Kirsten Cohen
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Quotes for
Kirsten Cohen (Character)
from "The O.C." (2003)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The O.C.: The Dearly Beloved (#2.24)" (2005)
Kirsten Cohen: Sandy, I'm so sorry.
Sandy Cohen: Hey, we can bend this thing. Doesn't mean it's gonna break.

Kirsten Cohen: Don't you say a word, I let you into this house.
Ryan Atwood: Yeah you did, because my own mom couldn't take care of me. Because she wouldn't get help even though I asked her to. I don't want to see that happen again to someone I love.

Kirsten Cohen: I don't know who you are but I am not going.
Seth Cohen: Mom, please. You gotta do this.

Hailey Nichol: Kiks, you know mom battled this and you know that if it was me you'd do the same thing.
Kirsten Cohen: I don't know that. All the time you were partying and taking drugs I encouraged you to make better choices I didn't lock you up.


"The O.C.: The Sister Act (#3.12)" (2006)
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsand and you know who.
Seth: Now we have a quarome.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go out with Summer's dad and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look Neil is a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her, maybe he see's something in her that we don't.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine. But we have to make sure she's the one who ends is. If Neil starts pulling away, she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts
[Summer hits him]
Seth: is the answer.

Seth: I'm telling you, it'll work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has genital warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth, how about lending your mom and hand downstairs.
Seth: Actually... uh dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out a way to break up my dad and some skank-out-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsand.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about, it's a long story, but last nights date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? I mean because he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsand and you know who.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go on a date with Summer's dad, and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look, Neil's a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her maybe he see's something in her that we dont.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine, but we have to make sure she's the one who ends it. If Neil starts pulling away she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts is the answer.
[Summer slaps Seth]
Kirsten: Seth!

Seth: I'm telling you it would work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has gentile warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth? How about lending a hand to your mom downstairs?
Seth: Actually dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out away to break up my dad and some skank-and-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsend.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about. It's a long story but, last night's date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? Because I mean, he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsend and you know who.
Seth: Now we have a quarome.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go out with Summer's dad and she threaten to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't set them up. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look Neil is a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her, maybe he see's something in her that we don't.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine. But we have to make sure she's the one who ends is. If Neil starts pulling away, she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Gentile warts
[Summer hits him]
Seth: is the answer.
Kirsten: Seth.

Seth: I'm telling you, it'll work.
Summer: We're not starting a rumor that my dad has genital warts.
Sandy: Hey Seth, how about lending your mom and hand downstairs.
Seth: Actually... uh dad, we're kind of busy right now.
Summer: We're trying to figure out a way to break up my dad and some skank-out-hoebag.
Sandy: Veronica Townsend.
Summer: See everyone knows.
Sandy: You got nothing to worry about, it's a long story, but last nights date, one time thing.
Summer: Really? I mean because he's bringing her to the party tonight.
Sandy: He's going on a second date with her?
Summer: I don't know.
Kirsten: Oh Sandy, there you are. I have to talk to you about Veronica Townsend and you know who.
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: There are factors of which I was not aware of when I had you set them up.
Seth: Wait, you set them up?
Kirsten: Veronica wanted to go on a date with Summer's dad, and she threated to make Marissa's life hell if we didn't. Neil agreed as a favor.
Sandy: Look, Neil's a smart guy, if he wants to go on a second date with her maybe he see's something in her that we dont.
Summer: Huh?
Seth: What the hockey?
Kirsten: Nah nah nah.
Sandy: Okay okay fine, but we have to make sure she's the one who ends it. If Neil starts pulling away she might take it out on Marissa.
Seth: Genital warts is the answer.
[Summer slaps Seth]
Kirsten: Seth!


"The O.C.: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Kirsten: You brought him home? This is not a stray puppy, Sandy.
Sandy: I know that, Kirsten.
Kirsten: I knew it was only a matter of time before you started bringing home felons.

Sandy: Don't salt his game, honey.
Kirsten: What the hell does that mean?

Sandy: There's a whole world outside this Newport Beach bubble.
Kirsten: You don't seem to mind living in this bubble.
Sandy: I know there's something else out there.

Sandy: When did you become so cynical?
Kirsten: When did you become so self-righteous?
Sandy: I've always been self-righteous. You used to find it charming.


"The O.C.: The Model Home (#1.2)" (2003)
Sandy: So... last supper, huh? Sorry. Bad joke.
Kirsten: It's just a laugh riot around here.

Kirsten: So what do you want to be, now?
Ryan: Seventeen.

Kirsten: Seth. I know that I am not the perfect Carol Brady mom, but I love you and I am trying to protect you. I have dropped all the charges on him. I have hired somebody to find his mother. What more do you want?
Seth: I would like you to go with me.

Sandy: When you were 22 what did you say? You said you'd never be like your parents, you'd never have their life.
Kirsten: I was 22. I stank of patchouli and I lived in the back of mail truck.
Sandy: And you were fun. And you married me.


"The O.C.: The Gamble (#1.3)" (2003)
Dawn: So... you caught me.
Kirsten: You can't do this. You're his mother.
Dawn: I'm a mess. Not a mother.

Seth: What are you doing?
Kirsten: Taking a Newpsie break.

Kirsten: I have dropped all the charges, I have even hired someone to find his mother. What more do you want?
Seth: I want you to come with me.
Julie: Kirsten? Hi. We're talking about the bunting. Is acetate ok?
Kirsten: Yeah.
Julie: Great.
Kirsten: Give me 15 minutes to lose the ladies.


"The O.C.: The Perfect Couple (#1.10)" (2003)
Sandy: I'm here.
Kirsten: We're going.
Sandy: But I wore a jacket.

Sandy: I'm here.
Kirsten: We're going.
Sandy: But I put on a jacket.

Kirsten: [Kirsten just walked in on Marissa and Ryan making out] Sorry! We never had this problem with Seth!


"The O.C.: The Distance (#2.1)" (2004)
Kirsten: Seth, it's Mom.
Seth: Mom, hmm? Blonde, sharp Anglican features, cute little nose?
Kirsten: Come home.
Seth: Did Ryan come back?
Kirsten: Seth Ezekiel.
Seth: Okay, using the dreaded middle name is not the best way to forge a bond.

Kirsten: He used to be such a good kid.
Sandy Cohen: But he's turning into quite the angry young man.

Sandy Cohen: Sometimes the best thing is for a kid to have some space.
Kirsten: The Pacific Ocean? That's not enough space?


"The O.C.: The New Kids on the Block (#2.3)" (2004)
Kirsten Cohen: You quit?
Sandy Cohen: Quit slash got fired.

Sandy Cohen: Does the light of dawn make any of this easier to take?
Kirsten Cohen: Harder, actually.


"The O.C.: The Risky Business (#2.18)" (2005)
Kirsten: Uh, who wants to help me hang the banner?
Sandy: Ask Taryn please. She's screwing up the tablecloths, get her off the tablecloths.

Seth: Julia is Marissa's mom.
Trey Atwood: Oh, so Ryan's mother-in-law.
Sandy: What? What Ryan and Marissa? What?
Seth: It's on.
Sandy: Really? I'm always the last to know.
Ryan: There's nothing to know.
Trey Atwood: Oh really? 'Cause that's not what it looked like the other night, you coming to Marissa's rescue and all.
Sandy: Well, he's very chivalrous, not unlike the young Steve McQueen.
Seth: Yeah, some people say chivalry's dead. I don't believe it.
Ryan: There's nothing going on with me and Marissa.
Sandy: Nothing?
Trey Atwood: Really?
Seth: Ryan...
Ryan: We're taking it slow.
Trey Atwood, Sandy: Yeah! Taking it slow! Alright!
Sandy: Well it's a good thing she's no longer you neighbor.
Seth: That's right! It's hard to take it slow with her next door.
Kirsten: So, Caleb and Julie are off on their trip.
Sandy: What are we gonna do without them?
Kirsten: Well, for starters, housekeeper got deported and so there's no one to stay with Marissa. So I told Julie that Marissa could stay here for the week.
[Trey, Sandy and Seth look and Ryan]
Seth: That'll keep things at a snail's place.


"The O.C.: The Telenovela (#1.20)" (2004)
Kirsten Cohen: I sense sarcasm.
Seth: Well, you're perceptive, mother.

[discussing what "Uncle Shaughn" does for the company]
Kirsten Cohen: He's a consultant.
Sandy Cohen: Could you please be a little more vague?
Kirsten Cohen: He knows people.
Sandy Cohen: You did it! That was more vague!


"The O.C.: The Debut (#1.4)" (2003)
Kirsten: [to Ryan] We should clean all this out so that you'll have room for some of your... right. You don't have any stuff. Which means we've got to go shopping. For clothes and shoes and underpants.
Seth: Mom, don't say underpants.

Ryan: I used to want to be an architect.
Kirsten: And what do you want to be now?
Ryan: Seventeen.
Kirsten: Me too.


"The O.C.: The Rainy Day Women (#2.14)" (2005)
Kirsten: My husband is currently transporting a fugitive whom happens to be his ex-girlfriend.
Julie: Well, I will see your fugitive, former-girlfriend, flame, and raise you a lesbian daughter.
Kirsten: Marissa?
[Julie nods]
Kirsten: Well, I'm sure it's just a phase.
Julie: It was for me.
[Kirsten looks a little shocked]
Julie: And it is for you, too. You guys will work it out. I couldn't handle it if you didn't, you too are like the moral center of the universe. You're Sandy and Kirsten!

Sandy: I feel like we've become like strangers.
Kirsten: Well, I was taught never to talk to strangers.


"The O.C.: The My Two Dads (#4.9)" (2007)
Kirsten Cohen: Sandy, what on earth?
Sandy Cohen: The good news is Frank Atwood is going to outlive us all. The bad news is, my hand is killing me.
Taylor Townsend: I'll get some ice.


"The O.C.: The Homecoming (#1.11)" (2003)
Seth: Mom! Marissa went to Chino with Ryan!
Kirsten Cohen: What! Sweety, I can't here you!
Seth: Mom, Marissa and Ryan are Chino!
Julie Cooper: Marissa's in Chino?
Seth: No, I said Marissa has my chinos! God, I love those pants!


"The O.C.: The Secret (#1.12)" (2003)
Kirsten: You just like saying that.
Sandy: Yogalates? I kinda do. Yogalates.
Ryan: Yogalates.
Kirsten: You know what I wanna know?
Sandy: Yogalates.
Kirsten: Is why these two are so smug.
Seth: Because for once they didn't do anything wrong.
Sandy: That's true. Here's to ya.
Ryan: Back at ya.
Kirsten: Enjoy it boys, because knowing the two of you, it won't last long.
Sandy: Yogalates.


"The O.C.: The Nana (#1.23)" (2004)
Sandy: Who is that woman?
Seth: Not the nana.
Kirsten: Come on you guys. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she's mellowed. Maybe she's genuinely happy to be here. No you're right, something's wrong.


"The O.C.: The Chrismukkah Bar Mitz-vahkkah (#3.10)" (2005)
Kirsten: I came to see how you were.
Julie: I'm great. Some of the neighbours are having cockfights in an hour, using stray dogs. It's a holiday tradition. My money's on the feisty Weimaraner.
Kirsten: Good, because I'm awful.
Julie: I'm spitting Skoal into a can, drinking wine from a bottle I unscrewed, and living in a home that, if I wanted to, I could put in reverse. I'm beyond awful.


"The O.C.: The SnO.C. (#2.5)" (2004)
Kirsten Cohen: Why is that ninja smoking a cigarette?
Sandy Cohen: Honey, I don't actually think that's a ninja. Ninjas usually wear capes, right?
Kirsten Cohen: Oh, so a ninja's like a superhero.
Seth Cohen: Mom, Dad, you two enjoy. Ryan, give me five minutes.
Sandy Cohen: Where are you going? Come on back.
Ryan Atwood: Nice work.
Sandy Cohen: Never underestimate a parent's ability to mortify his child.


"The O.C.: The Outsider (#1.5)" (2003)
Veronica Townsend: When we get back, I'll get you that divorce attorney's number.
Kirsten: I can't believe you're encouraging this. When your husband was caught popping his secretary no-one gave you the number to a divorce attorney.
Taryn Baker: Kirsten, that was very uncalled for.
Kirsten: No, what was uncalled for was your $500 a day coke habit in college.
Taryn Baker: It was just sophomore year.
Veronica Townsend: Besides, what Jimmy did was wrong. He stole.
Kirsten: Oh spare me. You have an entire Guatemalan family cleaning your house for less than minimum wage. I have spent this entire weekend listening to you bad-mouth Jimmy. Yes, he made a mistake, but life is hard and none of us is perfect. Not even you Julie.
Julie: What is that supposed to mean.
Kirsten: He didn't buy jewels and poneys for himself.


"The O.C.: The Ex-Factor (#2.9)" (2005)
Kirsten: Oh my. There's so much you here.


"The O.C.: The Links (#1.16)" (2004)
Kirsten: [offering Hailey a muffin] Pumpkin muffin?
Sandy: Yes, darling?


"The O.C.: The Rivals (#1.17)" (2004)
Kirsten: Aspirational?
Kirsten: Is that even a word?


"The O.C.: The Blaze of Glory (#2.16)" (2005)
Carter Buckley: It's just a little thing I like to call my wedding anniversary.
Kirsten Cohen: You're divorced.
Carter Buckley: No wonder this party sucks.


"The O.C.: The Girlfriend (#1.6)" (2003)
Caleb Nichol: You're not serious. You're still smoking the weed, aren't you?
Kirsten Cohen: Dad!
Seth Cohen: Daddy smoked weed?
Kirsten Cohen: Out now. Private conversation.
Seth Cohen: Ryan, guess who's a stoner!


"The O.C.: The Heights (#1.9)" (2003)
Seth: I like to think I can convey everything with a look.
Kirsten Cohen: Well, you look adorable!
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Cute?
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Dope?
Seth: No.
Kirsten Cohen: Rad?
Seth: Please, please, this is so painful for me!
Kirsten Cohen: Hey Sandy, dosen't Seth look rad?
Sandy Cohen: Oh, you do look rad! Mad props son!


"The O.C.: The O.Sea (#2.23)" (2005)
Caleb: You could have been killed.
Kirsten: I learned my lesson. Always eat dinner before you drink.
Caleb: That's not the lesson to be learned here.
Kirsten: I made an error in judgement. You should be familiar with that.
Caleb: This is not about me, Kiki. You have a problem. And my God, did you give any thought to your kids?
Kirsten: I am a good mother!
Caleb: You're also an alcoholic. Your mother was one too. She did her best to hide it. But I always knew.
Kirsten: [enraged tone] Why do you think Mom drank the way she did? Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up, it's because of you! All our lives, you terrorized us, bullied us... you treated me, Mom, and Hailey like business employees rather than family.
Caleb: I gave you everything you ever wanted!
Kirsten: I know! You spoiled us to control us! Make us lead the lives you wanted than what we wanted. I may like my Chardonnay, but I am not going to die alone which is a lot more than I can say for you!


"The O.C.: The College Try (#3.22)" (2006)
Kirsten Cohen: I'd like to propose a toast. To Sandy Cohen, who has told me countless times over the last year how important this hospital is to him. You know, they say that when you grow up you marry your father. I thought I'd escaped that.


"The O.C.: The Gringos (#4.2)" (2006)
Sandy Cohen: We're doing the right thing in trusting them.
Kirsten Cohen: I know.
Sandy Cohen: They're adults. We couldn't have stopped them if we tried.
Kirsten Cohen: I know.
Sandy Cohen: ...I'm going to Mexico.
Kirsten Cohen: I'm going with you.


"The O.C.: The Strip (#1.26)" (2004)
Julie: I don't want Chippendales! I want strippers! Full on, full frontal, male strippers. Preferably at a place that serves bottomless margaritas.
Kirsten: Uh-huh. Or I could invite the girls over, and I could throw you a lovely catered bachelorette cocktail party.
Julie: With strippers.
Kirsten: Without strippers! Julie, we are smart sophisticated women. We don't need strange naked men dancing in front of us to be entertained.
Julie: [pauses] I'm not as smart as you. Plus, the boys are getting strippers.
Kirsten: The boys are not getting strippers!
Julie: Kirsten, it's Las Vegas. You get strippers as a side with your entrée. Of course they're getting strippers! Why else would Sandy go to Vegas with Caleb?
Kirsten: Strippers, huh?
Julie: Uh-huh. Let's get all the Newpsies into limos, drive to LA, have dinner on Sunset, then head south to Mantopia. Or The Stud Farm.
Kirsten: You've done your research.
Julie: Todd in accounting. Who also told me about this place called The Petting Zoo. It's not exactly legal, but...
Kirsten: Julie, I am not going to a place called The Petting Zoo. You don't know where the pets have been.
Julie: Just one little stripper. Who never hurt anyone. Who's just trying to make his way in the world... naked.


"The O.C.: The Proposal (#1.24)" (2004)
[Kirsten pours the rest of the champagne for herself]
Sandy: That's cool. I didn't want any, anyway.
Kirsten: My dad is marrying Julie Cooper. Julie Cooper... is my step-mom.
Sandy: Maybe we'll get you another bottle.
Jimmy: Yeah. Drink up.
Kirsten: This is an unholy alliance. This is two storm fronts colliding. This is the apocalypse for us all.
Sandy: Maybe you wanna lay off the sauce.
Kirsten: Think of it, Jimmy, when we were growing up, all those times you came over to go sailing with my dad, did you ever think he'd marry your ex-wife?
Jimmy: Yeah, gimme a glass.
Kirsten: Never!
Sandy: I don't know, Jimbo. The way I see it, this could be the best thing to ever happen to you.
Kirsten: No, there is nothing good about what's happened here. I mean, this marriage is an asteroid that has hit the Earth. Now we have to wait to see which species survives.


"The O.C.: The Summer Bummer (#4.6)" (2006)
Kirsten Cohen: I couldn't help notice that you wanted to talk to Seth.
Ryan Atwood: Oh, did I?
Kirsten Cohen: Well, since he's out of town and he's going to be moving out next semester, you're going to need a new Seth. Don't tell Sandy, but I thought I would audition for the job.
Ryan Atwood: Oh, yeah, that's very thoughtful.
Kirsten Cohen: So, how does it work? Do I ask you what's on your mind?
Ryan Atwood: Eh, usually you talk about yourself, and I solve my problems on my own.


"The O.C.: The Rescue (#1.8)" (2003)
Seth: He's on a diet.
Kirsten: Why is he on a diet?
Seth: I don't know.
Kirsten: Well, I'm going to go ask.
Seth: No, Mom, he's in, like, a Zen concentration mode.
Kirsten: Well, he has to eat.
Seth: He's naked!


"The O.C.: The Shower (#1.25)" (2004)
Kirsten: It's so good. It's only 1500 calories per sip.