Karen McCluskey
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Quotes for
Karen McCluskey (Character)
from "Desperate Housewives" (2004)

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"Desperate Housewives: Mirror, Mirror (#5.5)" (2008)
Karen McCluskey: [to Dave] Stop screwing with me!

Karen McCluskey: You planned this whole thing. The party... breaking into my house... my reaction. You're trying to get rid of me.
Dave Williams: Yes... and I'm sorry it had to be you.
Karen McCluskey: 'Cause I know you're up to something. Something awful.
Dave Williams: You don't know what "awful" is. Well... you take care of yourself Karen. I mean that.


"Desperate Housewives: Gossip (#3.20)" (2007)
Parker Scavo: [Parker sees kids painting 'witch' on Mrs. McCluskey's door] What's gonig on?
Parker Scavo: [sees it] Hey don't do that!
Freddy: Why not?
Parker Scavo: Because she's not a witch!
Freddy: How do you know?
Parker Scavo: Cause she isn't! Don't be a jerk!
[the kids start making fun of him]
Parker Scavo: Shut up!
[a kid pushes him down]
Karen McCluskey: Hey you boys, knock it off!
Karen McCluskey: [puts her arm on Parker's shoulder] Parker I'm sorry. Are you all right?
Parker Scavo: [He pulls his shoulder away] Ya know, everything would be okay if you told people what you told me. You can make them stop.
[he walks off]

Karen McCluskey: [Parker rings Mrs. McCluskey's doorbell] Waould ya stop ringing that damn... I'm sorry Parker, I thought you where one of those little pissheads that keeps ringing the doorbell and running away. What's on your mind?
Parker Scavo: I want you to come back and babysit us, the new sitter stinks!
Karen McCluskey: Your folks hired a new sitter?
Parker Scavo: Yeah, and she thinks carrots are snacks!
Karen McCluskey: Well that's rough. But life's like that sometimes.
Parker Scavo: It doesn't have to be. If you just told people what happened with your husband, everything could go back to the way it was.
Karen McCluskey: Parker, see those women over there. Nothing I could say could stop those tongues from wagging. I'm sorry kid but I just have to wait this one out.


"Desperate Housewives: Welcome to Kanagawa (#4.10)" (2008)
[Parker walks in while Lynette and Mrs. McCluskey ar cleaning up Ida Greenburg's things]
Parker Scavo: Daddy said you where over here, can I help?
Lynette Scavo: [kisses him on the head] Ohh, mwa, mwa, mwa! You realise we're cleaning, right? We're not eating candy.
Karen McCluskey: That's sweet Parker, but we've got everything under control here if you wanna go play.
Parker Scavo: No, I wanna do something nice for Mrs. Greenburg. She sorta saved my life.
Lynette Scavo: What do you mean?
Parker Scavo: When the house was shaking and daddy was passed out by his asthma Mrs. Greenburg made us all go under the stairs.
Lynette Scavo: But that's not where they found her.
Parker Scavo: Yeah, there wasn't enough room for her. She said she be okay in the corner!
Karen McCluskey: Uh, Parker you wanna help? Ida has some ice cream in the freezer that needs eating before it goes bad.


"Desperate Housewives: Art Isn't Easy (#4.5)" (2007)
Susan Delfino: Okay, before we become an ugly mob, why doesn't one of us go talk to the guys? But not me, they hate me.
Karen McCluskey: Bree, you talk to them, you can relate to them.
Bree Hodge: Why would you say that?
Karen McCluskey: You've got a kid that came flying out of the closet and a husband that had been looking for the door knob.


"Desperate Housewives: Look Into Their Eyes and You See What They Know (#5.19)" (2009)
Susan Mayer: What do you mean 'you two' were the hottest chicks on the lane?
Lynette Scavo: She called me a 'baby factory'?
Karen McCluskey: Yeah Gabby in hindsight maybe you shouldn't have told that part of the story
Gabrielle Solis: Oh pfft!


"Desperate Housewives: God, That's Good (#3.19)" (2007)
Lynette Scavo: [Lynette finds Parker staring into their freezer] Hi buddy, what'cha doing?
Parker Scavo: Nothing.
Lynette Scavo: You seem a little mopey lately, is everything okay?
Parker Scavo: Yeah. Can we go see Mrs. McClusky?
Karen McCluskey: [at the hospital] You guys didn't have to come here, no matter what that CAT scan says, I'm breakin' out tomorrow.
Lynette Scavo: Well Parker really wanted to come see you.
Karen McCluskey: [pats him on the head] Don't tell your brothers, you where always my favorite.
Parker Scavo: [quietly] I saw the man in your freezer.
Karen McCluskey: [Smile fades from her face] Lynette could you run down to the snack bar and get me some green jello?
Lynette Scavo: Oh, sure.
Karen McCluskey: OK, time for a little grown-up talk.
[Lynette sees Parker sitting on the bed with Mrs. McClusky talking to him]
Karen McCluskey: So can you understand now why I had to do what I did?
[he nods]
Karen McCluskey: And you know you can never tell anyone, not even you mom?
[he nods again]
Lynette Scavo: They didn't have jello, so I hope pudding is okay.
Karen McCluskey: Ya know, lets give it to Parker, good boy like him deserves a treat.
[he smiles at her]


"Desperate Housewives: Love Is in the Air (#1.14)" (2005)
Karen McCluskey: How old are your boys anyway?
[Preston and Porter look at each other]
Porter Scavo: We're six.
Karen McCluskey: [turns to Parker] And you?
Parker Scavo: Five.
Karen McCluskey: Wow. Your mom just pops them out, doesn't she?
Preston Scavo: How old are you?
Karen McCluskey: How old do you think?
Porter Scavo: 150.


"Desperate Housewives: Don't Look at Me (#2.19)" (2006)
Karen McCluskey: Here's the big news. Parker offered me a fudgesicle if I would show him my vagina. Oh, good god, Lynette, relax. I didn't do it. I just got this out of the freezer a second ago.
Lynette: Uh, yeah. Of course, no, sorry.
Karen McCluskey: Apparently, Parker wanted to put a sunflower seed inside me and see if a baby would grow. Where do kids get this stuff?
Lynette: Oh, that was me. He was asking about the birds and the bees and I fudged a few of the details. Well, he's only seven years old. I don't think he needs to know everything yet. I don't wanna rob him of his innocence.
Karen McCluskey: Well, now, that's where you're wrong. You get 'em when they're young. Give 'em all the gory details. And then when they're good and disgusted, you shame 'em.
Lynette: Excuse me?
Karen McCluskey: You tell them sex is dirty and wrong and he shouldn't talk about it and if he does, he's going straight to hell.
Lynette: That is ridiculous.
Karen McCluskey: Spoken like a true liberal idiot.
Lynette: No, I am not going to shame my son.
Karen McCluskey: Mm, I'm telling ya, it works. It keeps people in their place, it keeps parents from being humiliated, and it keeps me from having to spend the afternoon talking about my woo-woo.


"Desperate Housewives: You're Gonna Love Tomorrow (#5.1)" (2008)
Edie Britt: Mrs. McCluskey, you're still alive!
Karen McCluskey: It's nice to see you too, Edie. How long has it been? Five years?
Edie Britt: This is my husband, Dave Williams.
Karen McCluskey: [to Dave] So, how did you two meet? You run a free clinic or something?
Dave: I'm sorry, who are you?
Karen McCluskey: Karen McCluskey, Edie's best friend on the street.