech? A sanctimonious speech that's dead wrong!
Dr. Allison Cameron: See? You belong with House.

"House M.D.: Who's Your Daddy? (#2.23)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory House: She's a minor, she's gonna need consent.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll go talk to him.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, that's an excellent plan! You'll give him the form and tell him it's wrong and dangerous.

"House M.D.: Forever (#2.22)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not touched.
Dr. Gregory House: Then you're guilt ridden.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not guilt ridden.
Dr. Gregory House: Then you're pathetic.

"House M.D.: Paternity (#1.2)" (2004)
Dr. Gregory House: When did my signature get so girly?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I can explain.

"House M.D.: Ugly (#4.7)" (2007)
Darnell: And you left his team because you couldn't stand him anymore?
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, no, I love Dr. House.
Darnell: That's something we haven't heard.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I mean... what did you ask me again?
Darnell: Why you left him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I mean... I loved being around him, professionally, you know. It was always stimulating... not in an erotic sense of the word.

"House M.D.: Top Secret (#3.16)" (2007)
Dr. Eric Foreman: Where were you two when the guy woke up?
Dr. Robert Chase: Ahm... we just... stepped out for a second.
Dr. Eric Foreman: To do what?
Dr. Robert Chase: To get a coffee, we've been up most of the night.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's just pushing to make sure we get the complete history. Obviously, we're missing something or we'd have the answer.
[Foreman looks suspiciously at Cameron]
Dr. Eric Foreman: You didn't have any coffee when you came back.
Dr. Allison Cameron: All right already, we confess. You caught us, we snuck into one of the sleep lab rooms to have sex, we shouldn't have done it while we were supposed to be working and we're sorry, now can me move on?
[Chase looks shocked, Foreman starts laughing]
Dr. Eric Foreman: House would do Wilson before you'd do Chase.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No you would do House AND Wilson before I do Chase. Now can we get back to work?
Dr. Robert Chase: [defensive] She did me once!
Dr. Eric Foreman: She was stoned!
[continues laughing]

"House M.D.: Pilot (#1.1)" (2004)
Rebecca Adler: I wanted to thank Dr. House, but he never visited again.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He cured you. You didn't cure him.

"House M.D.: Under My Skin (#5.23)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: I-I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. That's how I feel right now. But... I don't... know...
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll wait until you do.
[Starts to leave]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I ca- I *can't* know. No - no one knows!
Dr. Robert Chase: I do.

"House M.D.: Birthmarks (#5.4)" (2008)
Dr. Allison Cameron: What do you think House would send, the "Gentle Comfort" arrangement, or the "Warm Thoughts" bouquet? I mean, if he wasn't an ass.
Dr. Robert Chase: Send one of those giant cookies shaped like a coffin. His mom would believe it was from him.

"House M.D.: TB or Not TB (#2.4)" (2005)
Dr. Gregory House: [about Dr. Sebastian Charles] Everybody does it. We are who people *think* we are. People think he's a great doctor so they give him stuff.
Dr. Cameron: He *is* a great doctor.
Dr. Gregory House: The reality is irrelevant.

"House M.D.: No Reason (#2.24)" (2006)
Dr. Eric Foreman: [at House's hospital bed] Test was negative.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No trash against the fence.
[he looks at his papers]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is your leg really better?
Dr. Gregory House: [distracted] Don't worry; I'm sure something else is wrong.
Dr. Robert Chase: We did find blood.
[House looks up and eyes Chase]
Dr. Gregory House: On which side?
Dr. Robert Chase: [walking around] The wrong side.
Dr. Gregory House: First thing that makes sense.
Dr. Robert Chase: The wrong side's the wrong side; it can't make sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It'd mess with his brain. Wouldn't cause fever.
[eyes Moriarty]
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sleeping a lot lately.
Dr. Gregory House: [looks up at her] You worried? I marked a change of meds on his chart.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreign object. Body wants to get rid of it. It causes the fever.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [in monotone disbelief] Blood's a foreign object?
Dr. Eric Foreman: In the brain lining, it is. Blood dyscrasia means cancer.
Dr. Gregory House: Find it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: All the tests...
Dr. Gregory House: have been negative! What do you do if your trash cans are full? You use your neighbor's trash cans. Except it's still light outside. Your neighbor will see you. So you go out the back way, into an alley, and drop off your trash by their garage.
Dr. Robert Chase: We'll check the lymphatic system in the chest.
[turns and starts walking]
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at him astonished] You got that from trash cans in the alley?
Dr. Robert Chase: [stops to speak] The saliva glands from the tongue are connected to the lymphatic system in the lungs. It's the next lymphatic system over.
Dr. Gregory House: [scans the team] Yeah. Go get lung lymph.
[Everyone leaves]
Jack Moriarty: [woken up] How did he know that?
Dr. Gregory House: I wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't smart.
Jack Moriarty: Right. Because you have nothing but respect for him. Maybe he knew the answer because the question wasn't nearly as tricky as you thought.
[House considers this]
Jack Moriarty: Maybe he's not getting smarter. You're getting dumber.
[cut to a surgery; back to Moriarty and a fake sleeping House]
Jack Moriarty: You pretend to buck the system. Pretend to be a rebel. You claim to hate rules. But all you do is substitute your own rules for society's. And it's a nice, simple rule. Tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way and what will be will be. What will be should be. And everyone else is a coward. But you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful or polite because it's nice. They do it because they've got an ounce of humility. Because they know that they will make mistakes and they know that their actions have consequences and they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?
[Cameron and Foreman come back in]
Jack Moriarty: Oh, he's awake.
Dr. Allison Cameron: House, we need to talk to you.
Dr. Gregory House: [eyes still closed] How the hell did you know I was awake?
Jack Moriarty: Your nostrils flare when you sleep.

"House M.D.: Instant Karma (#6.4)" (2009)
Dr. Allison Cameron: You need a barium enema and a biopsy to confirm.
Jack: Let me guess. It tastes really bad but it's gonna make me feel a lot better.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Actually, you're not going to taste it.

"House M.D.: DNR (#1.9)" (2005)
Dr. Robert Chase: But if we stop everything, he'll get worse.
Dr. Gregory House: True. Then we'll add our medications back one at a time. When he gets better, then we'll have our answer.
Dr. Allison Cameron: And if he doesn't get better?
Dr. Gregory House: Then we're in trouble - not as much as he is. I suppose that was your point.

"House M.D.: No More Mr. Nice Guy (#4.13)" (2008)
Dr. Gregory House: [refering to Jeff] Is he Canadian?
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's a low priority.
Dr. Gregory House: Is that a yes?

"House M.D.: Three Stories (#1.21)" (2005)
Dr. Gregory House: Personally, I choose to believe that the white-light people sometimes see, visions this patient saw. They're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You choose to believe that?
Dr. Gregory House: There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting.
Dr. Cameron: You find it more comforting to believe that this is it?
Dr. Gregory House: I find it more comforting to believe that all *this* isn't simply a test.

"House M.D.: Humpty Dumpty (#2.3)" (2005)
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He has Streptobacillus.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Rat Bite Fever.
Dr. Gregory House: Boogie-oogie-oogie.

"House M.D.: House's Head (#4.15)" (2008)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Your staying the night. We'll monitor your brain for swelling.
Dr. Gregory House: How much bigger could it get?

"House M.D.: Last Resort (#5.9)" (2008)
Dr. Chris Taub: House is going to get someone killed.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: The guy's ready to kill for a diagnosis. I can't think a better to be trapped in there with him.
Dr. Allison Cameron: How about someone who's not going to keep pushing the whack job's buttons until he cracks?

"House M.D.: Both Sides Now (#5.24)" (2009)
Dr. Robert Chase: You don't have doubts. You just don't want to kill the only thing left of someone who loved you.
[Cameron starts crying and they hug]
Dr. Robert Chase: Don't do it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I do have trouble giving things up. For example
[Cameron starts laughing]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I never cancelled our wedding plans.

"House M.D.: Painless (#5.12)" (2009)
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You offered to do House's budget because you wanted him to owe you. Wanted him to take that case. Why?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Thought it would help house. Seeing someone worse off than him, possibly curing a guy with even less to look forward to.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Can I ask you something?... How would you like my job?

"House M.D.: Brave Heart (#6.5)" (2009)
Donny: But you didn't find anything life threatening, right?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You fell 30 feet, you should be dead.
Brian: Think that was the point.

"House M.D.: The Socratic Method (#1.6)" (2004)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [House and Foreman are yelling at each other in the next room] I think they're choosing a movie.

"House M.D.: House Divided (#5.22)" (2009)
Immigration Officer #2: [to Cameron] I'm sorry ma'am, illegals only.
Dr. Robert Chase: [as the officers are taking him away] I'm - I'm sure it's a mistake. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Quietly to Foreman] Don't let House get him into too much trouble.

"House M.D.: Guardian Angels (#4.4)" (2007)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [House is about to pay a $100 bet to Cameron] Cash will be fine.
Dr. Gregory House: I bet you say that to all the guys.

"House M.D.: Control (#1.14)" (2005)
Dr. Robert Chase: You guys don't think it's weird House knew the patient needed a heart transplant before we did any heart tests?
Dr. Allison Cameron: That's House. He knows things.
Dr. Robert Chase: But usually he's putting it in our face, telling us how cleverly he figured it out. This time, nothing. Just "I had a hunch."

"House M.D.: Role Model (#1.17)" (2005)
Dr. Allison Cameron: [giving differential diagnosis] Idiopathic T-cell deficiency?
Dr. Gregory House: "Idiopathic", from the Latin, meaning we're idiots 'cause we can't figure out what's causing it.

"House M.D.: Distractions (#2.12)" (2006)
Dr. Allison Cameron: Could pain medicine cause an orgasm?
Dr. Gregory House: I wish.