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: When I have champagne I get giggly. Sandy Cohen
: When did you ever get giggly?
: What do you suggest I do? Sandy Cohen
: I suggest you find a way to make it up to Kirsten. Now. Unless you want Julie to be your lawyer too.
: She's agreed to supervised visitation. 20 minutes, max. Caleb Nichol
: She's my daughter, Sandy, I don't need to be supervised. Sandy Cohen
: No, I'm supervising her. Because she might kill you.
: So, aside from coming up with your hilarious one liners, what's your next move?
: Do you hear a clicking on the phone? Every time I try to dial out I swear I hear a clicking. Julie Cooper-Nichol
: Okay, Nixon. Paranoid, much? What's going on with you, Cal? You're either hopped up on blow or something's seriously wrong.
: I don't get it. His best friend leaves, so he runs off with another boy and his gay dad? Seems kind of strange. Sandy Cohen
: And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.
: Well played, Magnum, P.I.
: You're not serious. You're still smoking the weed, aren't you? Kirsten Cohen
: Dad! Seth Cohen
: Daddy smoked weed? Kirsten Cohen
: Out now. Private conversation. Seth Cohen
: Ryan, guess who's a stoner!
: You could have been killed. Kirsten
: I learned my lesson. Always eat dinner before you drink. Caleb
: That's not the lesson to be learned here. Kirsten
: I made an error in judgement. You should be familiar with that. Caleb
: This is not about me, Kiki. You have a problem. And my God, did you give any thought to your kids? Kirsten
: I am a good mother! Caleb
: You're also an alcoholic. Your mother was one too. She did her best to hide it. But I always knew. Kirsten
: [enraged tone
] Why do you think Mom drank the way she did? Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up, it's because of you! All our lives, you terrorized us, bullied us... you treated me, Mom, and Hailey like business employees rather than family. Caleb
: I gave you everything you ever wanted! Kirsten
: I know! You spoiled us to control us! Make us lead the lives you wanted than what we wanted. I may like my Chardonnay, but I am not going to die alone which is a lot more than I can say for you!
: [sees Sandy working under the kitchen sink
] Oh, father, I'm glad to see you finally found your calling. Caleb Nichol
: Exactly what I said. Sandy Cohen
: Nothing like a good crack about a plumber.