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Quotes for
Fiorello (Character)
from A Night at the Opera (1935)

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A Night at the Opera (1935)
Otis B. Driftwood: It's all right, that's in every contract. That's what they call a sanity clause.
[Fiorello laughs loudly]
Fiorello: You can't fool me! There ain't no Santay Claus!

Fiorello: What'll I say?
Otis B. Driftwood: Tell them you're not here.
Fiorello: Suppose they don't believe me?
Otis B. Driftwood: They'll believe you when you start talking.

Otis B. Driftwood: You didn't happen to see my suit in there, did you?
Fiorello: Yeah, it was taking up too much room, so we sold it.
Otis B. Driftwood: Did you get anything for it?
Fiorello: Uh... dollar forty.
Otis B. Driftwood: That's my suit all right.

Otis B. Driftwood: Two beers, bartender!
Fiorello: I'll take two beers, too.

Otis B. Driftwood: Say, I just remembered, I came back here looking for somebody. You don't know who it is, do you?
Fiorello: It's a funny thing, it just slipped my mind.

Otis B. Driftwood: Could he sail tomorrow?
Fiorello: You pay him enough money, he could sail yesterday.

[Driftwood agrees to read the contract to Fiorello]
Otis B. Driftwood: All right, I'll read it to you. Can you hear?
Fiorello: I haven't heard anything yet. Did you say anything?
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I haven't said anything worth hearing.
Fiorello: Well, that's-a why I didn't hear anything.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, that's why I didn't say anything.

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the first clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now pay particular attention to this first clause because it's most important. It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part." How do you like that? That's pretty neat, eh?
Fiorello: No, that's no good.
Otis B. Driftwood: What's the matter with it?
Fiorello: I dunno. Let's hear it again.
Otis B. Driftwood: It says the, uh..."The party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the party of the first part."
Fiorello: That sounds a little better this time.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, it grows on you. Would you like to hear it once more?
Fiorello: Er... just the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: What do you mean? The... the party of the first part?
Fiorello: No, the first part of the party of the first part.
Otis B. Driftwood: All right. It says the, uh, "The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract..." look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

[Fiorello and Driftwood go over the second clause of their contract]
Otis B. Driftwood: Now, it says, uh, "The party of the second part shall be known in this contract as the party of the second part."
Fiorello: Well, I don't know about that...
Otis B. Driftwood: Now what's the matter?
Fiorello: I no like-a the second party, either.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, you should have come to the first party. We didn't get home 'til around four in the morning. I was blind for three days!

[Driftwood opens a drawer in his trunk to find Tomasso sleeping]
Otis B. Driftwood: That can't be my shirt, my shirt doesn't snore.
Fiorello: Shh! Don't wake him up. He's got insomnia, he's trying to sleep it off.

[in reference to Tomasso]
Otis B. Driftwood: Wouldn't it be simpler if you just had him stuffed?
Fiorello: He's no olive.

Fiorello: You got some mail for me?
Tony: Mail for you? You don't work here.
Fiorello: Well where am I gonna get my mail? I no work anyplace.

Fiorello: How do you do?
Otis B. Driftwood: [resting his foot on Lassparri, who's been knocked out] Hello.
Fiorello: What's the matter, mister?
Otis B. Driftwood: Oh, we had an argument and he pulled a knife on me, so I shot him.
Fiorello: [raises a foot] Do you mind if I...?
Otis B. Driftwood: No no, go right ahead. Plenty of room.

Otis B. Driftwood: And eight pieces of French pasty.
Fiorello: With two hard-boiled eggs.
Otis B. Driftwood: And two hard-boiled eggs.
[Tomasso honks his horn]
Otis B. Driftwood: Make that three hard-boiled eggs.

Fiorello: Ricardo, how do you feel?
Ricardo: After a meal like that great. I could sing my head off. Cosi-Cosa. It's a wonderful word tra-la-la-la.

Fiorello: [beginning a speech disguised as one of the aviators] Friends.
Otis B. Driftwood: Go fast. I can see a man with a rope out there.
Fiorello: How we happen to come to America is a great story, but I no tell that.

Fiorello: Wait a minute. Before he sings, you gotta sign a contract. And I get 10 percent.
Otis B. Driftwood: And I get 10 percent too.

Otis B. Driftwood: Don't you know what duplicates are?
Fiorello: Sure, those five kids up in Canada.

Otis B. Driftwood: [talking about "the greatest tenor in the world"] Do you know America is waiting to hear him sing?
Fiorello: Well, he can sing loud, but he can't sing that loud.
Otis B. Driftwood: Well, I think I can get America to meet him halfway.

Fiorello: [Disguised as one of the world's greatest aviators] So now I tell you how we fly to America. The first time we started we got-a half way there when we run out a gasoline, and we gotta go back. Then I take-a twice as much gasoline. This time we're just about to land, maybe three feet, when what do you think: we run out of gasoline again. And-a back-a we go again to get-a more gas. This time I take-a plenty gas. Well, we get-a half way over, when what do you think happens: we forgot-a the airplane. So, we gotta sit down and we talk it over. Then I get-a the great idea. We no take-a gasoline, we no take-a the airplane. We take steamship, and that, friends, is how we fly across the ocean.