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Quotes for
Phyllis Van De Kamp (Character)
from "Desperate Housewives" (2004)

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"Desperate Housewives: Next (#2.1)" (2005)
Bree Van De Kamp: You are no longer invited to the funeral.
Phyllis Van De Kamp: What?
Reverend Sikes: You're not serious.
Bree Van De Kamp: Oh, yes, I am. I am going to hire security. And those security men are going to have sticks and if you so much as set foot in that sanctuary, they will be instructed to beat you with those sticks.
Reverend Sikes: Bree, this is your grief talking.
Bree Van De Kamp: Reverend, if you don't back me up on this, so help me, I will pull the funeral out of your church!
Reverend Sikes: Bree!
Bree Van De Kamp: I am not kidding. I will go non-denominational so fast, it will make your head spin.

"Desperate Housewives: You Could Drive a Person Crazy (#2.2)" (2005)
[Phyllis has been crying all time since Rex's death and stealing all the attention from Bree]
Bree: For God's sake, Phyllis, don't you ever worry about dehydration?
Phyllis Van De Kamp: Are you saying that I am too emotional?
Bree: I'm saying that even Italians take a break now and again.