Joe Patroni
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Quotes for
Joe Patroni (Character)
from Airport (1970)

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Airport (1970)
Joe Patroni: Hold on, we're goin' for broke!

Mel Bakersfeld: Joe, this is Mel. There's no more time. Stop all engines and get out. Repeat. Stop all engines.
Cockpit qualified young man: Mr. Patroni, she won't take much more.
Joe Patroni: Well anyway, she's gonna get it.
Mel Bakersfeld: Joe, the plows are moving. Shut down and hold on! Joe Patroni! Do you read me? Acknowledge!
Mel Bakersfeld: Joe! Shut down!
Cockpit qualified young man: Mr. Patroni? Don't you hear him? Shut down.
Joe Patroni: I can't hear a thing. There's too much noise. Hold on. We're GOIN FOR BROKE!
Cockpit qualified young man: [after the plane gets out of the ditch] The instruction book said that was impossible.
Joe Patroni: That's one nice thing about the 707. It can do everything BUT read.
[throws his chewed and soggy cigar over his shoulder]

Joe Patroni: Okay. But you keep those dinky toys out of my hair and away from this plane for 15 minutes, maybe less. I'll DRIVE it out.

Joe Patroni: I'll be back in time if I have to pull that plane out with my teeth!

Joe Patroni: Well, let's put it *this* way- You promised me a box of cigars if I pull this off, right?
Mel Bakersfeld: Yeh-uh
Joe Patroni: Well, whataya standin' *there* for? Go GET 'em!

Joe Patroni: Hold the whipped cream; I just had dessert.

Assistant: The instruction book said that was impossible!
Joe Patroni: That's one nice thing about the 707. She can do everything but read.

Joe Patroni: You chickened out on me! I told you I wanted all the power you got!
Capt. Benson: Full throttle and this plane would be standing on its nose.
Joe Patroni: You might fly these things but I take them apart and put them back together again. If you had any guts we'd be on the runway by now.
Capt. Benson: You felt it vibrating? Another 10 seconds and we'd have had structural damage.
Joe Patroni: Who do ya think you're talking to, some kid that fixes bicycles? I know every inch of the 707! Take the wings off this and you could use it as a TANK! This plane is built to withstand anything... except a bad pilot.
Capt. Benson: You might tell your mechanic that I've got three million miles in the air.
Joe Patroni: And two and a half feet into the ground

Joe Patroni: Aww, a tractor-trailer jack-knifed and flipped over. It's laying on its side like a drunken dinosaur.

[discussing the effects of the bomb on a 707]
Joe Patroni: The sudden decompression at 30, 000 feet is something you gotta see to believe.
Tanya Livingston: He'll get sucked out, won't he?
Joe Patroni: So will anyone sittin' next to him. Until that pressure equalizes, everything within 20 feet to him that's not nailed down or strapped in is gonna get sucked right out of that hole.
Bert Weatherby: Is it that powerful, are you sure?
Joe Patroni: Humph! Yeah, I'm sure. When I was a mechanic in the Air Force, I was being transferred on a MATS plane, At 20,000 feet, one of the windows shattered. The guy sitting next to it was about 170 pounds. He went through that little space like a hunk of hamburger going down a disposal, and right after him coats, pillows, blankets, cups, saucers. Yeah, I'm sure!
Mel Bakersfeld: Takes about 3 seconds, doesn't it?
Joe Patroni: 3, 4 or 5, depends on the size of the hole. Everything fogs up just like that.
[snaps fingers]
Joe Patroni: And THEN watch out! At that altitude, you can't breathe. So unless they get on oxygen in 45 seconds, it's good-bye!

Joe Patroni: They don't call them emergencies anymore. They call them Patronis.

Marie Patroni: Oh, Joe, do you have to go in tonight?
Joe Patroni: It's getting that they don't call them emergencies any more, the call them "Patroni's."

The Concorde... Airport '79 (1979)
Isabelle: You pilots are such... men.
Capt. Joe Patroni: They don't call it the cockpit for nothing, honey.

Capt. Joe Patroni: [to Isabelle] Wait a minute! That perfume of yours smells awfully familiar.
[Patroni gives a funny look to Metrand. He and Isabelle are surprised that Patroni figures out they are involved]
Isabelle: [to Metrand; angry tone] Je te remercie! On peut avoir confiance en toi!
[subtitle translation: Thanks a lot! You can have confidence in you!]
Capt. Joe Patroni: What did she say?
Capt. Paul Metrand: Probably the same as you say in English.

Capt. Joe Patroni: I've flown just about every type of aircraft through three wars and forty pounds. Only thing I'm afraid of is heights. Are you afraid of anything, Metrand?
Capt. Paul Metrand: American pilots.

Capt. Joe Patroni: Gee, I remember this Eurasian gal. She had these great big blue eyes. They called her the tarantula. You ever run into her?
Capt. Paul Metrand: No, I don't think so.
Capt. Joe Patroni: You'd remember if you did. She was a real ball breaker!

Capt. Joe Patroni: Goddamnn! He fired one! Missiles at five o'clock! Those missiles have a narrow seeking angle, no more than thirty degrees. If we make enough violent maneuvers we may be able to cause a fly-by. Son of a bitch!

Capt. Joe Patroni: I'd love to see what my horoscope said this morning.

Capt. Joe Patroni: She's his fourth wife. He always was a horny bastard. There's this story that back in the 20's when he was barnstorming he made a bet that he could put it to this good lookin' wing walker. He boffed her right out on the wing a thousand miles above El Paso. His ass got so sunburned he couldn't sit down a week!

Capt. Joe Patroni: [pulls Eli up out of a tear] Eli, you okay?
Eli Sands: I had the best seat in the house!

Airport 1975 (1974)
Joe Patroni: There she is. She's flying it! She's flying it herself!
Alan Murdock: Climb baby, climb.

Oringer: Is there much damage?
Joe Patroni: No, not much, theres just a hole where the pilots usually sit.

Joe Patroni: [taking a phone call in Salt Lake City] Yeah? Your information is correct, Mr. Purcell, but we're clearing everything out of our Los Angeles office. You can understand that our concern here is for the safety of those people. Excuse me.
Alan Murdock: Who's that?
Joe Patroni: A guy named Purcell. Owns a local TV station. He's sending a remote unit out.
Alan Murdock: What the hell does he want to photograph? We don't have any bodies yet!

Joe Patroni: Y'know, sometimes the public's right to know gives me a huge pain in the ass!