Danielle Van De Kamp
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Quotes for
Danielle Van De Kamp (Character)
from "Desperate Housewives" (2004)

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"Desperate Housewives: Anything You Can Do (#1.7)" (2004)
Gabrielle Solis: Hey, Danielle.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Hey, Mrs. Solis.
Gabrielle Solis: Oh, Danielle, remember when you said you wanted to be a model?
Danielle Van De Kamp: You remember that? That was, like, last summer!
Gabrielle Solis: Well, as it turns out, Pershing Modeling Academy has an opening for their summer program. Would you like me to sponsor you?
Danielle Van De Kamp: Would I? Oh my god, that's like one of the best schools in the country! You would do that for me?
Gabrielle Solis: I sure would.
Danielle Van De Kamp: I would so love to go to New York.
Gabrielle Solis: Oh, and I would so love to help you get there.

Bree Van De Kamp: Is, is that what you would prefer, Danielle? To live with your father.
Danielle Van De Kamp: I don't really care, as long as I have my own bathroom.
Bree Van De Kamp: Um, all this, um, wine is, uh, giving me a headache.


"Desperate Housewives: Pilot (#1.1)" (2004)
Danielle Van De Kamp: Why can't we ever have normal soup?
Bree: Danielle, there is nothing abnormal about basil puree.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Just once, can we have a soup that people have heard of. Like French Onion, or Navy Bean?
Bree: First of all, your Father can't eat onions. He's deathly allergic. And I won't even dignify your navy bean suggestion.
[turns to Andrew]
Bree: So, how's the osso buco?
Andrew Van De Kamp: It's okay.
Bree: It's okay? Andrew, I spent three hours cooking this meal. How do you think it makes me feel when you say "it's okay" in that sullen tone?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Who asked you to spend three hours on dinner?
Bree: [shocked] Excuse me?
Andrew Van De Kamp: Tim Harper's Mom gets home from work, pops open a can of pork and beans, and boom, they're eating. Everyone's happy.
Bree: You'd rather I serve pork and beans?
Danielle Van De Kamp: [turns to Andrew] Apologize now, I am begging.
Andrew Van De Kamp: I'm saying, do you always have to serve cuisine? Can't we ever just have food?
Bree: Are you doing drugs?
Andrew Van De Kamp: What?
Bree: Change in behavior is one of the warning signs and you have been as fresh as paint for the last six months. That certainly would explain why you're always locked in the bathroom.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Trust me, that is not what he is doing.
Andrew Van De Kamp: Shut up.
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, I'm not the one with the problem, all right. You're the one who's acting like she's running for Mayor of Stepford.
Bree: [at the dinner table] Rex, seeing that you're the head of this household I would really appreciate it if you said something.
Rex: Pass the salt?


"Desperate Housewives: The Little Things You Do Together (#3.15)" (2007)
Danielle Van De Kamp: [shouting to Andrew] I liked you better when you were a psychopath!


"Desperate Housewives: Suspicious Minds (#1.9)" (2004)
Bree: Danielle! How was school.
Danielle: It was okay.
Bree: Good. Where does Andrew keep his marijuana?


"Desperate Housewives: Art Isn't Easy (#4.5)" (2007)
Danielle Van De Kamp: You're always mean to me, just like you were to dad. You emasculated him. Well, you're not gonna emasculate me.
Bree Hodge: You don't even know what that means, you petulant sock puppet.
Danielle Van De Kamp: Who cares? I'm going to the store.
Bree Hodge: Buy a dictionary.


"Desperate Housewives: Next (#2.1)" (2005)
Andrew Van De Kamp: Mom, Grandma's leaving. All right, you have to talk to her.
Bree Van De Kamp: No, I don't. If you heard the things that she said to me...
Andrew Van De Kamp: Look, I'm sure she was a real bitch, OK, but she's family, so that makes her our bitch. Let her say goodbye to Dad.
Bree Van De Kamp: She went out of her way to be cruel to me. I don't want her at the funeral.
Danielle Van De Kamp: [crying] Mom, if you don't let Grandma come, I will never forgive you!
Andrew Van De Kamp: [to Danielle] Did I ask for your help?
[to Bree]
Andrew Van De Kamp: You know Dad would want her there.