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: If Piper and Leo don't screw, I'm screwed!
: [Leo and Piper are asleep on the couch and cannot be woken
] What's wrong with them? Chris
: It's a long story. Paige
: I don't know. Why don't you give me the Cliffnotes version.
: Come on Chris! You and Leo and Phoebe have all been acting weird since before the demon attacked. What's goin' on? Chris
: All right. I made a little wish. Paige
: You did what? Chris
: Two little wishes. Paige
: Oh great! It's not bad enough that I have to worry about Richard, now I have to worry about you too. What did you wish for? Chris
: For Leo to forgive me, which by the way was an accident. Paige
: And? Chris
: For Piper and Leo to sleep together. Paige
: You! Oh my god. You're sick! What is wrong with you? Chris
: No... Paige
: You're disghusting! You're some creepy registered sex offender from the future! Oh my god you're so gross! Chris
: I'm Piper and Leo's son! Paige
: WHAT? Chris
: They're my parents. I came back to save my family Paige
: You're serious... Chris
: Yea, only now I've got to save myself, because if my mom doesn't get pregnant in the next month, there is no me. Paige
] This is all so wrong, and this has been such a long day.
: You can't just pop in here from the future and play with people's lives because your big brother picked on you. Chris
: He picked on the WORLD, Phoebe.
: I'm sorry, Phoebe, but I'm running out of time here. A guy's gotta survive. I wish for Piper and Leo to sleep together tonight.
: I've been calling for you all week. Didn't you hear me? Chris
: For the first couple of days, yeah. Then I put you on "mute".
: Oracles, fortune tellers, soothsayers they all say the same thing : if Mum and Dad don't screw this month... I'm screwed.
: You're the one that split them up. And why did you split them up? Chris
: Leo had to become an Elder to make room for me as your Whitelighter. It was the only way I could protect Wyatt from turning evil. Phoebe
: You're unbelievable ! I mean, most kids who are the cause of their parents divorce actually feel guilty. And you're sitting here like it's part of your master plan ! Chris
: I'm sensing some real issues there.
: I feel so bad. Chris
: As well you should. If we don't do something soon, I can end up half fireman instead of half Whitelighter.
[Under the influence of a spell, Leo is writing Chris a letter of apology
: Alright, alright, enough already ! You said you're sorry, let's just not go overboard. Leo Wyatt
: Okay, but after everything I've put you through, I feel like I owe it to you. Chris
: Honestly, a letter's not gonna mean a hell of a lot to me. I got plenty of them growing up.
: What is this big emergency? Can't it wait an hour or... two? Chris
: No, it can't. There's a demon on the loose, a genie running amok, AND it took me two wishes to get here.
: I never hit on you, did I? Chris
: What? No! Phoebe
: Oh, thank God.
: [Piper and Paige are talking about Chris
] Well, you never know something could happen. Piper Halliwell
: Oh, don't be such a worry wart. Now you're starting to sound like- Chris Halliwell
: [Chris orbs in
] Hey. Piper Halliwell
: No, no, no. I was just wondering how it went with the doctor. Piper Halliwell
: Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy. Chris Halliwell
] That's not what I meant. Paige Matthews
: [looking at the Ultra-Sound photo
] I don't see it. Piper Halliwell
: Oh see, it's this little thing right here- Chris Halliwell
: [grabbing the photo
] Woah, excuse me! Do you mind?!
: [talking about Wyatt's force field while Piper was pregnant with him
] Wait, you had a force field with Wyatt, but not with me? Piper Halliwell
: Well, I didn't have one. He had one. It was all his doing. Chris Halliwell
] From the womb! He had powers from the womb! That's unbelievable! It's not like I don't have an inferiority complex with him all ready! Thank you. Piper Halliwell
: [asking Paige
] Did you find that demon yet?
: [to baby Wyatt
] If I can't save you I swear to God I'll stop you.
: You know, if anyone else tried what you tried, I'd kill them on the spot. But you... I've forgiven Bianca, I can forgive you too. If you promise never to cross me again. Chris
: I think you know me better than that. Wyatt Halliwell
: [to Bianca
] I thought you said you could talk some sense into him. Chris
: Leave her out of this. Wyatt Halliwell
: [begins crushing Chris's neck with his powers
] Pardon me?
: You really shouldn't try to orb anymore, you know. It could kill ya. Chris
: Is that what you want? Bianca
: If that's what I wanted you'd already be dead. All I want is to bring you back. Chris
: How'd you know I'd be here? Bianca
: Same reason you knew I'd be waiting here. This is still our spot, isn't it? Chris
: No. This is what we hoped it would be. This is what we were trying to preserv for our future. You remember? Bianca
: We were naive to think we could change anything. To stop him. Chris
: You don't believe that. Or at least you didn't. Bianca
: Well, I do now. Chris
: What happened to you, Bianca? How did he turn you back? Bianca
: That's not important. What is important is that I was interrupted in stripping you of your powers. And if I don't finish what I started you'll die soon. Think of it as an infection, and I'm the only one with the antidote. Chris
: Here or there I am dead anyway. Bianca
: No. He gave me his word he wouldn't hurt you. Please, Chris... don't make this any harder than it has to be.
[Chris looks at Bianca and orbs to the Manor.
: The Elders sent Coop down to you, Phoebe. Not just to help you find love, but to help you find him. Wyatt Halliwell
: They hoped you'd fall in love with a cupid. It was their only way to make up for everything you've sacrificed. Chris Halliwell
: And they weren't gonna put you through what Mom and Dad went through, so... Wyatt Halliwell
: It wasn't and will not be a forbidden love. Phoebe Halliwell
: Okay. I don't know how that information helps us right now. Wyatt Halliwell
: Well, in the future, when you're together, you guys are like one. Chris Halliwell
: All you have to do is think about him and he's there.
: Anyway the point is: if I'm going to get my husband back, we have a battle to finish. Phoebe Halliwell
: And we're going to have to get mom back safely, otherwise Paige and I won't be born. Patty Halliwell
: Good point. Paige Matthews
: Well fantastic. Are there any other problems we should be worrying about? Phoebe Halliwell
: [Wyatt and Chris appear
] Wyatt? Piper Halliwell
: Chris? What are you two doing here? Chris Halliwell
: Somebody just screwed up our future!
: I don't understand?
[Chris orbs in
] Chris Halliwell
: Something wrong? Gith
: The boyfriend took the bullet. It was meant for the witch. Chris Halliwell
: You tried to kill one of them already? Gith
: I create worlds, I don't control them. They work in their own way, their own time. This is the first time a victim has ever escaped a direct attempt on their life. Chris Halliwell
: Yeah, well, they're pretty good aren't they? Gith
: It's okay. Their desires will kill them eventually. After all... it is what you desire isn't it?
[Chris grabs vial with potion and Gith creates a crossbow
] Chris Halliwell
[as Chris is going to throw the potion he is shot with the darklighter arrow
: I could sense your desire from the beginning. You never wanted to kill your charges, just... teach them a lesson. That's right, darklighter arrow.
[Smashes vial with vanquishing potion
: Poison shouldn't take long. But with luck you may just live long enough to watch the Charmed Ones learn their lesson after all.
: An empath? You didn't tell me the middle sister was an empath. Chris Halliwell
: Sorry. Gith
: She must have been feeling his desire when I created her world. It's no matter, my worlds always kill their victims. You know why? Because desires are empty. They lack foundation. This world will fall too. It's only a matter of time. Jason Dean
: [in Phoebe's world after Jason was shot
] I'm getting thirsty. Phoebe Halliwell
: Okay. I'll try to see if I can find something. Gith
: [Chris telekinetically puts Phoebe in Paige's world
[Gith kicks Chris and knocks him out
Penny 'Grams' Halliwell
: Are you giving me lip? Chris Halliwell
: [stepping back
[after Wyatt orbs a bottle and the slime demon attacks
] Chris Halliwell
: In the future, everyone tried to control the Demon With No Name. But it can't be done. Penny 'Grams' Halliwell
: That's hardly a winning attitude, young man. And why in heaven's name couldn't the people in the future find some name for that thing?
: What can I do to get you two over the hump here? Phoebe
: Try saying this - it always works for Leo - "Your power comes from your emotions." Paige
: Or, or what about this - "Trust the Power of Three." Phoebe
: Or how about this one - "I'm gonna go check with the Elders." Do you actually think he checks with the Elders? Paige
: No. He probably just orbs to a sports bar and buys his buddies rounds of drinks. "Yeah, my wife thinks I'm Up There. Here's to the Elders."
: What the hell is this? Goddesses Gone Wild?
: You should take this threat seriously. And tell Paige. Where is Paige? Phoebe Halliwell
: She's at her new temp job. Chris Halliwell
: She's still on that kick? Piper Halliwell
: It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic. Chris Halliwell
: Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness on a temp job ?
: Chris, what are you doing sitting around here? Aren't you supposed to be getting to know your new charge?
[Natalie, wearing only Chris's shirt, stands at the doorway.
: Oh, hi, Leo. Chris Halliwell
: [to Leo
] Okay, look, before you get mad, you were the one who wanted me to have a charge in the first place, remember? Leo Wyatt
: Yeah, to protect her! Natalie
: Oh, he *was* using protection.
: He tried to run me over with his porsche! Not cool.
] Phoebe Halliwell
: I need you to be honest with me. No games, no running away. Just the truth. Chris Halliwell
] Okay. Phoebe Halliwell
: Are you Wyatt's little brother? Chris Halliwell
] Only if I can get Piper and Leo back together in time.
: What is that? A time portal, is that what that is? What are you using it for? Chris Halliwell
: I don't have to answer that. Leo Wyatt
: Though you said you had nothing to hide? Chris Halliwell
: I don't have to answer that either.
: What you need is to get out of this hole. Get some sun, live a little. Chris Halliwell
: Believe me, I'm trying.