Sandy Cohen
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Quotes for
Sandy Cohen (Character)
from "The O.C." (2003)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The O.C.: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Sandy: He's not a criminal mastermind. He's a kid that has no one and nowhere to go.

Ryan: Where's my brother?
Sandy: Uh, Trey is over 18. Trey stole a car; Trey had a gun in his pants, an ounce of pot in his pocket, a couple of priors. I'm guessing right now, Trey's looking at three to five years. But Trey's not my concern.

Kirsten: You brought him home? This is not a stray puppy, Sandy.
Sandy: I know that, Kirsten.
Kirsten: I knew it was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons.

Ryan: This is a nice car. I didn't know your kind of lawyer made money.
Sandy: No, we don't. My wife does.

Sandy: Don't salt his game, honey.
Kirsten: What the hell does that mean?

Sandy: There's a whole world outside this Newport Beach bubble.
Kirsten: You don't seem to mind living in this bubble.
Sandy: I know there's something else out there.

Sandy: So, I'd thought we'd head out to the fashion show at around seven.
Seth: Yeah, okay. Have fun.
Sandy: Come on. It's a whole new school year, Seth.
Seth: It's also the same kids, Dad. Why do they even need a fashion show? Every day's a fashion show for these people.
Sandy: Yeah, well, Ryan has to go. Marissa invited him.
Seth: [to Ryan] Marissa invited you? I've lived next door to Marissa since, like, forever. Her dad almost got married to my mom even and, like, she's never even invited me to a birthday.
Sandy: That is not true. They did not almost get married.
Seth: Eh.
Ryan: Hey, maybe Summer will be there.
Seth: That's interesting. She is Marissa's best friend. 7:00?

Sandy: Smart kid like you. You got to have a plan. Some kind of a dream.
Ryan: Yeah, right. Let me tell you something, okay? Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true? That does.

Sandy: When did you become so cynical?
Kirsten: When did you become so self-righteous?
Sandy: I've always been self-righteous. You used to find it charming.

Sandy: Ryan, Sandy Cohen. The courts appointed me your public defender.
[Ryan's not impressed]
Sandy: You could do worse. You okay? They treating you alright?
Ryan: Where's my brother?
Sandy: Uh, Trey is over 18. Trey stole a car; Trey had a gun in his pants, an ounce of pot in his pocket, a couple of priors. I'm guessing right now, Trey's looking at three to five years. But Trey's not my concern. This is your first time in lockup. I'm assuming you don't plan on coming back. Your grades... are not great. Suspended twice for fighting, truancy three times. Other than that...
[stares in amazement at Ryan]
Sandy: Your test scores? 98th percentile on your SAT1's. Ryan, 98th percentile, you start going to class. Are you thinking about college?
[Ryan scoffs]
Sandy: Have you given any thought to your future? Dude, I'm on your side. Come on, help me out here...
Ryan: -Modern medicine is advancing to the point where the average human life span will be 100. But I read this article which said Social Security is supposed to run out by the year 2025, which means people are going to have to stay at their jobs until they're 80. So I don't want to commit to anything too soon.
[Sandy chuckles]
Sandy: Look, I can plead this down to a misdemeanor. Petty fine, probation. But know this, "stealing a car cause you're big brother told you to," it's stupid and it's weak and those are two things you can't afford to be anymore.
Ryan: Two more things.
Sandy: You wanna change that? Then, you're gonna have to get over the fact that life dealt you a bad hand. I get it, we're cut from the same deck, Ryan. I grew up, no money, bad part of the Bronx, my father was gone, my mother worked all the time... I was pissed off, I was stupid.
Ryan: Look at you now.
[exchange looks; beat]
Sandy: Smart kid like you. You gotta have a plan. Some kind of dream.
Ryan: Yeah... right. Let me tell you something, okay? Where I'm from, having a dream doesn't make you smart. Knowing it won't come true?
[Sandy squints]
Ryan: That does.


"The O.C.: The Model Home (#1.2)" (2003)
Sheriff: So, you have no idea where Ryan might have gone?
Seth: I don't know. He did say something about going down to Mexico and gambling on cockfights. I mean, I don't know what kind of jurisdiction you guys...
Sandy: Quit joking around. Will you answer his question?
Seth: Yes, I did. I really don't know. I do not know the guy. I never got the chance.

Seth: Dad, I'm sure Ryan's fine. We should just try again when it's light out.
Sandy: Could be too late by then.
Seth: Yeah, well, maybe he's better off on his own, anyways.
Sandy: What does that mean?
Seth: Okay, if we find him, then what? Then, if he's very lucky he gets to go back with his mom? I would run away, too.

Sandy: What was he even doing there? Why didn't you tell us?
Seth: Because he didn't want to go to a foster home. He didn't want to leave and I didn't want him to leave either. It's like, you force me to live amongst these-these pod people and the first cool person I meet, it's like, you kick him out of the house.
Sandy: I did the best I could.
Seth: So did I

Sandy: Since the minute you were born, I knew I would never take another easy breath without knowing that you were all right.
Seth: So I'm like asthma?

Sandy: The minute you were born, I knew... I would never take an easy breath without knowing you were safe.
Seth: So I'm like asthma?

Sandy: So... last supper, huh? Sorry. Bad joke.
Kirsten: It's just a laugh riot around here.

Sandy: When you were 22 what did you say? You said you'd never be like your parents, you'd never have their life.
Kirsten: I was 22. I stank of patchouli and I lived in the back of mail truck.
Sandy: And you were fun. And you married me.

Sandy: When your mother gave birth to you, I knew I wouldn't take a breath without knowing you were safe and OK.
Seth: Great, so I'm like asthma.


"The O.C.: The Distance (#2.1)" (2004)
Sandy Cohen: Watch your mouth. I was being polite.

Kirsten: He used to be such a good kid.
Sandy Cohen: But he's turning into quite the angry young man.

Sandy Cohen: Wow, you've really flipped your noodle.

Sandy Cohen: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.
Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space?

Sandy Cohen: I've always liked Luke. Kind of a big Golden Retriever.
Ryan Atwood: Actually, he kinda is.

Caleb Nichol: I don't get it. His best friend leaves, so he runs off with another boy and his gay dad? Seems kind of strange.
Sandy Cohen: And this coming from a guy who is one click away from wearing a wig and a fake mustache.


"The O.C.: The Dearly Beloved (#2.24)" (2005)
Kirsten Cohen: Sandy, I'm so sorry.
Sandy Cohen: Hey, we can bend this thing. Doesn't mean it's gonna break.

Sandy Cohen: The car accident she had. Did you know she'd been drinking?
Seth Cohen: No I didn't, because you only just told me.

Ryan Atwood: Do you want me to talk to him? Tell him you're doing the right thing, because you are.
Sandy Cohen: Thanks but that's my job.

Sandy Cohen: I found your stash.

Sandy Cohen: Kirsten's always enjoyed a glass or two of wine, but recently it's changed.
Dr. Kenneth Woodruff: Changed how?
Sandy Cohen: Well, she's switched to vodka for one.


"The O.C.: The New Kids on the Block (#2.3)" (2004)
Kirsten Cohen: You quit?
Sandy Cohen: Quit slash got fired.

Caleb Nichol: When I have champagne I get giggly.
Sandy Cohen: When did you ever get giggly?

Caleb Nichol: What do you suggest I do?
Sandy Cohen: I suggest you find a way to make it up to Kirsten. Now. Unless you want Julie to be your lawyer too.

Sandy Cohen: Does the light of dawn make any of this easier to take?
Kirsten Cohen: Harder, actually.

Sandy Cohen: She's agreed to supervised visitation. 20 minutes, max.
Caleb Nichol: She's my daughter, Sandy, I don't need to be supervised.
Sandy Cohen: No, I'm supervising her. Because she might kill you.


"The O.C.: The Sister Act (#3.12)" (2006)
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsand and you know who.
Seth: Now we have a quarome.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go out with Summer's dad and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look Neil is a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her, maybe he see's something in her that we don't.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine. But we have to make sure she's the one who ends is. If Neil starts pulling away, she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts
[Summer hits him]
Seth: is the answer.

Seth: I'm telling you, it'll work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has genital warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth, how about lending your mom and hand downstairs.
Seth: Actually... uh dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out a way to break up my dad and some skank-out-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsand.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about, it's a long story, but last nights date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? I mean because he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsand and you know who.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go on a date with Summer's dad, and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look, Neil's a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her maybe he see's something in her that we dont.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine, but we have to make sure she's the one who ends it. If Neil starts pulling away she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts is the answer.
[Summer slaps Seth]
Kirsten: Seth!

Seth: I'm telling you it would work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has gentile warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth? How about lending a hand to your mom downstairs?
Seth: Actually dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out away to break up my dad and some skank-and-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsend.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about. It's a long story but, last night's date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? Because I mean, he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsend and you know who.
Seth: Now we have a quarome.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go out with Summer's dad and she threaten to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look Neil is a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her, maybe he see's something in her that we don't.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine. But we have to make sure she's the one who ends is. If Neil starts pulling away, she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Gentile warts
[Summer hits him]
Seth: is the answer.
Kirsten: Seth.

Seth: I'm telling you, it'll work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has genital warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth, how about lending your mom and hand downstairs.
Seth: Actually... uh dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out a way to break up my dad and some skank-out-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsend.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about, it's a long story, but last nights date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? I mean because he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsend and you know who.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go on a date with Summer's dad, and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look, Neil's a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her maybe he see's something in her that we dont.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine, but we have to make sure she's the one who ends it. If Neil starts pulling away she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts is the answer.
[Summer slaps Seth]
Kirsten: Seth!


"The O.C.: The Nana (#1.23)" (2004)
Sandy: We only have two hours to unleaven the kitchen.

Sandy: Who is that woman?
Seth: Not the nana.
Kirsten: Come on you guys. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she's mellowed. Maybe she's genuinely happy to be here. No you're right, something's wrong.

Sandy: She's staging an intervention. To put me back on the path to righteousness, or in my mother's case self righteousness.

Sandy: Who's coming to the airport with me?
[everyone ignores him]
Sandy: Seth?
[Seth points to Ryan]
Sandy: Ryan? You're not ready for the Nana. No-one's ever ready for the Nana. That woman is scary.
Sophie 'Nana' Cohen: [off camera] Hello?
Sandy: Can't be.
Sophie 'Nana' Cohen: The door's wide open. A person could walk in here and kill us all.
Seth: It is. It's the Nana.


"The O.C.: The My Two Dads (#4.9)" (2007)
Ryan Atwood: You know, if you want, I can teach you a mean left-hook just in case.
Sandy Cohen: Just in case what? You got more relatives showing up here or what?
Ryan Atwood: I have some mean uncles.

Frank Atwood: You don't want hit a dying man!
Sandy Cohen: [punches Frank] Oh yes I do!
Frank Atwood: That was a mistake, Sandy.
Sandy Cohen: I'm right here, Frank.
Ryan Atwood: [steps between Frank and Sandy] Hey, hey, hey that's enough!

Kirsten Cohen: Sandy, what on earth?
Sandy Cohen: The good news is Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news is, my hand is killing me.
Taylor Townsend: I'll get some ice.


"The O.C.: The Homecoming (#1.11)" (2003)
Sandy: How was home?
Ryan: You tell me, I was in Chino.

Sandy: Look, Jimmy's a good guy.
Rachel Hoffman: He's a thief.
Sandy: And you're a lawyer. It's a perfect match!

Sandy: [Referring to Caleb and Julie] It's the gruesome twosome!


"The O.C.: The Risky Business (#2.18)" (2005)
Trey Atwood: Stallone, huh? Nah, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.
Ryan Atwood: Are you kidding me? Seagal, man.
Seth Cohen: Yeah, divided house cannot eat. Now we all gotta get together behind a single action hero.
Sandy Cohen: Steve McQueen.
Seth Cohen: Steve M-who?

Kirsten: Uh, who wants to help me hang the banner?
Sandy: Ask Taryn please. She's screwing up the tablecloths, get her off the tablecloths.

Seth: Julia is Marissa's mom.
Trey Atwood: Oh, so Ryan's mother-in-law.
Sandy: What? What Ryan and Marissa? What?
Seth: It's on.
Sandy: Really? I'm always the last to know.
Ryan: There's nothing to know.
Trey Atwood: Oh really? 'Cause that's not what it looked like the other night, you coming to Marissa's rescue and all.
Sandy: Well, he's very chivalrous, not unlike the young Steve McQueen.
Seth: Yeah, some people say chivalry's dead. I don't believe it.
Ryan: There's nothing going on with me and Marissa.
Sandy: Nothing?
Trey Atwood: Really?
Seth: Ryan...
Ryan: We're taking it slow.
Trey Atwood, Sandy: Yeah! Taking it slow! Alright!
Sandy: Well it's a good thing she's no longer you neighbor.
Seth: That's right! It's hard to take it slow with her next door.
Kirsten: So, Caleb and Julie are off on their trip.
Sandy: What are we gonna do without them?
Kirsten: Well, for starters, housekeeper got deported and so there's no one to stay with Marissa. So I told Julie that Marissa could stay here for the week.
[Trey, Sandy and Seth look and Ryan]
Seth: That'll keep things at a snail's place.


"The O.C.: The Return of the Nana (#2.21)" (2005)
Sandy: [Seth is acting like an old man] I am officially terrified.
Ryan: He doesn't have this many friends at school.

Sandy: Fellas, you got everything?
Seth Cohen: I got my cardigan, my orthopedic shoes and my humidifier. Now take me to my people.


"The O.C.: The Secret (#1.12)" (2003)
Seth: [the Dandy Warhols "We Used To Be Friends" plays] Do I have a fever? I think I might have a fever and/or the chills.
Ryan: Since when?
Seth: Since recently.
Sandy: So your not feeling well?
Seth: No I feel fine.
[coughs]
Seth: Just my head's a littly achy and my stomach's kind of weird. I'm okay.
Sandy: Come here.
[feels Seth's head]
Sandy: Huh. You don't feel warm.
Seth: What about cold or clammy?
Ryan: Maybe you've got the summer flu.
Seth: Yeah. It's November, but it's possible.
Ryan: Maybe you need some Anna-biotics.
Sandy: Do you not wanna go to school?
Seth: No, Dad. I want to go to school. Okay? I'm just worried about infecting others.
Sandy: You're right, we can't take a chance. We should just take you straight to the emergency room. Just to be sure.
Seth: Okay, all right. Or I could stay home and try and sleep it off.
Ryan: Or you could go to scool, face Summer and Anna and apologize.
Seth: First of all, ah... no. Second of all, hm... no. Why would I?
Sandy: Oh , the Summer flu. I just got it. That was good.
Seth: It's not my fault that they both tried to kiss me on Thanksgiving. What was I supposed to do? Not kiss back? Say "No, stop"? Risk hurting their feelings?
Sandy: Well it seems to me you already did hurt their feelings.
Seth: Yeah, perhaps I did but what about my feelings okay? Hello I was the one who was assulted. I'm the victim here.

Kirsten: You just like saying that.
Sandy: Yogalates? I kinda do. Yogalates.
Ryan: Yogalates.
Kirsten: You know what I wanna know?
Sandy: Yogalates.
Kirsten: Is why these two are so smug.
Seth: Because for once they didn't do anything wrong.
Sandy: That's true. Here's to ya.
Ryan: Back at ya.
Kirsten: Enjoy it boys, because knowing the two of you, it won't last long.
Sandy: Yogalates.


"The O.C.: The Gamble (#1.3)" (2003)
Sandy: [after hearing Julie gossiping about him and Kirsten] Morning ladies, mind if I join you? May I?
[grabs a chunk out of Julie's muffin]
Sandy: I couldn't help overhearing.
Julie: Oh. I hope you're not...
Sandy: Mad? Offended? No. I am disappointed and frankly I'm a little surprised. This is supposed to be a neighborhood who welcomes outsiders, I mean me I'm all the way from the Bronx and you, you're from Riverside, right? Which is not that different from where Ryan's from
[cell phone rings]
Sandy: Excuse me. Hello? Yeah, Dawn. That's her. Great, thanks.
[hangs up]
Sandy: Thanks for the muffin.
Julie: [later] You will not believe what Sandy Cohen just said to me. He basically called me white trash. He said I was from Riverside.
Jimmy: Honey. You are from Riverside.
Julie: It was his tone.

Sandy: Well, I should be off. Got to find the next kid to jeopardize the community. Maybe a black kid. Or an Asian kid. Bye, ladies.


"The O.C.: The Outsider (#1.5)" (2003)
Sandy: So this happened in the parking lot of the IMAX movie theater?
Seth: Shark movies bring out a rough crowd.

Jimmy Cooper: Are we old? Cause if I didn't know better, I'd swear I was still 16.
Sandy: Oh, I'm still 22. It was the best year of my life.
Jimmy Cooper: Why 22?
Sandy: It's when I met Kirsten... And why 16?
Jimmy Cooper: It's when I met Kirsten.


"The O.C.: The Gringos (#4.2)" (2006)
Sandy Cohen: We're doing the right thing in trusting them.
Kirsten Cohen: I know.
Sandy Cohen: They're adults. We couldn't have stopped them if we tried.
Kirsten Cohen: I know.
Sandy Cohen: ...I'm going to Mexico.
Kirsten Cohen: I'm going with you.

Sandy Cohen: You told Ryan where to find Volchok. Even for you, this is a new low.
Julie Cooper: Okay, you know what? You're crazy. I'm just going to say goodnight.
Sandy Cohen: You sent Ryan down there to commit a murder. I could have you arrested.
Julie Cooper: But then, you'd get Ryan arrested too. And you're not going to do that, are you?
Sandy Cohen: If anything had happended to him or to Seth...
Julie Cooper: [cutting him off] Okay it's late, and I'm not in the mood for threats.
[Julie gets up to leave]
Sandy Cohen: Sit down!
[Julie complies]
Sandy Cohen: After everything our families have been through, you would put our kids in danger?
Julie Cooper: At least you still have all your kids.


"The O.C.: The Perfect Couple (#1.10)" (2003)
Sandy: I'm here.
Kirsten: We're going.
Sandy: But I wore a jacket.

Sandy: I'm here.
Kirsten: We're going.
Sandy: But I put on a jacket.


"The O.C.: The Heartbreak (#1.19)" (2004)
Sandy: Did you uhh... use... uh... protection?
Seth: Oh my god yes. Oh my god yes. Oh my god, I cannot believe you just asked me that.


"The O.C.: The Showdown (#2.22)" (2005)
Seth: Well, today's the first day back from spring break, and I was planning on telling Summer, about that little... misunderstanding in Miami.
Sandy: Where you licked the whipped cream off the girl's naked stomach... and ate the cherry out of her mouth?


"The O.C.: The Graduates (#3.25)" (2006)
Sandy Cohen: I love you, kid.
Seth Cohen: I can't say I love you to another man, but I have much affection for you as well.


"The O.C.: The Power of Love (#2.8)" (2005)
[Kirsten got mad about Sandy forgetting their 20th anniversary]
Sandy: Hey! Need a ride to school? Like this second?
Ryan: Uh no thanks, I actually was just going to take my bike. So see ya.
Sandy: Do not leave me, not now.


"The O.C.: The SnO.C. (#2.5)" (2004)
Kirsten Cohen: Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?
Sandy Cohen: Honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja. Ninjas usually wear capes, right?
Kirsten Cohen: Oh, so a ninja's like a superhero.
Seth Cohen: Mom, Dad, you two enjoy. Ryan, give me five minutes.
Sandy Cohen: Where are you going? Come on back.
Ryan Atwood: Nice work.
Sandy Cohen: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child.


"The O.C.: The Truth (#1.18)" (2004)
[first lines]
Sandy Cohen: You're not having breakfast with us?
Ryan: I'm not hungry. What do you want?
Sandy Cohen: Dr. Kim just called to let us know that you've been suspended indefinitely pending a disciplinary action if the school board will vote to expel you.
Ryan: I know you want me to apologize, but I'm not. Oliver told me right to my face that he wanted me gone so he could get to have Marissa all to himself.
Sandy Cohen: [scoffs] Then why would he drop the assault charges against you?
Ryan: [surprised] He did that?
Sandy Cohen: Yeah, he did. It seems to me that if he had it out for you, he would have had you gone and you'd be back in juvi hall by now. You know that. Come on, help me out. Tell me what's going on with you.
Ryan: Oliver is dangerous. He's a sociopath who provoked me into attacking him so he could come off as the poor, innocent victim before Marissa and everyone else. He's so charming and charismatic that no one can see the person for what he really is.
Sandy Cohen: No, this is how I see it. YOU attacked HIM... unprovoked... in full view of witnesses at your school because you're jealous about him being around Marissa. You're on probation and you knew that the slightest infraction would land you back in juvenile hall and maybe lead to you being taken away from us, but you did it anyway. For the life of me, I can't understand why you would do that. Talk to me. Tell me what's really going on with you. Talk to me. Why did you really attack Oliver?
Ryan: [after a short pause] What's the point? Oliver was right. You're not gonna believe me anyway. You and everyone else believes him over me.
Sandy Cohen: It's not what I believe. I wish it was. It's about what you did! The next time you think about raising your fists to someone you don't like, you'd better instead open your mouth and talk! I'm here for that now. What is really going on with you?
[there is another pause and Ryan looks at Sandy and finally sees that there is no getting through to him or anyone about Oliver's deviousness. Ryan just looks away]
Sandy Cohen: What am I gonna do with you? I can't ground you or chain you to a wall. There's the door. You want to go after that poor Oliver kid? Go ahead. But if you want to stay, if you want to be a part of this family, you are NOT going to go anywhere, you're not gonna see anyone or talk to anyone unless Kristen and I say it's okay. That's the deal. Take it or leave it.


"The O.C.: The Ex-Factor (#2.9)" (2005)
Sandy Cohen: Honey, I don't want to alarm you, but there is a giant Julie Cooper on the table.


"The O.C.: The Links (#1.16)" (2004)
Kirsten: [offering Hailey a muffin] Pumpkin muffin?
Sandy: Yes, darling?


"The O.C.: The Rivals (#1.17)" (2004)
Sandy: [Sandy and Seth are discussing Danny, Summer's new boyfriend]
Sandy: Whoa, that kid is not funny.
Seth: Thank you. I know.
Sandy: He makes Ryan look funny.
Seth: He makes Marissa look funny.
Sandy: Gentiles. I love your mother more than words, but not funny. Get yourself some funnier friends.


"The O.C.: The Telenovela (#1.20)" (2004)
[discussing what "Uncle Shaughn" does for the company]
Kirsten Cohen: He's a consultant.
Sandy Cohen: Could you please be a little more vague?
Kirsten Cohen: He knows people.
Sandy Cohen: You did it! That was more vague!


"The O.C.: The Brothers Grim (#2.17)" (2005)
Carter Buckley: You sound like you have a wonderful family.
Sandy Cohen: I do, thank you, including my mother-in-law, the porn star.


"The O.C.: The Heights (#1.9)" (2003)
Seth: I like to think I can convey everything with a look.
Kirsten Cohen: Well, you look adorable!
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Cute?
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Dope?
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Rad?
Seth: Please, please, this is so painful for me!
Kirsten Cohen: Hey Sandy, dosen't Seth look rad?
Sandy Cohen: Oh, you do look rad! Mad props son!


"The O.C.: The Swells (#3.6)" (2005)
Sandy: Where's Marissa?
Summer: Oh, she can't make it. She's busy.
Ryan: Oh, is she studying? Cause... I've been known to get her to blow off some homework.
Summer: Uh, she's not studying. She's at the beach... with Johnny.
[Awkward silence]
Seth: Ryan, try not to punch Summer.
Summer: I'm just the messenger.


"The O.C.: The O.Sea (#2.23)" (2005)
Julie Cooper-Nichol: Sandy, I did not come here to talk about myself! But as long as we're on the subject, I could kind of use your advise.
Sandy Cohen: Hey, if this involves you being naked please, you've got to warn me!


"The O.C.: The Family Ties (#2.7)" (2005)
[Seth and Ryan get home and Seth is drunk]
Seth: Oh, I know who lives here.
Ryan: Yeah.
Seth: It's the Cohen residence in the hizzy.
Ryan: [stops car in the drive-way] Okay, we gotta be really stealth here.
Seth: Hey,I was on camp capture the flag, Camp Takahoa, I invented the stealth.
Ryan: [smiles] Right, you did.
Seth: I sure did.
Ryan: But you're yelling, you need to be quiet.
Seth: I haven't been this wased
[whispers]
Seth: since you first night in Newport, when we beat up those kids.
[gets louder]
Seth: With a little bit, little bit of that,
[getting out of the car]
Seth: With a little bit of thaaat Little bit of that.
[falls on trash cans]
Sandy: What's going on? You guys okay? Seth?
Seth: [gets up] Shhh! We're being stealth. Shh.
[jumps on the car hood and flips]


"The O.C.: The Rainy Day Women (#2.14)" (2005)
Sandy: I feel like we've become like strangers.
Kirsten: Well, I was taught never to talk to strangers.


"The O.C.: The Proposal (#1.24)" (2004)
[Kirsten pours the rest of the champagne for herself]
Sandy: That's cool. I didn't want any, anyway.
Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper... is my step-mom.
Sandy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle.
Jimmy: Yeah. Drink up.
Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.
Sandy: Maybe you wanna lay off the sauce.
Kirsten: Think of it, Jimmy, when we were growing up, all those times you came over to go sailing with my dad, did you ever think he'd marry your ex-wife?
Jimmy: Yeah, gimme a glass.
Kirsten: Never!
Sandy: I don't know, Jimbo. The way I see it, this could be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Kirsten: No, there is nothing good about what's happened here. I mean, this marriage is an asteroid that has hit the Earth. Now we have to wait to see which species survives.


"The O.C.: The Cold Turkey (#4.3)" (2006)
Julie Cooper: I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry.
Sandy Cohen: I don't think I've ever heard you say that before.
Julie Cooper: I don't think I've ever meant it.


"The O.C.: The Mallpisode (#2.15)" (2005)
Seth Cohen: [sees Sandy working under the kitchen sink] Oh, father, I'm glad to see you finally found your calling.
Caleb Nichol: Exactly what I said.
Sandy Cohen: Nothing like a good crack about a plumber.


"The O.C.: The O.C. Confidential (#2.20)" (2005)
Sandy: You guys ready to go home? It's past my bedtime.